The Complete Misadventures of Sirius Black and James Potter

By Lily Orange

Summary: A hundred sets of lines James, Sirius and Lily have had to write in their time at Hogwarts documenting the stupid and downright hilarious things they did, set by none other than their Head of House Professor Minerva McGonagall, straight from Filch's filing cabinet.

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! This is a little stand-alone thing which I hope you find funny :) if you like it, please pick your favourite one off the list and say in a review (please leave me a review, as a present? :D) and I'll maybe write a short chapter about what happened and dedicate it to who requested it. Thanks for reading and have an amazing day!

KEY:

Sirius Black

James Potter

Lily Evans

1. I must not attempt to ride the branches of the Whomping Willow.

2. I must not, under any circumstances, try to barricade the Slytherins in their common room.

3. I must not try to disguise myself as a girl so I can find out what the girls' bathroom is like.

4. I must not use cheesy chat-up lines on Lily Evans.

5. I must not try to make the potions explode in the faces of the Slytherins.

6. I must not pass disgustingly rude and graphic notes in class.

7. I must not try to stamp on James Potter's head when he asks me out in the corridor.

8. I must not purposely hit a bludger in the direction of Severus Snape.

9. I must not start a band practice in the school library.

10. I must not tie Severus Snape to a tree in the Forbidden Forest and leave him there.

11. I must not stalk Lily Evans.

12. I must not break into the Slytherin Common Room and turn it red and gold.

13. I must not try to strangle Severus Snape.

14. I must not attempt to shove Severus Snape into the Black Lake.

15. I absolutely must not steal Lily Evans' undergarments.

16. I must not attempt to hex James Potter into oblivion.

17. I must not attempt to assassinate Mrs Norris.

18. I must not sneak out of school to go and get some Firewhisky.

19. I must not start a karaoke competition at midnight in the school grounds.

20. I must not propose to Lily Evans in the middle of Transfiguration.

21. I must not knock James Potter out in Transfiguration.

22. I must not kiss girls senseless in broom cupboards.

23. I must not put a Venomous Tentacula in Severus Snape's bed.

24. I must not attempt to duel with Sir Cadogan.

25. I must not start a riot on the Hogwarts Express.

26. I must not terrorise Slytherins on Halloween.

27. I must not attempt to glue my mouth to Lily Evans'.

28. I must not pour steaming hot gravy down James Potter's trousers.

29. I must not try to recreate the Gunpowder Plot on Bonfire Night and attempt to blow up the Slytherin Common Room.

30. I must set a good example to younger years and not tie Slytherins by their shoelaces to chandeliers.

31. I must not pour a vat of melted cheese over Severus Snape's head.

32. I must not Spellotape myself to Lily Evans' bed.

33. I must not threaten to murder James Potter.

34. I must not attempt to create a tidal wave in the Black Lake.

35. I must not attempt to surf a tidal wave in the Black Lake.

36. I must not hold a beach party by the Black Lake and send invitations to every girl in the school saying, 'Bikinis only'.

37. I must not dig a hole behind Hagrid's Hut and then push Severus Snape into it.

38. I must not spread a rumour that Lily Evans is pregnant and the baby was fathered by James Potter.

39. I must not try to found a naturist club in the Room of Requirement and only invite girls.

40. I must not attempt to graffiti the walls of the Slytherin Common Room with "Gryffindor is the best".

41. I must not set fire to Severus Snape's bed (while he is in it).

42. I must not hold a Miss Hogwarts beauty contest.

43. I must not fix the voting of a Miss Hogwarts beauty contest so that Lily Evans wins it.

44. I must not throw the Miss Hogwarts trophy at James Potter when he offers himself as the prize.

45. I must not raid the kitchens at midnight so that there is no chocolate cake.

46. I must not attempt to bungee jump off the North Tower.

47. I must not encourage James Potter to bungee jump off the North Tower.

48.I must not encourage James Potter to bungee jump off the North Tower without suitable protection gear and a helmet.

49. I must not hide worms in Severus Snape's underwear drawer.

50. I must not steal bras out of the laundry and pin them up on the wall of the Room of Requirement.

51. I must not ask girls for proof of their owning the bras on the wall of the Room of Requirement.

52. I must not buy Sirius Black a guitar for Christmas.

53. I must not buy James Potter a drum kit for Christmas.

54. I must not put my foot through James Potter's drum kit when he tries to serenade me.

55. I must not offer girls sweets that will give them acne.

56. I must not be cheeky to teachers when they ask me about offering girls sweets that give them acne.

57. I must not hire the Red Arrows to fly around Hogwarts spelling 'I LOVE LILY EVANS' in red and gold smoke.

58. I must not slap James Potter no matter how much I believe he deserves it.

59. I must not set a hippogriff on Severus Snape.

60. I must not try to get the centaurs to storm the castle and rid it of Slytherins.

61. I must not hex Severus Snape when he insults Lily Evans.

62. I must not attempt to kill Severus Snape when he insults Lily Evans.

63. I must not slap Severus Snape no matter how much he deserves it.

64. I must not insult James Potter.

65. I must not attempt to turn the Room of Requirement into a pub.

66. I must not open a betting shop and invite students to bet on the length of time it will take Lily Evans and James Potter to get together.

67. I must not cut six inches off the bottom of Lily Evans' dress so that it will show off her legs.

68. I must wear tights if I am to wear a dress that short in future.

69. I must not lock Lily Evans and James Potter in a room together so that they can work out their differences.

70. I must not put makeup on Severus Snape when he is sleeping.

71. I must not pour an even bigger vat of cheese than last time over Severus Snape's head.

72. I must not encourage students to start a water fight by the Black Lake.

73. I must not ask students to thrown wet sponges at Severus Snape.

74. I must not put Polyjuice Potion in Sirius Black's pumpkin juice so that he turns into Marilyn Monroe.

75. I must not put Polyjuice Potion in James Potter's pumpkin juice so that he turns into Angus Young.

76. I must not aid James Potter with an electric guitar when he is pretending to be Angus Young.

77. I must not play "Back in Black" or "Highway to Hell" in the library when I am pretending to be Angus Young.

78. I must not hit James Potter over the head with a guitar when he has finished being Angus Young.

79. I must not handcuff Lily Evans and James Potter together so that Lily Evans is forced to go to Hogsmeade with James Potter.

80. I must not try to knock Severus Snape out of the stand when playing Quidditch.

81. I must not attempt to invite supermodels to Hogwarts.

82. I must not encourage James Potter to harass Lily Evans when he has stopped asking her out.

83. I must not beg James Potter to ask me out in the middle of Transfiguration.

84. I must not hit James Potter over the head with a cricket bat when he doesn't kiss Lily Evans when she is begging to go out with him.

85. I must not chop off Sirius Black's hair in his sleep after he has hit me over the head with a cricket bat.

86. I must not kiss James Potter in the Great Hall.

87. I must not kiss Lily Evans in the Great Hall.

88. I must not drop ice cubes down the back of Severus Snape's robes.

89. I must not try to create a ski slope in the Hogwarts grounds.

90. I must not attempt to ski down the ski slope created by Sirius Black in the school grounds.

91. I must not kiss Lily Evans in broom cupboards.

92. I must not try to start a magazine in which I audition girls to model for it.

93. I must not attempt to murder Severus Snape because he mocks my hair.

94. I must not disrupt examinations by proposing to Lily Evans.

95. I must not disrupt examinations by accepting James Potter's proposal.

96. I must not disrupt examinations by singing "I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt".

97. I must not get married to Lily Evans in the Room of Requirement.

98. I must not sing "Tie Your Mother Down" at an illegal wedding in the Room of Requirement and accompany it with a dangerous and provocative stage routine.

99. I must not attempt to vanish Severus Snape as a wedding present for James Potter and Lily Evans.

100. I must not attempt to strangle my husband when he suggests that we honeymoon in the Forbidden Forest.