Title: After The Rain
Warning: Shounen ai. Angst. Sap.
Pairing: Hakkai + Sanzo.
Disclaimer: All Saiyuki characters belong to the greatest Kazuya Minekura sama. On the other hand, I own nothing.

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The door of his room opened on its own accord and Sanzo looked up from what he was reading on his bed. Hakkai's shadow danced on the wall, illuminated by the light of the candles in Sanzo's room.

Hakkai walked towards Sanzo's bed and eased himself on the solitary chair beside the bed, "I need to talk to you."

Sanzo sensed something not quite right. He put down the newspaper and stared at a pair of green eyes, "Is something wrong?"

Hakkai tried to lighten the tension by smiling at Sanzo's stern gaze, "Oh, it's nothing important."

"What is it?"

A dark shadow seemed to fall on Hakkai's face when he replied, "Today is her day..."

Sanzo understood. Today was exactly three years since the death of Hakkai's lover, Kanan. Sanzo frowned, "Why did you say it's not important?"

Hakkai smiled but the smile held no warmth, "Personal isn't the same as important."

Sanzo stared at Hakkai for a few seconds and scowled, "Where did you get that from? Some crappy books of yours?"

"Maybe," conceded Hakkai, still smiling faintly.

"So what do you propose to do about it?"

Hakkai looked around the room and sighed, "Sometimes I think it would be nice to be alone for a little while."

"Well then-," began Sanzo.

"I just don't want to worry Goku," cut in Hakkai. "So I'll leave tonight and be back tomorrow before we leave town."

"Gojyo knew about this?"

"I suppose so. It was him who saved me that night... maybe he remembers."

Sanzo replied slowly and deliberately, "Yes. He saved you."

"And you saved me too," added Hakkai, looking into Sanzo's violet gaze.

"You're wrong. I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did even though you didn't know me," insisted Hakkai calmly. "And I thank you."

Sanzo didn't reply.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Cho Hakkai wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for you, Sanzo"

Sanzo looked up and saw Hakkai's smile and thought how was it that a smile could be both devastatingly sad and beautiful?

"I guess I'd better be going now," Hakkai stood up and brushed imaginary dust off his pants. "It's getting late."

Sanzo glanced at the window of his room, "It's raining."

Hakkai smiled gravely, "Just like that day three years ago."

"But I'll be fine," continued Hakkai, walking towards the door. "Good night, Sanzo."

Sanzo saw the door was closed gently and found himself glaring at the door.

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The sound of the pouring rain was loud and clear to Sanzo's ears. He couldn't concentrate on what he was reading. Putting out the newspaper aside, Sanzo took a cigar out of its box. He clicked on his light but nothing happened. "Ch!" It seemed that the light had run out of gas.

"Rotten weather, rotten luck," muttered Sanzo under his breath.

His mood was always dampened by rain. And it didn't help to know that today of all days was that fateful day when Hakkai slaughtered a thousand youkai and became one himself. What a funny world we're living, thought Sanzo. How strange it seemed to him that the bond he shared with three of his current companions would be of blood and grievance. He shared a dislike of the rain with Hakkai. But somehow he felt that Hakkai always managed to handle the rain better than him. Or did he?

Appearance was one thing but who knew what's inside someone's heart? Behind that pretty smile and calm outlook, Sanzo knew that Hakkai was still looking for the punishment of the crimes he once committed and maybe also the meaning of his existence today.

Sanzo cursed the world in general and the weather in particular. He was not going to sit around and brood. Much good it would do him. Sometimes he wondered after all these years, the rain still managed to affect his mood this much. He sighed in disgust. Maybe it was him who was looking for a punishment. A punishment for his weaknesses. He had failed his master. He had let his master die in front of his very eyes. Because he was not strong enough. He was never strong enough to protect anyone.

Sanzo cursed aloud and got up from his bed.

"Sanzo?" the door of his room was tentatively opened. Goku appeared in the doorway. "What's wrong?"

Sanzo walked out from the room, brushing Goku's aside, "Nothing."

Gojyo appeared behind Goku and scowled, "Ch! The corrupt monk is having it."

Goku nodded glumly, "He's always so grumpy when it rains. Why?"

Gojyo shrugged, "Who knows? Maybe he's on his period or something."

A fan appeared out of nowhere and hit Gojyo's head, "I heard that!"

"Ow!" Gojyo rubbed his head. "You're supposed to hit people with it, not throw it at them, you corrupted monk!"

"Ch!"

"Where are you going?" called out Gojyo.

"Out."

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Meanwhile, Hakkai was already out in the rain. He had walked and walked but he didn't know where to go. His mind was carefully blank. He tried not to remember everything but everything was all that he had on his mind. The pouring rain, the drumming of the rain on his ear, the blood on his bare hands...

He held out his hands and saw no blood. Maybe the rain had washed it away. Maybe it was okay now. Maybe it was all only a dream. Maybe Kanan was still alive. Maybe...

Suddenly he felt a stab of pain on his stomach. And he started to laugh. A dream, eh? The pain on his stomach was a constant reminder that it was not all a dream. The pain was also his reminder that he was still alive. He still had debts to pay. The laughter continued and it had no mirth in it.

Hakkai stopped walking and felt that he couldn't support his own weight anymore. He slumped forward and stayed motionless for some times. The rain was still pouring although less fiercely now. He held out his hand and tried to catch some drops of the falling rain. He smiled faintly, he felt emotionally exhausted. Why did he go and commemorate this day? Wouldn't it better to be forgotten? But it would be impossible. To forget everything would mean that he was not alive. Without his past he was not a human. Although... was he still a human now that he had become a youkai?

It was freezing cold and Hakkai was shivering. He wished the rain would stop falling. He wished he could get up and back to his lodging. But more over, he wished he wasn't alone right now.

"Are you satisfied now?"

Hakkai looked up to find a pair of fierce violet eyes gazing down on him, "Sanzo?"

"I am asking you, have you satisfied your childish stupidity?"

Sanzo's gaze was as fierce as ever. Hakkai slowly sat himself on the ground and tried to smile, "I'm stupid and childish, aren't I?"

"Yes. And I thought you're the mature one."

Hakkai stood up but he felt his knees went weak. Sanzo strode forward in one swift motion. He put one arm around Hakkai's body to prevent him from falling. Hakkai muttered a grateful "Thanks" and put his right arm around Sanzo's shoulder and leaned his weight on Sanzo's body.

"Let's go back," stated Sanzo after examining Hakkai's condition. Hakkai was shivering badly in his embrace. That bloody idiot, walking around in the rain without thinking, thought Sanzo angrily. What purpose did it serve, doing something stupid like that?

Hakkai smiled, "I'm sorry Sanzo."

"You should be. You're not as light as you seem, you know."

Hakkai chuckled. "And you're not as cold as you seem too, Sanzo."

Sanzo scowled and continued to walk slowly. He still had his arm to support Hakkai's body. Despite the fact that it was shivering, Hakkai's body was very hot. "Thanks to your childish act, now you're having a fever."

"Am I?" Hakkai frowned a little. "Is that why I'm feeling light and dizzy and cold and hot at the same time?"

"Idiot," muttered Sanzo under his breath.

Hakkai nodded and smiled, "The rain has stopped, Sanzo."

Sanzo looked up at the clearing sky and kept on walking, slightly dragging Hakkai with him, "So it has."

"I want to sit for a little while," said Hakkai slowly.

Sanzo frowned and carefully sat themselves on the ground, under a big tree. "Is your wound on your stomach hurting?"

"A little bit," answered Hakkai while trying to hide his wince.

"Yeah right," replied Sanzo sarcastically. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Sanzo tried to stand up but a hand pulled him back down, "Please don't go."

"I'm going to get some h-," Sanzo began.

"Shh," Hakkai pressed a finger on Sanzo's lips to silence him. "Just bear with me for a moment."

Hakkai leaned closer, put his head on Sanzo's shoulder and closed his weary eyes. "Is it okay if I rest for a little while?"

Sanzo looked down on the face resting on his left shoulder and sighed, "I guess so."

"Hm, good," muttered Hakkai softly. His voice was slightly quavering because of the cold. "I didn't know I was so cold until I feel how warm you are."

Sanzo's face was carefully blank. After a while he said slowly, "Shut up and rest."

Hakkai smiled. Maybe he wasn't alone after all, thought Hakkai as he was dozing off to sleep. He felt droplets of water trickling down his face and cracked his eyes open to see that they came from Sanzo's hair. He closed them again. Once Goku had said that Sanzo's hair was like the sun, shining like the golden sunlight. Sanzo and the sun, what a perfect comparison, thought Hakkai hazily through the fog of fever. Sanzo's body was so warm against his. Sanzo came looking for him in the rain... somehow the thought made him feel even warmer.

The sun came creeping up in the east and Sanzo saw the dawn was breaking. He looked at the sky and then looked down his shoulder where Hakkai was fast asleep. He noticed the faint smile on Hakkai's face and found himself smiling. He placed his hand on Hakkai's forehead to check for his temperature. He didn't feel as hot as he was a few hours ago. Sanzo sighed in relief and contemplated on how to wake Hakkai up.

But a yell had done it for him.

"Sanzo!"

Sanzo almost jumped out of shock. And cursed under his breath, "That stupid monkey..."

"Sanzo! What are you doing here? What's wrong with Hakkai? We've been looking for you!"

Sanzo's forehead twitched and his hand itched for his fan but he couldn't find it anywhere about his person. He must have forgotten to retrieve it back after throwing it to Gojyo last night.

"Oi, monkey, you've found them at last!" Sanzo saw Gojyo was walking towards his general direction.

Hakkai opened his eyes, looked around him, moved his head away from Sanzo's shoulder and smiled as if everything was perfectly normal, "I see that everyone is up and about. Good morning, Goku."

"Hakkai, you look so pale! Are you sick? Why did you sleep outside? What happened?" asked Goku in one take of a breath.

Gojyo eyed Hakkai critically and said slowly, "You don't look good at all..."

Gojyo refrained himself from asking why on earth Sanzo and Hakkai spent the night outside and didn't mention the fact that both of them were wet from the rain. Maybe there was a perfectly logical explanation to this...

Hakkai smiled and waved his hand vaguely to ignore the questions and tried to stand up. He managed to stand right up for a few seconds before his body decided to collapse.

"Hakkai!" shouted three of his companions.

Goku held Hakkai's hands to prevent him from falling and exclaimed, "You are sick. Your body is hot! Sanzo, why is Hakkai sick?"

Sanzo brushed the dirt from his robe and got up. "Coz he's an idiot."

Hakkai ignored Sanzo's remark and tried to assure Goku that he was fine. "Thank you, Goku but I think I'll be fine walking by myself. I just need to rest a bit. That's all."

Gojyo raised one of his eyebrows while Goku was still bombarding Hakkai with questions. Sanzo caught Gojyo's gaze, shrugged and walked forward. Gojyo shook his head and smiled and found himself dragging Goku away from Hakkai's side, "Don't distress the sick, monkey. Let's find something to eat."

"Eat? Wah! I want! I want!" Goku jumped up and down in excitement. He always did get excited in the mention of food. Gojyo smiled and slapped the back of Goku's head, "Baka!"

"Hey! What did you do that for?"

Gojyo and Goku walked to the opposite direction of Sanzo and Hakkai. He glanced back and saw Sanzo walking behind Hakkai, not too far behind, as if covering Hakkai's back. Gojyo smiled and thought out loud, "Let's give them a time to rest."

--- End ---