A/N: Set some time after Erwin Smith becomes the commander of Survey Corps, but before the battle of Trost.

Enjoy!

They say you have not truly experienced the true meaning of adulthood until you've had sex.

It wasn't that Levi wanted to have sex; in fact, he hadn't even thought about it up until the past three days. The frequency of it being discussed among the soldiers –both veterans and recruits– just served to amplify how annoying the three-lettered word was. Again, not because he hasn't had any, but because of how the wretched word has been tossed around freely in the conversations clouding the dining hall. In fact, not even the hallways were free of that pesky subject. It really made walking around a chore for him.

It was as if it's a goddamn mating season.

Levi shuffled past the hallways a little more quickly when he spotted a few recruits walking ahead of him. Getting past the hallways seemed like a mission to avoid titans nowadays. He even put on his extra-grumpy expression as a "strategy" to ward off the "titans". Man, it's really getting tough to keep up with the times.

Finally treading past the people talking in the corridor, he rolled his eyes to no one.

"Fucking horny brats." He lamented quietly as he paced through the passageway with his hands clenched.

Well, he tried to 'deafen' up his ears when he passed through those people just now, but unfortunately he still caught bits of their conversation. Mentions of a few female soldiers and new recruits (most likely something around "which girls I'd like to screw"), the topic of kissing... Oh, for God's sake, those morons were like 15 or something. They can't even clean up their own fucking bed; how could they even think of bedding someone? They're too young to fuck yet. Scratch that, they're even too young to kiss. What the hell is up with this generation's teenagers?

Entering his destination, he closed the door behind him with a loud bang. Three pair of eyes simultaneously darted onto him upon noticing his entrance.

"What's wrong? You look constipated." The first pair of eyes, covered by a pair of glasses, stared at his walking figure. Levi harshly plopped down onto the brown-colored sofa, sitting next to the said bespectacled woman.

"He looks constipated everyday." Mike chimed in emotionlessly while he studied a wide paper seeming like some kind of map. The bespectacled woman, Hange, laughed heartily.

"Well, I should say he looks extra constipated today, then." she relaxed in her seat, her eyes moving from the bearded man sitting on a couch across the room, to the grumpy man sitting beside her. Levi gave her a look, then he tossed a file folder across the room with slight nonchalance. A blonde man caught the folder with ease, as if it was practiced before.

"You should refrain from throwing things to your superior, Levi." Erwin, the blonde man, said. His eyes didn't leave the paper he's writing on as he spoke. Levi, as if on purpose, threw another folder across the room. Mike caught the folder just before it hit him, again his face showed no surprise or any similar emotion.

"It's his way of showing affection, right, Levi?" Hange chuckled as she grabbed a folder on Levi's lap before it gets thrown to her.

"Affection, my ass." Levi muttered, side-eyeing the woman beside him.

"Hmph." Mike snorted with a smirk as he took the documents out of the folder.

The room fell in silence for a few moments as Mike, Erwin, and Hange busied themselves with the documents on their hands. Levi impassively laid his head on the headrest while Hange excused herself to get her research notes; maybe she found some details in the report that are useful for her research. The raven-haired man stared at the ceiling, his thoughts shuffling from emptiness to the annoying things he accidentally eavesdropped in the hallways.

"Levi." Mike's voice called in an air of nonchalance.

Before Levi gave any response, Mike shifted in his seat and disclosed, "I heard an interesting rumor about you today,"

Levi snorted slightly in a mix of indifference and amusement altogether. "Which brat's balls do I need to kick today?" he replied raising his head from the sofa.

"Well, I heard it from a female recruit," Mike disclosed before shifting again in his seat, crossing one leg over the other.

Levi's eyes fixed on him in suspicion. He knew the man was mocking him. The way he tapped his boot against the ground with a certain rhythm, the way he acted like he was actually reading the report on his hand, and the way his fingers scratched the paper. Levi knew it was pointless to continue this conversation. However, as he inspected the bearded man's behavior, he grew a little more curious as to what the 'rumor' was about. What stupid rumor was serious enough to prompt Mike to ask him about it in front of Erwin, yet foolish enough for Mike to not take it seriously?

For a moment, Levi glanced at Erwin who was indifferently reading through the documents on his hand. It seemed like Erwin already knew what Mike was talking about.

Damn, these two old men. What the hell are they keeping from me?

Levi thought he caught Mike's disdainful snort, but when he was about to make a comment about it, Mike voiced out.

"Say, are you and Hange friends with benefits?"

Levi thought he misheard it. "What?"

Benefits? What the hell are they talking about?

Erwin glanced at Mike for a second before looking at Levi, as if communicating with their eyes. The black-haired corporal glared at the two men in annoyance. Just what the fuck are they talking about?

"It's a 'yes or no' question." Erwin responded, looking at Levi for a while before placing his focus back on the document he was writing on.

"Like I said, what the heck is 'friends with benefits'?" Levi replied in his usual indifferent self although it was quite clear that he was irritated. "There's absolutely no benefit of befriending that titan maniac. Even if she's a comrade, she's a damn troublesome one. Rather than benefit, it's more like a pitfall. The one that you don't want to get into but you're forced to get into due to your unfortunate circumstance."

Amused, Mike raised one eyebrow at Levi. Did Levi really not know about friends with benefits? That small man was a bit clueless in this department, yes. However, he didn't expect it to be this grave. Well, either that, or Levi was kidding. Levi had always been horrendously bad with his jokes, like an old dad who tries to be funny around his kid's friends. Sometimes he couldn't tell if he was kidding, like this time for instance.

"Levi, do you not know what 'friends with benefits' mean?" Erwin asked with a strange mix of curiosity and severity.

Again Levi noticed Mike and Erwin exchanging looks. Both Mike and Erwin looked at the grumpy man for a while as their eyes scanned for signs of dishonesty. It was as if he was a criminal who's being interrogated.

Levi, annoyed by the two men's suspicious behavior, grunted crossly.

"What the hell is up with all this? You two are being annoyingly roundabout about this whole matter of me and Hange being, what, 'friends with benefits'. Stop beating around the bush and speak clearly already."

Levi could've sworn Erwin let out a sigh when Levi was done talking.

In fact, he was sure the blonde did sigh, because now he was focusing his attention back to the documents on his hand, as if saying he didn't want to deal with this matter anymore. Mike seemed indifferent about it, but he kept staring at Levi in a manner that somehow got on the short man's nerves. Levi stared back at him in a heated expectancy, waiting for him to clarify all of this matter. Their eyes narrowed at each other's, clashing like swords in a battle.

With neither party speaking, time ticked second by second with silence. In fact, the silence was so grave they could hear each others' breathing rhythm. As Mike observed Levi's expression, Levi was unrelenting as well. Levi didn't know what they were asking about and he truly wanted to know, but he did not know what more to ask them. They had been going around the main issue than directly asking him about it, and that could mean there was something he needed to hide from him despite needing his intel. This kind of thing happens frequently when Erwin Smith is concerned. Take what you need, and give nothing away, that was what Erwin Smith was about. Levi knew he had been a secretive man, and honestly, he had grown somewhat used to not knowing everything. He respected his secretiveness.

But somehow this time, it's more...annoying than usual.

Levi glanced at Erwin for a moment, noticing him still concentrated on studying the documents. He didn't look up at Levi. His expression was firm and his breathing was steady, implying that he indeed was letting Mike take over this matter.

Looking back at Mike, Levi found himself not being stared at anymore. Instead, Mike was reading the report on his hand, as if the earlier 'staring contest' didn't happen at all. Again Levi noted Mike's mocking behavior. Head tilted to the side, fingers tapping on the paper...

This is fucking ridiculous.

"Levi,"

Levi narrowed his eyes.

"Are you and Hange fucking in secret?"

What?