In 1953, Magda and Erik were happy. They got married about two years before, and were dedicated to rebuilding their lives. Erik had found a job, and Magda was happy to be a housewife. Their lives were so normal, you wouldn't have guessed what pain they had survived. But they knew. Though they were happy, and moving forward with their lives, they were haunted by their past. Their love was the only thing that kept both of them going. Since Auschwitz, the only time either felt safe was in the other's presence.
Erik had been working hard recently, and Magda was happy to have him home whenever he could be there. Magda couldn't sleep that night, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. She always had trouble sleeping. Those memories kept her awake: what the guards had done to her, all those who had died, and all that fear. She went to make herself some warm milk. She wanted to be with Erik. He was the only one in her life who understood everything she had been through. After all, he had been there too. But she let him sleep. It was good for him. She almost envied him. She didn't know how he slept. He said that if he could sleep in the camps after what they had done to him, he could sleep in his bed next to his wife. It still sometimes took him a while to fall asleep, but today had been a hard day at work. Magda decided she couldn't wake him. She hoped her milk would help her sleep. As she drank it, she heard something from their bedroom.
"Magda?" It was Erik. "Magda?! Where are you?!" he called. He ran from the bedroom and held her in his arms. "Magda! Thank God! Thank God! My dear Magda. They were going to take you! They were going to take you from me. I thought I lost you. My dear Magda. My love." He held onto her tightly. Erik almost never cried. It was still programmed in his mind not to. Showing that kind of weakness was unacceptable for any prisoner in Dachau, especially a Sonderkommando like him. At first it had been hard for him. He had been so young. To see and do such things at any age was nearly unbearable. After a while, though, he learned to ignore his emotions, to suppress them. It was easier that way. But tonight, as he held his beloved in his arms, after the nightmare he had had, he couldn't contain it. Between the pain of the memories and the fear of losing Magda, he was truly shaken.
Magda held him silently for a while. If anyone knew how to comfort him, it was Magda. Finally, she spoke while he sobbed. "Hush, darling. I'm here. I'm right here. We're safe, Erik. We're safe now." Erik eventually stopped sobbing, but Magda noticed he was still shaking. She could tell this nightmare had been especially terrible. She thought of how unfair it was. The whole thing had been unfair, of course, but it hurt her so much to see her husband like this. But this was no time to mourn her own pain. She wanted to help Erik. "What was it this time, darling? The doctor, Schmidt?" Magda knew about what had been done to him. She knew Schmidt had experimented on her Erik after he had been moved to Auschwitz. He never wanted to tell her the details. It was too painful for him, and he wanted to protect Magda from that knowledge.
"No. Not this time," Erik said, calming down a bit. "Dachau. The dead." Erik's face turned cold. He hated talking about that. As a Sonderkommando, he had been forced to help the guards with their terrible work. He knew in his mind that none of their deaths were his fault. Magda had helped convince him of that. But in his heart he still couldn't accept it. Magda pressed Erik to continue. "You know you can trust me, Erik. You can tell me anything. What shook you this badly tonight?" she asked. "I was there in Dachau. I was working the crematorium again." Erik shuddered at the memory.
Magda suppressed tears, both for the dead and for her husband. She had to be strong for him tonight. She silently took his hand to show him she was there. He feared she would hate him for what he had been forced to do. How could he live with himself? Not only had he survived when so many had not, there was nothing he could have done to save them. He felt he should have found a way. She knew he felt this way. She knew she had to show him it wasn't his fault, that she didn't blame him, and that nothing that happened to him in those camps could make her any less devoted to him.
"Erik, my darling," Magda said, "it's ok now. I'm here." "That's what scared me so much," Erik replied. "The dead whose bodies I was putting in the crematorium came back. They were so angry at me for letting them die. They were right, Magda. I let them die. They were going to find you. They were going to take you from me so I would feel their pain. When I woke up, you weren't next to me. I thought..." He began crying again. He melted into Magda's arms. "Magda, I promise you. I won't lose you. I promise to keep you safe. Nothing like that will ever happen again. Not to you, not to me, not to anyone as long as I live. I promise you, Magda. I will never let anyone hurt you again. Never again, my dear love."
Erik held his wife in his arms. He meant every word he said. He couldn't forgive those monsters for what they had done, much less forget. He wouldn't let himself forget, even if he could. It wouldn't be fair to his people, the countless souls who had perished. He had failed them in the camps by not saving them. He would not fail them by dishonoring their memory by forgetting, or sitting quietly, if, Heaven forbid, anyone tried to commit such atrocities again. What was most important of all to Erik was making sure no one hurt Magda again. He didn't care what he had to do. He would go to any lengths to protect them.
"Have some milk, darling. It will help us fall asleep again," Magda told him. She didn't know what else she could say. The fear from those memories gripped her. What Erik had said shook her. He thought it might happen again. That fear would make it even harder to fall asleep. Erik saw the fear in her eyes and decided it would be best for her to take the milk and change the subject. It was his turn to take care of her. "I should get my pay on Friday. I'm going to take you out, Magda. How does that sound? We can go to that little place you said looked nice. What do you say, my dear?" Erik asked. "That sounds wonderful, darling," Magda replied. She began to calm down a bit when he changed the subject, but she still needed some time. "You deserve a night out. You work so hard," Magda told her husband.
"I do it for us, Magda. I think the boss might give me a raise soon. I've worked for him long enough. He says I've really done good for him." Erik liked to tell his wife that. He liked that he took care of her and provided for her. He knew she deserved that. It made him feel so proud. "That's wonderful, Erik." That made Magda happy. He worked so hard. And, being honest, Magda loved that Erik treated her sometimes. "We can go out more," Erik said with a proud smile. "I can buy you beautiful things. Beautiful things for my beautiful wife." Magda blushed. He really knew how to say the right things to her.
"Or," Magda said tentatively, "maybe we could start a family. Have some children." Magda said this hopefully. She had suspected she might be pregnant for a little while. She didn't want to hide anything from Erik, but she was afraid. They hadn't really talked about children. They had been too preoccupied putting their own lives together. But now they had a little house and Erik had a decent job. She still didn't want to tell him until she was sure. Tonight she was testing the water.
"Children?" Erik asked. "I don't know, Magda. Have you been thinking about this long?" He would be lying if he said he had never thought of it. He had pictured himself a father, and the thought of Magda as a mother just made sense to him. She would be a wonderful Mama to their children. But he didn't know how good a father he could be. And there was another reason he felt wary about it. He had never told Magda the reason why he had been chosen by Schmidt to be his lab rat. Erik was still unsure about it himself. He knew one thing: he could bend metal without touching it. Schmidt had tried to bring out his ability. Erik had practiced a little since then, but not much. He could barely stand the memories of what Schmidt had done to him to bring out his powers. He had been so young. He didn't know how to control it then. He was still practicing. But he hid it all this time from Magda. He didn't know what she would think. He feared she would think he was a freak. He was a freak. If a monster like Schmidt thought he was a "fascinating creature," he must have been a freak. Even if she didn't leave him, he thought it would put her in danger. What if someone else found out? What if they hurt him for it? What would happen to Magda? Would they hurt the wife of the beast? He knew for a fact people could be that cruel. He couldn't let that happen to her. And this ability, whatever it was, Schmidt had said it was in his genes. What if his children inherited the problem? Whatever happened, no child of his would go through what he had. But how could he be sure?
"I don't know. A while." Magda responded. She couldn't tell how Erik felt about the suggestion. Did he not think she'd be a good mother? Was he not ready? She hoped he was just taken aback. Hopefully he would warm to the suggestion. She would try again. "Erik, we've been married about two years now. Hasn't the thought ever crossed your mind?" "Of course it has, my love. Of course I want to give you children. I want you to be a mother. My dear, you would be a wonderful mother." "Then why not? Darling, I want you to be a father. I want to be a mother." "What if they're not safe? I want children. I want to be a father. But, Magda, what if I can't protect them?" "Erik, you're the best protector I could ask for. There isn't any other man in the world I would rather have protecting my children. And the world is different now." "It's not different enough. They never caught Schmidt. He fled after the war. Magda, if we do have a family, I don't want the world our children are born into to have that monster free." "Darling, the world is safe for people like us now. I know how you feel, Erik. I'm still afraid too. But the past is over now."
She said that. But Erik wondered. Perhaps the world could be safe for Jews like him, or Gypsies like Magda. But what about people like him? People who had different abilities like his ability to move metal with his mind. Would the world be safe for them? Was there even anyone else like him out there? What if their children were like him? Erik could barely stand the thought.
"Erik? I'm tired. I'm tired. Let's go back to bed." "I think I'll stay up a bit more. Goodnight, my dear." "Do you want me to stay up with you?" "Do I want you here? Of course. But you need some sleep. Go to bed, Magda. I love you." "I love you too, darling." Magda was tired, but she wasn't sure how that conversation had gone. Erik hadn't said no to children, but he hadn't said yes. Would he be ready if she was pregnant? She knew he could be a good father. He was loving and a good provider and there was nothing he wouldn't do for those he loved. But his fear and anger might be his undoing. Magda knew he would never take out his anger on her or their child. But she knew he had so much anger for what had been done to him and his family. She knew that anger had to go somewhere. Magda crawled into bed thinking these things over. Soon Erik joined her. He had been thinking too. "Magda?" he whispered, "are you awake?" "Yes." "I just wanted you to know that if we do have a child, I'll love and support the two of you more than ever. You'll never have to worry. I'm here for you, my love. It would be pure joy for me to give you a child." Magda smiled and whispered back, "You don't have to worry either, Erik. I'm here for you too, darling, no matter what." After the night they had, husband and wife drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.