The song, 'Perfect' by Pink, started to blare from her speakers in her room, the words resounding against the walls.
The petite figure stared at herself in the mirror, tears cascading down her face as she clenched her fists and released them repeatedly. She'd known she was depressed, right from the start, but didn't want to acknowledge it.
Her bare arms held all the scars and behind those scars were stories. Stories of what brought them to the surface. Her scars were internal, eating at her heart, but then one day, her arms and scars became friends. She never fit in with her extended family. No one made her feel loved. She barely had any friends. She would walk in the corridors of school and hear the whispers of the crowd. She kept her head down, avoiding those who could make her life worse than it already was. Bruises were on her chest and back, due to the torture that hailed down on her like a storm of blows.
Her mother was a drunk, always sleeping around, ever since her father left after this massive argument they had. From that moment on, the young girl fell into a devastated state. Shut herself away from friends. The ones who never liked her anyways. She became quiet, lost. Her mother rarely took notice of her now. Tris took it upon herself to attend kickboxing classes, which luckily were free, and became stronger over time. Why? Well, she was attacked by a gang of boys and raped a couple of times. No one knew though, and they still didn't.
The girl growled under her breath and brought the blade to her arm. Her tears dropped onto her bare chest, except for a sports bra. She breathed deeply, making the first cut. The blood seeped out and she exhaled. In relief, it seems. She made another tiny one and stopped herself from being succumbed by the temptation to do more. The last two cuts filled up her arm. She washed the blade, hid it in the mirror and stepped into the shower after stripping herself of her sports bra and shorts. She was only 15 and started at the age of 13. Bullied both mentally and physically. The song continued to play, echoing in her mind.
The girl stepped out of the shower with her towel wrapped around her body and secured it by rolling the top hem of it. She rubbed the mirror, ridding it of steam and exhaled heavily. She took hold of the hidden blade and her hand hovered over the bin. She stepped on the pedal and the lid flipped open.
"Bye," she whispered and the blade was released, falling to the bottom of the bin. She lifted her foot off the pedal and the lid shut, symbolising the finality of her cutting. Her mind was pestering her to retrieve the blade but her heart told her not to. She wanted to make a fresh start. The words of the song made a deeper impact than expected, all the words ringing true.
She walked out of her bathroom, grabbing clothes from her wardrobe and dressed up for school. A black jumpsuit, it was a change from her usual top and jogging bottoms. It was so easy for her to feel less than perfect.
"The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear, the only thing I should be drinking is an ice-cold beer, so cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try so hard and it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics cos they're everywhere, they don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair, exchange ourselves and we do it all of the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Why?" the young girl rapped before switching off her speakers and unplugging her phone from the dock.
"Time to start anew," she sighed, grabbing her gym kit and bag before starting the ten-minute trudge to school. She arrived and detoured towards the Gym where her teacher said they should meet. Really, she never participated in the physical aspect of school, due to the sneering she would get because of her small build.
"Tris! You made it," Coach Amar said in awe. She shrugged. Amar spotted her running one early morning and persuaded her to run in the school meet they were having.
"Go and change," he ordered. She went into the changing room, ignoring the stares of the other girls invited to the meet and slipped into the toilet. She changed swiftly and went back to the Gym. She placed her stuff near the door of the changing room and did her warm up. A whistle pierced her thoughts and she jogged to the circle where everyone was gathering.
"Right. Today, we are doing 100m and 200m to find the best runner for the competition coming up. We'll do this in heats." Every girl received a number and the whole school was in the stands, since Principal David was nice to let them skip their lessons. Tris waited patiently, for her heat to go up, since they were last. 200m, let's do this.
"Heat four, last but not least. Step up." Tris breathed out nervously and stood in lane six. The furthest one but most beneficial, in her opinion.
"Watch out, Stiff," Nita hissed as she turned around. Tris huffed and rolled her eyes, ignoring her remark. It's funny how the two used to be best friends, but enemies do start as best friends, don't they? Nita turned back to the front and grinned as people cheered her name. Until today, Nita was the best runner.
"On your marks, set..." Tris descended into the athletics starting position, then lifted her bum but kept her head down.
"Go!" The trigger of the gun was pulled and Tris shot from her block, pushing herself up, not using her full power. She raised her head and focused on the finish line. The adrenaline pulsed through her veins and the sounds of nature blurred together, the wind rushing past her ears. Her arms pumped in sync with her legs.
Breathe in; breathe out. She kept her rhythm and soon surpassed the other girls. Breathe in; breathe out.
"Come on, Tris!" Amar shouted. She grinned mentally, for there was someone who believed in her, and made her arms and legs speed up once she reached the 100m mark, reaching her maximum speed. She barely felt the asphalt of the track as she sprinted and she whizzed past Nita in the last 10 metres before snapping her head forwards, guaranteeing her win, and stepping over the line. She slowed to a jog and ran a hand over her face, brushing away loose strands of her blonde hair. Nita finished soon after and the rest of the girls trailed behind. It was silent.
"Tris!" A random boy stood up and shouted. Some copied and soon the stands were cheering her name. She let out a breathless laugh and jumped but relaxed into the warm embrace Amar pulled her into. She clenched her jaw at the pain that darted through her arms. Some scars didn't heal fully, just yet. She was thankful it was cold, giving her a reasonable excuse to wear her sports jumper.
"That was great!" A mocha-skinned runner came up to Tris. Tris smiled.
"Thanks...?"
"Chris."
"Thanks, Chris."
"You totally killed it out there. I'm Marlene." A caramel-skinned girl joined the pair.
"Dude, are you on drugs?!" a girl with bright blue hair asked incredulously.
"Sh, Lynn." Chris scoffed. Tris giggled and shook her head.
"You kicked ass though," Lynn continued. Tris blushed.
"Thanks guys. You were legit too."
"But girl, you were like the Flash! And you beat Nita. Like finally, someone needed to take her down from that pedestal," Chris muttered.
"How come we've never seen you around?" Lynn pointed out.
"I am Tris Prior, so I tend to be invisible...," she stated monotonously.
"Oh..." Marlene drawled.
"Yeah." Tris shrugged and walked off to compete in the 100m. Needless to say, she won that and was chosen to represent the school in the state championships.
Time skip.
"Mum?" she shouted through the house. No reply. Of course. She was out, getting 'banged into oblivion'. Tris sighed softly and walked to the kitchen. No food. A knock resounded through the house and she stalked to the door.
"Oh, hi, Miss Battersby!" Tris greeted with false enthusiasm. An old lady stood, with a thick coat, and smiled caringly.
"Here you go, my dear," the old lady croaked. Tris looked down and bit her lip. She was giving her a basket of food.
"I can't accept this." She shook her head. The old neighbour thrust it into her hands and raised one of her own to caress her cheek.
"But you can have it," she said raspily before trotting back to her house. Tris exhaled through her nose and smiled.
Few days later.
"I need to go to New York!" Tris shrieked. Her mother snorted.
"Why? Just to run 100m and receive a trophy? Pff, that's nothing but a pointless dream. Plus, where's the money?" Natalie bit out. Tris choked on her sobs.
"I could get a full scholarship. It's my dream to run, but no. Because of your incompetence and selfishness, my life will be wasted away in the house," Tris screamed. A loud noise erupted. Natalie had stood up abruptly and slapped her daughter's face. Tris's face painfully twisted to the side and her hand immediately rushed to the cheek that was now red and throbbing. Tris bit viciously onto her trembling lip and slowly brought her face back round, staring into the now dark eyes of her mother.
"You do not talk like that to me. I say you can't go. You fucking ungrateful bitch," Natalie screeched before stomping out of the house in her heels. Tris yelled in frustration, slumping to the floor and sobbed wildly. Where have the times gone?
Next day.
"What do you mean you can't go?" Amar repeated in disbelief.
"Oh, I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. I meant that I can't go, like what else?" Tris retorted.
"Oh, burn," Uriah whispered loudly. Everyone glared at him.
"What am I meant to do then?!" Amar grumbled.
"Ask Nita," the young teen responded before striding out of the Gym. Amar grunted and chucked his clipboard onto the floor in frustration. The boys, who were meant to be playing football, furrowed their eyebrows and one of them let his blue eyes linger on the door that Tris slipped through.
Time skip.
"I bet her mum won't pay," Uriah stated as the gang talked during lunch, sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, glancing over at the teen who sat by herself near the double doors of the cafeteria.
"But she was epic during that meet," Lynn grumbled. Chris huffed and stood up, walking over to the lone teen. The cafeteria quietened and Chris glared at some people, sparking the conversations. The loud atmosphere returned and Chris planted herself in front of Tris.
"Er, hi?" Tris waved mockingly, looking around.
"Where are the cameras?" she continued.
"Cut the bull. I heard from the boys you ain't going. Why not?"
"Just ain't got the money."
"I was raised like a Candor. So spit it out."
"What? I haven't got the money," Tris spoke defensively.
"Family issues? Mum being a bitch? Dad ain't supportive?" Tris's eyes welled up. Chris sighed softly, spotting she hit a nerve. She also noticed the bruised cheek, which wouldn't have been done by the jocks.
"I'll pay for you."
"No, don't. Nita deserves to go."
"Thank you!" Nita said as she strolled past. Chris raised her middle finger at her back.
"You're going and that's final."
"Whatever Chris sets out to do, she does it," Marlene added as she set her tray down on the table. The whole gang has come over and Tris cleared her throat.
"Look, I really appreciate it, guys. But you don't need to-"
"Beatrice Prior?"
"It's Tris!" Tris deadpanned before turning to see the principal and a man in a suit. She squinted her eyes at his badge and her skin became hot.
"Social Services?" she whispered.
"Miss Prior, you need to come to my office." Tris choked on air and shook her head.
"No, I fucking don't," she scoffed before slinking out the cafeteria. Amar blocked her.
"We got anonymous calls about neglect and abuse." Tris bit her lip and faced her principal. The gang had filed out to witness the scene.
"I can assure you, that I am totally fine. What gives you the idea that I'm being neglected and abused at home?!"
"My office." Tris huffed and reluctantly followed Principal David with the man besides her. Amar crossed his arms and shook his hand, stalking off to the Gym. The gang shared nervous looks.
Few days later again.
Adam Lambert's song hit her in that moment. What a mad world she lived in.
"She..." Tris hesitated, bottom lip being sucked in.
"Carry on," the social worker encouraged Tris. She cursed under her breath and met the clouded eyes of her mother whose lip was trembing. Chris managed to find out the details of the meeting and attended by herself, not telling the gang.
"S-She beat me whenever she could, which was almost everyday. When my father left, she spiralled into the dark side. Always sleeping around, drinking, earning dirty money. She spent all our money that we were left by my father. I live off the food Miss Battersby, our neighbour, gives to me. I practically live alone," Tris mumbled reluctantly, fingernails digging into the skin of her palms.
"Have you ever been attacked? Since the results from the hospital show signs of abuse that your mum couldn't have done. As well as... a few other things." Tris gulped, nodding, realising what the woman was talking about.
"I was, erm, raped more than once."
"By who?"
"I-I-I don't know. It was dark. I could only make out blonde hair and green eyes as well as dark hair and brown eyes. They were both tall and familiar in a way..." Tris's eyes widened at her description and Chris stifled a gasp.
"Thank you," The woman nodded.
"Tris. I-"
"Save it," Tris gritted out as she walked past Natalie. Chris bounded up to her, with a concerned expression planted on her face.
"Why did you come?" Tris growled.
"I went to your house. You weren't there. Your neighbour told me you were going to be here."
"Typical. I don't even want to know how the f*ck you know where I live," Tris muttered, shoving past Chris.
Time skip.
The girls arrived at Tris's house. The one that looked respectable, but concealed so many secrets.
"Look, Tris, if you ever want someone to talk to-"
"No, Chris. There's no one to talk to. I've lost both parents. I've been raped more than twice! By Peter Hayes and Al Richards. I have no friends. People in school are disgusted at the sight of me, even though I could take down most of them. See this?" Tris pushed up her sleeves blindly in her rage and she stopped herself in regret. Chris gasped loudly and Tris stepped backwards, yanking on her sleeves.
"That's the cause of you guys. Treating me like dirt. I'm depressed. Running is the only time I can relieve myself of stress. I'm tired of all this shit," Tris grumbled before slamming her front door on Chris, pulling off her wool jumper. Her tears were enough to fill a glass.
"Tris! Tris! Tris!" Chris banged on the door. Tris ignored it and went to her bathroom. She stepped on the pedal of her bin and the lid flipped open. It's still there. The blade that brought her fake relief. She reached in and brought it out.
"It's been a while, my friend." She ripped off her jeans and striked the blade across her thigh and gritted her teeth. She dragged it across her leg, tears falling rapidly.
How did it come to this? Wasn't she starting anew? Wasn't she going to find happiness in running? She glared at herself through the mirror. She punched it, and the mirror cracked. Glass splattered all over the counter and she wailed in distress, tears leaking out in fat blobs. She found it kind of funny, but also sad, that the dreams in which she's dying are the best she's ever had.
She heard the door shatter and marvelled slightly at the strength used.
"Tris!" Chris bellowed.
"Oh my god, how did she live here?" The voice of Shauna drifted upstairs. Tris dropped her blade and plucked out the razor from her cabinet.
"Upstairs," Zeke said. She heard footsteps pound up her stairs but she'd already made the cut on her abdomen. She became woozy and faintly registered the door being kicked in.
"Oh fuck!" Lynn screamed.
"Lynn?!" Marlene shouted.
"She's in here! There's a lot of blood."
"Oh my god!" Chris cried as she barged in. Tris collapsed to the floor and Shauna dialled 911.
"Don't come in," Marlene ordered the boys. Four ignored her and pushed past. He gagged at the sight but kneeled down by her.
"Bandages. I need bandages."
"Self-harm. She's done a cut on her stomach and thigh. There's so many on her arms though. Unconscious." Shauna rattled off the address and locked her phone.
"They're coming," she whispered. Chris found the bandages in the cabinet and handed some to Four.
"How could we not notice she was depressed? I mean, she was getting bullied every fucking day. And we did nothing. Her mother abused her. Her father abandoned them."
"How do you know that?" Zeke questioned from the bedroom.
"I went to the meeting."
"How?"
"The neighbour told me about it. I was going to invite Tris to our party tonight. She was already gone so I went there. Oh my god, the things she admitted. She got raped. By Peter and Al. The seniors."
"What, no!" Uriah spluttered. Four managed to stop the bleeding on her thigh but her abdomen would not cease. The redness stained the white bandage and he grumbled.
"She did a really deep cut," he stated, looking up at everyone. The ambulance was heard and Lynn dashed downstairs to open the door.
"Up here," Chris shouted from the landing. The paramedics jogged upstairs and immediately set to work.
Time skip.
A groan pulled Four from his sleep. His eyes snapped open and he watched as Tris shifted in the hospital bed. She turned her head and gasped at the concerned face of Four. He was leaning forwards in his chair, using his elbows on his knees to prop up his face.
"Why are you here? Why am I here?"
"You cut yourself really badly. Why didn't you say anything, to anyone?"
"It's not that easy, even when you're a loner. So I just channelled all my negativity in kickboxing and self-harming. W-Wait, why am I telling you this?" she whispered.
"You can tell me anything."
"How do I know you won't be two-faced?"
"I give my word, I won't be," he whispered, gently holding her hand, well more like engulfing, and playing with her short fingers. Tris inhaled deeply and nodded hesitantly, frowning at the comfort she felt from the simple gesture. Her mouth opened and that's when the words flowed smoothly as if she was talking to a best friend.
Few months later.
"Come on, Tris!" The gang screamed as Tris sprinted the 200m in the championships. She finished first. The crowd went into uproar and Tobias chuckled proudly. Tris grinned as the gang greeted her from the front of the stands. Tris received her gold medal and running trophy. She also got another two medals for being the youngest and beating the record. Amar hugged her as she walked by. Tobias jumped over the barrier and swept Tris into his arms.
"You did it, babes. Happy birthday," he smiled.
"I did. And thank you," Tris beamed and the duo kissed. Tris got congratulatory hugs and messages from loads of people. Including her father. It turns out her mother forced him to leave. It took a while for Tris to warm up to him but now she has her loving father back. Her mother passed rehab but was still doing community service. Tris refused to have much contact with her but does visit her often. Her scars have started to fade. Peter and Al were arrested.
Scouts introduced themselves to her, offering different opportunities. Some even gave her hugs and smiles. She obtained plenty of cards that held numbers of each college/university.
She's finally found people who accept her, a boyfriend who has scars himself, and has a parent in her life. She's been clean for five months, is the current champion of kickboxing, and is now one of the most popular girls in the school. Her depression has been battled and she's happy, for real this time.
"Alright, let's get our party on!" Zeke cheered. Tris laughed and grinned. For real.
Both 'Hall of Fame' and 'Who You Are' were now her songs.
Thank you for reading.