You're My Home
Love. Neuroscience tells us it activates the same parts of the brain as habit-forming addiction. It makes us feel like we can do anything, be anything, achieve anything.
And once we taste it, we want more.
The thing about love is, when it's good, it's so very good, and when it's bad, it hurts so much. And if you can't find a way to balance all those ups and down, it will make you crazy. Meredith Grey; Crazy Love
"If everyone will just shut up." Meredith said loudly as she and Alex and Jo are operating on a patient. "And give me to freaking seconds to get the sutures to hold." Concentrated, Meredith was totally focused on the patient on the table and on getting this suture the way she wanted it - perfect. The other residents were watching attentively her technique. "There, Edwards." Instruments clattered on a tray.
"At least it looks good." Stephanie Edwards commented.
Jo replies quietly: "The streak's a lie." Meredith noticed the commotion between the two residents and cut in: "What was that, Wilson?" Meredith demanded an answer from her subordinate. "Nothing." Jo denies she had said anything that goes that way. Of course, Meredith was to clever not to believe that.
"Oh no." Edwards mumbles under a surgical mask.
"But nothing, I didn't say anything." Jo tries to explain. "You said the streak is a lie."
"No. No. I said … the freak is alive." "No, you didn't, she didn't." Meredith is sure of that. There was no way Josephine Wilson could deny that, but except she does actually deny it.
"I didn't hear anything." Alex tells her as Meredith looked at him with a questioning glance. "You're pitching a no hitter." Jo said suddenly.
She inhales before she continues: "You haven't lost a single patient since November 14th. 89 surgeries in row with good outcomes …" Meredith shot her resident a glance as it hit her. Had she said November 14th? "Did you say November 14th?" She asks, not letting on what that did to her. Her voice doesn't shake as she asks that question.
"And twenty two traumas. I mean who does that?" She says chuckling, "You. Because of your magic …" The whole OR goes quiet as Meredith Grey looks over to Alex.
"Edwards you can close." Meredith told her resident, then hands the scalpel over to her. "Wilson can assist." Then she leaves the OR, steps away from the table. Stephanie Edwards and Josephine Wilson exchanged bewildered glances to each other. Steph shrugs she doesn't know what this was about.
"What did I tell you?" Alex hisses at his girlfriend.
"Way to go, Jo." Alex follows Meredith in the scrub room where she pulls off her mask abruptly and faces him. Meredith had a somber expression covering her face. Something was telling him that this was serious.
"Look. I told her not to tell you but …" Alex waves his hand to underline that sentence but … "It messes with her head." Alex explained. "I am on a streak." Meredith told him. "There is no such thing. It's just dumb luck. But you can't agree - so just forget about it." Alex advises her.
"No, no, it's not that." Meredith relented. "It's another thing. It's the date it had started. The fact that the 14th of November is the night …" Meredith inhales and exhales slowly. "What's about it?" Alex responds. Meredith looks aside.
"It's the date Derek left."
Alex breathes in sharply. No, this wasn't good at all. She thinks now Derek is the reason for this streak, that she is better off without him. "Ever since he left I have been great. All my surgeries so far were a success. I have not lost one patient since that date." Meredith shakes her head as if she doesn't want to believe it.
"Not one." She repeats.
"Since the day he left for D.C. What does that tell you that I am better off without him? That you're right and …"
Now she is thinking that her relationship to Derek affects her skills as a surgeon in a bad way. Like he was right when he had told her that he is some kind of tyrant keeping her down.
"Mer, it is just dumb luck. It has nothing to do with Derek leaving and going to Washington D.C. You are just more focused because you haven't got anything here besides your kids. So you focus on surgery. This in your mind, and only in your mind, Meredith."
Meredith leaned against the sink.
She glares at the pediatric surgeon, hoping desperately he is right. He just has to be right. "I don't know what to think anymore, Alex. This whole thing just kills me, I have no idea what to do. What is right and what's not. I can't differentiate between right and wrong." She looks at Alex, tears are shimmering in her eyes. He could tell after one gaze that she is devastated and had no single idea what to do.
"You, Meredith Grey, don't just see things in right or wrong. It's not what you do. See, after you switched that drug in the Alzheimer's trial you though your marriage was going towards an end. But it didn't, you and Shepherd got through it. It won't be different here."
At least, I don't hope it will be different, he adds silently.
"How can you possibly know?" Her voice shakes now.
"You and Shepherd always get it together. You always do. You broke up so many times, more than I can count and still – you keep coming back to each other. That has to mean something. Surgery or any kind of streaks have nothing to do with your marriage to Derek." Alex assured her.
"Well, I need to get going now." Meredith turns and leaves without another word the scrub room.
Later that day: „So my streak lives on." Meredith told Alex.
„Sure." He replied and looked back at his tablet, scanning a patient chart. "You were right." Meredith told him elated. "I don't need Derek. I don't need him at my house …" Meredith goes on about not necessarily needing Derek. Alex frowned. That didn't sound too good. That's when Alex looked up skeptic. "I obviously don't need him to prove that I can have 89 good outcomes in a row. I'm doing great, my kids are happy …" On Meredith's face formed a hint of a smile.
Alex was alarmed. She isn't talking about leaving Derek, is she? "My career is thriving, Derek going to D.C. did exactly what it was supposed to do with is remind me who I am outside of my marriage which by the way I am kind of amazing." Meredith told him. "Okay." Alex slowly repeated, not knowing what to say. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to share it with him. I want to tell him we're on a streak." They way Meredith said that showed she seemed really happy, as if she'd really thought about this before saying anything.
"I can handle Micah's post-op if you want to take off." Alex offered her. Meredith smiled in reply and left the nurses' station and made her way to the attendings' lounge. There, she packed out her cell phone and typed Derek's number. She smiled while waiting for his voice. And to her surprise, he answered it after a few rings.
"Hello, this is Dr. Shepherd." He said. Meredith was even more surprised when she heard that.
"It seems like you haven't checked Caller ID, Derek. It's me, Meredith." Meredith told him. Derek jolted up when he heard his wife's voice on the phone. God, he had missed her voice. "Meredith. You called." Meredith happily registered that there was happiness in his voice. "I missed you." Meredith was alone in the attendings' lounge. "How have you been, Derek?" She then asked, waiting to the right time and place to tell him why she called in the first place because she wanted to share her happiness with him.
"Uh, work's been hard but very interesting. I spend most of my time working and the rest sleeping because I kinda have no private life in Washington D.C. I only have that kind of life in Seattle, with you and the kids. So I thought that I come over the next weekend or so and we spend some time together as a family. We could go to the zoo or something." He suggested, hoping she would say yes to it. "I'm sure Zola and Bailey would love that. I would love to see you. I want to share my life with you. The good and the bad things, they're just part of the package." Meredith answered flabbergasted at the turn that things sometimes take.
"So you like the idea …" Derek concluded. Meredith nodded but forgot that Derek couldn't see her. "Meredith, are you still there?" Derek asked, pressing the phone to his ear. "Meredith?" "Yeah, I love that idea, sorry I just forgot you couldn't see me nod." She chuckled slightly. "Yeah, that could be difficult when speaking on the phone." He teased her. "You're supposed to know that."
Then there was a comfortable silence between them.
They just heard each other breathe. But it was enough. Then suddenly, Meredith interrupted the silence by blurting out the news that an earthquake had hit Seattle: "We had an earthquake today. Can you imagine that?" She waited for his immediate reaction that was coming soon after she told him that. "An earthquake hit Seattle?!" Derek raised his voice in fear. Was she okay, were the kids okay? Was that the reason for her calling? No, she wouldn't have started that call with joking. He was sure of that.
"Oh my god, Meredith. Are you okay?" He exclaimed anxiously, desperately hoping that she was and would answer with a yes. "Yeah, I am, definitely. Stop freaking out. I am okay, the kids are okay and in daycare. I'll go get them after this call. Should I tell them you're coming to visit this weekend or … do you want to do it?" "Let's make it a surprise, should we?"
"Yeah, surprise is good. They will be so happy to see you. Zola keeps asking me where you are and I always tell her you come back soon although I don't really have an idea when soon will be." Meredith confessed. Derek's heart started to beat hollowly in his chest. Is that what he is doing to his family? Leaving them, abandoning them? They were supposed to be the most important thing in the whole wide world. Derek shook his head, letting himself sink on his chair in his office. He already opened the internet to check for the next flight out on Friday. He really wanted to have some family time. "Tell them I love them and give them a kiss for me." He said silently. Meredith answered with a yes, of course. Of course she'll do it.
She didn't tell him about the streak, they were on though.
She wanted to tell him in person when he comes to Seattle. She was elated and excited about him coming back to Seattle. "Meredith, I … I love you." He then told her, quietly, sharing a moment with his wife over the phone. Meredith smiled as she replied: "I do, too. And, Derek, I am incredibly happy you're …" Meredith had no idea how to say it, how to say it in the right way and the right words. But Derek, he gets her without her saying the whole sentence.
"I'll be back soon."
"Mommy, can I see Sofia this weekend?" Zola asked.
"She asked me to let Zola come over for a sleepover. The girls want that, and I have no problem taking them for the weekend if you need some time for yourself." Callie interjected. Meredith smiled at Callie, she'd been a big help the last weeks without Derek, but this weekend, she won't need a babysitter. Derek was coming home, at least for a weekend. "Thanks for the offer, Callie but I am afraid we don't have the time." She leaned over to her and whispered. "Derek's coming back from D.C. for the next weekend." When Callie heard that she was happy for her friend. "Oh, Mer, that's great news." She said.
"Oh, yeah, it is actually. And you know what? I am actually happy that he's coming home. I mean I kind of really do miss him at least when I have to sleep in an empty bed." Meredith laughed. "But not this weekend, this weekend I'll sleep like a baby with Derek in it." Callie only nodded in reply, smiling before they both went home to their houses. When Meredith finally put Zola and Bailey to bed it was eight. Normally, they would be in bed around seven … Meredith's heart started to beat faster when she thinks of Derek coming home for the weekend. That was really great. Lucky for her, Friday was coming much faster than she anticipated.
Then she got a text message from Derek and started reading it.
I am boarding the plane …
Can you pick me up at the airport?
Plane lands at 10:30 … please be there.
Miss you. See you soon, Derek.
P.S.: Get ready for a lot of great reunion sex when the kids sleep …
So you have something to look forward to.
P.P.S.: I love you, Mer.
Meredith smiled when she read Derek's text message. That sounded good. She was looking forward to seeing him all weekend, she doesn't have to sleep alone anymore, what a relief for her. Then she told the kids to get ready, dress so that they can get in the car and drive to airport. Derek was already waiting for them. "Mommy, what are doing here?" Zola asked in a sweet voice. "We're going to pick someone up. You'll see, Zo." Meredith smiled as she pushed the stroller with Bailey forward. It was now 10:34. Derek's flight already landed. She sees it on the flight board that showed her which flights are going to go leave soon and which already landed.
And Washington D.C. already did land. On Meredith's face was a smile.
Derek was coming home.
Then she saw him there, with a suitcase and widely smiling when he sees his family waiting for him. Meredith smiled at him and waved. "That's daddy, he's coming home. Daddy." Zola exclaimed happily when she saw Derek walking up to them. Meredith waited until he was like seven meters away from him, then told Zola and Bailey to wait for them.
"Be a good girl. It's just for a minute."
"Am I gonna see daddy?" Zola wanted to know. "Yes, Sweetie, you'll see daddy." Meredith confirmed. Then she walked over to Derek, smiling. For a moment, it was like old times before D.C. and the brain mapping project came into the picture. Right now she couldn't be happier. Then she was lying in Derek's arms that were embracing her. Meredith closed her eyes and breathed in his familiar scent. "Oh, Derek, you have no idea how happy I am to see you, to have you back even if it's just for a few days." "Probably just as happy as I am." Derek replied, chuckling as he kissed Meredith who replied the kiss. For a moment it was just them.
"Mommy, daddy." Zola's voice interrupted their reunion. "Hey, Sweetie." While Meredith went to get Bailey, Derek lifted Zola up and carried her a few meters before letting her walk on her own again. "I missed you daddy." Zola said. "I did too. I love you, you're are the best …" He looked over to Meredith.
"… the best thing that's ever happened to me and I promise I will visit more frequently." "That would be great. It's hard sleeping alone, without having you next to me." The family, finally complete, made their way to the exit to drive home. On the drive home, Meredith and Derek chatted while Derek was driving the car.
"Hey, Amy." Derek smiled at his baby sister as he walked through their kitchen where she prepared food. "Derek, is that you?" Amelia asked as she recognized her brother. How come he is here and how come Meredith didn't mention he was here. "No, Amy, this is your mind playing tricks. Of course it's me. I thought I should come over for this weekend." He told her.
"Meredith called me after the earthquake happened. See how things are going. I might come home more often, I miss more of your lives than I'd like. The kids just grow up so fast." Amelia nodded in understanding.
"I think they grew in the time I wasn't here, I just miss so much of their lives." Amelia laughed.
"It was your choice to go. Anyway, it was a good choice for all of us. Don't get me wrong, Derek but you not being here makes it doable for me and Meredith to shine. And we did, we still do, and you do too, just in D.C." Derek looked over to his sister. This was the first conversation they had without biting their heads off. "Also, she told me about your giant tumor surgery you performed. You really removed a Grade IV astrocytoma?"
Amelia glanced at him, hoping he wouldn't make a big thing out of it. "Yep, I did remove the tumor successfully." She said. But once again, she sees that D.C. has changed Derek in a more positive way. "I am proud of you, Amy. These tumors are really hard to remove." Of course he knows it. "But in the end, they just want to survive. For the tumor, we are the invaders not the other way around." Derek frowned.
"That's a nice way of putting it." He replied, smirking. "Life will out." Amelia added, Derek didn't really know what Amelia nodded. "It's ingenuity, strength, adaptability, poetry, and one of God's masterpieces." He then said. "And also, I saw the surgery on the video feed. You did great work, Amy." "But she's blind." "But the tumor's gone." Derek shrugged it off. "You saved her life, Amy, don't downplay it."
"Says the neuro god." Amelia replied ironically.
"Good morning." Meredith was unbelievably cheerful today. Amelia frowned, she was pretty sure it had something to do with her brother's arrival. "Do you have cereal or something?" Meredith asked. "You still eat that kind of thing?" Derek asked, coming nearer and finally embracing her. Amelia turned away, she so didn't need to see that. When they were ready, Meredith and Derek took the children to the Seattle zoo and Amelia stayed home. She was genuinely surprised by Derek's character growth. He really did change when doing that brain mapping thing.
"Seems like wonders still occur when you at last expect them to be happening." With that she made her way to the hospital, seeing if there were any surgeries.
It was Friday night and Meredith and Derek were lying in their big bed, snuggling. Meredith enjoyed being here with him and she was pretty sure he thinks the same. "You know I once printed a tumor, Derek because I needed it … I needed to see where I have to cut. I spent that night in the hospital, waiting for the tumor to take on form." Meredith looked into space while recalling the memories.
In the end, Maggie, Bailey and I successfully did the surgery. It even invaded the pericardium, Derek." Meredith told him. Derek listened to her story. "Wait, I can show you." Meredith suddenly said. "I took it home. I mean the 3D printer copy, not the real tumor." She jumped and searched through her things. "See, here. It's just wow. But it looked gross." That's when they broke down laughing. "The night after that, I took this home and laid it on your side of the bed because I didn't want to sleep alone …" Meredith shook her head as she remembered that. "I wanted to print a Derek. Just for sleeping." Derek sat up, shocked.
He hadn't expected that his wife missed him that much. "Meredith …" He said quietly, cupping her cheek with his warm hands. "I didn't think it would be that hard for you." Meredith smiled for a moment. "But it was, it is. I love you, even when I hate you. Post-it, remember?" She said, pointing to the wall. "Yeah, I definitely remember our post-it wedding." He came nearer and then he kissed her.
After they broke the kiss, Meredith knew she had to tell him about her being on a streak. "Derek. I've … you gave me an important experience when you went to D.C. I needed that to remind myself who I am outside of my marriage. I had 89 good outcomes in a row, Derek, we're on a streak and I'm happy and I want to share it with you. My life, your life – it's our life. Even if we live in different cities."
Meredith breathed in deeply, Derek's blue eyes on her.
"I need you and I want you. I need you, Derek. Only together we're extraordinary. You don't know what happens next … you don't know and I want us to be happy but also we need to see each other so that we won't go crazy without …" Meredith smiled at him.
"I need you too, Mer. It's always been you. Always. You're like coming out for fresh air and you saved me I still mean it. You're my everything. Like I was drowning and you saved me. I still feel that way. When I see you, what we have our family, that's the feeling … It's you, it's always been you." Derek confessed smiling. Meredith replied his smile and captured his lips with hers.
They ended up kissing … they knew they'd be okay whatever happens.
"We'll be okay."
A/N: That's what should have happened instead of making Meredith believe her husband's cheating on her, that wasn't necessary for the storyline (at least, I think it wasn't, Derek could have realized in another way that he needs Meredith without betraying her trust). They deserve to have had a least a few days of happiness before Derek dies. They deserve more than just the one day Derek was actually in Seattle. That's what should have happened, them having a little family time before everything is just … gone. That's what should have happened in 'Don't Dream It's Over'. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK …