Summary:
Alistair was a drunk at the hanged man.
Garrett was the up and coming savior of Kirkwall.
Their friendship was born at a rough time for both of them,
but forging ahead would pave the way for great things!
Written for Alistair Appreciation Week - Day 5
I hate you. You're a bad person - Friendship
Notes:
This chapter is NSFW! Graphic language, gore, and violence.
All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!
Alistair Appreciation Week
Day Five - November 10, 2017
I hate you. You're a bad person - Friendship
Prompt:
Hero and Warden - A Fereldan bromance? Leliana and Alistair, purveyors of legendary campfire duets? Or maybe he's besties with Stroud? You tell us!
The Warden and the Champion
Theirs was a friendship born from rough times. Alistair was wallowing in his own sorrows at the Hanged Man in Kirkwall after a tumultuous year trekking all over Ferelden; Hawke was fighting every day for something more: to be let into the city, a home of his own, the rights of the mages against Templar oppression, the threat of Qunari invasion, actual Qunari invasion. It seemed to be never ending.
Their first conversation took place when they were both quite drunk. Garrett stumbled into Alistair's table and sat down unceremoniously. They proceeded to commiserate over the failures of society, the unfairness of the world, and how justice doesn't always seem to prevail. They continued to meet on a fairly regular basis. Alistair eventually gave up drinking so heavily and started selling his sword arm on the side, getting back into shape and finally doing some good for himself.
Occasionally, Garrett would come by and the two of them would hit the red lantern district to let off a little steam. They'd leave, laughing and jovial, supporting each other back toward Hightown, where Alistair would occasionally occupy one of Garrett's empty rooms.
When the Chantry exploded and Garrett fled with his friends, Alistair assumed that would be the last time he saw his friend, his brother in arms.
Several years passed. Alistair left the ruins of Kirkwall and ventured out on his own. A Mercenary-sword for hire-should anyone be willing to pay. He'd forgone his Warden colors for simple, nondescript armor. He set aside that life, buried it for as long as he was able. Until one day, he began to hear the song. It was faint at first, whispers in the quiet of the night. Then it became louder, more insistent. He didn't want to answer the call. He wasn't ready to head into the deep roads, so he threw himself into his work...until he couldn't anymore. He went in search of other Wardens; he needed to know why he was hearing the calling so early. He was too young, wasn't he?
He searched far and wide, looking for answers, but wasn't able to find any other Wardens. They'd all simply vanished. He eventually took up residence in an old abandoned cave in Crestwood. It was there that Hawke's raven finally found him.
A -
It's been awhile. Some serious shit has been going on. I hope you're ok. You don't have to tell me where you are, but I'd like to know if I should be building a shrine for your corpse. Your … people are all disappearing. Do you know why or where they're all going? I hope you're not one of them.
- G
Alistair considered the letter, watching the messenger bird peck disinterestedly at the seed he was given. So it wasn't only him that noticed the lack of Wardens around. He pondered the implications briefly before responding.
G -
Yes, you've found me. I'll admit to noticing the same thing. I've heard some things. But I fear I have few answers for you. If you hear anything, please let me know - I have questions as well. I've settled in one location for now. Your chicken should be able to find me again, easily enough.
- A
P.S. No need to build my shrine just yet. Your concern is heartwarming.
Time passed slowly; Alistair did more research and eventually received another message from his friend.
A -
If you haven't disappeared yet, I could use your help. Well, we could use your help. I've recently been in contact with Varric and he asked for some backup. Did you know that he joined the Inquisition? Anyway, they're apparently as perplexed by the disappearances of your people as we are. Could use an inside scoop, if you're willing to lend a hand. Let me know where you're at and I'll come get you. It's been too long, my friend.
- G
P.S. They have cheese here.
Alistair chuckled. It would be good to see Hawke again. He'd been alone with the song for far too long. Perhaps it was time for him to rejoin the living . So he penned his response.
G -
My current residence is a lovely hole in the earth in the wilds of Crestwood. Have you heard of it? It's a lovely community full of… sand… and thistles and… rocks. Quite fetching if you ask me, but alas, a tad lonely and seriously lacking in any sorts of cheese. So if you are still in need of this humble bastard's aid, I would gladly give it. A change of scenery would be lovely this time of year.
- A
P.S. Watch out for the dragons.
Alistair waited and watched. He expected Garrett to find him and take him back to be the Warden spokesperson for the inquisition. He even dusted off his old armor to play the part.
What he didn't expect, was to get tossed down the rabbit hole once again. He didn't expect the cluster fuck that was Warden-Commander Clarel recruiting Wardens and turning the mages into abominations. He didn't expect Corypheus to be using his brothers-in-arms against the Inquisition. And he definitely didn't expect to find himself fighting for his life in the fade, side-by-side with Garrett, the Inquisitor, The Iron Bull, and Dorian. Alistair always found himself surrounded by the most interesting people.
"Just like old times, eh?" Garrett spouted off cheekily as they took out another fade-monster.
"I don't remember Kirkwall being quite this bad," came Alistair's retort.
"Oh c'mon-that one there looked like the dwarf you used to frequent at the Blooming Rose. It may have had a few more tentacles… well, actually-no, they're very similar."
"She wasn't that bad! And she had a rather impressive… skill set."
"Do I even want to ask what got your motor running so that you'd request her specifically each trip?"
"You make it sound like we were there every night, Garrett. It wasn't that often."
"So, how many times did you go back to see her?"
Alistair coughed and made a noncommittal comment.
"What was that? I'm not sure the kids in the back of the class heard you."
"Maybe, half a dozen times or so. She was very skilled."
"In?"
Alistair's cheeks flushed as he beheaded another creature, its gore spilling out at his feet. "Ropes mostly, blindfolds, silk ties, and um…"
"Whips?"
"Only sometimes. But the things she could do with her hands and mouth while I was completely immobilized was…"
"La la la la… please stop! Forget I asked. I absolutely didn't need the image of you naked and tied down burned into my brain."
"Well, you did ask."
"Maker help me, I did."
The Iron Bull rushed past to engage a giant spider heading toward them, "I enjoyed the image actually, thank you!"
A blast of ice shot between Alistair and Garrett, narrowly missing The Iron Bull as it hit the spider-freezing it in place. "Amatus, if you don't behave yourself, the next blast will hit you in the ass!"
"Promises, promises." Bull chuckled as they split off to take out the last of the creatures, leaving Alistair and Garrett stunned while wiping the gore from their faces.
Garrett looked around at the carnage, "You know, no one would ever believe us if we told them that this is what we do on any given day."
"I bet Varric could spin the story to be believable." Alistair grinned mischievously.
"It's possible. If anyone could make this shit sound convincing, he could."
"Let's focus on getting out of here first. Last one out is buying the first round!" Raising his shield, Alistair rushed through the next few mobs, scattering them to be dealt with one-by-one.
Garrett side stepped a demon, spun around and severed its head from its body. "Psh. You always make me buy. I think you should buy the next round."
"Well, if you weren't so independently wealthy and charming, maybe I would buy once in awhile. But as it stands now, you get every drink free and I get to benefit from that."
"Deprive them of their charity to the famed Champion of Kirkwall? Garrett struck a haughty pose, then dodged a blast of venom from a spider. Rolling to his feet, he jumped back into the fray.
"Oh, we can't have that now can we? So selfish!" Alistair laughed.
As they came to the end of the road, they skidded to a halt and looked up at the giant monstrosity of a Fear demon currently barring their path.
"What the hell is that?" Alistair asked incredulously.
"I think it's your mom. Why don't you go say hi?" Garrett shot back.
"Really, Garrett? That's the best you could come up with? Tell the bastard that the Nightmare demon in front of them is his mom? I thought I taught you better?"
They each took turns sweeping in; trying everything in their power to wear it down. The snark and the banter flying freely, but individually, the damage they were doing wasn't working. It felt futile, so some idiot came up with the bright idea of one of them staying behind to distract the thing so the rest could escape.
"What the hell kind of suggestion is that?" Garrett scoffed. "I'm not leaving anyone behind. We're all in this fucking mess together, we will fight together and get out again! All of us. No exceptions!"
Alistair cackled as he danced back out from beneath the demon, deftly avoiding a spiked leg which crashed into the ground right behind him. "I'd listen to Garrett. He's the luckiest mother fucker around. If you knew half of what he escaped from back in Kirkwall, you'd never doubt him or his ability to thwart the impossible."
"I like these two. They've got balls. I'm in! So, anyone have a plan?" Bull laughed.
"It's too big for my Winter's Grasp to freeze the whole thing at once, and it heals too fast for my casting them back to back to be effective." Dorian looked at the Inquisitor. "Maybe if we hit at the same time? I'll take the rear-"
Bull snickered. "You do like taking it in the-"
"Bull!" Dorian rolled his eyes, but smiled with practiced patience. "As I was saying, before I was so lewdly interrupted… the Inquisitor and I will hit it with matching Winter's Grasps while Bull and Alistair keep its attention directed at them.
"Wonderful! Always the meatshield-" Alistair started.
"Never the meat?" Bull answered helpfully.
"Hey, I wouldn't say never the meat. It's not my fault I've been living under a rock for the last several months."
"Or in a cave? And yes actually-that was kind of your choice."
"Shuddup, Garrett!"
Garrett grinned cheekily, "Ok - so Al and Bull play 'look at me' with sexy over here, while Dorian and Quizy chill her the fuck out. What would you like yours-truly to be doing?"
Dorian grinned, "Ah see, this is where we need your fabulous Hawke luck. I'm counting on it, actually."
"Ah yes, my specialty." He spun both daggers in his hands, ready for direction.
"See that spot behind his head, directly behind the middle spikey bit?" Dorian pointed as Alistair and Bull continued to dance back in and out, keeping the beast occupied.
"I see the giant spike, what of it?"
"From here, it looks like an opening between its outer plates, I'm guessing there's a soft spot there, think you can reach it?"
Garrett watched for another moment before the spot in question came into view, then looking around he found an outcropping of rocks that just might do the trick, "I believe so. Hey Al, direct big ugly here over to your left just a bit. I need some leverage!"
"You're always so bossy." Came the cheeky retort, but Alistair did as directed, angling the demon closer to the stones, but not close enough to crash into them.
With everyone in position, Garrett tossed a smoke bomb and went invisible. Dorian locked eyes with the Inquisitor while they waited for Hawke's signal, each of them only hitting the beast with enough force to keep it distracted.
From the rocks above, came a cry, "Hey Alistair, top this!" As the invisibility wore off, Hawke leapt onto the beast's back, clinging to its spikes.
The creature bucked back and forth, trying to dislodge him.
Dorian shouted, "Now!" hitting it with his Winter's Grasp at the same time as the Inquisitor.
Hawke plunged his daggers-one then the other-repeatedly into its back, while both Alistair and Bull found similar holes in the armor from below. The combined force of their attack on top of the brittleness left by the ice spell did the trick.
It screeched piercingly, flailing and stuttering until it finally came to rest on the cold stone ground.
Leaping from the back of the monster, Garrett burst out laughing at the sight of Alistair, completely covered in black viscera from head to toe. The others managed to escape without much mess.
"Shuddup, Garrett."
"What? What'd I say?"
"It's not what you said, you ass. It's that look on your face."
"What look? This is my usual face!"
"I'm surprised your face alone didn't kill that thing, then."
"You should see yourself, Alistair. You are the picture of princely beauty!"
Alistair began to chase Garrett around the corpse, laughing as Garrett slipped in the gore, falling on his ass. "C'mon Garrett, I just want to share some of my princely beauty with you! Just one hug?"
"No, Alistair, get off! You're worse than a nug in heat!"
"You know you lurve me, Garrett."
As the Warden and the Champion cackled, wrestling in the muck, Dorian looked toward the Inquisitor. "Should we interrupt them and drag them out of the fade with us? Or perhaps, leave them both here?"
The Inquisitor thought it over for a moment. "I think Varric would be very cross with us if we left Hawke behind. And I don't think Hawke's going to let us leave Alistair either. I guess that means we have to take them with us."
With an exasperated sigh, Dorian looked at Bull, "You want to do the honors, Amatus? You've wrestled greased nugs before, haven't you?"
"Only you, Kadan." He wiggled his eyebrows. "But I think I can handle one Warden and one Champion. Get that rift open so we can get back to Adamant, then back to Skyhold. One of these two lucky sons-a-bitches promised to buy the first round."
Bull sauntered over and grabbed one of the ick-covered men by their scruff, throwing him over his shoulder with an undignified squeak.
Alistair then.
Reaching for the other muck-covered blob, he tucked him under his arm. "You both can wrestle once we get you back home. I hate the fade. The sooner we get out of here, the better."
Knowing they'd met their match, the duo fell limp in Bull's arms and allowed themselves to be carried through the green glowing hole in the fade.
From his perch on Bull's shoulder, Alistair giggled, "So, Garrett. What kind of trouble are we going to get into next?"
"I don't know, Al. Do you really think we can top this one?"
"It's possible? Never know until we try!"
"How bout we help defeat Corypheus first, then you and I can maybe go explore Rivain, there's a pirate there that I've been meaning to visit."
"Mmmm…. Isabela. I'm game. Did I tell you about the time that the Hero of Ferelden, Isabela and I… "
"Yes, Alistair… many times."
"Well, it was a very good day for me."
"I bet it was."
A/N - Five days down - Only Two more delicious Alistair filled days to go!
You can follow along with all the fun here: Alistair Appreciation Week
I will be posting every day for this event! You can find me on Tumblr as Aurlyn!
End Notes:
My humble thanks to the amazing Ponticle for always keeping my Alistair in line!