Snake's Movie Reviews
"Hello. I'm Snake. And I'm here to tell you what movies to see and to see not ever. Wait, can I redo that line? Oh...we're live. Well, let's continue. The first movie this week is Spiderman. I even had a chance to interview star Toby Maguire before seeing the movie.
Snake- Is Batman in the movie?
Toby Maguire- No, he is not.
Snake- What about The Hulk? Does he crash through any walls and attack you?
Toby Maguire- No, it's just Spiderman and the Green Goblin.
Snake- I see...and Green Goblin... Is he releated to the Green Lantern?
Toby Maguire- I don't think so.
Snake- And what's with Spiderman. Was he bitten with a radioactive spider or something.
Toby Maguire- Yes he was.
Snake- Oh...I see....
"So now onto the review. I hated this film, it reminded me of Batman except with a guy in a red suit. I mean, who's going to believe that a guy can swing around like that. And why doesn't someone just shoot him in the face, how hard is it to kill him. And it doesn't help Toby Maguire is in it. That guy thinks he's so smart, just wait until he starts his car....Okay, on to the next movie. The movie is The Scorpion King, a touching drama set in Egypt. I even had a chance to interview Mr.Rock.
Snake- So, why is your name the Rock?
The Rock- It's just a stage name.
Snake- Did you ever vomit on someone?
The Rock: What?
Snake- You know? Did you ever just get so scared that you vomited in terror.
The Rock- No I haven't.
Snake- Ok, then you'll like this story. I was eating these week old shrimps when Dennis Franz comes up to me. Long story short, the vomit on him was set on fire and they had to rush him to the hospital."
"And now onto the review. The Scorpion King was Scorpion Crap. I mean, come on. This drama has more action than a movie with action in it. I mean, who's to believe there were pyramids in Egypt. Who does the research for these movies...And now, my final movie of this week. And this is a movie recently released on video, it's The Metal Gear Solid Movie, starring me. And so, I interviewed myself."
Snake- Why are you so handsome.
Snake-Ahahaha. That's a secret.
Snake- You weren't nominated for an oscar although I thought you should've been. Are you planning to torch the academy?
Snake- Why yes I am.
Snake- Interesting.
Snake- Yes. I know.
"Now onto the review. This movie was great, it featured action, drama, dramaction and of course comedy. There's even a directors cut available which adds in an extra scene. I was lucky enough to get this scene to show."
THE METAL GEAR SOLID MOVIE: THE DELETED SCENE
Snake is standing beside a lamp post. A man in a suit walks up to him.
Snake- James Bond, what are you doing here!
James Bond- I'm here to warn you that you will find a time machine and go back in time!
Snake- A time Machine! Don't say I'm going on a wacky adventure!
James Bond- Yes. But now I must go and stop Goldfinger. He stole a giant machine gun and ran to the Island of Dr.Moreau with it.
Snake- Can I come?
James Bond- Maybe in the sequel!
Snake turns his head and winks at the camera.
"Ahaha. That's gold. Alright. I think that's about it. So, Spiderman and The Scorpion King are complete garbage while The Metal Gear Solid movie starring me is the best movie ever made. So, until then the concession stand is closed. Well it's closed until Roger Ebert goes crazy and they have to open it to feed him before he eats everyone."
"Hello. I'm Snake. And I'm here to tell you what movies to see and to see not ever. Wait, can I redo that line? Oh...we're live. Well, let's continue. The first movie this week is Spiderman. I even had a chance to interview star Toby Maguire before seeing the movie.
Snake- Is Batman in the movie?
Toby Maguire- No, he is not.
Snake- What about The Hulk? Does he crash through any walls and attack you?
Toby Maguire- No, it's just Spiderman and the Green Goblin.
Snake- I see...and Green Goblin... Is he releated to the Green Lantern?
Toby Maguire- I don't think so.
Snake- And what's with Spiderman. Was he bitten with a radioactive spider or something.
Toby Maguire- Yes he was.
Snake- Oh...I see....
"So now onto the review. I hated this film, it reminded me of Batman except with a guy in a red suit. I mean, who's going to believe that a guy can swing around like that. And why doesn't someone just shoot him in the face, how hard is it to kill him. And it doesn't help Toby Maguire is in it. That guy thinks he's so smart, just wait until he starts his car....Okay, on to the next movie. The movie is The Scorpion King, a touching drama set in Egypt. I even had a chance to interview Mr.Rock.
Snake- So, why is your name the Rock?
The Rock- It's just a stage name.
Snake- Did you ever vomit on someone?
The Rock: What?
Snake- You know? Did you ever just get so scared that you vomited in terror.
The Rock- No I haven't.
Snake- Ok, then you'll like this story. I was eating these week old shrimps when Dennis Franz comes up to me. Long story short, the vomit on him was set on fire and they had to rush him to the hospital."
"And now onto the review. The Scorpion King was Scorpion Crap. I mean, come on. This drama has more action than a movie with action in it. I mean, who's to believe there were pyramids in Egypt. Who does the research for these movies...And now, my final movie of this week. And this is a movie recently released on video, it's The Metal Gear Solid Movie, starring me. And so, I interviewed myself."
Snake- Why are you so handsome.
Snake-Ahahaha. That's a secret.
Snake- You weren't nominated for an oscar although I thought you should've been. Are you planning to torch the academy?
Snake- Why yes I am.
Snake- Interesting.
Snake- Yes. I know.
"Now onto the review. This movie was great, it featured action, drama, dramaction and of course comedy. There's even a directors cut available which adds in an extra scene. I was lucky enough to get this scene to show."
THE METAL GEAR SOLID MOVIE: THE DELETED SCENE
Snake is standing beside a lamp post. A man in a suit walks up to him.
Snake- James Bond, what are you doing here!
James Bond- I'm here to warn you that you will find a time machine and go back in time!
Snake- A time Machine! Don't say I'm going on a wacky adventure!
James Bond- Yes. But now I must go and stop Goldfinger. He stole a giant machine gun and ran to the Island of Dr.Moreau with it.
Snake- Can I come?
James Bond- Maybe in the sequel!
Snake turns his head and winks at the camera.
"Ahaha. That's gold. Alright. I think that's about it. So, Spiderman and The Scorpion King are complete garbage while The Metal Gear Solid movie starring me is the best movie ever made. So, until then the concession stand is closed. Well it's closed until Roger Ebert goes crazy and they have to open it to feed him before he eats everyone."