Disclaimer: I don't not own any characters, titles, etc.

This will be a running story (and I'll try to update as regularly as possible). Don't worry: there will be Clexa.

"Not everyone. Not you."

She hadn't known what had made her say the words. They had erupted from her lungs, pressed her against her teeth, and released themselves until Clarke could hear the words for herself. Lexa had scanned Clarke's face. For something. Anything. Clark had stepped back, sliding her heel away. Away from Lexa. First, there had been silence. That is, until Clark had opened her own lips to finally speak. She had asked her to trust her. Lexa had replied that she could not. But the words, Lexa's words, continued to float between them, swirling around their ears through the air, following them wherever they went.

"Not everyone," she had said. "Not you."

I saved you, Clarke. No one else but you.

Clarke had walked away anyway. Regardless. Because she would not be so quick to allow for Octavia's death. Not as she had been before, when the Mountain Men's weapon had bared itself down upon the people of Tondc. I changed, Clarke had said. With defiance. History would not repeat itself. Clarke had walked away and Lexa had felt the muscles in her chest pull into knots. Octavia would be spared. Clarke had willed it. Lexa would make it so.

"Octavia has nothing to fear from me," she had said.

You have nothing to fear from me.

Lexa did not stir from her seat, the throne situated to the rear. She did not waver her eyes, either, as she watched the still flaps of her tent. The flaps never moved. She had half expected Clarke to come barreling through, ordering the guards to step aside. But she wouldn't. Lexa knew she wouldn't. Not anymore and never again. Not after what had occurred. Not after what she, the Commander, had done.

She could see Emerson's face, even now. Of course, she could. She had replayed the scene in her head, over and over and over and over.

"Stop, don't kill me. Listen, instead."

"And why should I?"

"Because I have a deal for you." Emerson placed his weapon down onto the ground before pulling a portable monitor from a pocket. "You can negotiate, can't you?"

"What is this?"

"Your people. We've anticipated your plan, commander."

"What?"

"Retreat now and you will let your people go. If you don't consent, and if my people don't hear from me in five minutes, all of your people will die."

The monitor had flickered as one of her warriors pulled it from Emerson hand. Lexa could see the the barrel of each gun pressed against the heads of her people. She could nearly see how some shivered and how others remained with their heads high.

"And the sky people?"

"That's the beauty of it. They are why you can trust me. If we have them, if we have their marrow, we have no real need for your blood."

"You want me to betray them."

"I want to do my duty. And I'm giving you a chance to save your people, too. You'd be wise to take it."

"Pleni."

"You're running out of time, commander. Your people will be executed. All of them. We will spare no one. Like I said. We don't need them anymore. Not when we could have the arkers. Save your people while you can. Save those you can. Retreat. Avoid needless bloodshed."

"Fine." Her voice had been quiet at first. Her fingers wrapped around her weapon. "Fine. We will do as you say."

Lexa wished she could stop the memory there. But she couldn't. She couldn't forget the expression across Clarke's face as she ordered the retreat. Each read the other's eyes.

"Why?"

"I had to."

And she had turned away, no longer able to meet Clarke's eyes. She could still feel her, even now, begging for her to stay. To trust.

"May we meet again," Lexa had said.

The tent flaps were pushed roughly to the sides. She nearly rose to her feet. She very nearly believed that Clarke had run through. Indra bowed her head.

"Heda," she said. "You called for me?"

Lexa swallowed; "Yes. Yes I have." She leaned back into the throne. "I have been told that Lincoln has escaped."

"Yes. That is true."

"And I have been told that your mate had been among the reapers. And that you disavowed your second when the retreat was called."

"Yes, heda. Both are true."

"I am not stupid, Indra. You let Lincoln free."

"I did. I allowed him to make a choice. To stay or leave."

"And for your sake as well?"

Indra paused before speaking. She had been offered liberties in the past. Not now maybe. "Yes, heda. I suspected he would return to the sky people."

"Good."

Indra shifted her eyes towards the young commander. In surprise, maybe. Lexa had nearly surprised herself. Her fingers gripped the arms of her throne.

"You saw him go towards the mountain?" Lexa said.

"I did."

"Very well. Send scouts."

"For Lincoln, heda?"

"No. Not for Lincoln. He has made his choice. Send scouts to the edge of the agreed upon perimeter. For information."

"As you wish."

Indra left, leaving Lexa once more alone with her memories. Her memories of Clarke. She did not blink as she continued to stare at the flaps that had since stopped their tremble. The surface of her eyes began to sting, then moisten. She swallowed the saliva that had gathered beneath her tongue, lifting her eyes before the tears could fall, as she had all those days ago when Clarke had walked away from her. When Clarke had threatened to terminate the alliance that had formed between them.

What have I done?

Clarke could not hear the screams through the monitors. She saw them instead. She saw the ways their mouths gaped opened, soundlessly, as skin blistered and bubbled. Popped. Bellamy grimaced. Clarke stumbled back at the sight. She could hardly breathe.

No. This isn't real. None of this is real. This isn't happening. Oh god, this can't be happening.

She'll wake up. Maybe she got knocked out in the fight. yes. That's what happened. She got knocked out in the fight and now she's dreaming. The grounders never betrayed them. They freed their people. All their people. Lexa never left. It'll be okay. She'll waken in the grounder camp. In Lexa's tent. The war will be over and Clarke will be ready. They'll leave for Polis. Lexa will take her. Because Lexa never left.

Boom.

Emmerson blew the locks on the door. His face pinched and pulled and reddened. He watched his people die. All of them. The children, too.

"You." He pulled Clarke into a chokehold. He pressed his gun against her head. "You. You killed them all. Say something. Say something, you bitch. How about you say something?"

"Hey! Let her go."

Emmerson turneds the voice, towards Monty. "I want you to get out."

"What? No. I'm not leaving Clarke. Or Bellamy."

"If you don't I'll kill you all. Don't think that I want."

"I said-"

"Do it," said Clarke. The air in her ears felt thick. Like cottonballs. "Just go, Monty. We'll be fine. Just make sure the others are free. They need you."

He hesitated.

"Go, Monty!" Clarke watched as he ran. "You too, Bellamy. Go."

Bellamy shook his head. "No way."

"That's right. He's not going anywhere. Both of you are staying put with me. Put your weapon down or I'll kill her."

"Screw you. Kill her and I'll kill you."

Emmerson laughed. "Is that right?"

"Heda. Is this wise?"

"It is necessary, Indra." The gates of the Camp Jaha loomed over them. "The scouts. Have they reported?"

"No movement since the fall of the mountain. The same as before."

"Then you know what to do."

"I have already assigned the next scouting party."

"Good."

The gates opened for the grounders. Lexa squeezed the body of her horse with her legs, nudged the beast forward for her. She wished she could turn around. She wished she could run away. But what use are wishes?

"Welcome, heda." Lincoln said. He stood among the sky people, garbed in Skaikru clothes.

"Do you speak for them, now?"

"Yes, heda. They... acknowledge my place with them. And my knoweldge of the ground. I am their ambassador."

"I see." Lexa dismounted the horse. She examined each face around the camp. Some had gathered. Others continued with their tasks. No weapons. "And the chancellor?"

"Tending to the wounded." Lincoln paused before looking towards the man who stared beside the ark. Kane. The man who had proven his worth in the cell. "We will speak here. In the open. You will come to no harm here, but we cannot allow you further. Terms must be set."

"Yes. The terms. You know why I am here, Lincoln." She steeled her face. "Jus drein jus daun."

The one called Kane raised an eyebrow.

"Blood must have blood," she said again. "I saved my people. Not all were warriors, so I did what was necessary. To save the innocents. But not your innocents. They paid the price. Jus drein jus daun. We offer justice to the Skaikru."

"No." Raven hobbled out from behind the doors of the ark. "You don't get to say that. You don't get to stand there and say those things."

"Raven..." A boy held her by the arm. He held her back.

"Back off, Wick." The girl turned towards Lexa. "Where do you get off? We don't fucking want your damn justice."

"Put your weapons away," Lincoln yelled. He gestured at the Skaikru, standing between the guns and Lexa. "No more weapons."

Lexa nodded towards Indra. "You, too."

"No. Fuck this." Raven pushed forward once more. "You betrayed us. You left us to die. Clark is dead because of you."

"What?" Lexa widened her eyes. Nonono. This cannot be right. Steel your face. You know better. This cannot be right. "What did you say?"

"You fucking heard me. They kept her awake. They drilled into her. They ripped the marrow from her bone. Then they tossed her aside like trash. All because of you."

"Raven." Kane stepped forward for the first time. "That's enough. Get back inside."

And Raven did back away, her eyes unwavering. "I hope her death fucking haunts you."

The numbness came first. It tingled beneath her skin, running down her arms into her fingers. It filled the space behind her face and around her temples until light could barely filter through her eyes and until no sound could filter through her ears. She did not cry. She did not whimper. She did not shift or change or morph her expression. She only felt the numbness.

The helplessness.

Because she had saved her people.

But she had left her to die. To suffer.

Her voice does not match her steeled face; "Is there a body?"

Lincoln stepped closer, lowering the tone of his words. Matching his to hers. "Heda? I apologize. The girl speaks out of turn. We have found no body, but we have not found Clarke either. We continue to search the mountain."

Lexa swallowed them lump that had caught in her throat. "Then, why-"

"Jus drein jus daun, heda. The Skaikru refuse your offer, and they wish for the alliance to continue. But I think the girl calls for blood in her own way. What she has done to you is her own justice. It is all she can claim."

"So Clarke has not returned."

"No."

"And you refuse my offer."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because that is what Clarke would have done."

A/N: Thanks for reading. Be sure to let me know what you think or what you would like more of.