I can hear her, you know.
I hear her every night, you know, crying for you. She sleeps in my room with me. Says she doesn't like to be alone at night. And don't get those perverted thoughts I know you get, there are two beds in my room. She buries her face in her pillow to muffle the sound, but I still hear it.
She's crying for you, you know.
Lost cause, and she knows it, and I think that's why she cries. No matter what she does, she can't bring you back, but still she tries.
Do you know what that's like?
You know, I don't think you do. And honestly, I'm not sure that you even care. I'm not sure that you're even here. I mean, yeah, I can see you and all, but really, can you hear me or even see me? I'm starting to think all this was a waste. Going against the beliefs I've held close my childhood; making the long, expensive trip out here; leaving my mini-paradise on Besaid, where everyone knew my name and gave me stuff for free; all for you. All for you and Yunie, I guess. I guess, really deep down, I thought hmm, maybe, if I visited and read you this little internal monologue I've been thinking up for Yevon knows how long, maybe, just maybe, you'd come back. Because, since nobody came to see you, maybe you thought you weren't needed, or weren't wanted, or something, and when I came and visited you and told you all about everything, maybe you'd come back to us, to Yunie. And then maybe she could finally be happy. Maybe, for the first time in so long, I could see her real smile, the one that reaches her eyes and makes them crinkle up and get really small like you see in yhesa-books, where there're more pictures than words and everyone has huge eyes and are cute beyond belief and all the boys look like girls. She hasn't smiled like that since you left, you know.
What? Why are you looking at me like that? Why's there that know-it-all glint to your eyes? What do you know? You don't know anything. You don't know what we've all been feeling, without you here. It's effected us all, really. Even I'm not enough to keep spirits up. Sometimes the entire gang feels like we're stuck under something heavy, and you're the only one who can pull it off our backs and make us smile again.
Why won't you move? This is why I don't like this place. Why are you just standing there? Do something, dammit! Move, blink, something! Don't just stand there! I know you can hear me. I know you're there, listening to me recite this, listening to me make an ass of myself. Why won't you respond? Why won't you laugh and jump down from there and scream "Surprise! Miss me?"
Move, dammit!
Oh, great. Everybody's staring at me now. Look what you did. If you'd have just come down here like a good boy, this wouldn't have happened. See? Everything would be better if you'd just stop being so stubborn. Everyone would be happy. Yuna would be happy, so Lulu would be happy, which would make Wakka happy, because Wakka loves Lulu and never wants her to be sad.
I used to think you were like that too, you know. I used to think you loved Yuna so much that you would never do anything to hurt her, that you would do everything you could to keep her happy.
Obviously, I was wrong. Obviously, you're just such a good actor that you made me believe, made Yuna believe, made all of us believe that you actually cared, god forbid. We thought that you loved her, and sure, we all loved her, but she loved you back. She loved you in a way none of us would, in a way none of us were even capable of with anyone. She loved you purely, innocently, with all her soul. You were the first person she fell in love with, and she fell hard. She loved you for you, not for your beauty, but for your mind, heart, soul. She thought that she had seen your true self, somehow, in the mere months you were with us. Somehow, you'd managed to win her over in the short time you were here.
But you don't even care, do you?
She'll never, ever be the same, and you couldn't care less.
You just stand there, smirking, that damned glint in your eye, and now, seeing you like this, now I can finally understand.
You really, honestly, truly don't care.
I admit, I said that because I wanted to provoke some sort of reaction from you, your soul, your whatever may be listening, but now that I've seen you, I know it's actually true. You really don't care what happens to us, to any of us, least of all to Yuna.
Did you care about her at all? Did you bother to care? Were you only pretending, making her fall in love with her, in the hopes that she'd give herself over to you in a feeble attempt to tie the two of you together? Was she only a conquest to you, just something to kill the time and maybe mess around with until you found out how to get home? That's certainly how it seems. But you couldn't, could you? You couldn't seduce her completely, you couldn't make her want you, body and soul.
You only got as far as her soul.
You're an idiot, you know that? Yuna's not like that. She's not like that at all. She's one of those "virgin 'til marriage" people. She'd have rather you propose to her, steal her away to give her little kisses, make her promises like in Macalania (yes, we all knew about that), except her version of you would only make promises he could keep.
That's nothing like you, is it?
Is it?
Yuna's naïve. She's always been, and she always will be. She likes to pretend she's grounded in reality, that she knows exactly what's happening, but hell, if she couldn't see past your soft, nice-guy exterior. She accepted your stories of Zanarkand blindly, never questioning, and yeah, I guess they DID end up being true, but even still. She accepted them immediately and didn't bother to doubt you, because why in Yevon's name would anyone ever lie to her? That would just be mean and wrong and heretical and BAD and no one would ever be BAD on purpose, would they? No one would ever sin on purpose, would they? And no matter what, no matter how many times we try, no one can convince her otherwise. Not even me.
You make me sick.
Even worse, you make me sicker than sick.
You make me helpless.