THE SNEAKEASY

PART 1

James looked different one morning.

He had taken such a long shower that very morning he missed class. And so he waited outside.

"Notice anything different about me?" he asked when class was over.

Sirius scanned him from head to toe.

"New earrings? Put on weight?"

"Nope!"
"You said you were doing something with your hair."

"Remember that I signed up to test this new hair product for money and free hair products? Supposed to control your hair or whatever. Well? How do I look?"

"Like you want some summerloving."

"I don't get that reference."

"Like you're getting some over head lifters and some four barrel squads."

He didn't get that one, either.

"Like you're stranded at the drive in. Branded a fool."

"Do I take that as approval?"

Sirius couldn't say. He was having a private flashback, of himself travelling back 20 some years through his parent's photo album. So much hip-thrusting. Couldn't unsee!

"CAN'T UNSEE!" he screamed.

"Will you tell me if you like it or not? You say I have no taste. I could be looking like an utter tit right now although I'd like to be looking at an utter tit right now!"
"I know where there are lots of tits," said Remus.

"Are you serious?"

"Are we talking about the same thing?"

"Probably not."

"Once I came so close I touched it!" said Peter.

James's hair sure smelled nice, Sirius thought. Like, really nice. It wasn't right for blokes to use fragrant hair products. It made things weird and deeply confusing.

"Are you sure it's not a woman's product?"

"It's unisex, ok?"

"Did it say so on the jar?"

"It didn't say it wasn't. Besides, what difference does it make? Man hair isn't different from woman hair, I think."

"Well, I suppose you would have been able to tell from the design."

"I think so. Just because I can' tell pink from blue does, doesn't mean I can't recognise a woman's product when I see it. But this jar, it was definitely blue, with a very curly font surrounded by lots of little hearts."

"Girly font?"

"Curly font! Sleekeazy; For Man's Pleasure. So far this really has been to my pleasure. It sure smells nice. I'm getting... broom varnish, sweaty sock and...mmm... fresh towel. Now where is all this coming from? "

He kept turning around, looking for the source, like a tail-less dog trying to catch his fart..

"You all getting that?" he asked, still sniffing.

Sirius wasn't getting that at all, he was getting entirely different smells.

"Ground coffee, croissant, smoke. Where's the smoke coming from? Is something burning?"

"I can't sense any smoke," said Remus.

"No because you're probably sensing seaweed and oolong."

"No I'm not."

"You're not sensing anything at all?"

"Just kelp and bergamot, for some reason."

"And bubblegum, too."

"I don't know. I can't tell."

"I can, but I know where it's coming from."

"I'm still waiting for opinions," said James. "Is it so much to ask for you to stop looking at me with lust in your eyes and give me some feedback?"

It was, actually. That hair product was really doing something to their brains. Something wonderful.