A/N: Alright. Before you begin, I'd like to say that this is a one-shot for my story, Clairvoyant Calamities: Fictitious Affection. Kinda like an AU, almost. XD
So don't go thinking otherwise. Also, it would help you GREATLY if you read it. And it would be even more fantastic if you read chapter seven. But you can still read this and not get confused. I think. Anyway. This is for you, Matillda! Thanks to Tilly, I think this might be a pairing that I'm going to take to my grave, even though it isn't strictly the main one for Lu.
-: Adalia :-
She wraps her tragic moments tightly around her neck
Then she hangs herself with them as I try to disconnect
'Cause she wants to choke on her life again
Breathing it in like a deadly poison.
She cries, cause she's lost, and she doesn't even know what she wants
Her eyes grow cold, and she begs the world to just let her go.
I was such a fragile human. Just the fact that I had let petty human emotions take their toll on my judgment made me weak. Small. Damn near pathetic. And now, here I was, sprawled out on the floor and acting as if I had some kind of problem that couldn't be solved. It was not my damn fault that Issaru died like he did, but still, my damn human emotions came into play. I couldn't avoid them. They followed me everywhere I went, further fucking up every bit of sanity that I might have had left. But who was I kidding? Even if I did fall victim to my petty emotions, I actually loved that man with every inch of my blackened heart. I sounded so fucking pathetic right now. Who was going to believe the garbage that I was spewing? I knew absolutely nothing about love. As far as I was concerned, love wanted me dead, and I wanted it dead too.
We had it out for each other since day one, love and I. Issaru was just an experimental subject and nothing more. I couldn't really explain it. And that was exactly what made me mad. Firstly, what the hell was love? A four letter word? A series of zeros and ones smashed together? Was it an Essence of some sort? I just couldn't wrap my hands around it. If I knew all of these different things, species and information, why couldn't I grasp this concept? Why was I so oblivious to something that I should have known like the back of my hand? At any rate, I wanted to kick love's ass. I couldn't believe that something I didn't even know of could make me this damn frustrated. Every time I came to see Issaru, I did the same exact thing. The same exact ritual. The same exact routine. Issaru was put in a capsule—I ordered him to be put in a capsule.
No one else had even seen him before, and if someone did, I'd have no problem in wrenching their eyes out their sockets. I wanted that bastard to be alive for a while now. I yearned for Issaru to be alive. I'd even considered giving my other arm up to be with him again for just one moment. I banged my hand into the floor in absolute frustration. There were actual tears starting to roll down my cheek, and I grew infuriated. I got up from the ground; and ran up to the capsule where Issaru was. I placed both of my hands slowly onto the glass—first the one made out of metal, then my real, fleshy one. I was really trying to figure out what it was exactly that made him so appealing to my emotions. I just didn't have any fucking clue as to how someone who was already dead had stolen my heart. I really didn't understand it!
My eye trailed around Issaru's body, but he didn't have anything that I hadn't seen on any other male. I wanted to remember what his personality was like, but I could only recall so much of it. And then the parts that I did remember, I really didn't want to have any part in remembering them. It wasn't like I had just forgotten about him like some old bitch would, but I really didn't want to remember anything about him. At the same time, though, I did. I was so conflicted. He had me feeling like this. I was tied up in all of these emotions, but I couldn't figure any of them out. My eyes drifted open as I slid down the capsule, my hands not once leaving Issaru's permanent resting place. My hair was all over the place, moving everywhere as I began to hit the ground with my fists again. Love loved making me its bitch. Issaru was the only one, besides Renata, that I could have trusted with my life. I found him wandering around Austere. He was injured. But I didn't give a damn about his wellbeing. I only saw him as another body that I got to play around with, Nocuous or not.
He was just an experiment, and I had taken multiple test subjects just like him. I slowly looked at my hands, and I was shaking a bit in the process. My fleshy hand was wet from perspiration. What the hell was I now? A dog? Was I a dog of some sort?! I killed Issaru with my own hands, and I had no one else to blame for his death! But I was so used to killing! Why the hell was I suddenly acting like this? My lips parted as I stood slowly on. My feet were killing me, as I hadn't really taken off my heels at all today because that bitch Aysel had me walking around everywhere with Zed. Now wasn't the time to have been wasting my thoughts on such a twisted bastard. I stood up and cackled at that thought. Was there really someone else on this world just as twisted as me? I straightened my back, feeling the tears drying on my cheek. It wasn't as if I hadn't known Zed before Aysel decided that I needed a guardian. Aysel sure had a fucked-up way of picking people to be her solders. Zed—well, I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
But still, I was flustered. I straightened my clothes, which really consisted of my bustier and lab coat. I tried to stop my face from over flowing with emotions, but I just couldn't stop the happy leer stretching across my face. I slowly walked to a lab table, my mechanical arm raised into the air. I laughed a bit before wiping a few strands of my hair out of my active eye. I fucking sucked at being a scientist. Why did this dead bastard have this much control over my mind? Over my body?!
"Is this what you wanted, Issaru? Is this what you wanted to see me do? To eat away at myself every time I saw anything that resembles you?!" I yelled, swinging my mechanical hand across the table, grinning at the sound of cracked glass. Of someone had walked into my room, they'd be in awe of my cracked vials laid everywhere onto the floor. I had a spacious laboratory, so I could go all day with destroying things in my lab. The cracked glass sounded like my own heart crashing down to the ground. Damn him, and damn everyone who actually understood this emotion! Even that bitch Aysel had a husband! Renata was seeing someone, and I wasn't doing a damn thing but crying over a dead man. I began to stomp on the ground harder, whimpering silently as I did so. "I'm a hunter, damn it. This is what you wanted, right?! This had always been what you wanted?! It told you, I told you… that if you were ever going to leave—to leave this paradise—that you had to take me with you! And you left me here! Here! With Aysel and the other bastards! Your life must be a beautiful one now, right? I never could believe in anything but you." continued, stomping more forcefully on the broken shards of my vials. The floor was now covered with every color there was from the liquid inside the vials. Some of the glass got in my foot, but I didn't give a damn. Nothing could have been any worse than the emotional pain.
And I made sure that no one would walk in on me or dare to interrupt my thoughts. I swiftly turned around to face Issaru's capsule. Now, I knew something was wrong with me. Why did I even still have his decaying body?! Did I really need Issaru by my side that badly? I wanted him gone. I wanting him out of my fucking mind, but when I tried to get rid of him, I just couldn't do it. No one could. And I was torn. I made sure to keep my laboratory doors locked and shut tightly. No one could get in, especially since I really didn't know what I was going to do during this damn episode I was having. Would I finally get rid of the bastard? Would I see if there was anything that I could actually do to save him? Why the hell was I in here crying my eye out for no apparent reason? I didn't understand it, so I walked to the next table, repeating everything that I had just done. I just wanted out of this game. That was all I wanted. I was in so much pain and I hadn't even caused any of it! I hadn't fucking ripped off my arm! I hadn't lost my stomach for fun! Hell, I didn't even cause my eye right to stop working altogether!
Issaru, however, was not the reason why I had so much physical trauma done to my body. Basically, I was my mother's bitch, and I still am. Poor pathetic me. I just wanted to know why she left me and Adel. I didn't even know the bitch's name, and still I blindly walked around Austere, Aysel, and any other place I could think of. Getting torn to pieces by Earth Eaters just wasn't enough for me. Everyone in my life was leaving me to rot on my own. Even Adel doesn't even want anything to do with me. And that was alright, because I didn't want a damn thing to do with him, either. I didn't need Adel. I clawed both of my hands into my hair, messing it up even more.
"What the fuck do you want me to do now?!" I yelled. "Issaru, what do you want me to do?! I've killed all your enemies, slaughtered their families, and thrown their bodies somewhere in the Badlands so they could perish there!" My screaming was becoming more sporadic—more desperate. I crouched down on one knee. I had made my final decision, and was not going to sit here and act like an emotional wreak. And with that, I took out my sling. I aimed it at the capsule, ready to kill my damn obsession with this man's body. "You want me to end this obsession forever, don't you? I'll gladly do it, if that is what you wish," I murmured, taking one look at his unkempt brown hair.
There was no fucking way I could ever do it. I couldn't end it here. Why? Why couldn't I have gotten a good hit on him? My concentration was tampered with, for I heard someone banging on my doors. And this kind of banging was the really annoying kind. I could have sworn I had warned everyone not to come in on me!! I even had a sign on the damn door! I got up quickly from my crouched position as I walked to my door, looking pissed. Somebody better had fucking died, or I was going to make sure someone died!
"You've got ten seconds, no more, no less, and I'm counting by fucking fifty!" I hollered, my hand glowing as I got into position to beat the holy hell out of whoever was standing outside my door. I didn't give two shits about who it was. It could have been Aysel! Someone needed to beat her ass anyway! I bet Saivan was getting his mind fucked up just like I was now. Those monsters… those experiments where not nice around Austere. I bet that the bastard died a long time ago, and Aysel doesn't want to admit any of it! "One hundred and fifty seconds," I seethed. All right, whoever was on the other side of my door was fucking with me. Who ever it was, however, had a good grasp over their focal. I couldn't tell who it was like I should have been able to. Maybe it was all the damn crying and glass in my ankles messing up my concentration? "Speak, damn it!" And that was my last sign of mercy for the silent bastard. That was it! I charged the energy from my focal into my hands, and released the energy from it when I thrust them towards my doors.
However, the bastard on the other side of the doors predicted that I would attack, and counterattacked before I could strike. My doors were obliterated, wood chips flying everywhere and lodging themselves in my skin. Trickles of blood started to run down my legs, but I didn't care. I was out for this intruder's blood, and I wasn't going to stop until I saw this guy's dead body. Once the doors where gone, my energy and the intruder's energy clashed with each other. It looked like a big blue ball of some sort, from what I was seeing. I could almost smell the fear radiating off of this bastard. This was going to be a good fight. Quickly, I did a one handed back-spring away from the threshold of me room. Adel? No, he wouldn't have the guts to see me. Renata? She and I were on good terms. Aysel? I suspected her as much, but she would have let me know if it was her, egotistic bitch. Defina? No. She respected her duty, and if she came to attack me, Naira would be right behind her. Whoever this bitch was, I was going to enjoy ripping them limb from limb. They picked a great time to mess with me and give me the silent treatment. I grinned, withdrawing my weapon once more. This was my lab. This was my lab, and the intruder had destroyed my doors. Oh yes, it was indeed killing time. I waited for the debris and dust to clear up, and to my astonishment, it wasn't even someone on my who-the-fuck-could-it-be list.
My eye instantly widened in fear. It was the very first time that I had ever felt something like that. My heart started to pound faster and little beads of sweat formed on my forehead. Slowly, I turned to face the capsule Issaru had been in. My lips started to quiver as I had finally come to a realization. Why was my body weirding out on me all of a sudden?! What the fuck was going on?! Issaru… Was standing right in front of me with a smirk on his face, and yet, he was also in his capsule?! This defied all logic. This… This was just impossible! Utterly. Fucking. Impossible. My active eye scanned the man standing in front of me, but every moment my eye lingered onto that man, my sanity cracked. He looked exactly the same in ever aspect that I remembered him in. From his damn burgundy eyes to his insanely perfect russet hair, thus was the very man that I had grown to yearn for. I tried to say something—anything—to see if that it really was Issaru, because I wasn't going to believe that he was in two places at once. No. I was not fucking crazy. I stood in the same spot, looking at him with a bewildered expression.
And then the dead bastard—started to walk towards me.
And I panicked. I really, actually panicked. Every step he took towards me sounded like someone was taking a knife and stabbing my nonexistent heart. My senses were shot, I couldn't concentrate, and therefore, I couldn't attack him using my focal. I didn't want the bastard to touch me!!! I didn't want him anywhere near me!!! I felt like stabbing myself in my active eye, just so I didn't have to look at him. I really… I had no grip on reality now. I just wanted to be left alone, damn it!!! I closed my eye, not knowing what would really be the right thing to do in this situation. This feeling of helplessness… I didn't want anything to do with it!!! I did not act like this. …I didn't fucking act like this! I wasn't afraid of anything! Really, I wasn't!!! I was able to open up my right eye just a little bit to see Issaru standing just a few feet away from me. And still, that expression on his face—his smirk—didn't change one bit.
"After all these years, you still can't greet me like a normal human would, Sweetheart?" He asked, slipping his hands into the pockets of his pants. I couldn't believe what had just come out of his mouth. Did he just call me sweetheart? But wait… did he say "After all these years," as well? Just what part was I paying attention to? What should I have replied to? What would have made more fucking sense to reply to?! The air around me grew more thicker—no, denser—and I found it damn near impossible to breathe. Issaru's eyes were fixated on me, and I could tell that he absolutely loved my panicked body language. He was looking at me like I was some kind of damn science experiment gone wrong. If my body started working right, I would have wiped that leer off his face in an instant! I was beginning to get lightheaded from not getting any air. Issaru was doing this. Issaru was playing with my head. I was insane, not obtuse! But even though I knew what he was doing, my body refused to work. I was just shaking a bit from pure shock. My lips parted slowly as I narrowed my eye at this man.
"What the hell did you just call me?" I murmured, trying to breath at the same damn time. "You shouldn't be here! You shouldn't!! Go die already!!!" I screamed, poison dripping from my words. And I meant it. But still, he persisted on walking towards me, each step he took making my eye twitch. I couldn't grasp reality. He was tampering with my mind. With my brain. With my focal. With my fucking annoying heart! I thought he would never stop walking towards me. Issaru seemed so far away from me. But then, I could feel his cold, real fingers dancing around my cheek. I wanted to poor acid all over my skin. I wanted to fucking end his life again. This all wasn't real. I just knew it wasn't real. Issaru standing right in front of me and touching me was defying the laws of death. Maybe I was just hallucinating. I had to have been! I know I had to have been hallucinating!
"Sweetheart… You're so cute when you're sedated," he spoke mellifluously, making me really confused. Where the hell was Aysel?! Where the hell was Defina?! Naira?! Adel?! Zed?! Renata?! Where the hell were they?! Someone had to know about this! Anyone had to know! All this noise… someone had to hear it!!! And what the hell did he mean, sedated? I just wanted this episode to be over! This had gone on for far too long! I tried to move… to get out of the unknown hold he hand around me, but I couldn't.
"I… I…" I stuttered, as I couldn't really process words inside my head. I couldn't believe that I was actually acting like this. This wasn't me. Before I could get actual words out of my mouth, Issaru, with his free hand, pulled out a feather of some sort. My eyes widened. I didn't like the look of that thing. His gaze was fixated on that damn feather for a while, and then he slowly brought his eyes back at me. My dumb ass was still unable to talk. I couldn't even do simplistic actions anymore.
"Lucrecia, I've come back to take what was mine. And still you don't greet me? No hello?" He sighed, twirling the feather within his fingers. I fucking hated those feathers. "What, you weren't expecting a kiss, were you?"
My fingers were twitching with anticipation. If only I could get a grasp on my sling. Still, I kept my blank, vacant game face. "I don't want anything from a fucking dead man. What, is it me that you're coming to take?! Don't you think you're far to late for that!?" I paused. I could smell the spearmint in his breath. I didn't want him this close to me. He was asphyxiating me with just the intimidation in his eyes. I knew that look. I knew it all to well. That was my look. Somehow, someway, I was able to jump backwards away from that him. I quickly grabbed my sling out of my lab coat. He was just smirking at me, his hand dancing with the feather he held. And thus, the heartbreaking steps began again. I couldn't stand that sound. It was killing me. His steps were damn near killing me.
"You're petrified, Sweetheart! You can't even move…. I've never seen you like this before. What happened to your demeanor? To your personality? Oh Sweetheart, you're also so cute when you're frustrated."
And he kept walking towards me.
I could hear my damn heart beating rapidly, almost like it was trying to come out of my body. The beating was so loud… I had never heard anything like it before in my life. Damn it, why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I do at least some damn thing?! Issaru began to play with his feather, twirling it around like a grade school brat would a baton. And then, my eye started to droop. I was getting tired. Really tired. And at that moment, I knew I didn't have much time to do anything to prevent this man from doing something totally unexpected. Issaru was really actually going to kill me!
On the impulse, I ran up to Issaru, prepared to attack him with my good arm and initiate physical contact. Damn it, I knew that was a bad idea the moment I tried it. Issaru came at my with a power-driven roundhouse kick, and I couldn't believe that I had enough energy to actually evade his damn attack! But then he unleashed a bombardment of punches at me, going right for my weak point, my stomach. I struggled trying to at least keep up with his movements. He shouldn't have been in this room with me. Damn it, he shouldn't even had been alive! We kept fighting, or at least Issaru kept fighting me, and tables and chairs were being knocked over and destroyed completely. Issaru was fucking up my room! He was actually here, destroying my lab!!!
And then the bastard had the nerve to stop everything he was doing.
My limbs hurt everywhere, and I was dead tired. I wanted to give that bastard a piece of my mind, but then, a numbing pain swept my body, and I was frozen in my tracks. Again. I wanted him dead. I wanted this bastard's brain smeared all over my fucking floor!!!
"Getting tired already, Lucrecia?"
I wanted to lop his head off right there, but the only thing I could do was cringe at the sound of his voice. Issaru was invading my personal space, grasping my chin with his gloved hand. I was not going to fall victim to his petty, childish antics. His smirk was disconcerting. I tried not to give him the satisfaction of showing how fucking worried I was, but I'm sure he knew, considering what a mind-reader he was. Issaru's fingers trailed up my spine before winding themselves into my hair to hold my head firmly, facilitating the angle of his oral attack, and there wasn't a damn thing that I could have done about it.
"What the hell do you want from me?" I breathed, pulling away from his kiss. And that bastard just smiled at me.
"Why, I only want to make you mine, Lucrecia. Really now, did you think I came all this way for you? Don't be so silly. So naive. So selfish. I came for my body," he cooed, slowly letting go of my arm. He wanted… Issaru? But Issaru was right there! Issaru had just walked past me!! There was no way he was still in that container! Spastically, I turned around and I grabbed hold of my sling. I managed to swing it, but not with the momentum that I wanted. Was going to end his pathetic life there. Right where he was standing. But he just turned around and sighed as he touched his forehead with two of his fingers. "Lucrecia. Sweetheart. Please. I've been really trying not to hurt you."
I prepared my attack. He wasn't going to touch Issaru's capsule. My Issaru's capsule. I put a bullet into my sling and aimed it at his head. "What, Issaru!? Is this a game?! Or am I just… hallucinating?!"
"Hallucinating," he paused, looking at the capsule I had put Issaru—the real Issaru—in. "Maybe, Sweetheart. For in that body, in that pile of junk you call Issaru, lies the DNA of a certain Ichigo Momomiya. She died a long time ago. Pity. But lodged within that stomach is a vial of her DNA. With it, my partners and I can infuse certain Cyniclons with a Essence of our choosing. Just without the erstwhile machinery that was used on dogs." he paused, shifting his eyes towards me. "It's written all over your dumbstruck face! I bet you wish you never found me, huh, Sweetheart? Y'know, as they say: curiosity killed the cat."
"I'll ask you once more. Who the hell are you?" I grunted. He evaded my question and slowly brought one of his feathers to the glass encasing my Issaru. He taped it once before the glass broke completely, blue liquid pouring all over the place. I felt like he was invading my very mind. I wanted to end it here. I could have ended it here. But I didn't, for some reason. I felt like dying as the broken glass lodged in my body. The only thing that I could see was lot's of water and feathers floating all around me. My vision began blurring—flickering, almost. His feathers… they had some kind of thing on them that made me drowsy. I was at my limit. I was at my damn breaking point. No—I was pushed beyond my breaking point. My eyelid was closed, but I could hear the sound of guts mixing in between someone's fingers. I knew that sound all too well.
My eye opened up once more, and now there was crimson water all around me. I barely even managed to get a look at Issaru, who held a pink vial in his hands.
"This will be the start of Shirogane's demise, and The Wickedness's rise! I will be promoted for this! All thanks to you, Sweetheart!"
He was not going to get away with this. Damn it. He was not going to get away with this!!! While he was busy boasting about whatever it was that he obtained, I grabbed one of his feathers and realized it was extremely heavy. Issaru acted as if it was so light. So damn easy to carry. I didn't know where the hell my sling went, but I knew it was time to kill this man. I would have been a fucking fool if I hadn't utilized this this moment! I ran blindly towards him, but the bastard easily grabbed both of my wrists, and slammed me into the wall behind him, the wall where the capsule had been, and put the vial in his pocket. I was covered in all types of intestinal fluids and organs, as was he. I was pinned down—fucking helpless.
"You think you can stop me, Sweetheart? Shirogane's love will be his demise!"
That comment ate away at me. Maybe it was just his chilling breath, but my stomach instantly plummeted. Love. Love loved making me its bitch and there wasn't a fucking thing I could do about it! I looked into Issaru's enraged eyes for a moment, and then I knew exactly what I had to do. I could end it here. And I wasn't just saying that.
"If love's a bitch, I must be love, eh, Issaru?" I chortled, closing my eye slowly. "If I remember correctly, you belonged to me." He narrowed his eyes at my comment.
"No, Sweetheart, I think it's the other way around," he grunted, his hands beginning to glow. Oh fuck. If I didn't do something, I was screwed. I really put everything I had into trying to focus on getting the feathers behind us to float in mid air. They were sharp at the tip, actually, and I had the sharp part of them facing us.
"Lucrecia! Get up! It's me. Renata!"
"Lucrecia, I beseech you, awaken from your slumber! For it is I, Aysel!"
"Is my daughter… dead… Aysel?"
"Such a pitiful way to die. She deserved it, that maniac."
"I agree, sister."
"So, the doctor is dead? How amusing. Let's celebrate the life she once had, then."
However, I was just hallucinating. They weren't there, and yet, I heard their voices. I couldn't believe that something I didn't even know of could make me this damn frustrated. Every time I came to see Issaru, I did the same exact thing. The same exact ritual. The same exact routine.
This was just my hallucination.
"Don't leave me this time," I murmured, as the sharp instruments impaled Issaru and me.
And this time, it wasn't a hallucination.
I was such a fragile human. Just the fact that I had let petty human emotions take their toll on my judgment made me weak. Small. Damn near pathetic. But this was real. And I was free from love.
She cries cause she's lot and she doesn't even know what she wants
And she hides all alone inside the pain that she wont let go
Watching her life pass her by, watching it all through her watering eyes
But I'll be chasing dragonflies from her darkest skies until the day she dies.
Madina Lake -- "Adalia"