I do not own Gossip girl or any of it's amazing characters.

Note: Follows the events of season three final. Georgina's comeback or Chuck getting shot DID NOT happen.

Baby I have been here before

I know this room, I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before I knew you.

Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen

...

Jenny stared at the mirror and splashed water on to her face. She was shaking and her whole body was covered in an angry, uncomfortable sweat that felt scratchy and constricting.

She kept telling herself that this had to be done, but she didn't have the courage.

She glances around the small bathroom that she is standing in.

The shower curtain is at it's breaking point, maybe her mom should get a new one, she thought.

She sits on the toilet, waiting for the hot flash to pass. It had been over five weeks since her life had been turned upside down. Moving into Hudson was the best decision for her and her family. What she did was horrifying and it made her sick to her stomach, literally.

Yes, she lost her 'V card' to Chuck bastard Bass.

It was maybe the most awful thing that she had done and Jenny Humphrey had done a lot of awful things.

Back there she was a liar, backstabber and the worst of all, bad daughter and a sister.

Everybody hated her there and some even had a good reason.

Blair Waldorf, she was the one person who Jenny couldn't stand, but still in a way looked up to the brunette goddess who had her very own army. Jenny was stronger than Blair, much stronger.

There had been millions of childish 'who's the queen?' battles and somehow Jenny always made it to the top.

The problem was, she didn't want that.

She did want that power at one point desperately, but when she realized she didn't want it there was no way to get rid of it.

She had that label on her for the rest of her life- the girl from Brooklyn who cut the snakes' head.

Ironically when Blair lost her virginity to Chuck Bass and Jenny heard about it, she couldn't do anything else than think how stupid Blair must have been. Jenny remembers the morning the 'news' hit Gossip Girl. She laughed her ass off with her dear brother Dan. She wasn't laughing now, that's for sure.

Then there was Blair's best friend, Serena. The blond bombshell who had everything. She was rich, gorgeous and could have any guy she wanted. When Jenny was younger and read Gossip girl she wanted to be like Serena. There were moments when they were nice to each other, but lately Jenny just ignored her.

The sad thing was that Jenny had lost herself during these years. Everyone had noticed how she changed from a sweet little girl into a total train wreck.

Gossip girl ruined her. She and her stupid site.

Jenny hadn't looked at the site at all during her time in Hudson. She didn't need to. Only contact she had back home was her dad, brother, Lily and Eric. It was good this way, no stress or rumors.

Somehow Jenny always managed in the upper east side.

She did have friends, close friends who could get mad at her, but wouldn't abandon her. People like Eric Van Der Woodsen, the amazing brother of Serena. Eric and Jenny had been friends since the day they made eye contact. Everyone always thought that there was more to it, but Eric was gay so it could never happen. When Jenny heard he was gay, she was bit disappointed, but also understood why their friendship worked so well. Like Eric said to her when she was leaving; 'you may be a total bitch sometimes, but you're still my best friend'

Nothing could brake their unique friendship, not even her bitchiness.

Then there was the most gorgeous human being on the planet, Nate Archibald. The blue-eyed sweet guy who treated her like a true queen. There was always more to it than friendship, but the universe always somehow screwed them up and it always ended up in tears. She didn't mean to hurt him, she just wanted him, badly. Nate was always dating the wrong girl that's how Jenny saw it.

Serena and Nate would have never worked out, after all Serena still loved her brother. That one picture that she took, after Dan and Serena fell asleep into each other's arms was a mistake. She paid a big price when she ran into Chuck instead of Nate that night. Nate was supposed to be her first one that special guy who would treat her gently during the whole time.

Unlike Chuck,

He smelled like scotch, a strong perfume and a mixture of despair.

He didn't make any effort to make her feel good, it was all about Chuck that night. He wanted to forget about Blair and used Jenny to do it. He was rough, sweaty and hard. The minute he was inside her, she winced in pain. The pain was unbearable and it felt like forever. The fact that Chucks heavy breath filled her ears didn't help at all. When her name rolled out of his tongue between his hot breaths she felt so ashamed.

She tried to think of something, anything to distract her mind from his unkind touch. Nothing worked. Nothing could make the feeling of his sweaty hands rubbing her sides disappear.

It was painful, very painful, but it soon gave way to pleasure as he started to slowly move, pulling out, and pushing in again. She couldn't help, but gasp out his name. It just left her lips without permission.

Sounds of heavy breathing filled the room next as she tried to catch her breath, the pleasure slowly fading. She was tired, exhausted both emotionally and physically.

"I can't believe I came inside you Humphrey."

The tone of his voice pierced her ears. It was almost like a joke to him.

Everything went downhill from there. Later on Blair showed up, Chuck as a real gentleman told her to say quiet.

First when she saw the tiny bag on his nightstand she thought that this must have been a cruel joke.

He wanted to marry Blair.

Chuck didn't even like her, he hated her like anyone else did.

How did it all come into this? She was supposed to be better than Blair Waldorf or any other selfish girl from upper east side.

Jenny looks outside from the bathroom window.

She liked Hudson it was a quite place compared to Upper East Side and even Brooklyn. Her mother had been fussing over her since she arrived, her dad must have told her about everything. Much as Jenny loved her mom, she just sometimes didn't get it. She wasn't there always when she needed her the most, her dad was.

Hudson first seemed like a great idea, but when Jenny had to face the facts and walk into that pharmacy, all hell broke loose-

She just hoped that she could have had someone there to hold her hand.

This was is it; now or never.

She finally, after several days battling with it has the courage to look at the plain white stick that could ruin her life.

She pulls the box out of her makeup bag and places it on the counter in front of her.

She did the test already, but she just couldn't look at it, so like a coward she shoved it back into the box and pretended like everything was okay.

She can't do it. She simply can't because deep down she already knows. If the two lines are there, her life is officially over.

In a swift motion she grabs her cell phone from her purse and calls the person who she knows she can trust,

"Jenny?" His sleepy voice asks, "Why are you calling me at 4 am?"

"Hi dad."

She phoned Rufus because she wanted to be loved and comforted and made to feel human.

"Is everything okay?" He gets alarmed.

She swallows hard and tries not to cry. She was through her sobs and cries. "I'm fine dad. I just couldn't sleep, that's all."

"Oh, well how are things in Hudson kiddo?"

She wants to say horrible and that she feels lonely, but she doesn't want to upset him.. again.

"Fine," Jenny looks down at the box that was on the counter, "I just miss you all. How's everybody?"

"Me and Lily are doing great, Eric is also fine and Dan is still in Paris."

Yep, her brother had gone after Serena to Paris and Jenny kind of expected it from him. She knew that he still loved her or hadn't stopped from loving her.

"That's great. Well I better get going. I don't want ruin your sleep."

"Alright, I love you. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I love you too dad." She chokes out, "Bye."

Jenny laid down on the cold bathroom floor taking deep breaths looking at the ceiling.

The box in her hand, she doesn't look at it instead pulls the plastic stick out.

Squeezing it hard, she finally looks at it. Two lines. Shit. Shit. Shit.

She felt her eyes start to well up with tears.

How could she be pregnant? She was sixteen, she was still just kid. Now that she thinks about it, she doesn't even remember Chuck putting a condom on, but the room was dark! He could have… it could have just broke, right…? She knew about protection, but it didn't really occur her. Chuck Bass of all people should know about these things. Not innocent Jenny Humphrey from Brooklyn.

With her head in her hands and her blond hair falling over hair face she takes a moment.

Pregnant.

How was she supposed to deal with this too? Everything was already messed up in her life. She squeezes her stomach.

She didn't want to be the stupid girl in the stupid nightdress who'd got herself pregnant by someone who is even more messed up than she is.

Jenny hadn't even talked to Chuck after that night, not a word. He made it very clear that day, he didn't want to ever see her again.

Faces from her life flashed through her head as she sat there,

images of her disappointed father and mother, Dan, Lily, Eric, Nate, Vanessa, Serena, Blair and even Chuck.

She could already imagine the headlines in Gossip Girl. 'Little J gets knocked up'

No, she couldn't let it happen.

She had to get rid of the life that grew inside her.

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XoxoDesireh