Rated M You have been warned. I had it updated so hopefully it is a little more easier to read GOD bless
Something is wrong with Dean he is acting very distant. I asked him and he does his normal shrug and say everything's fine. Well I know everything is not fine.
I mean I'm an angel and I could go into his mind and see for myself what's wrong. But I feel like I am violating him when I do that. No he needs to tell me himself.
I know sooner or later he is going to break. For better or for worse I'm not sure yet. All I know is that I can feel it in him and the look in his eyes, something is wrong and I must find out what it is.
The strange thing is he gets all pissy with me but not anyone else like I did something to him. But I have no idea what I did. I need to talk to him.
I hope it's figured out soon I need to go back to saving the world. I can't be dealing with this now. I just hope he will go back to the way things used to be when he smiled his breathtakingly beautiful smile, or the way he looks at me with those big green eyes that speak his vulnerability.
I only knew Dean for what two years now and I can see right through him but Sam knew Dean his entire life and can't tell, or just don't want to. Dean has a lot of baggage and none of its good.
He is always trying to be the protector. Always trying to keep Sam floating. But the truth is he's trying not to drown. He will always try to be the protector but whose going to protect him?
Sam's not Dean just don't let just anyone in. He's got to really trust you before he does that. But he never really lets down his guard.
He lets down his guard only to be squashed flatter then a pancake so he built a never ending force field that never goes down not even for Sam. I've seen him take down the force field sometimes but only for me.
We all know we have a bond that's so strong it even shakes heaven itself. Ever since I took him out of hell and burned my hand print in him I ache for him when he is in pain like it's my own.
These past few weeks I can't even look him in the eyes cause of how much pain and sorrow are in them. Right now he is drowning and the only way to free himself is he's going to have to let someone break his force field and show that he is a human and not just daddy's perfect little Soldier.
I rather have it be me than anyone else. Truth be told I am having feelings that I can't understand like every time I see Dean I can't talk and I have this weird sensation in my stomach like insects flying around.
I don't know what it is but I do know that I like the way it makes me feel. I just hope when I do talk to him he won't get to pissed off.
I will bide my time and wait to see if it gets any worse. If it does then I will try to talk to him to see if it gets better. If not then I don't know what I'm going to do.
All I know is I can't be around here much longer watching him wither away.