The boss is sitting in his office, flicking through various files. He pauses on one, and sighs deeply. Tapping a button on his desk, he calls to his PA. "Gabe? Come to the office immediately."

In comes Gabe. "What is it, boss?"

"Jack's giving out alarm bells. Seems he did really badly on his exams, and tonight he's going to go to the bar and get dangerously drunk. We need someone there to look after him and make sure he gets home all right."

Gabe nods, obediently. "Of course Boss. Who did you have in mind?"

"Well, you know Jack's friends." The boss hastily writes a note explaining the situation. "Photocopy this and send copies to all the appropriate people."

Gabe nods, and heads to the photocopier. A few minutes later they've all been sent and responses are coming back.

"Er, boss?" Gabe looks nervous. "Bad response for tonight's job."

"What is it?" the boss asks curiously, as if he doesn't already know.

"Well, Bryan – that's Jack's housemate – says he can't because he'll miss his 24/7 prayer slot. Adam, who was his lab-partner this term, says he can't because of the Christian youth event he promised he'd attend tonight. Helen will be totally unavailable – she says she has a great idea for a Bible study, it's hopeless trying to contact her tonight. Oh, and Jane, Bryan's girlfriend, is busy catching up on EastEnders."

The boss begins to look a tad irritated. "You did put the letters in the 'urgent' envelopes, didn't you?"

Gabe nods. "And I underlined the 'urgent', boss."

"So, what about the others?"

"Er, not so pleasant. We had one from a guy who was on Jack's corridor last year – said that if Jack was going to be irresponsible, it was none of his business. Then another from a girl who said it was unChristian to go into bars."

By now, the boss is exasperated. "Did no one say yes?"

Gabe blushes. "Well, not exactly. We did get a 'maybe' from Steve, one of his friends, but he's a… er… problem case."

The boss gives Gabe an unnervingly bright smile. "Read the letter to me Gabe."

Looking redder by the minute, Gabe pulls out a scrappy letter with extremely scratchy handwriting. Reluctantly, he begins to read.

" 'Hi Boss. Um… did that letter get to me by mistake? I don't really have much time at the moment – you know that… and I'd be a rubbish person for this job. I'm not very sensitive and the sight of puke makes me want to… well, puke. Was that letter really from you anyway? Don't know why you'd want me to do anything. I mean, I've barely written to you for months. Hell, last week I went out and got dangerously drunk. It can't be me you want… But if you can't get anyone else, I'll do my best.' "

The boss laughs triumphantly. "Perfect! Tell the boy he's on the job."

Gabe looks at the boss skeptically. "You mean Steve? This guy? He's broken the rules more times that you could name. He said the word 'Hell' in a letter to you. He needs as much help as Jack does…"

"Isn't that true?" says the boss. "I'm sure that Jack will be relieved that his friend won't be claiming some kind of moral highground."

"Steve isn't even sure that the letter's from you, boss," Gabe patiently explains, hoping that the boss will see reason.

"Ah, but he believed enough to reply, didn't he?"

"He even confesses that he's not the right man for the job."

With this, the boss gives his PA an affectionate pat on the shoulder. "Gabe, you didn't think that I was going to send Steve alone, did you?" The boss picks up his coat. "I'm going down there. See you later."