COLD OPEN: "Talking heads" of Michael, Jim, Pam, Stanley, and Dwight. Quick cuts between each head.
MICHAEL: [in his office] It's 9:32 in the AM, only 2½ hours until lunch. Boy, am I excited for lunch. There is this pub in Clearwater, and they have this burger called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser. It is one mammoth burger, with onions, and lettuce--
JIM: [in the kitchen] So, Michael has got it into his head that he should eat a 20lb burger during lunch. [pause] I don't even have anything to add to that, y'know? It just speaks for itself.
MICHAEL: [listing off items with his fingers, looking up at the ceiling]--tomatoes, pickles, cheese, bacon--
PAM: [at her desk] I am not even surprised. I actually read on the internet the other day about a guy who ate this exact burger, and I knew that Michael would want to eat that burger faster. [pause—frowns at the camera upon ugly realization that she knows Michael too well]
STANLEY: [in the conference room] I don't know that he'll succeed, but I wholeheartedly approve. I have sampled the burgers made at that pub, and they are divine. Michael will never be able to eat that whole thing, and I am not opposed to sharing food. [smiles at camera like its Pretzel Day]
MICHAEL: --and there's like a whole cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard.
DWIGHT: [in the hallway] Shrutes are made with iron stomachs. We can eat large quantities of anything. Our bodies are especially capable of digesting meat of any kind. I know I was made to eat this burger, and that is why I am challenging Michael in a burger-eating duel.
MICHAEL: He's going to duel me? Really. [slowly nods head] I am not surprised at all. Dwight has always been the very competitive type but [slowly shakes head] there is no way he's going to beat me.
PAM: [giggling] Oh my god, Michael and Dwight are having a burger duel?!
JIM: [amused-jim smile] I am just so happy right now.
STANLEY: I am not eating Dwight's burger.
cut to The Office Theme