A/N: This is an extremely belated birthday present to ILoveHarryJamesPotter. I had most of it written when my computer crashed and I hadn't backed it up on my USB. Thankfully, most of my other works in progress were backed up. But I was so annoyed that I'd lost it that it took me quite a while to write up all that I had lost again, and quite a while longer to finish it.

The idea came to me when I was thinking how cool it would be if Om and Sandy could somehow have been childhood friends, and then I made this possible in a very, very AU way that you will all hopefully see the logic of.

So finally, I'd like to present (pun intended) the second longest one-shot I've ever written!

'Then what happened, Papa?'

'Then... then the wicked sorcerer tricked the beautiful princess and left her to die in a burning castle in the middle of the night, with nobody to hear her scream.' He let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

Rather sleepy brown eyes looked up at him. 'She didn't die though, did she?' Though it was phrased as a question, there was no real uncertainty in the little girl's countenance. Fairytales always had happy endings.

'No, darling. Her prince arrived in time to rescue her. They both managed to escape from the castle and-' He suddenly noticed the time. 'We'll finish this tomorrow.'

The little girl protested, 'But I'm not tired! I want to hear the end!' She tried to stifle a huge yawn and failed.

He was firm. 'Your mother will not be happy with me for keeping you up so late. Tomorrow.'

The girl sighed, her eyelids drooping. 'Okay.' Then she fell into dreams of brave princes and beautiful princesses, of hope and love.

He kissed her forehead. 'Sleep well, my little Sandy.'

They somehow staggered out of the building and for a minute or so, simply leant against the wall breathing in the night air which seemed wonderfully cool and fresh after the blistering heat and smoke inside.

Om tried to speak, but ended up coughing dryly. Clearing his throat, he tried again. 'Can you walk?'

She cleared her throat before replying hoarsely, 'I think so.' He took her hand, and they started to make their way to the cover of the trees, in case Mukesh sent people back to look for them.

'Hey you! Who's there?'

The voice split the night and they both increased their pace, running as fast as they could, trying to weave their way through the trees in the hope that being off the road would hide them more effectively. In the darkness and confusion, they somehow found themselves breaking into the main road. Om's momentum carried him into the centre, and Shanti who had looked up, did not even have time to scream in horror as the approaching car rammed itself into him, despite the driver's efforts to stop.

She ran to him, sobbing his name frantically as he sat up, wincing in pain. 'I'm alright,' he assured her, trying to smile through his grimace.

Then the driver's door opened and a shocked and fearful Rajesh Kapoor alighted. Shanti's face crumpled in relief at beholding her favourite co-star and only friend in the film industry. 'Rajesh-bhai!'

His expression changed to one of disbelief. 'Shanti, tum? What are you...?' Then he realized where they were and what had happened. 'The man I hit,' he said urgently, 'is he alright?'

Om gave him a thumbs up. 'Alive and well,' he assured him, trying to stand up. As soon as he put weight on his injured leg, he almost collapsed again, Shanti supporting him.

'You are not well,' she said firmly, placing his arm around her shoulder so that he could stand properly. 'Rajesh-bhai, could you take us to a hospital?'

Rajesh gave his immediate acquiescence, glad to be doing something. 'In fact, we're headed there ourselves,' he said, as he helped Om and Shanti into the car.

Shanti beamed. 'Meaning, there'll soon be another Kapoor?'

He nodded as he got into the driver's seat, shutting the door. 'But Shanti,' he said as he started to drive, 'you never told me what you were doing here at this time of the night. And who is the man I hit?'

'It's a long story, Rajesh-bhai.'

'We have twenty minutes until we get to the hospital.'

Sighing, she launched into her story. The Kapoors listened intently, not interrupting her except once to ask her to continue as she searched for more adjectives to describe her saala kutta of a husband.

Finally she wound up, adding hopelessly, 'I've been thinking about it, but what am I going to do now? Mukesh has enough money to shut up the police, and enough power to scare the media into silence. Who's going to believe me?'

Om squeezed her hand reassuringly. 'We'll get through it somehow.' His use of 'we' was oddly comforting.

Rajesh smiled grimly in the rear view mirror. 'He may be the biggest producer, but I'm the biggest star in Bollywood and have my own successful production company. I'd be surprised if half the film industry didn't listen to someone I can vouch for.'

Mrs Kapoor smiled at her. 'It'll be okay.'

Her heart was full and she didn't know what to say to her three wonderful friends. She couldn't manage more than a choked 'Thank you', but she knew they understood.

'Story time, story time, story time!' The little girl's face was set.

Shanti sighed, trying to make her see reason. 'Darling, Papa's gone for a shoot in Switzerland and won't be back for a few days. You know that.'

The little girl looked to be on the verge of tears. 'I won't go to sleep without the rest of the story!'

Her mother tried a different approach. 'Shall I tell you the story?'

Sandy contemplated this for a while, her forehead screwed up in concentration. 'Okay,' she said slowly, climbing into her covers. 'We were up to the part where the prince and princess escape from the castle,' she supplied helpfully.

Shanti settled beside Sandy's bed. 'Once they got out, they had to run into the woods to escape from the evil sorcerer's goblin henchmen who tried to capture them. They were running as fast as they could when they ran into-'

The little girl gasped and shivered with a thrill of horror. 'Not the sorcerer?' Her eyes were wide.

Shanti smiled softly. 'No, darling. They ran into the princess's brother, a brave man who took both the prince and princess to a magical healer to make their burns better. The princess's brother always stood by them and supported them, even helping them against the sorcerer. Eventually, the evil sorcerer was banished to a dungeon in a land far, far away and the prince and princess lived happily ever after.'

The only one of them who got immediate medical attention was Om - the idiot of a doctor who was attending the rest of them wanted a photo with each one of them to hang up on his wall with his other famous patients. Under any other circumstances it might have been almost funny: Shanti almost fainting from fatigue and pain, Rajesh pale with worry for his wife and Mrs. Kapoor about to give birth to a baby.

Finally the doctor was satisfied and the Kapoors were escorted to the maternity ward and Shanti was conveyed into the room in which Om lay. Though she could not see him while the curtain was drawn and her burns were being dressed and bandaged by the nurse, her thoughts were never far from him. In her mind, he had gone from being a crazy fan to one of her truest friends to... to what? What had he become?

She remembered being in that burning set, remembered the overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be alright as Om held out his hand to her, his eyes glowing with that beautiful expression. Just the memory of his gaze made her tremble all over. The nurse gone and the curtain opened, she turned on her side, facing Om with a brave effort at keeping her composure.

He gave her a small smile when she looked at him. 'Are you okay?'

Her composure was broken. All at once she was crying harder than she had ever thought possible; she knew her eyes were red and her nose was running and that this was not at all romantic, but she couldn't help it. He had been beaten up, burned and bruised for her and he was asking her if she felt okay.

Om struggled to sit up in his alarm, but she stopped him with a choked, 'No, I'm alright, really. It's okay!' He stopped, though evidently still perplexed and worried at her behaviour. Her heart beat thick as she held out a shaking hand to him, her eyes mirroring his earlier that night.

Main yeh haq loongi, Om. Main apna haath badhaoongi. And I will be happy.

He stared at her for a long moment, thinking that despite her bandages, cuts, red nose and swollen eyes, she had never looked more beautiful. Wordlessly he took her hand, that same beautiful expression in his eyes once more. They lay there with their fingers intertwined until they finally fell asleep.

Shanti abandoned her acting career after her marriage. Her mother had forced her into it and once it became lucrative, the money had gone to fund her alcohol addiction. Though Om was slightly disappointed (he had hoped to finally star alongside his real-life heroine), Shanti felt that being his wife and Sandy's mother full-time was not imprisonment, but freedom.

Om had finally become the superstar he had dreamed of becoming, and though he had started quite late (his first lead role only happened at the age of 32), he thoroughly enjoyed his success. Despite his wife quitting acting, he had hoped that his eldest daughter Sandy would follow in his footsteps. However, she chose professional hockey as her career, and though a little disappointed, he was supportive of her. His fifteen-year-old twin daughters Sneha and Preeti (their mother had absolutely refused to let him name them Shanti and Priya) had recently voiced a desire to enter the film industry when they were older, but as their ambitions changed every week or so, he didn't count on it.

Their closest family friends were the Kapoors, who had always stood by them against Mukesh Mehra. Their son Om Kapoor was Sandy's best friend and a great favourite with the twins. This same Om Kapoor was now at the airport with the rest of them, having dragged everyone there three hours early to welcome Sandy back as she returned triumphant from her tournament.

'So, how's the tournament going?'

Sandy grinned. 'Quite well, actually. We're third in the ladder, so if we beat England tomorrow, we make it to the finals.'

'When are you coming back home? Soon, right?'

'In a week, if we make it to the finals. If not, then in three days.'

'That's good.'

Her lips curved into a smile. 'Yeah?'

His reply was hurried. 'I mean, mom and dad and Om uncle and Shanti aunty really miss you.'

Her shoulders slumped. 'Oh. I see,' she said flatly.

He sighed, causing a crackling sound over their long distance connection. 'Come back soon, Sandman.'

She bit back her grin. 'How many times have I told you not to call me that, you booger? It sounds like the ring name of some two-bit American wrestler!'

He laughed outright. 'Oh wow. It's been years since you've called me that.'

The girl in line behind her cleared her throat. 'Om, I've gotta go, there's a queue here-'

'-Okay, no problem. I'll see you soon-'

'Bye.'

Naturally, her flight was delayed two hours. Naturally, Om waited, never taking his eyes off the arrivals gate for four hours and fifty-nine minutes before finally giving up and turning his back. Naturally, she arrived precisely after he had turned away. Naturally, the Kapoors, Sandy's parents and the twins, who had been talking and milling around and exploring the shops were the first to see her face. Naturally.

His irritation vanished as he turned around and saw her though. Practically running to her, he threw his arms around her and whispered, 'Welcome back, Sandman.' And for once she did not reproach him for the nickname and simply hugged him back.

They jumped apart as they heard someone clearing his throat. Om Prakash Makhija was observing them, looking rather amused. 'Om beta, would you mind handing over my daughter to the rest of us for a little while?'

Om ran a hand through his hair sheepishly, his face glowing pink. 'Sure thing.'

Sandy turned and grinned at him as she walked to the rest of her family with her dad. 'Anyway, Om, I've got some questions to ask you later!'

'Are you or are you not dating Rani Mukherjee?'

Om yawned. 'No, we're just good friends. Anything else you've heard are simply rumours.'

'Okay.' She scribbled a note on her clipboard. 'Moving on, are you or are you not dating Preity Zinta?'

He sighed. 'We're just good friends.'

'Are you or are you not dating Karan Johar?'

Om cringed. 'Those rumours are still going around? No, Karan and I are just very good friends.'

Sandy looked at him, eyebrow raised playfully. 'You do know I'm going to be noting down the fact that you said that you were good friends with Rani and Preity, but 'very good friends' with Karan? And that your answers are going to be thoroughly scrutinized and taken out of context by a bunch of crazy fangirls?'

He groaned, hiding his face in a cushion. 'Who are you going to be giving these answers to again? Do you think autographs will silence them?'

'I told you, Bindiya, Aliya, Nethra and Komal. And Gul claims to be a fan of Aamir's wonderful method acting, but I know she's a closet OK fan. They all are in the end.'

'Seeing as how you mentioned Aamir, why don't we clarify right now for Bindiya, Aliya, Nethra and Komal, that Aamir and I are also just good friends?' He glared at her. 'Any more stupid questions?'

Sandy smirked. 'This last one is extremely stupid, but I know you'll like it.'

He perked up. 'Oh?'

She gave a long-suffering sigh. 'It really pains me to ask you this, but why are you so sexy?'

His grin reached his ears. 'Genetics, and quite possibly witchcraft.'

Neither of them noticed the twins who were hiding behind a door, trying to stifle their giggles. Their latest matchmaking scheme, tentatively titled 'Plan Make-Om-And-Sandy-Realize-Their-Feelings-For-Each-Other-And-Snap-Out-Of-Denial-So-That-They-Can-Get-Married-And-Give-Sneha-And-Preeti-An-Occasion-To-Buy-New-Clothes-And-Also-So-That-They-Will-Be-Sublimely-Happy' (Plan MOASRTFFEOASOODSTTCGMAGSAPAOTBNCAASTTWBSH for short) was soon about to be put in place.

As soon as Om and Sandy exited to go play a game of tennis on the Kapoors' court, the twins sneaked out from their hiding place and skulked around, plastering themselves to walls every time a servant walked past, earning them both some very strange looks. In this way, they sneaked into Om's bedroom and left the carefully compiled letter on his pillow.

Dearest OK,

I just LOVE you and think your so hottt!!!! I've never said this out loud, but you were sexay in all your movies hehe…

I know we're both retards in denial, but lets forget we're meant to be stupid and make out and get married so that Sneha and Preeti can buy new dresses.

Love,

Sandy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

PS. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

PPS. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Om's eyebrows disappeared into his hair. What the hell…

The twins were, once more hiding behind a door. And were, once more eavesdropping. Everything was going according to plan – it was scene 24, Om confronts Sandy about the love letter, and soon to follow would be the romantic climax of the story, Om confessing his love and being accepted.

Om held up the letter, totally bemused. 'Did you really write this?'

Sandy took the piece of paper, her eyes watering a little from the brightness of the fluorescent pink gel pen it was written in. Not to mention the tiny pink hearts surrounding practically every word. When she had finally finished reading the actual text, one of her eyes was twitching. 'Something tells me this was a collective effort.'

Om smiled grimly as his suspicion was confirmed. 'Sneha and Preeti?'

Sandy nodded. 'But despite the crudeness of the composition, the letter speaks the truth. I do love you, you know?'

He looked at her. 'Oh. Yeah, I love you too.' He gave her a small grin. 'Do you want to hunt down Sneha and Preeti and marry me?'

'Sure. Both are fine with me.'

The twins could bear it no longer. They came out from behind their door.

'Stop!' cried Preeti, looking scandalized at the dire lack of fluff. 'This is all wrong! Sneha?'

Her sister tossed her a megaphone out of nowhere.

Preeti switched it on, her voice suddenly booming. 'Alright! Now you two, do as I say! Om – get down on one knee! Sandy, stand there! Sneha – music!'

As Sneha started to tune her violin and Preeti dimmed the lights, Om and Sandy were beginning to feel vaguely ridiculous.

It was Om who finally spoke up. 'Um, Preeti?' he said tentatively. 'How long am I supposed to kneel for?'

Her eyes narrowed. 'How long are you supposed to kneel for? How long are you supposed to kneel for?' She advanced slowly towards him. 'As long as it takes!' This last was bellowed through the megaphone.

As everyone stood – kneeled – in their positions, Preeti smiled in satisfaction. 'Action!'

Om started. 'Okay. Um, yeah. Sandy, I love you and only you. Ever since I've met you, everything has changed. I've changed. You've changed. I love you. Will you marry me?'

Sandy tried not to laugh. 'Sure, whatever.' Then quailing from the glare her kid sister was giving her, she relented with a sigh. She took one of his hands, placed it on her heart, and took both of their hands back to his heart.

'Cut! No good – too subtle!'

Sandy rolled her eyes. Preeti would one day give Karan Johar a run for his money. 'Om, I love you. I always have – of course I will marry you.'

'Perfect!' And in two seconds, the twins were gone, taking violin and megaphone with them.

Then the two left in the room started laughing uncontrollably. 'Oh, that was fun!' Om finally gasped, once their laughter had died down a little.

Sandy wiped away a tear of laughter. 'Did they really think we didn't know they were there the whole time?'

Om became a little more serious. 'I did mean what I said though – although I might not have expressed myself so dramatically without Preeti's fabulous direction.'

Sandy smiled at him. 'I know, same here. Should we go tell mom and dad and your parents?' She had turned and started walking when he grabbed her hand.

'Wait!'

She looked at him, eyebrow raised. He grinned back. 'We haven't had our true filmi moment yet.'

'Which would be wha- mmphf…'

Needless to say, Preeti would have been proud.

A/N: I just realized – there are now two Shahrukhs in this at the same time (three if you count Kabir Khan). So I guess Om Prakash Makhija looks like SRK and Om Kapoor looks like… well, whatever he would have looked like in OSO if OPM's spirit hadn't sort of hijacked his body. You can decide, I guess.

How was it? I do hope you all got here and didn't get bored after the first bit. Most of the humour was in the second half. Any comments, criticisms, anything? Please review and let me know.

Fairytale On Steroids