She is

Author: AbbyGibbs

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds doesn't belong to me, sadly enough. No it belong to Jeff Davis who created the show and the team of writers and producers and all the people who makes of the show what it is today… No copyright infringement intended.

Rating: M for later chapters.

Category: Romance, hurt/comfort, angst...

Pairing: Morgan/Garcia

Spoilers: None

Summary: Morgan has a sort of wakeup call. There is someone in his life, he realizes he couldn't live without.

A/N: This idea for this story just popped into my mind while listening to Lady Antebellum's She is.

I would like to think, Shemar Moore, Kirsten Vangsness, A.J. Cook, and all the actors that makes the show what it is. For the purpose of his story, let's say that the events in "Profiler, profiled" have indeed happened but that Morgan never talked to the press about what Carl has done to him.

I know I have still my story "By chance" to finished, but I just need to write this one as well and share it with you guys. Please don't give up on me, just yet. Oh, I guess, I should warn you that I'm not sure where this one will lead to.

Un-beta'd so I apologized in advance for any mistakes, typos or grammatical issues.

Thanks to every one of you who support me, and are always there to put in a good word. You guys are awesome! Special thanks to PolHop and Karen LaManna!

Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.

ONE

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Derek Morgan closed the door of his apartment behind him. He didn't even bother to switch on the lights. Right now, he didn't need light, he didn't need anything. The one thing he needed was something he couldn't get feeling at peace with himself and with the world.

A shower might help, maybe. But could a shower really wash the inside of your head? It worked at the BAU for so many years now and thought he had seen everything, but the case they had just close surpasses everything! Such cruelty was unbelievable. It wouldn't have taken much more for him to throw up.

He had been thankful though Penelope didn't have to see this.

Morgan walked over to the refrigerator, opened it and took himself a beer. It was one of those home coming night where Derek Morgan wondered why he kept doing this job. Humanity was lost. He thought bitterly.

He wanted to call her, but she wasn't alone anymore. He hated it. They were best friends and nothing had happened between them, but he hated the simple thought of it. The last time a man had been interested in Penelope Garcia, she almost lost herself thinking she wasn't good enough to be loved. Penelope was good enough to be loved, sometimes he was surprised that she had such low opinion of herself, that she really was convinced that she could do nothing better than Kevin Lynch.

Derek knew why she thought that, she unconsciously protected herself from being seriously hurt he understood. He himself had thought for a long time, he wasn't good enough to be trully loved be another human being. A lack of self-confidence t nurtured by convincing that only Bufford was worth of his love. The man had left such big scars on his mind. A fading scar that is, but a scar nevertheless.

The monster had marked him forever.

He had devoted his life to put monsters like him behind bars. He'd live with the burden for so long. It took him years to be able to put this part of his past behind him, but no matter what he would always carry it with him. His way of acting with people, his relationships with women everything he did had been dictate by the events he had to endure in his childhood. Derek had become a womanizer to prove himself that he was a man. His was his way to cope. Maybe it had also be a way for him to prove himself that he liked women.

Morgan knew what to do to make women feel good about them and he took his time to make sure that they would have fun, but it never had anything to do with love. Love was actually a foreign word to him. When he went to bed, with a woman, it helped him find some kind of release but he always felt empty afterwards, each time the emptiness felt even stronger. None of them knew about his past, and he would make sure to keep it that way.

Sometimes a woman would stay a little longer, but when she wanted a commitment, he was gone.

Only a very few people of the BAU knew what had Bufford had done to him, but not Garcia, no she didn't know about it. He wouldn't do that to her. If she knew she would think less of him, and that was something he didn't want. She's the reason why he was still sane, she's the reason why he went to work every single day to see her beautiful smile. Morgan was so grateful to have her in his life. Maybe it was time for him to tell her so... Just maybe...

Just maybe... he whispered into the silent and dark room as he brought his beer bottle to his lips again.

He couldn't tell her. He couldn't and wouldn't take the risk to lose her friendship. No way was he ready taking this risk with her and, even if something would happen between the two of them, he wouldn't let her carry such big burden with him.

The best thing to do was to leave. He couldn't do this job anymore, he realized, no matter how much he loved to see her smile, every day, no matter how much he would miss her and their teasing, their flirtation, he needed to leave for his and her best interest.

Derek closed his eyes at the feeling of the liquid going down his throat. He sighed heavily, he wanted to sleep and forget everything about this long and horrifying day.

He opened his eyes when he heard his phone ring. He smirk found its way to his lips when he saw who was calling him.

"Hey, buttercup."

["Hey,"] He simply said.

"Rough day, huh?"

["You've know, idea, baby girl."] He sighed heavily.

"How can I help, sugar?"

["You are already helping. You're talking to me."]

"Aww, how sweet." Garcia said, touched by her best friend's words, but she could also sense there was something else. So she asked him what was going on.

Morgan didn't answer her the way she expected him to, instead he simply said.

["I will miss you, Penelope."]

"Derek?"

TBC...