I haven't done a request fic before. My mom wanted a story with a parrot trolling Twelve. It's taken me a while, but here's my idea as to how this thing goes. I adore Twelve, but in this fic, things will not go his way for the most part. I almost feel guilty. Almost. This one's for you, Mom .
Life was never simple for the Doctor and Clara. Sometimes things were complicated. Sometimes thing were really complicated. Sometimes the complicated things involved rescuing people. Though this time it wasn't really a person so much as a person's pet. It was very important, though. The Doctor had to tell himself this. The safety of a planet depended on it. Still, that didn't mean that he had to enjoy it.
"I hate that damn bird." the Doctor huffed, looking at the parrot-like alien creature.
"It's not so bad." Clara replied. "Look at how cute it is!"
"It is not cute." the Doctor grumbled. "It keeps copying me."
"It keeps copying me." The bird mimicked the Doctor.
"That's cute, too." Clara said with a grin.
"It's not cute." The Time Lord said, scowling at the bird. "If this weren't necessary, I would throw it out of the TARDIS and into a supernova."
"No, you wouldn't." Clara replied. She knew the Doctor too well to think that he would do that.
The Time Lord turned to the parrot-like creature and said, "If you didn't know those interplanetary missile codes, I'd cook you for supper, you blathering twit."
"You blathering twit!" the bird repeated the Doctor's words.
Clara rolled her eyes. "The queen of Thurvilgia doesn't like you, so I'm going to tell her that we have the bird. I'll be back in a few hours. You two behave, okay?" the human said.
"I'll be fine." the Doctor replied.
"I'll be fine." the Parrot said.
Clara gave the two one last glance before leaving out the doors of the TARDIS. That left the Doctor alone with the parrot-like creature. The Time Lord glared at the bird and said, "All right, you little feathered menace. I'm going to do some repairs on the TARDIS. You had better keep quiet."
The parrot-like bird gave the Doctor its most innocent look. The Time Lord didn't buy it for a second. He gave the bird one last glare before heading over to the console. He scooted under it, lying on his back, as he began his repairs. It was blissfully quiet for ten minutes before an alarm suddenly sounded. The Doctor bolted upright, accidentally hitting his head on the bottom of the console. He turned to glare at the Parrot, who was perched innocently. "Ow! Fuck!" The Time Lord swore loudly. He usually didn't swear when Clara was around, but Clara wasn't there.
The parrot, of course mimicked him. "Ow! Fuck!"
"You did that on purpose!" the Doctor snarled.
"You did that on purpose!" the parrot-like bird repeated the Doctor's words.
The Doctor had the desire to wring the bird's neck, but he knew that he wouldn't. He shot another glare at the bird before sliding back under the console and continuing his repairs. He had just connected a wire when, suddenly, an alarm sounded again. Once again, the Doctor hit his head when trying to sit up. "You little shit!" the Doctor snapped.
"You little shit!" the Parrot responded.
"I really, really hate you." the Doctor growled. "Just leave me in peace and let me do my work!"
The parrot-like bird once again gave the Doctor its most innocent look. Once again, the Doctor glared at the parrot-like creature before returning to his repairs. Once again, it was quiet for a while. Suddenly, he heard Clara's voice call out, "Doctor, help me!"
The Doctor bolted upright and, once again, banged his head on the edge of the console. He looked around desperately for Clara before, finally, he looked at the bird. "Doctor, help me!" the parrot-like bird said once again in Clara's voice.
Things were getting worse and worse. Not only could the bird mimic words and sounds, but it could also mimic voices. the Doctor snapped, "Feathered idiot!"
"Idiot!" The parrot-bird mimicked the Doctor's words.
"I really, really hate you." the Doctor growled.
"I really, really hate you." the bird responded.
"I'll bet you do." the Time Lord grumbled.
"I hate you!" the parrot chirped.
"I hate you more." the Doctor snapped back.
"I hate you more." the parrot copied the Doctor.
"Why can't you just shut up?" the Doctor snapped.
"Why can't you just shut up?" the parrot-like bird said in the same tone as the Doctor
The Doctor snarled at the bird before heading back to the console and sliding under it to continue his repairs. For the next six hours, it continued. The parrot-like bird would say things and make sounds that caused the Doctor to hit his head on the bottom of the console and swear at the creature. By the time Clara got back, the Doctor had a sizeable goose egg on his head and the bird knew every swear word in the English language, plus seventeen different Gallifreyan swear words. Clara smiled at the Doctor and the bird and said, "The queen is ready to take the bird back. I hope you two got along alright."
"Oh, nothing happened." the Doctor lied.
The parrot looked on innocently. So, without further ado, the Doctor and Clara left the TARDIS and went into the city. They were allowed into the palace, where they faced the queen. The queen stroked the bird's chin and cooed, "Welcome back!"
The queen then turned to the Doctor and Clara and said, "I thank you for returning my bird to me. This planet, as well as our neighboring planet, will be safer, now that he is in my hands. I hope you weren't inconvenienced."
"It's not an inconvenience." Clara said with a smile.
"Yeah. Not an inconvenience." the Doctor said, biting back the sarcasm that threatened to come loose. "Everything went fine."
Suddenly, the parrot-like bird spoke. In a perfect imitation of the Doctor's voice, it said, "I hate you, you little feathered shit!"
The parrot then began to repeat every single swear word and angry thing that the Doctor had said to it. The Doctor and Clara looked on in horror. The queen's horror increased as well. When the parrot was finally done, everyone was gobsmacked. The queen's eyes began to narrow in anger. When she looked at Clara and the Doctor, her expression was downright vicious. "Guards!" She barked. "Seize them! Execute them immediately!"
Once again, Clara and the Doctor were running for their lives. As they fled to the TARDIS, the Doctor said, "That's it. No more rescuing parrots."