a/n: Yes, I am doing a Bella/Jasper fiction because I feel like they have intense chemistry. So enjoy this angst/romance/what-ever-it-is. Breaking Dawn... just didn't happen, okay? Enjoy.
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'running from lions'
or:
four times Bella thinks Jasper is looking at her & the one time she knows he is
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I.
Bella Swan was new to Forks- new to the rain and dampness, new to the small high school, but mostly she was new to the intense staring. No one ever looked at her back home, she wasn't even trying to be modest in saying that, literally no one looked at her, not even her teachers. She was one of those kids who just sort of blended into the background and she honestly didn't mind that at all.
It sure beat being ogled at every turn, she had checked her appearance several time in the small girl's bathroom just make sure something wasn't out of place. However, nothing could have prepared her for Edward Cullen and his James Dean brooding or his Adonis like beauty. She had never been transfixed before, but as he stared across the cafeteria she couldn't even think of looking away. His topaz eyes cut right through her, making her feel about four inches tall.
Edward Cullen was intense, it had taken one botched biology lesson to know that. It doesn't take much for him to tear her self confidence down and leave her feeling like a scared little girl. His skin is cold and his eyes seem black in the bright lights and she swears she's never seen anything more beautiful in her life. Bella never had a very good sense of danger and as she watches him scowl at her, she doesn't care about danger.
He leaves after one class with her and she tries to force herself to believe that she doesn't care about him. He's just another boy; she's never wanted one before so she definitely doesn't now. Except she totally does and is devastated when she walks into the cafeteria and sees that his body isn't in the chair in the back with the other unnatural looking teens, who all are looking in different directions.
She lets herself fall into a chair, feeling sort of hopeless at the prospect of biology. She guessed that all those people who took no notice of her were better off if it only took an hour in her presence to want to leave home. A miserable sensation lay in the pit of her stomach and she played with her apple, not having any desire to actually eat it.
Nearing the end of the lunch period she stood to throw her uneaten apple and empty coke can away, she passed Edward's pseudo-family's table in order to reach the trash cans. As she walked by, she felt a nervous rustle come from her left, the blonde boy had stood hastily, pulling his girlfriend's tray of untouched food up with him to dump it in the trash can.
Bella leaned over to toss the apple in and felt a cool arm brush her fingers, but as soon as she looked up the source was no where to be found. Her feet made their way out the door of the lunch room and she felt oddly at peace for the briefest second. She looked over her shoulder as Jessica rambled on about something or another. She could have sworn she saw the blond boy's head duck to look at his sister, but he was engaged in conversation when she looked up.
Still she had a strange sensation that his honey eyes had been focused on her the second before. With a shake of her head Bella made her way to biology, all thoughts of Edward Cullen temporarily vanished from her mind.
–
II.
Prom was awkward, not only because Bella Swan doesn't dance, but add a cast into the mix and it's pretty much an accident waiting to happen. However, Alice had forced her into say yes, and Alice could be very persuasive when she needed to be. Sometimes Bella wasn't sure how Jasper managed to stay married to her.
She supposed it was because Alice was the Yang to Jasper's Yin. Where she was bubbly and optimistic and outspoken, he was reserved and realistic and quiet. Jasper was the Cullen Bella felt least comfortable around, and that included Rosalie, who made her distaste for Bella fairly obvious. She thinks it's because Jasper is too much like her. They have similar temperaments, similar logic, and even similar attitudes towards Bella being a vampire.
So when she sees Alice dancing with Jasper at prom she thinks it's kind of weird to see Jasper smile so much. He's laughing with Alice, his usual serious demeanor completely drained from his face as he twirled his pixie-like wife around the room. In that moment she sort of thinks, "yeah, okay, they make sense now," because she realized that Jasper had this hidden layer that only Alice could coax out of him.
Edward was a lot of things Bella wasn't and that included being a talented dancer. His arms wrapped around her and his feet slid under hers and soon they were gliding around the room and she didn't care how they looked. She just knew that this is where she wanted to be forever, because Edward is this ball of intensity and logic and heart. He's an anomaly; and even if they are a cliché, she's comforted because maybe that means they'll get a happy ending after all.
He walks her to the gazebo where she tries to persuade him to change her, but he wouldn't be Edward if he said yes when there was another option. So she's content just to sway in his arms, her heart racing and her mind searching for a way to get Edward to agree with her plan. Not for the first time she thanks god that Edward can't read her thoughts. She glances up to see Jasper and Alice dancing and wonders why Jasper can feel her when Edward can't read her.
Bella believes in fate, though, so she knows that there is some reason Edward can't read her thoughts, but Jasper can control her emotions. Sometimes she feels Jasper, too, his hatred, his pain, she is empathetic with him, because even if she doesn't know his story, she knows it must be sad. Every Cullen has a sad story behind them, but she just has this gut feeling that Jasper's is the saddest.
Amidst her thoughts, she glances up to see Jaspers head whip around to call out to Emmett and for the second time that she can remember she feels like his eyes had been following her movements the moments before. Jasper eyes are intimidating, his gazes always hold some hidden meaning, and he never speaks without motive, so it's natural for her to be interested in him.
She glances back up to Edward, whose topaz eyes were taking her in, so she smiles at her perfect boyfriend, but as she leaves she glances once more at Jasper, but he's looking anywhere but at her. It's natural for her to be curious... isn't it?
–
III.
Cuts and bruises were not a stranger to Bella. She had fallen more times than should be humanly possible as a child. However, as Carlisle stitched her arm up, she felt no pain, just a numbing sensation that stretched to her fingers. Carlisle has warned her that it would hurt, but she guessed she'd built up a pretty high pain tolerance. As the needled laced up her arm she and Carlisle made small talk and she found herself stumble onto the subject of Jasper.
"I know it wasn't his fault." She says honestly, because she knows that Jasper hadn't know what he was doing, and she didn't fault him for not being able to control himself.
"I know that and you know that, but Jasper won't see it as such." Carlisle spoke sadly, his gentle fingers still at work, "Jasper is much more complicated than most vampires- even vampires such as my family." He spoke, peaking Bella's interest.
She glanced down at her arm, the numb feeling still radiating, thinking about what Carlisle said. She wanted to know more about the Cullen's desperately, but even more about Jasper. His cold attitude towards her only proved to suck her in further and she wasn't sure that was exactly the best choice, but then again, she has said that several times in her short life.
"What do you mean?" She asked, trying to appear aloof, but she knew she was a terrible actress and Carlisle was too kind to actually embarrass her.
He sighed, dropping his hands from where he had finished stitching her arms, thinking about how to answer. "Of course, Jasper's story is his to tell, but his background is not like the rest of ours. He exist many years before he and Alice met and those years weren't kind to him, Bella." Carlisle, in a very human-like moment, ran a face over his face almost as if he were tired.
"Jasper struggles everyday but he does it because he wants to be better. He'll never forgive himself for tonight, no matter how long he lives. Jasper is his own worst enemy in a lot of ways." He said after a moment and Bella could only nod, because instead of calming her questions, Carlisle's words had only stirred more curiosity to bubble up in her chest.
"Well, I think Edward is ready to take you home, Bella, let me burn this and we'll head down, shall we?" He asked in his quiet voice, smiling sympathetically. She nodded once and stood, her eyes glancing back to her numb arm then flicking her gaze up to the crack between the door and the frame, where she saw a flash of honey blond disappear.
It took her a moment to realize that her arm had begun to sting painfully as she continued to stare at the door, almost certain it had been Jasper; her heart swelling because she knows if it was him, he's just watched her be stitched up and heard what she's said about him. She reaches over instinctively to grab her arm.
She thinks that if it was Jasper, he must have dulled her painful emotions and sent a wave of serenity over her brain. She smiles gently towards his bedroom door as Carlisle walks her to the staircase, wishing she could tell Jasper that everything would be okay in the end.
–
IV.
The idea of a army of newborn vampires is a pretty hard theory for Bella to wrap her mind around, because it seems sort of comical at first, then she realizes that Edward isn't just sort of serious and she thinks, this is my life, because it seriously is. She pauses to ask the cosmos once again if she would ever stop having to run. However, between a vampire boyfriend and a werewolf best friend and a sheriff for a father, it's unlikely she'll ever get rid of walking the line of death.
She agrees to follow Edward to speak to Jasper, a thrill shooting through her stomach, quickly quailed by her guilt. She shouldn't be excited to see Jasper, she shouldn't want to hear the sound of his voice. Yet, she felt nerves rise in her chest as they made their way into Edward's familiar and beautiful home, seeing Alice and Jasper sitting on the couch.
It seemed like such an odd thing, watching Jasper look so at home somewhere. He was usually on his guard twenty-four seven, so she was unaccustomed to seeing him with his feet put up and arms out stretched. Even though she knows he isn't- he looks vulnerable until he senses how close she is and leaps to his feet.
He still doesn't like to stand to close to her, because as Carlisle told her over a year ago, Jasper has never forgiven himself for what he did to her. She finds this a lot more frustrating than she probably should, so she stands closer to him that she normally would as a challenge. He simply raises an eyebrow at her and for the briefest second she can't help but think how sexy he is. The guilt floods her again and she knows she sending him on a roller coaster with all her emotions, but she couldn't help it.
Then he started his story, the moment that Bella had waited three years to understand, to hear. She had always pictured that it would be Edward that would tell her, but hearing the words tumbled from Jasper's lips in an uneasy southern drawl was a hundred times better than any of her expectations had been.
Carlisle was honest when he told her Jasper's previous life had not been one of kindness. She could picture Jasper in his Confederate Army uniform like a picture in one of her history books, his face set, much like now. He was just a boy trying to fill a man's shoes. Her heart clenched for his life with Maria and all that he had to endure at her hands, all the lives he'd taken, all the pain he caused. Mostly her heart broke for him and how his penance would always be his conscious and the conscious of his victims.
His scars did the opposite of repulse her, she found herself drawn to them, because she didn't feel so alone when she looked at them. Her wrist matched his arms and face, a thought that sent chills down her spine. Somewhere along the way of running from vampires, fighting werewolves and protecting Forks she had grown to care for Jasper deeply, though he had never said more than ten words to her. He had voted she become a vampire, he had shown deep remorse for hurting her, it sort of made sense that she would hate seeing him in pain.
Alice and Edward were discussing something quietly while Bella sat on their couch, legs crossed, eyes fixed on her fingers. She felt a wave of peace flourish across the room before looking up to see Jasper in the kitchen, gazing out the wide windows; she thinks that he was watching her moments before, but like always with Jasper, she never can be sure.
She finds herself wishing, not for the first time, that he would look at her.
–
V.
When Alice makes the announcement that she's leaving the Cullens, Bella wants to kill her. It's an irrational fury that burns through her body as Alice smiles an apologetic smile at all the Cullens, but Bella is a human and no match against Alice. However, when she announces that Edward will be leaving soon also, Bella has to be restrained by Emmett after she lunges at the pixie-like girl in front of her.
"Bella, you know in your heart why Edward will leave. I knew years ago who you were meant to be with." She says in a sort of sad tone that just makes Bella feel that much more like shit.
Things with Edward disintegrate pretty quickly after that point. She spends most of her time worrying he's going to leave at any second and she figures he just gets tired of trying to prove her wrong after a while and one day she hands him his ring, no tears coming to her eyes as he nods sadly down to her.
"I may not be able to read your mind, Bella, but I can read his." He offers simply, pausing only to kiss her forehead. Bella has figured out who Alice and Edward were both talking about by this point, after weeks of denial. She feels like her life has become the very worst cliché romantic comedy.
No one had heard from Jasper since Alice left. He took it fairly hard; Bella was pretty sure that he was used to people leaving him, but Alice had been a constant for him, so his entire world was turned upside down. She missed him, which was sort of pointless, since most days she was pretty sure he had successfully driven her crazy with the few moments they had shared in the past.
So after six months she has nothing to do but move on with a heavy heart to an empty apartment and a full class schedule at the University of Alaska. She thinks that this might have been her destiny all along- to just be normal for a change. It was kind of funny how she had so vehemently fought college when Edward had been around, but she actually enjoyed her classes.
Over the course of her first year she met a lot of people- all normal, warm blooded, humans. In a way her heart tugged at her, because she knew why she had once been so fascinated with Jasper. He had been it. He was who she was supposed to end up, but she believed in fate and trusted it to guide her on the right path.
So one night as she is waitressing at a bar near the college campus, a pair of honey warm eyes catch her gaze and she drops the tray she's holding because she's pretty positive she's hallucinating. He's sitting in the back, a gentle smile on his beautiful face, causing her heart to forget how to work properly for a moment.
"Jasper." Is all she can manage as she stands in front of his table, feeling silly in her white and black serving outfit.
"Miss Swan." His southern drawl becomes more apparent and for one wild second she thinks he must have been in the south. His hair seems lighter and his eyes seem that much brighter as he stands, his fingers reaching out to brush the scar that ran down her arm. The scar that had begun this entire journey for them all those months ago.
"I've missed you." She voices honestly and he smiles at her, before ever so cautiously he leans down, placing his lips against hers for the briefest of seconds.
She knows that this kiss is the best thing that she's ever experienced and she knows why. She and Jasper have always been connected; from the first touch in the cafeteria all the way to where they stood, lips locked in this dimly lit bar in Alaska. She knew that this has been her destiny and as Jasper pulls away she can't help but smile.
"Would you like to go out sometime?" He asks in his most charming voice, causing her to giggle a little.
"I think I'd like that very much."