Not just Simon
Disclaimer: I don't own Misfits or any of the characters. They belong to the wonderful Misfits writers and E4.
Author's note: We've never seen the effect of Alisha's power on Nathan – we never will now, after the xmas episode! This is my very short take on what would happen if they did...erm...touch. From season 2 episode 5 when Nathan and Alisha team up to help Simon.
WARNING – strong language.
"So I've got this blonde up against the wall and I'm shagging her-"
Alisha sighs and gives a characteristic roll of the eyes, for what seems like the millionth time in the space of an hour. Alisha couldn't believe she was stuck in a dingy car park, alone with Nathan of all people and forced to listen to his incessant bullshit. She knew perfectly well why she had to put up with this predicament. It was because of her secret mission to protect present Simon at all costs, in the hope of fulfilling her task to turn him into the guy in the mask, slash Future Simon, slash Her Simon. Already, she had heard about Nathan's threesome with two Japanese tourists, an unfortunate incident involving a girl in the back of a cab and a tampon, and a 'life threatening' experience with a prostitute on the estate.
"Nathan. Would you shut the fuck up."
"But it's a good story I promise you, with a beautiful ending, if you'd just let me finish."
"I don't think I want to know the ending, knowing you and all the shit you end up in"
Nathan turns away to stand beside Alisha against the wall and dramatically sighs. "Hey man, just trying to make conversation." Nathan gives Alisha a sly sideways glance. "We're friends after all". He says with a smile, knowing what was coming next.
"Err...I'm not your friend."
Nathan just laughs. This was one of the more predictable reactions he could elicit from Alisha. He thought he had Alisha all figured out. Beautiful. No nonsense. High maintenance. Spoilt princess. Probably a bit of a slapper too if he was honest. Far too much effort on his part required, if he ever wanted to 'go there'. But here she was with him in a dingy car park, on a 'rescue mission', to save 'Barry' of all people. Despite Nathan's outward appearance of unbelievable denseness, even he noticed she had changed over the past two weeks. None more so than this morning, when she defended Barry after his latest remark, in such a vociferous manner. Well he was an ungrateful little twat. He'd only just been murdered by the new beautiful, psycho, marathon runner bitch. Anyway. Yes, Barry did get under your skin with that staring, and with his general looking-after-the-group-and-defending-everyone-to-the-bitter-end way of doing things. Even so, that wasn't reason enough for Alisha to be here surely? And thinking back to his crack to Alisha this morning, there was no way she was in love with Barry. More likely, she was sad over the split with runner boy and wanted to...err...occupy her mind?
Nathan clicks his teeth to pass the silence. "So...spill the beans. What happened between you and your runner boy lover?"
"That's none of your business."
"Was his cock too big?"
"What? Shut up, you dickhead."
"Well, it's a logical conclusion to reach as it's a well known fact that black guys have enormous cocks."
Alisha looks at Nathan and gives another roll of the eyes. "Well if you must know, we never actually had sex."
Nathan stands in front of Alisha. "But I heard you, in the store room. You guys were going at it. Uh uh uh uh uh. Oh yeah. Uh uh uh uh..." Nathan, in his demonstration, makes alternate, male and female sex noises, for Alisha's benefit.
A ghost of a smile is on Alisha face, at Nathan being Nathan. "Shut up. We just sat there and wanked ourselves off in front of each other". Alisha scrunches up her face and closes her eyes because of the immediate regret in telling him. She and Curtis will probably never hear the end of it.
Nathan's face lights up as if all his Christmases had come at once. "So, you're telling me you were there just...and he was there just...". Alisha was once again, treated to one of Nathan's lurid demonstrations. This time, it was rubbing between the legs, followed by the vigorous rubbing of an imaginary giant penis.
Alisha let Nathan finish before speaking. "You take the piss, but you know you so enjoyed listening to us and probably got yourself off on it".
"Obviously I did, but wanking off in a store cupboard? Jesus, that is so lame. No wonder runner boy broke up with you."
"Fuck off you prick. You don't know shit about what happened".
Nathan holds his hands up. "Alright. Alright. Geez".
Nathan hears footsteps and sees Simon emerge from the far end of the car park.
"Oh shit. He's coming." Nathan quickly scans around for a good place to hide.
"Quick. Get behind here." He whispers as he pulls Alisha by her cardigan, behind a pillar. He squeezes up to Alisha so he can fit without being seen. Alisha closes her eyes, as if closing them will suddenly make her invisible.
Nathan watches intently. He sees, almost in slow motion, Simon stride past them with a gleeful smile on his face and then suddenly stop. The smile slowly leaves his face. Nathan can see he's about to turn around.
"Oh crap. He's going to see us". Nathan whispers urgently.
"Oh fuck. Do something." Alisha hisses.
"What?"
"Anything!"
Nathan does the first thing that comes into his head at that moment. He grabs Alisha roughly around her shoulders and neck, and leans down to kiss her. Alisha can see what is about to happen but Nathan's grip on her is too strong.
"Nathan! Wait! My power!"
She does not have enough time to stop him as she suddenly feels the rough plunge of his lips on hers.
Alisha is struggling against Nathan, waiting in dread for him to come out with some obscene profanity or feel the hard evidence of arousal against her leg, but it does not come. Nathan can feel Alisha's soft lips upon his but does not feel taken over by a sudden force of uncontrolled lust, like he expected to. Not more so than he usually does when he's kissing a girl. He does not have the sudden urge to get his member out, or to piss on anyone's tits.
"Alisha? Nathan?" Simon stares at his two friends in a tight embrace.
Upon hearing Simon's voice, Nathan consciously breaks away from Alisha, leaving her dazed and confused. She gives Nathan a searching look to convey her confusion. Alisha's first thought is that her power doesn't work on Nathan, followed closely by the disturbing thought that she just played tonsil tennis with a man she thinks is a prick. If her power was going to have an effect on anyone, it would be Nathan, who struggles to keep it in his pants most days. Nathan looks equally shocked and baffled.
"Simon!" Nathan and Alisha say in unison as they turn around to face Simon.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Alisha shouts at Nathan as she shoves him hard, away from her.
"That's your power? It's shit!" Nathan says with the air of feigned disappointment, having never had the chance to experience Alisha's power.
"WHAT THE HELL?"
"I'm sorry. I forgot. It was a reflex. I didn't know what to do. I saw him coming, and I didn't want him to notice us so...so...I did what they do in movies. Come on. Back me up Barry". Nathan says, looking at Simon. "You've seen it plenty of times in movies, you know when a man and a woman evades capture or torture by kissing profusely in the spur of the moment".
Simon looks between them, with an utterly bewildered expression. "Why did you not want to be noticed?"
Alisha and Nathan exchange a look that tells Simon all he needs to know.
"Were you following me?"
"No. We were just...hanging out". Alisha says casually, even though she knows it's a lame excuse.
"Why were you following me?" Simon asks in an angry tone, but he already knew. He cannot believe his supposed friends would resort to such crude tactics based on ever-reliable information from Nathan.
"Hey. There's a dead body at the community centre who your girlfriend just murdered and left gurgling and shit". Nathan makes a gurgling sound and does a slashing action at his throat. "We just wanted to make sure you were alright man".
Simon exhales deeply, exasperated by this whole nonsense. "For the last time, Jessica's not like that".
"Well let's go to the community centre now so you can see for yourself!"
Simon sighs again and glances at Alisha. The look on her face is inscrutable, but is one of almost, concern? He cannot understand why she is here. This was yet another puzzling thing about Alisha, to add to his ever-growing list. Not least from the events of this morning, when she defended him in the changing room, or when she actually asked to walk in with him. When did a girl like Alisha ever need to ask to walk in with anyone? Simon gives himself a mental shake away from Alisha. He is not happy about any of this but agrees to go to the community centre purely to shut Nathan up otherwise he will never hear the end of it. "Fine".
Simon turns back around and walks towards the car park exit. Alisha looks at Nathan and then walks to catch up with Simon. Nathan follows thereafter. The three of them walk in tandem, with Simon walking in the middle.
Simon looks between Nathan and Alisha either side of him.
"And are you too?"
"NO". Nathan and Alisha say in unison.
"But you were..."
"No. That was all him. He jumped on me". Alisha suddenly peers at Nathan on the other side of Simon whilst they are still walking.
"YOU DON'T JUST KISS SOMEONE, ESPECIALLY SOMEONE WITH AN UNTOUCHABLE SUPERPOWER".
"I'm sorry. I just panicked. Maybe you've got some subliminal thing going on with your superpower and you pulled me towards you. Can't resist a piece of me obviously". Nathan says looking at Simon and nudging him with a wink.
"You know that's not true cos my superpower didn't even work on you".
"What? Your power didn't work on him?" Says Simon, clearly startled at this new piece of information, having missed it the first time during Alisha's outburst.
Alisha shrugs. "I don't know. It's never happened before". Alisha says looking away from Simon in case she gives something away about the actual truth, involving his future self.
"Maybe you're learning to control it".
"I didn't do anything. I didn't have time to because he grabbed me". She says whilst shooting Nathan a venomous glare.
"Maybe it's cos I'm immortal and the carnal lusts of a lesser man do not affect me". Says Nathan.
Simon looks indulgently at Nathan then back at Alisha. "I think it's more likely you're learning to control it, like we all are".
"There's only one way to find out. Let's try it again". Says Nathan.
"What? You want me to touch you?" Asks Alisha. She looks apprehensively at Simon.
"Call it experimentation. I'm giving you permission to touch to skin of an immortal". Alisha rolls her eyes.
"Gone on. Try". Says Simon, encouragingly and in a way that suggests that he's there for her if anything gets out of hand.
"Oh for fuck's sake".
Alisha touches Nathan's jaw line.
"Uuuuh I wanna in piss in your hair and fuck you up the arse". Nathan utters in a rasping tone with her eyes bulging out of their sockets.
Alisha groans and removes her hand. Nathan gasps, as her hand leaves his skin. She looks at Simon.
"I guess not then". She says.
"Nah, I was just messing with you. Here". Nathan takes her hand in both of his, and roughly strokes and rubs it, repeatedly.
"Well, there you have it". Nathan says in a cheery, contented tone. Alisha just looks puzzled. Alisha is in wonderment. How is it Nathan that is the first person her power does not work on? She thought that milestone would definitely be with Simon.
"Try me now". Says Simon.
Alisha sighs and again looks apprehensive. All this experimentation was making her feel like even more of a freak than before. It was now or never. Alisha touches Simon's jaw line. Already she can see him go rigid and the engorging of the nerves on his neck as the lust takes hold. This time she sees that it's for real.
"Ahhhh I wanna come all over your face and put my finger up your arse".
"Oh for fuck's sake". Alisha removes her hand in frustration and mild disappointment.
"Sorry". Says Simon.
All the while Nathan is watching in silence. "Goodness man. I know you have a girl now and all, but your fucked up fantasies are getting funkier by the day".
"I didn't know what I was doing, I swear". Simon says, looking at Alisha in an appealing way. She knows he can't help what he says, but the Future Simon she knew certainly didn't indulge in any of these weird fantasies, whilst they were together.
"Whatever man, but if we're done with all these experimentations and shenanigans. We have a dead gurgling body at the community centre". Nathan says in an exasperated tone. Again he does the gurgling, slashing action across his throat.
Nathan's words snap Alisha and Simon out of their momentary staring at one another.
"Right". Says Simon, nodding in a businesslike manner.
"Yeah. Let's go". Says Alisha, as she leads the way to the car park exit. Simon and Nathan follow in tow.
Alisha walks along, pondering what this all means. Maybe it does have something to do with Nathan's immortality. Or maybe it was due to something entirely different. Maybe she was slowly changing into the 'Future Alisha' that her Future Simon knew and loved. Never was she more aware of the 'different future' she had been forewarned of catching up to her. The thought fills her with nervous excitement, terror and bewilderment all rolled into one, as all three of them walk to that very future.
Author's note: Thanks for reading! I always wondered why we never saw Alisha touch Nathan and whether it had anything to do with him being immortal. Logically, I don't see how it could have, but nothing in Misfits is ever explained, so I won't attempt any explanations in my one-shot!
Hate or love it, please review!