Starting Over Again
Small sequel to All The Time in the World. You can read that fic to get a little back story, but most of this makes sense without reading it.
Dean had to admit that he had been thrown for a loop by Lucas's statement. After defeating the demon and Sam overcoming what Sam had thought was a doomed-to-be-evil destiny, Dean had to admit that all he felt was relief and a weariness that went into his bones, but when Lucas had wanted to talk to him, he had never expected him to talk about being a father.
It had been nice to hear from a little kid that he would make a good father. He had never really considered the idea. Too long in the family business had made him realize that he could never subject his own family to the hunting life like his father had. And he knew he could never walk away from it either. He could finally admit that though the normal life was a great dream and that it was nice to think about once in awhile, in the end, it wasn't his life. It wasn't the life he was meant to live. A part of him did mourn the loss of that ideal, but he knew all too well that he wasn't built for a white picket fence and 2.5 children.
Still, it was unsettling that Lucas had said that he had seen Dean in a vision as a father. If he had seen something in a vision, it usually meant it would come true, but Lucas had also seen Dean die and though Dean did die, he was also brought back by the demon upon Sam's command. Lucas hadn't seen that so maybe his visions were flawed. Then there was Lucas's question about whether he liked Haley. It's not like he had said that Haley would be the mother of his children, but Lucas's grin was…well, in any other child it would have been thought of as cute, dismissed as amusing, but with him, it could mean anything.
Dean thought about Haley and how she had come all the way to Bobby's to help him. He thought about what she had said to him about wanting to help because he had helped her. He had dismissed it, at first, as just someone wanting to repay a debt owed, but there was something in her eyes that spoke of more. Could he have read her wrong? He was so out of practice at reading women these days and he was never sure if he had ever been good at reading a good woman as opposed to the one night stands he was used to. Look at what had happened with him and Cassie? He had trusted her with the most intimate of secrets in his life and she had broken up with him. He couldn't blame her really, but it had broken him. More than he could ever have told her and though they had mended their relationship when he had come back to help her, he knew that she would never be able to get over what he did for a living, even if doing his job had saved her family.
After that, he had resigned himself to the fact that he could never be truly honest with a woman about his life and what he did, that he was never meant to have a real companion in life other than Sam. It made him sad, but he had accepted it.
But now, he thought of Haley and wondered.
He stood up from the bed slowly and walked out of the room. There, in the living room, he saw Haley talking to Sam, smiling and even giggling a little. It warmed him in a way that he hadn't felt in a long time. He found himself staring at her when she looked his way and gave him a smile. It felt like a gift he had always wanted. "How silly is that?" Dean thought to himself.
He walked over and joined them, glancing towards Lucas. Lucas had the goofiest cat-who-ate-the-canary look on his face and Dean could only smile back at him.
"Hey, so are you guys heading off?" Dean asked.
"Yeh, I guess so. Lucas has to get back to school," Andrea noted.
"Aw, mom!" Lucas protested.
"Hey, school's a good thing so listen your mom," Dean scolded softly.
Lucas could only nod and pout slightly. Dean turned to Haley and couldn't help, but smile at her. He wondered if he looked like a teenager trying to muster up the courage to ask a girl out because that's how he felt. Much to his chagrin, Sam must have noticed something because he was also smiling as if he had eaten his own canary. "Will you stop stalling and ask her out? You know you want to," Dean's inner voice told him.
"Uh, Haley, I was wondering, do you have to head back right away?"
Haley's eyes lit up with surprise and smiled.
"No, Ben and Tommy should be fine until I get back."
"I was wondering if you wanted to go get a bite to eat or something?"
"Stop smiling at me like that, Sammy," Dean's inner voice scolded. Then he noticed that Bobby had joined all the other "cats with canaries". Geesh, could he feel more embarrassed and under the radar of everyone in the room? How can Haley not feel it?
"I'd love to," she said.
"Great, let's go," Dean said hurriedly wanting to escape the gazes of everyone in the room, but when he moved too quickly, he hissed in pain.
"Are you sure you're okay? We can do it another time," Haley said, both with sincerity and a touch of disappointment in her voice.
Dean caught it and realized that he really wanted to be with her, not just to be away from everyone else, but to really be with her.
"No, I'm okay. If you don't mind being with a guy who's walking like he's been hit by a bus, I'm good," Dean joked and Haley laughed, making him feel relieved.
"Okay."
The two of them then walked out to the Impala and drove off, the prying and mischievous eyes being left in the car's wake.
The drive into town was filled with nervous, but pleasant smiles and conversation.
"Thanks again for coming to help. I…" Dean trailed off. He had never been very good at expressing gratitude though he felt it keenly.
"You don't have to thank me, Dean. I wanted to help you," Haley said, her voice soft and heartfelt. "You've done so much for me."
Dean felt that twinge of doubt again and wondered if maybe Haley really was just being grateful for saving her family, but he quickly dismissed it again.
When they rode into town, Haley looked over at Dean's nervousness and couldn't help, but feel touched by it. She knew that doing what he did for a living, Dean wasn't a shy or tentative person. He couldn't be and survive so to see him so edgy around her was sweet and it was a refreshing change from the seemingly self-assured and self-absorbed men she had dated in the past. She also could tell he wasn't a restaurant kind of guy and wanted to make it easier for him.
"You know, if you don't mind, I don't really feel like being around a lot of people, especially after everything that's happened. Could we just get something to take out and find a park bench somewhere?"
Dean looked over at her and her smile made him relax.
"Sure. Sounds like a great idea," Dean agreed so they stopped by a decent diner, ordered their food then drove to a shaded picnic table.
They sat down, unloaded the food and began to eat in contented silence for a moment.
"So, did you ever find your dad?" Haley asked, not knowing what had happened in between the time they had last seen each other.
Dean lowered his head and his face took on a look of regret. Haley spotted it and grimaced at mentioning it.
"I'm sorry, it's none of my –" She tried to backtrack.
"No, it's okay. We did find my dad, but…he died," Dean said, his heart still heavy from the loss.
"I'm sorry, Dean. Look, you don't have to say anymore –"
"It's okay, Haley. He was killed by a demon saving my life, " Dean said, leaving out the details of how his dad had died saving him. Some things were better left unsaid and he didn't want to scare Haley anymore than he had to.
Haley saw the raw loss still in Dean's eyes, reached out a hand and squeezed Dean's in sympathy. He squeezed back, needing the contact.
"I understand," she said.
"I know," Dean replied. "When you were telling me about your parents, I totally understood what you were going through. The same thing happened to me when we lost our mom. Sam was just a baby. You see, a demon killed my mom when I was four years old and I carried Sam out of our burning house…" Dean said amazed at how easy it felt telling Haley about his childhood.
"Oh, Dean, four years old? That must have been awful," Haley sympathized.
"Ever since then, Sam's been my responsibility. I've been taking care of him my whole life. I've never regretted it, but sometimes…"
"You wished you had another life, a normal life?" Haley finished.
"Yeh, yeh, " Dean said, hushed amazement that Haley had understood.
"I get that. I wanted that too when I lost my parents. I know it's not quite the same because I guess you'd think I could have that life, walk away and let Tommy and Ben have their own lives, but I don't think I could ever stop being their sister or stop caring about them, worrying about them, especially after almost losing them, knowing the kind of evil that's out there…"
"I'd give anything if you never had to learn that," Dean said with such gentle regret.
Haley looked at him and believed that if there had been a way to keep her from suffering what she had, he would have done it.
"If I hadn't, I never would have met you," Haley said with a soft smile.
Dean watched Haley take in the secrets he had shared with her and found himself trusting her completely. It felt right. It was a feeling that he hadn't felt in a long time if ever. Haley looked into his eyes and found herself being drawn to him then she felt herself leaning towards him, wanting to kiss him. When she got as close as almost touching his lips, he retracted.
It startled her, but she understood, she was probably moving too fast for him.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have presumed...I...I guess we better get back," Haley stumbled, feeling a flush of embarrassment reach her face as she tried to get up, but Dean gently took her hand and pulled her back down to the bench.
"No, it's not you, it's me-"
Haley then slumped back onto the bench, hearing what she had heard from a lot of guys she'd gone out with and who had wanted to let her down easy with those words.
"Oh, God..." She said defeatedly. "It is me, isn't it? I shouldn't have rushed things, I'm sorry."
Dean then realized what he'd just said, how it had sounded and held her hand.
"No, no, Haley, I didn't mean that the way it usually means...I'm not..."
Dean heaved a heavy sigh, angry at himself for messing things up. For the first time, he was flummoxed. He wasn't his usual glib self.
"Haley, look at me, please?"
She looked up into his sincere eyes.
"I'm not giving you a line, I swear. It really is about me..." Dean started awkwardly. "You see, I...I haven't cared about someone in a long time. When I did, my heart was pretty much stomped on so...I'm not sure if I can care about anyone. I'm afraid I'll hurt you."
Haley stared into his eyes and her face softened.
"Why would you think that?" She asked. "You save people all the time. I've seen you and how you give your all to helping people."
"That's just part of the job. It's what I do. I don't think I can do or feel anything other than just doing my job."
Haley took both of Dean's trembling hands into hers and her heart swelled with his honest and fearful admission.
"Dean, you're so much more than that. You can't save people without caring about them. You care about humanity, that isn't the job, that's you. It's what I like the most about you. "
Dean looked into her eyes and smiled earnestly.
"When I'd been honest with someone I really cared about, I scared her. She was afraid of me…She thought I was crazy and broke up with me. I can't blame her, but it made me think that I just don't have it in me to give someone what they deserve."
"Dean, you were honest with me back at Blackwater and you kept me believing that Tommy could still be alive. You gave me hope. A person who doesn't care doesn't bother with that. Look at Roy? All he cared about was the hunt. I won't lie to you, I was scared back there, but not of you. You were the only one that made me feel safe," Haley assured.
"Haley, I can't make a promise that I'm not sure I can keep. I…"
"Then don't. Another thing I liked about you. When you say something, you mean it. I don't want to rush into anything or rush you into something you don't want and if you don't feel anything there for me then be as honest as you have been and I'll go, but I can tell you right now, I don't want to go. I want to see where this leads. And before you even think it, it's not about hero worship. I'm a big girl and I know the difference."
Dean looked at Haley and felt himself completely lost in her eyes. He hadn't felt that scared or that exhilarated in a long time, if ever. He had faced so many ugly and terrible things in his life and hadn't flinched, but this feeling for Haley, it was terrifying to him, but he didn't want to run away from it or her. He hoped that he could give her what she wanted because he wanted so much to be able to give her that and more.
"I'm scared too," Haley said as if reading his mind, "but I'm not running away."
Dean put his hands on her face gently, pulled her slowly towards him and kissed her. It was soft and gentle. He felt the growing passion there and welcomed it, but knew it had to be right for the both of them so he disengaged and sighed. So did Haley and she took in a needed breath.
"Now, that's what I call a great start," Haley said and pulled Dean back in for another kiss just to let him know that the feeling, the passion was mutual. She then pulled away.
Dean stroked her face and she was surprised to see his eyes welled with small tears.
"Are you okay?" She asked concerned. None of the men in her life had ever cried.
"Yeh, never better."
Dean smiled broadly.
FIN. Thanks for reading. I might do a sequel for this if the inspiration hits, but I've always thought that Haley was the perfect girl for Dean and just had to give him his happy romantic ending.