"What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain...
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine..." – Earth Song, Michael Jackson
Why did we never stop to think about the harm we certainly ended up causing?
When did I throw my cautious streak to the wind and give in to my feelings?
Why do I only sit and ponder this now, after we brought down an administration with our relationship?
I remember the day I packed my boxes, Abbey sitting silent and pale on my sofa to keep me company. I wouldn't let her help. We are outcasts together. Then as now. We still talk sometimes, Abbey and I. Watching the administration slowly fall apart after our affair came out destroyed the only thing we had left at that point – our relationship.
Abbey had lost everything that was important to her. At least she has her medical license now. The Medical Board apparently doesn't hold lesbian affairs against you – she's still a brilliant surgeon. I read her articles.
I lost my job. That and Abbey were all I had. I lost both, and everything that came with them. I still work of course, just in low level companies. No-one in media wants the ex-Press-Secretary-who-brought-down-the-Bartlet-administration. I get by. I'm not happy, but I get by. At least Abbey has her all-consuming job. Like the job I used to escape to.
We gave in to a dream, she and I. We gave in to a chance to escape. For Abbey, a chance to escape reality – her husband's illness, her failing marriage, the loss of her license. For me, a chance to love, pure and simple. Something I'd never had before. I never thought it would be enough, but with Abbey, for a long time it was.
We became each other's world outside of the White House. Suddenly I had something to live for besides my job. She had something to live for besides her husband. We fell in love a long time ago, and it was a long time before either of us made a move. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. No-one commands attention like Abbey, not even her husband. She had to tone down her glow so as not to overshadow him. I loved her dry humour, her intelligence, her pure, raw emotion that she never hides. Not for anyone. Not even the President.
I don't know when or why she fell for me. We never discussed it. It didn't seem to matter once we'd acted upon it, that one night. She came to me, crying, and I took her to my apartment. Things went from there, and didn't slow down for several years. Then we hit a wall. The administration. The collision destroyed both parties. Love is wonderful. I'm still in love with Abbey. She's still in love with me. That part is wonderful. Unfortunately, love is also a powerfully destructive force. It's something you never consider when you fall in love – the utter devastation it can result in.
I guess we learned the hard way.