Tumblr is full of enabling enabler who enable. And musicalluna is at the head of the pack.
This is MCU, but not AoU compliant because I wanted a happy fic, dammit.
Despite his crazy schedule, Tony tended to be a pretty light sleeper. Between PTSD and assembly alarms and middle-of-REM-cycle flashes of brilliance, he had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. If he'd been run particularly ragged he could sleep a little more deeply sometimes. Not being alone in the bed also seemed to help if the other person was someone he trusted, though he hadn't really had strangers there since Afghanistan.
Since it was a lazy Sunday morning and he had nowhere in particular to be but cuddled up between Steve and Pepper, he should have been enjoying the sleep of the well satisfied. Especially given how thoroughly he'd been worn out by Pepper and Steve's focused attentions in last night's pre-bedtime activities.
And yet he heard the sound of their bedroom door being cracked open and mostly quiet feet padding across the carpeted floor. There were also hushed whispers, rustling clothing, and the clink of something metal against itself, all the sounds of a group of people trying to be quiet—and pretty miserably failing—that brought his consciousness up to full, though he didn't move yet. He had a slight advantage of surprise and he intended to use it.
He did snuffle into the pillow and roll over to see if there was anyone behind him—the edge of the bed being the only thing in front of him and obviously not occupied. A carelessly flung arm and a sleepy grunt from Pepper and Steve's hand sliding over and lightly grasping his wrist confirmed that he wasn't alone, and he had supersoldier backup.
He focused on keeping his breathing even and waited until they got closer. Closer. Closer…
"Aw, they're already awake!" Clint hissed suddenly. "I told you you were too loud, Thor!""
"It was not me! You are the one who cannot keep his mouth shut."
"I didn't say anything!"
"You're both too loud," Bruce whispered. "Honestly, how have either of you ever survived a mission that required sneaking around?"
"There's a reason Clint is stationed on a rooftop across the street more often than not," Natasha murmured. Then she sighed. There was a beat of silence and Tony's eyebrows crawled up his forehead as he waited—
"Happy Mother's Day!" a whole chorus shouted in unison.
Even expecting it, Tony flailed in shock. He smacked Pepper in the face again earning a, "What the hell?" to go along with her own startle reflex.
Steve didn't move except for the smile on his face when Tony sat up and looked around.
He put a hand over the arc reactor and glared. "You know I have a heart condition, right?"
"Yeah," Clint said easily. "That's why Bruce, Sam, and Nat tried to give you the turkey bacon. Bucky, Thor, and I have your back though. 100% real American pig here." He gestured as Bucky snorted.
"I can't actually believe turkey bacon is a real thing."
"Excuse some of us for wanting to make sure he lives to see many more Mother's Days," Sam said, leaning forward to stare at Clint.
Tony blinked at the tray in Thor's hands. Clint had a bouquet of flowers, Bruce a lap desk, Bucky and Sam wrapped presents, and Natasha was fingering a bright pink envelope.
"Pepper," he said, "the kids have a surprise for you."
She snorted. "I already raised one child, I'm not adopting six more. Sorry." And with that she buried her head back under her pillow.
Steve was still laying down and eyeing their teammates with amusement. Then he looked to Tony. "I don't think it's for her."
"Well it has to be, who else…" Tony trailed off at the six sets of eyes glued to him. "No."
Bruce approached and settled the lap desk across Tony's thighs, Thor a step behind with the tray. Clint balanced the flowers on the corner of the desk, but had to catch the when they unbalanced as Steve shifted to sit up. Natasha took them from him and set them on the nightstand, then held out the envelope—a greeting card. An actual mass produced greeting card. If it sang anything, Tony was going to erase bank accounts. Sam and Bucky held onto their offerings for the moment.
Tony looked up at her and she gave him that sweet smile of hers that was probably supposed to make him feel better but always left him vaguely unsettled.
"Aren't you going to open it?" Steve asked.
"No," Tony said, then repeated it for good measure. "No."
Steve huffed a laugh and took the card. "Oh look it's got glitter."
Tony couldn't help looking and, sure enough, gaudy glitter was painted at seeming random on cartoon puppies cavorting on grass. A font that reminded Tony with a cringe of Comic Sans proclaimed the greeting—which Steve read aloud, "'To a one of a kind mother on a very special day'". He flipped it open and the dogs were now nestled around a larger dog who smiled down at them beatifically. "'With lots of love and slobber "I love you" is what we say.' Signed, Nat, Bruce, Bucky, Sam, and Clint, who added 'your favorite' in parentheses."
"That isn't even good poetry," was all Tony could say. "That's really, really awful in fact. Seriously?"
Steve elbowed him and Tony glared. "What? It is."
"Be nice, Tony. You'll set a bad example for the children." The corner of his lips curled up as he nodded at their teammates and Tony's eyes narrowed.
"You put them up to this didn't you?"
"I did not," Steve said, and Tony only believed him because he was too amused to be lying about this.
"He didn't," Pepper said, giving in and sitting up. She swept her hair back, then made a face when her fingers tangled in it. After a moment, she gave up and let it fall back down in a tumbled cloud around her face. "No, I didn't either," she said before Tony could get the accusation out. "But I think I know who did." Her eyes flicked upward and Tony rolled his in exasperation.
"JARVIS?"
"Happy Mother's Day, sir."
"We are talking about this later."
"Of course sir. Perhaps after you eat? Your breakfast is getting cold."
Tony looked back down at his lap, the silver cover of the tray reflecting his scowl back at him.
Thor reached out and lifted it with a grin revealing—okay, this actually looked delicious. And it smelled better.
Steve wrapped an arm around Tony's waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek, then rested his chin on Tony's shoulder. "What do you say?"
Tony sighed, but the, "Thank you," wasn't as begrudging as it should have been.
He picked up the silverware, then paused. "Are you all just going to watch me?"
"We already ate," Sam said. His fingers shifted on the box in his hands.
"I suppose I don't get those until I'm done?" Tony asked.
"Nope," Bucky said, and hid his behind his back.
Tony scolded again and Steve nuzzled his neck while Pepper snickered and dug in the nightstand drawer for a hair band.
"Fine," he grumbled and sliced into the french toast. "Oh god," he mumbled around the mouthful. It lived up to the hype. He eyed them all, then locked on Sam. "You cooked, didn't you?"
He shrugged, but his smile was smug.
There was indeed bacon and eggs and sliced fruit to go with the french toast and a glass each of orange juice and milk. It was heavenly and Tony felt about fifty times more human and willing to put up with this nonsense by the time he leaned back. The lap desk was whisked away and then the first box—Sam's smaller bright gold contribution with a red ribbon—was set in his lap.
Tony opened it quickly, never one to take his time with gifts. He opened the box and blinked. A very nice set of titanium cufflinks were set with blue stones to look like the current arc reactor.
"Thanks?"
Steve coughed.
"I mean, thanks."
"In the interest of full disclosure, they've got homing beacons in them," Clint explained. "We'd rather not repeat last month."
Tony laughed and regarded them again. They really did look well made. And the part of his ego he could never quite shut down liked the design. "Thank you," he repeated more sincerely.
The others stepped back to allow Bucky in to set down his larger present. It was red wrapping with a gold ribbon and filled Tony's lap.
He tore into it, and lifted the flaps of the box to find… a very impressive water gun. There was a note on top and he picked it up and unfolded it. "'Driest person gets to choose dinner tonight'? What does that—" he looked up to find the room empty except for him, Steve, and Pepper. She had two smaller pistols, one in her lap, the other in her hand as she slid the drawer shut. Steve was just sitting up from where he'd reached under the bed on her side, a massive water cannon in his hands.
Both of them looked at Tony with a grin and started to aim.
He yelped and threw himself over the edge of the bed, scrabbling to grab his gun and bring it up.
Two squirts hit him in the face and a larger blast nailed him in the chest. Laughter and the sound of running feet followed, Pepper's shriek echoing back from just outside the door.
Tony wiped at his dripping chin, then grinned and pushed to his feet. Oh it was on.
Giggles, groans, and questions about my sanity should all go in the review box below. ;D