Disclaimer: They'd be mine if it weren't for copyright infringement! Ok, Joss is the lord of all, worship him I say! And all titles of this piece are parts of the Seether song "Broken," you can hear it with Amy Lee from Evanescence on the Punisher soundtrack, or check out the Seether website! A.N. Please R&R, so if you read it, you MUST review, that's the rules.
I Wanted You to Know
His weight hung on her tired shoulders. She jostled his body, bringing it up higher. She was so tired, but she couldn't stop, she had to get him home. She had to make him better, he was her only tie to anything. Her hand tightened its grip around his bloodied waist, her other holding his mangled arm. She couldn't believe that so much had been done to him, and yet he was still here.
But that must have been the sick idea, she thought, keep him alive, torture him within an inch of his unlife, taunt him with visions of her. Bring back what he had forgotten, only to use it to hack through the thin webbing that was his soul, and unleash the demon. Show it all to him again, put that pain in his body, so even if he did survive, he'd only want to die when he awoke. But she wouldn't let him do that, he was going to live through it, stay with her, he had to.
Lost in her own thoughts, she didn't watch the road, and didn't see the uneven patch of earth. She clutched his body as they fell to the ground. She skidded across the pavement, scratching up her arms. She curled her body up into a ball, and lay there, until the motion stopped. She slowly uncurled herself, and lay motionless. But something sparked her brain. 'Spike!' She quickly scrambled up, and crawled over to his prone body and checked him for anymore damage.
Relief spread through her body as she realized there was nothing more than what was already there. But the dread soon came back, because she didn't know if she could pick him up again, she needed help. Help was something she didn't have though. She laid her tired head upon hid bare chest, and cried. Her tears ran, full of exhaustion, and hurt, and pain, and loss, and simply because she had given up. Like when Glory had taken Dawn, she simply had no fight left, no drive.
The voice in her head was screaming in desperation at her to pick herself up, and help the man she cared so deeply for, she'd gotten so far, she couldn't give up now. But she could, and she had. The tears had made clean rivers through the dirt and grime on her face, and small clean spots across Spike's beaten chest. For once, her strength had become her enemy. She did too much, no one, even a Slayer should have lasted as long on just adrenaline, as she had.
A small, pitiful moan escaped from Spike's bloodied and cracked lips, almost a whimper.
Buffy immediately knew it was one of pain, and that was her inspiration. She had to save this man, her own despair and fatigue could wait, because for know, it wasn't her that mattered, it was Spike. She couldn't give up on him. He would not suffer more because of her. Buffy gritted her teeth, and pulled herself up.
She hoisted Spike back up over her shoulder, and continued the trek home. Then, she saw her beacon of hope, her light in this hazy darkness, a pay phone. She ambled over to the booth, and leaned Spike against its wall. She dug into her pocket, and pulled out the needed change, she put it in the slot, and dialed the first number she thought of.
"Yeah?" Xander's sleepy voice came over the phone.
"Xander, thank God you're there, I need a ride!"
"Oh, sure Buff," The sound of someone tripping, "Ack! Uh, where are you?"
She looked around for a land mark to tell him, "On the corner of Pine and Collins. By the old gas station."
"Right sure, I know that place," Xander said, "Wait, didn't you leave to get Spike?"
"I've got Spike, that's why I need a ride!"
"Shit, okay, I'll be there as soon as I can!"
"Thanks Xander, see you soon."
"Ok," There was a short pause, "Um, how is he?" Came a tentative voice,
"Bad," Buffy said simply, but her tone gave away more than a picture could.
"Right," Said Xander, "I'm leaving now, Bye."
"Bye Xan," Buffy hung up the phone, a new hope flaring in her.
"Oh man," Was Xander's only reaction to Spike's state.
"Drive," Buffy said, sitting in the back seat, pulling Spike's head into her lap. The drive continued in silence, but a small whimper came from Spike. "Shh baby," Buffy consoled, "You're ok now, you're safe." She stroked his wild hair from his face, smoothing out the worried creases in his forehead.
His bonds cut into his flesh, as he hung from the rock wall. His whole being screamed in pain, but his mouth stayed shut, and he stayed silent. Buffy walked into his chamber, at least The First as Buffy. He whimpered in fear, and pushed himself back into the hard wall.
'Buffy' frowned, and walked toward him. She reached up and pretended to run her hands through his hair. "Shh baby," She told him, "You're ok now, you're safe." Her voice sounded so caring, but her evil smirk after her words showed her true form. She snapped her fingers, and her pet ubervamp walked in, stalking towards Spike. "Oops, guess you're not." Buffy smirked.
As the ubervamp reached to rip Spike down, a small body barreled it over.
The real Buffy pounded it, fighting with her whole being. Her whole being though, just wasn't enough.
The ubervamp quickly gained the upper hand, and threw her against a wall.
"No," Spike croaked, "No, leave her alone."
Buffy's leg twisted in an odd angle under her body, obviously broken. She looked up at the ubervamp in pure terror, "Spike!" She screamed, "Help me!"
Spike tugged against the harsh leather straps, "Buffy!" He shouted, "Get away from her you bastard!"
"Spike!" Buffy screamed again, the ubervamp getting slowly closer.
"Buffy! No! Stay away from her, it's me you want!"
The First walked up to him, "Not anymore sweetie, we think it'd be better for you to watch the woman you love get ripped to pieces, while you just stand here, unable to help her." She smiled that evil smile at him again.
"Spike!" Buffy was sobbing now, but it was too late.
The ubervamp picked her up from the ground, and sunk his fangs into her neck.
As the life was drained from her Spike thrashed against the wall, "No!" He screamed, as her body dropped to the ground, her eyes still open.
Spike's whimpers grew louder, and sounded like those of fear.
"He alright?" Xander asked from up front.
Buffy ignored him, more concerned about Spike hurting himself.
"No," Spike mumbled, "Leave...her...'lone," He thrashed in Buffy's lap, trying to get away from her hands keeping him still. "Buffy," He said desperately, "Get...away...her...bastard," His voice was strangled, and urgent.
"Spike," Buffy said, still trying to control him, "Calm down baby."
"Buffy," He said again, more desperate than before, "No...stay...'way from 'er, me you want..."
He was dreaming about her, she knew it. Nightmare from the sound of it, he was trying to save him from some unknown evil. She couldn't blame anyone for having nightmares after what Spike went through, but she had to keep him still.
"Spike," she said again, "Wake up!"
"No!" Spike screamed, and sat straight up. He looked at Buffy, and scrambled away from her, falling to the floor of the car. "This is all an illusion, you, you can't touch me." Spike scoffed, trying to act tough, trying to hide his fear and keep the little scared boy inside. But the boy was sitting in plain view.
Spike's pale body was beaten and mauled, he'd lost weight, and was to skinny, his ice blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and it was all Buffy could do not to lean down and hug him.
"Spike," She said gently, reaching her hand out.
He recoiled from her hand quickly, his eyes wide with fear, "Please," He begged, "Don't hurt me anymore."
Buffy's heart broke, and a sob caught in her throat. She placed her hand on his cheek, and he stared up at her in disbelief.
"Buffy?" He said in a small voice.
"Uh huh," She said.
He jumped into her arms, and let her hold him, "You came for me, you really came. It said you wouldn't, but, but you did." His tears finally ran out his eyes, and made small tracks down his face.
Buffy held him tightly, "I'll always come for you, I promise."
Spike whimpered, and relaxed into her embrace, his beaten body not being able to even support his own weight anymore.
She leaned forward, and whispered in his ear, "I'll always save you."
Xander deiced to give the couple their privacy, and turned on the radio.
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore