Author's Note: I'm trying something new here. Does anybody know of the website Texts From Last Night? Yes? No? Sort of? Well, I'll be making oneshots out of these texts, explaining what happened in each text. Here are some guidelines you must know:

1. This fic may get bumped up to an M-rating due to the fact that some of the texts get really NSFW. I'll avoid the offensive ones, however.

2. My many One Piece OCs will pop up from time-to-time. It happens.

3. Instead of displaying the area code from each text, I will display who sent the text and who got it.

4. This fic contains mentions of drinking, drugs, sex, swears, bizarre activities, and randomness. You have been warned.

5. Last but not least, any canon characters that do appear may act out-of character (OOC). Granted, this is because it's a humor/crack/modern-day AU fic.

Okay? Let's begin with a good text that involves lawnmower races, truck stops, and Law as a Pitchfork-reading, craft beer-drinking hipster who listens to Bon Iver and Modest Mouse.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Texts From Last Night.

Trafalgar Law sent to Eustass Kidd:

"Just saw two guys having a lawnmower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi."

Trafalgar Law was not going to the Coachella Music and Arts Festival this year.

Granted, all of his friends were going and Jack White was headlining this year. But, this year, Law decided to skip the festival all together. It wasn't because his friends were all going to camp out there with no showers and no semblance of a healthy meal, but it was because of how over commercialized and mainstream the festival got. Instead of focusing on all of the talented musicians that performed at the show, it was all "Hot Coachella looks", "Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fifty Some-Odd Sex Tips For Coachella Weekend", and other vapid, shallow articles that passed over the music and talent.

Law should have quit going to the festival when The Black Keys last performed there. His decision to take a road trip up to San Francisco and Reno for Spring Break instead of Coachella came four or five years too late.

A bad engine forced Law to pull his vintage station wagon into a seedy-looking truck stop in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. While the mechanic - a large, blue-haired man named "Franky" - looked at his car, Law wandered inside the truck stop to look at the sugary snacks, day-old pizza kept warm under heat lamps, and tacky souvenirs to either look busy or to keep himself from being on his phone and wasting precious battery power.

"Sir, do you need anything?" A dark-haired, muscular teen working behind the counter asked as Law nonchalantly looked at the magazine section. Law slowly turned back to the clerk, noting the nametag on his shirt that said "Hello, my name is Ace. Have a wonderful day".

"Wonderful day my ass," Law said under his breath.

"What's that?" Ace - the clerk - asked.

"Sorry! Just having a bad day, that's all," Law said nervously.

"It's alright. Shit happens," Ace said with a shrug. "So, where are you from? Where are you going? What's your life story?"

"I'm from L.A.," Law said, scanning the store for an exit, bathroom, or a restaurant to duck into to get away from this overly-polite clerk in the middle of nowhere. "I'm going up to Reno for a few days and then I'm going to San Francisco."

"I've been to Reno. It's really nice this time of year. The people there are kind of odd, but the city itself is safe," Ace rambled, not noticing that Law was slowly creeping away from him and toward the truck stop's food court. "Okay, then. You have a great day! Be safe on the mountain roads up to Reno!"

After escaping from the clerk, Law found himself in a food court consisting of a McDonald's, some sort of down-home, Southern food place, an ice cream shop, a Chinese food place, and a Denny's diner. Being that he was a Pre-Med student in college, Law could tell that the only good option that sounded appetizing enough was Denny's. That, and he never really liked McDonald's.

A few minutes later, seated in a window booth in Denny's and drinking coffee with two sugars, Law contemplated his surroundings. He was stuck in this weird, slightly-creepy truck stop, and it would be a while until his car was fixed. He was in the middle of nowhere, where cell phone reception seemed weak at best and the nearest Target store was over a half-hour away.

At that moment, the thought of going to Coachella, camping out in the desert, and braving spoiled, badly-behaved rich kids in order to see St. Vincent or even Jack White seemed much more promising than this. At least there were security guards at Coachella. And hot showers, Wi-Fi hotspots, cell reception, craft beer, edible food, and city life.

"Welcome to Denny's! May I take your order?!"

At that moment, a cheerful, black-haired boy ran up to Law, clutching menus under his arm. Upon looking up at the waiter in shock, Law's face turned pale.

"Luffy?!" Law screamed. "What the fuck are you doing in this Denny's in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere?!"

"Law?! Is that you?!" Luffy screamed before he enveloped Law in a tight hug. "I missed you so much! It's so boring up here in Fuchsia Village! I want to go back to Los Angeles with you!"

Law calmly pushed Luffy off of him, trying not to gag on the smells of fried food and body odor.

"Please go away. I am not in the mood. I need to get to Reno," Law explained, his voice a low whisper. Almost on cue, Ace ran into the diner.

"Hey, Luffy! Shift's over! You want to go to the lawnmower race at pop's farm?!" Ace asked the waiter.

"...You race lawnmowers for fun?" Was the only reaction from Law.

"Yep!" Luffy answered with a wide grin.

"Don't you, like, have a movie theater or a mall up here? There's got to be something less dangerous to do," Law asked.

"Don't have one," Luffy said happily. "Those are an hour away."

Law slowly turned his head away from Luffy and Ace, as if he were staring into an imaginary camera a la The Office.

"Get me out of here..." Law said to himself.

The next thing Law knew, he was on a farm watching Luffy and Ace race two lawnmowers around.

"Go, Luffy, go!" An orange-haired girl screamed.

"You can do it, Ace!" A blue-haired girl standing next to Law yelled. Law said nothing as he pulled out his phone and texted somebody. Five minutes later, Law got a message.

Trafalgar, I am not driving all the way up to Fuchsia Village to come get you. I don't care if your car broke down; I am on my way to Coachella with Killer, and we're stuck in traffic.

- Kidd

Law silently screamed to himself. This was not a good day, and he would now have to get a hotel room for the night.

"I want to go home," Law thought to himself.

The last time The Black Keys performed at Coachella was 2011. So, I guess that as of this writing (March 23rd, 2015), this oneshot is kind of a future fic since I wrote it before Coachella 2015 (yes, Jack White headlined it).