Notes: Another random piece of silliness that came about during a
conversation with my friends about sex. Therefore, this story is dedicated
to them, to my Nathan and to My Stuart.this is for you!
A funny thing happened today.
Vince Tyler couldn't remember exactly how or when the change started, but it had certainly come as a shock. It hadn't been huge at first, just the little things. They'd go out and once in every seven nights he wouldn't cop off. Vince could cope with that, in fact, it was quite the godsend. Next came the refusal to do the odd line of coke, admittedly, that wasn't so weird, they were getting older and it was sort of stupid. Besides, they didn't want to end up like Phil had. After that it was the cigarettes. He wouldn't have any to lend Vince or if Vince offered, he'd always decline. Once again, not so stupid, cigarettes were bad for you. Then came the weird part, he wouldn't drink, not even in moderation. He'd say no, happy just to drink soft drinks or, god damn, orange juice. The final straw came when he stopped going out, Vince would call, asking him to the bars, the clubs, but he'd always say no. That was when Vince really got freaked out, what was going on?
What the hell had happened to Stuart Alan Jones?
~*~
Harlo's was never very busy on a Thursday. In all his years of working for the supermarket, Vince had never worked out why. Not that it mattered anyway, in fact, it worked in his favour. Since Nathan was on his summer holidays from school, Vince had agreed to meet the teen outside the supermarket so they could have a talk about Stuart. Vince slipped out, managing to dodge both Mrs Fletcher and that evil bastard Graham Beck. Nathan was already outside the building, sitting on a bench. Vince joined in and grateful took a proffered cigarette. "I know why I'm here" Nathan spoke up. "It's Stuart isn't it"?
"Yeah" Vince replied, taking a drag. "I'm worried about him. He's completely changed"
"I noticed, it's been going on a while now. Y'know I thought I'd appreciate a quieter Stuart, turns out that I don't" Nathan continued, sullen. "I've been thinking about what's been happening and I've managed to come to a conclusion"
"Oh yeah"? Vince asked, slightly amused. He didn't greatly value Nathan's theories on things but they often were great for comedy value. "Stuart's found God" Nathan whispered, dead serious. Vince stared at the teen and burst out laughing. He almost fell off the bench as his body convulsed with giggles. Nathan simply frowned. "Think about it Vince, it's not that crazy. No drink, no drugs, no casual sex, it all adds up" Vince's laughter stopped abruptly. He realised that Nathan might actually have a valid point. He wiped his eyes and nodded. "Good point, look, I think someone needs to talk to him about this. It's too strange, I'll go round tonight after work and see what's going on ok"? Vince suggested. Nathan nodded. "You'll call me when you know"? He asked. Vince was taken aback slightly. Nathan seemed to be genuinely concerned about Stuart. "Of course I will" Nathan excused himself, saying he had to got and meet Donna somewhere. Vince finished his cigarette before heading back into the supermarket.
~*~
Vince opened the door to Stuart's flat later that evening. He wasn't too sure what to expect. This new Stuart was unpredictable, however, after recent events; Vince doubted that anything could shock him anymore. "Hiya" He greeted. Stuart was sitting on the sofa, a cup of tea in his hand, watching the TV. Vince glanced at the screen; Stuart was watching some old film. "Hi Vince" Stuart said softly. He smiled at his old friend and shifted on the sofa so Vince could sit down. "What brings you here"? Stuart asked politely.
"I just wanted to have a chat with you" Vince admitted. It was pointless lying to Stuart. Stuart could read him like a book. "Oh? What about"?
"What's happened to you"
"What do you mean"? Stuart questioned with a frown.
"The complete change in lifestyle, the not going out anymore, no more copping off and no more drinking, what's going on Stuart"? Vince replied seriously. He was determined to get to the bottom of this and have the matter resolved. "You've really got me worried" He continued.
"Nothing's wrong Vince, there's no need to worry. I've just had a realisation that's all" Stuart explained calmly, smiling warmly at his friend. This simple act in itself scared Vince. Stuart's smiles were always so predatory even towards him. "What kind of realisation"? Vince asked with a frown.
"That the way I was living wasn't right for me" "Oh my God" Vince gasped. "You're joking right"? He asked, looking for any sign of mocking in his old friend's eyes. "No, I'm being completely serious" Stuart said, his voice deadpan. "Vince, I've become a born-again virgin"
~*~
Vince's eyes cracked open and he jolted up. Small beads of sweat ran down his forehead and the sheets were stuck to his clammy skin. "Vince"? A whispered voice next to him asked. Vince looked beside him and a small relieved smile came to his face. "Are you alright"? Vince slunk back under the sheets, still smiling to himself, that was a dream to keep to him-self. "I'm fine Cameron" He whispered back.
THE END
A funny thing happened today.
Vince Tyler couldn't remember exactly how or when the change started, but it had certainly come as a shock. It hadn't been huge at first, just the little things. They'd go out and once in every seven nights he wouldn't cop off. Vince could cope with that, in fact, it was quite the godsend. Next came the refusal to do the odd line of coke, admittedly, that wasn't so weird, they were getting older and it was sort of stupid. Besides, they didn't want to end up like Phil had. After that it was the cigarettes. He wouldn't have any to lend Vince or if Vince offered, he'd always decline. Once again, not so stupid, cigarettes were bad for you. Then came the weird part, he wouldn't drink, not even in moderation. He'd say no, happy just to drink soft drinks or, god damn, orange juice. The final straw came when he stopped going out, Vince would call, asking him to the bars, the clubs, but he'd always say no. That was when Vince really got freaked out, what was going on?
What the hell had happened to Stuart Alan Jones?
~*~
Harlo's was never very busy on a Thursday. In all his years of working for the supermarket, Vince had never worked out why. Not that it mattered anyway, in fact, it worked in his favour. Since Nathan was on his summer holidays from school, Vince had agreed to meet the teen outside the supermarket so they could have a talk about Stuart. Vince slipped out, managing to dodge both Mrs Fletcher and that evil bastard Graham Beck. Nathan was already outside the building, sitting on a bench. Vince joined in and grateful took a proffered cigarette. "I know why I'm here" Nathan spoke up. "It's Stuart isn't it"?
"Yeah" Vince replied, taking a drag. "I'm worried about him. He's completely changed"
"I noticed, it's been going on a while now. Y'know I thought I'd appreciate a quieter Stuart, turns out that I don't" Nathan continued, sullen. "I've been thinking about what's been happening and I've managed to come to a conclusion"
"Oh yeah"? Vince asked, slightly amused. He didn't greatly value Nathan's theories on things but they often were great for comedy value. "Stuart's found God" Nathan whispered, dead serious. Vince stared at the teen and burst out laughing. He almost fell off the bench as his body convulsed with giggles. Nathan simply frowned. "Think about it Vince, it's not that crazy. No drink, no drugs, no casual sex, it all adds up" Vince's laughter stopped abruptly. He realised that Nathan might actually have a valid point. He wiped his eyes and nodded. "Good point, look, I think someone needs to talk to him about this. It's too strange, I'll go round tonight after work and see what's going on ok"? Vince suggested. Nathan nodded. "You'll call me when you know"? He asked. Vince was taken aback slightly. Nathan seemed to be genuinely concerned about Stuart. "Of course I will" Nathan excused himself, saying he had to got and meet Donna somewhere. Vince finished his cigarette before heading back into the supermarket.
~*~
Vince opened the door to Stuart's flat later that evening. He wasn't too sure what to expect. This new Stuart was unpredictable, however, after recent events; Vince doubted that anything could shock him anymore. "Hiya" He greeted. Stuart was sitting on the sofa, a cup of tea in his hand, watching the TV. Vince glanced at the screen; Stuart was watching some old film. "Hi Vince" Stuart said softly. He smiled at his old friend and shifted on the sofa so Vince could sit down. "What brings you here"? Stuart asked politely.
"I just wanted to have a chat with you" Vince admitted. It was pointless lying to Stuart. Stuart could read him like a book. "Oh? What about"?
"What's happened to you"
"What do you mean"? Stuart questioned with a frown.
"The complete change in lifestyle, the not going out anymore, no more copping off and no more drinking, what's going on Stuart"? Vince replied seriously. He was determined to get to the bottom of this and have the matter resolved. "You've really got me worried" He continued.
"Nothing's wrong Vince, there's no need to worry. I've just had a realisation that's all" Stuart explained calmly, smiling warmly at his friend. This simple act in itself scared Vince. Stuart's smiles were always so predatory even towards him. "What kind of realisation"? Vince asked with a frown.
"That the way I was living wasn't right for me" "Oh my God" Vince gasped. "You're joking right"? He asked, looking for any sign of mocking in his old friend's eyes. "No, I'm being completely serious" Stuart said, his voice deadpan. "Vince, I've become a born-again virgin"
~*~
Vince's eyes cracked open and he jolted up. Small beads of sweat ran down his forehead and the sheets were stuck to his clammy skin. "Vince"? A whispered voice next to him asked. Vince looked beside him and a small relieved smile came to his face. "Are you alright"? Vince slunk back under the sheets, still smiling to himself, that was a dream to keep to him-self. "I'm fine Cameron" He whispered back.
THE END