Title: Just Strong Enough
Author: CSIBuckeye
Rating: T
Pairing: GSR
Spoilers: Through "Leaving Las Vegas"
Disclaimers: I own neither CSI nor these characters, I borrow for fun only. If I owned them I would have at least let them kiss good bye!
He shouldn't have, he knew that. It would only make things harder, for both of them. But he simply could not help himself. He had to see her before he left, even if only for an instant, even if they'd already said their good byes, even if it broke the rules.
His search ended in the locker room where he found her taking off her jacket to stow it before shift. He studied her for a second before he spoke. God, she was beautiful. He ached for her already.
She noticed his presence just as he spoke, "Hey, my cab's here."
She turned fully toward him and folded her jacket over her arm. He willed time to a halt, hoping he could fuse her image onto his retinas, so that whenever he closed his eyes, she would be there. He adored the way her wavy auburn hair always smelled faintly of her favorite mango shampoo, (of which he had secretly packed a small sample in his toiletry bag.) That scent alone could bring to mind the hundreds of times he had buried his face there and run his hands through her soft curls. Then there were her magnificent brown eyes. He could lose himself in an instant in those dark chocolate pools. Sara was an unbelievably strong woman, but the truth was there in those beautiful eyes. He always knew when she was excited or happy, teasing or aroused; when she was tired or angry, worried or sad. All it took was a practiced look in those eyes.
"So you're going then?" She asked with a strained smile.
"Yeah," he replied with a hint of anticipation as he resumed his study.
"I'll see you when you get back," she replied. And with a small, sad smile she turned back to her locker.
Her smile was forced, he knew, but that didn't make it any less lovely. Sara's smile was a thing of beauty. It lit up her entire face and the faces of all those lucky enough to be on the receiving end of one. It was her smile that had first pierced his heart all those years ago, and it was her smile that he would miss the most while he was gone. He knew they would talk often on the phone and he would be able to hear her smile in her voice, but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't even come close.
So he stepped toward Sara, further into the locker room, and fought the ever raging battle between his brain and his heart; between what he wanted to say and what he could say.
"I'll miss you," he whispered.
God! That wasn't what he wanted to tell her! He wanted to hold her and rock her in his arms, tell her how much he loved her, how grateful he was for her, how sorry he was to have to be away from her, how lonely he felt already.
Again her lip twitched upward in a tiny smile, but in her eyes all he saw was sorrow and the reflection of everything he had to leave unsaid.
He shouldn't have come, he knew that.
Sara watched him turn and trudge away from the lab, Las Vegas, and her. She wished he wouldn't have come. It only made things harder on both of them, but she knew he was going to. She'd actually been stalling at her locker, waiting on him to find her. At least the locker room would provide some semblance of privacy in this fishbowl of a building. She knew he would come, she just hoped she would be able to keep her tears at bay until he walked away. She couldn't let him see her cry. She had to be strong enough for both of them; strong enough to play by the rules, even if he wasn't; strong enough to help him walk away.
And it was all she could do. The second he turned away, she bit the inside of her lip to stem the salty tide that threatened. She sniffed and turned back to her locker, plopping gracelessly onto the bench below. She knew he had to go. Hell…she was the one that had encouraged the whole thing, but that didn't make his departure any less depressing. Since they'd been together, they'd rarely been apart for any significant length of time, certainly nothing close to this.
"I'll miss you too," she muttered, barely audible in the empty space. She would, more than anything, but that hardly did her feelings justice. What would she do when she woke up and reached for him? How would she fall asleep at night without his strong, protective arms wrapped around her? How was she supposed to deal with all this when she couldn't talk to anyone about things, because…no one knew? Sara had felt alone many times throughout her life, but perhaps never more so than at that precise moment. She was so overwhelmed by her cascading emotions that she didn't even notice the stream of tears that made their way steadily down her cheeks and fell silently, heavily onto her heart.
The End