AN: …Iris…I guess if I had choosen this as the title not many people would check out this story…lol…very smart of me, right? But I can assure you, as a 200% Careese fangirl, you won't regret reading this one here (if you take aside the fact that this is just my second try writing something) as I will take care of this character once and for all…evil laughter…so consider yourself warned Iris is in, but on "its/her way out"…;-)

I apologize for the mistakes, and MAYBE character acting out of character…I only watched 'Terra Incognita" during Season 4 and a few clips online…soooooo let's see and let me know if you like this one so far…

New Orleans 2014.

It was an early Wednesday morning in June and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful and sunny day.

Not for Joss Carter however, she felt restless. Restless and lonely. She was all alone.

She found herself staring out of the window after what seemed like an eternity. Her thoughts, as always, focussed on John Reese and the rest of her loved ones.

No, she wasn't the same Joss Carter like she was seven month ago. She had lost everything. Everything except her life.

Today she had decided, that it was going to be the day. Things needed to change, she couldn't continue to live like that any longer. In accordance with herself, she felt a certain calmness she hasn't felt for month. It was finally time to put her out of her misery.

Gently she stroke John's cheek on the only picture she had of him. She had secretly taken it as he stayed with her at her place as they did the Ian Murphy case. She smiled to herself, remembering John's worry for her. His refusal to take only a little nap even though she had assured him everything was just fine. It had been the first time the both of them had a long and honest talk. They shared stories about their difficult pasts, things that mattered and laughed together. This tight-lipped and vulnerable man slowly came out of his shell and if she hadn' t already fallen for him, she definetely would have after that night. They became even closer after that time. And as he finally dozed off for a few minutes, she took her chance.

"John..." she let out a sad whisper as she kissed his picture.

"Joss..." John jolted out of his dreams. Where was she, where was he? What the hell? And then he realized she wasn't there. She died seven month ago in his arms, her beautiful eyes like a deer, who meant the world to him would never open again for him. He cursed himself for thinking about her, because his eyes well up with tears again. How he managed to survive up to this point without her by his side, he had no idea.

As he still was doing his job saving the Irrelevants, he had his mind kept away from thinking about her, but ever since the team had to split up due to Samaritan and Greer things had gotten worse.

He simply couldn't forget this feisty woman, he ached for for such a long time. He took out his picture of her. Not that damn picture he left in the library as they had to give it up, no this one here he was holding on like dear life. It was a snapshot of Joss smiling and just being his Joss, the woman who stole his lonely heart.

"Okay Joss time to get ready for work. Let's introduce John Riley to the world." John proclaimed in excitement as he put some water in his face as he tried to wash away the pain he still was feeling.

Joss watched her naked self in the mirror after she had taken a long shower. As every day her eyes fell to the healed gunshot wound that bastard Simmons brought on her.

Why was she still alive? Was she still alive? Because she felt like she died almost seven month ago and still hadn't returned.

The FBI had been quick that fateful night in November. Thanks to some smart agent who suspected that Simmons would track her down and who looked out for her without her knowing, the EMTs were able to bring her back to life, however the price she had to pay for being alive made her wish that they didn't bring her back.

Witness protection, which meant she had to give up her old life, her son, her family and friends and most importantly John, her John who had kissed her before all hell had broken loose. She couldn't forget his innocent and gentle kiss. She already knew how she felt about him, but she didn't knew that it was that deep. If only she would have had the chance of one more kiss, of telling him how deep-felt love she felt for him.

"Sigh Joss, wake up and stop daydreaming. You know what's left to do. Nobody is going to stop you. Noboday is coming to save you. You're all alone."

She knew she was a coward, she knew, but she was desperate, she felt so lost. No, she could not continue living a life like that. Living a dead life. It was slowly killing her and she was afraid of whom she might become. The Joss Carter the world and she knew was dead. Died month ago in the arms of her very handsome and gracious vigilante. The Joss Carter of the past would have been furious with her, furious about what she was going to do. Jessica Parker however, her new identity was just a shadow of the person she used to be. She was weak and had lost every will to live.

Time to end this charade.

Her hand took out the bullet with a certain someones name on it.

The phone rang.

The phone that never made a sound all these past month all of a sudden decided to ring.

On this day? Are you kidding me? Too late.

It kept ringing until the answering machine went on.

"CanYouHearMeJocelynCarter?OpenTheDoorNow."

What the hell...? It sounded like a female computer voice, which obviously knew her real identity. Could it be that her cover had been blown? Why wasn't she afraid instead of being hopeful?

She had no idea why she opnened the door, but she did.

"M-M-Mom?"

"T-Taylor? Oh my god, Taylor!"

Being reunited with her son again, was like waking up from deep sleep. It changed her, changed everything. Her desire to live had finally returned. Returned so vigorously, that she nearly couldn't forgive herself for what she almost had done.

Parts of the "former" Carter, well hidden beneath the surface painstaking slowly found its way back to her, as they laughed and cried together just like they usually did if being together.

It took them awhile to re-establish their always close mother/son ties and get back to where they were before HR and Patrick Simmons happened. But Taylor understood now. Understood why she did what she did, and that the both of them couldn't have changed fate. He realized that's why he loved and would always love and adore her. Due to the simple reason that she cared for people and was trying her best to make this world a better place.

Carter could not be any happier being reunited with her baby boy, yet she still missed John, missed him dearly.

Knowing his mother's deep feelings Taylor forced her to face John. Not accepting her refusal or argument to protect him and her family. He could be as stubborn as his mother. She decided to approach John, to hell with HR and the consequences, but as she tried John seemed to be vanished. No matter how often she tried to contact him, his phone remained dead. Even Harold seemed to be gone.

She was getting desperate again. Taylor was worried, couldn't endure witnessing his mother's pain and suffering.

He even called on Fusco, without telling him about his mother and without telling her. But Fusco was no help, since he didn't knew anything about the fate of either Finch or John.

Joss progress was stopped. She was convinced something had happened to John and being unable to do something was killing her. She knew he wasn't dead. She just knew it deep down in her heart and with her body and soul, but his fate remained uncertain.

One day Carter packed her bags and was ready to return to New York, she couldn't bear sitting on the sidelines in this steamy city. She had enough of it. She needed to find out what had happened to John.

The phone rang again. This time she did not hesitate.

"CanYouHearMeJocelynCarter?"

"Hell yeah"

"RemainInTheDarkStaySaveForAssetJohn."

Every time Carter tried to leave then, she received the same strange call. What was even more odd, was that she somehow trusted this voice. She believed it must be Harold's supercomputer, and that machine was never wrong.

New York City. One year later.

The numbers. They never stopped coming, except for right now, right now the machine remained calm thanks to Samaritan and Greer. One month had gone by since his and Root's face-off with Samaritan and a dozent of their agents, an encounter Root hasn't survived. He still couldn't believe she saved his life. Now it was Finch and him all alone again. Just like in the beginning.

His heart ached as his memories went all the way back to the days as it was only him and Carter on those lonely stakeouts. He loved being with her. It put him at ease.

"I miss you, Joss." he whispered sadly. His phone rang. It was Iris. Again. He sighed as he sent her call straight to voice mail. Another thing he needed to take care of.

What was he thinking as he kissed Iris? It's not that he didn't care for her, he liked her calm and kind personality and her being there made him feel comfortable, made him want to open up about some of his feelings, but there was no love. She was no Joss. Joss still meant everything to him.

He remembered that sudden feeling of loneliness after he said goodbye to Frankie, who he immediately had liked. After their farewell he received a call of someone who insisted to talk to Detective Carter. The pain, he always tried to ignore hit him from out of nowhere. He barely was able to breathe.

Then he went to Iris, who wanted to talk to him, however he didn't expect her to to talk about her feelings, since all he could think of at that moment was Joss Carter, the brief kiss in the morgue flashed his mind as Iris confessed she had feelings for him.

"Oh." He managed to get out, but somehow Joss Carter was occupying his thoughts. Iris kissed him, but in his mind it was Joss. "Joss, please...don't leave...," his mind plead for, as he desperately grabbed her and kissed her briefly "Carter, please. Stay with me." He knew better, "Wake up John, this isn't Carter you are kissing." Voices reminded him "Shut up." He was fighting with himself as he closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, his mind still playing games with him, making him believe he got the woman back his body and soul was longing for since the day they met.

He desperately wanted to feel alive again, wanted to feel something so bad, but it didn't work, Joss face turned into Iris face and the moment, the magic was gone. Over.

After their kiss he tried to avoid her, did not know how to deal with situations like that. He never was very good ,when it comes to woman or romance. So he hadn't seen her often, some brief meetings but without anything serious, because after all that time at the end of the day all he ever wanted was Joss.

Knowing that he couldn't ever have her was still breaking his heart every damn day. Why couldn't he move on, would he ever be able to do so?

Then Samaritan attacked, his pathetic guilt of using Iris made him act stupid. After making sure that she was save, because he made a vow that he would never lose any woman ever again, he promised her if he survived this, he was going to tell her everything. But he already knew that he won't do that. He would end things with her, although there was never an Iris and John.

He sighed as he dialed her number. It was about time. She answered at the first ring.

"Iris, we need to talk."

New Orleans 2015

Frankie Wells just had collected her latest bounty as she ran into a familiar face. "OMG Jess, how long has it been? Wow, you're looking absolutely stunning, i'm glad ..." she was greeted with a squeeze.

Joss had to smile, she met this fierce bounty hunter a few month ago and helped her hunting this serial killer on the run. She actually had felt alive for the first time in months since she became Jessica Parker and that thanks to the blonde woman.

Frankie suspected there was more going on with Jessica Parker than she was willing to admit, but she figured if she was ready to do so, she simply would open up, so she didn't push for more and Joss had been thankful for that.

"I see you still do not take care of yourself. You're looking pretty beat up. Come here, let me take care of this." Joss examined the little cut under Frankie's chin and the patched-up bandage on her hand.

"Nah, I'm good," she grinned "you should meet that other guy. I broke his nose," she laughed. "How about having these drinks we promised to have the last time we met, then we can look out for some fun?"

Carter frowned.

"I saw that Jess, don't tell me you are still not over this guy? I always figured you weren't that type of woman."

"Oh shut up , Frankie."

"Relax Jess. Your life, your rules, but you are way to hot to mourn after a guy, who is long gone."

"It's way more complicated than that." She sighed, not wanting to talk about John right now. Frankie had a poor timing.

"Whatever. Do we now go and have these drinks?...Jess? Helloooo? What are you looking at?"

Joss realized she still had that picture of John in her hand, she nearly lost it as she bumped into Frankie. God, her addiction to John had become dangerous. Her longing to see him again intensified with every passing day and she had absolute no idea why.

Frankie, always the bounty hunter, took a quick glance.

"Wait! Is th-that John? Well i be damned. Why do you carry a picture of Riley with you?"

"Huh?"

"Jess I know that man…Ahh I see, it's him, am I right? The reason you are acting the way you are? I met him months ago. He insisted that i was in danger, wanted to protect me. Hah like I need protection." Frankie chirpy chattered away. "By the way, he was running around like the walking dead. I assumed a tough break-up since he didn't show any interest in me. Jess, come on say something. Is that him?"

"Sorry Frankie," she needed some time to process what she just heard. "Riley? Wait, you mean, you met John?"

"That's what I was trying to say. Yeah, it's definetely him. Although your version looks way better than the poor man i met. So peaceful, at ease. Something very bad must have happened to him."

"H-h-he was alright, wasn't he?" Joss suddenly was afraid.

"..."

"Come on Frankie, tell me something. I need to know. Pleaseee!"

"Calm down Jess, he was alright even though I figured something distressed him. Let's head for that drink and I am going to tell you everything." she said and grabbed Carters arm, who still seemed in complete shock.

Joss had heard enough . She was ready to go. Ready to return to New York. Before she left, she looked at her phone. This time it did not ring. The strange voice had stopped calling her. What did that mean? Was she free to go? Well she took that as a good sign and closed the door.

Joss Carter had returned and she was heading to New York trying to get her life back...