Summer, 1943

Stalag 13

The flyer they had just rescued sat in a corner of the tunnel, sullen and not saying a word to anyone. Even Newkirk's attempts at showing him a card trick, and LeBeau's offers of real coffee and cookies (filched from their own Red Cross packages, which had been confiscated by Klink as punishment for annoying him yet again) had not drawn him out of his funk. He simply sat. He even invited Carter to buzz off when he attempted to introduce him to Felix.

Nothing seemed to help, and Hogan was beginning to think he was going to need to call Wilson in to check the young lieutenant over, even though he had assured the pick-up team he was in perfect health. Hogan went back to his office to ponder the situation and decide what to do. He knew he couldn't let the situation continue. He had the morale of the whole barracks to think of, and even though the lieutenant was only in the tunnel, he knew how a bad attitude could be contagious.

Newkirk fitted the pilot with a suit of civilian clothes and he was completely cooperative, but silent. Peter sent him over to Carter who took his photo and gave him his money and papers. As he studied the new identity papers, the young man suddenly showed a spark of interest. He looked at Carter. "Hey, does this mean this is my new name permanently? Like, forever?"

Carter was puzzled. "Uh, well, no I don't really think so. It's just to get you back to London safely. The Army still knows who you are and everything. You just can't have any of your real identification or dog tags or anything on you if you get caught."

The lieutenant visibly deflated. "Oh. I see. Okay." And he went and sat on the cot at the side of the tunnel. He lapsed into silence once again. They finished processing the other prisoners, and finally got the group out the stump exit, with Olsen guiding them to their contact.

Two weeks later, as they were preparing to send Andrew undercover, they discovered the reason for their recent guest's interest in a possible permanent name change. Carter accidently grabbed a set of dog tags from the most recent batch of travelers. He glanced at the name stamped on them. And smirked.

"Oh, Colonel Hogan, I don't think I wanna be this guy."

Hogan frowned. "Why not?"

Andrew silently handed them over, and Hogan got a good look at the name.

He nodded sagely. "Yeah, grab another set, since we don't do Americans anyway. Man, somebody's parents had a cruel sense of humor…I mean to have an odd last name like that anyway, and then…"

By this time, the tags had made the rounds of the group, and everyone pretty much had to agree.

Newkirk read the name and looked up in amazement, "Foxtrot, Oscar" Oy, sir, that's just…" he trailed off in pained disbelief.

Hogan simply nodded. "Yeah."

~The End~

A/N: For anyone not familiar with the military's phonetic alphabet… Foxtrot Oscar would be F. O., which would likely have made this guy the butt of more than a few jokes in his lifetime….But at least his first name was not Ulric…. ;) * This story was inspired by the old joke in the 1968 movie "The Odd Couple." There is a scene in the movie where Oscar yells at Felix and tells him he hates getting little notes from him. "We're out of cornflakes, F.U. Took me three hours to figure out F.U. meant Felix Unger!" (Thank you, Neil Simon!)