A/N: Set during 6x14, the night where Spaleb go the storage unit~
"It's happening again, isn't it?"
Caleb didn't answer Spencer, but she knew his answer just by the look on his face. She felt uneasy in every way and had no idea what to do. Going through this again was not an idea she ever allowed herself to entertain, yet there they were. The phone in her hand caused her to be filled with fear in ways she tried to escape. It was almost as if all her time in therapy fell right into that trash can….wasted.
This was a fear she had off and on for the last five years. She just considered herself to be paranoid, but now it was a reality she would need to face. She wasn't ready. It was impossible to ever truly move on from all of the torture they suffered, but reliving it was something none of them would ever be prepared for.
It was the gentle touch of Caleb's hand on her arm that jolted her back to reality. Without a second thought she tossed the phone into the trash can. The nightmare was beginning all over again and she had no desire to be there any longer than absolutely necessary. The text on the phone did nothing to ease her fears they weren't being watched from far away distance. She knew just how this game worked, and she wasn't going to give whoever was behind this anymore ammunition.
"Come on," he whispered.
Vaguely she wondered if he knew how fast she like she was falling. Years of being free meant nothing now. Being so deep in her thoughts she barely felt him grab her hand, lacing their fingers together as they walked back to the car. It was such a simple touch but it allowed her to feel more at ease.
"I'm sorry," she began, "about erasing the text about Toby. I should have just showed it to you the first time." At least then she wouldn't have felt as awkward as she did. He was her first love. For that he would always remain a part of her. Now she was with Caleb and all she wanted was to be with him. Toby was her past, but Caleb was her future.
He placed a kiss to the side of her head. "Don't worry about it, Spence. I get it. No more secrets though, okay? If we have this new A coming after us then we can't have any secrets."
"You don't know that it's a new A." She pointed out. "But no secrets."
She hoped it wasn't a new A.
The two only parted once they got back to the car, not speaking the entire ride back to her…their place. None of her thoughts were cohesive enough for her to elaborate on them. All she felt like doing was crying. She refused to let her emotions get the better of her. She was stronger now...or at least she thought she was stronger. It took a long time to heal and she still had moments where everything got the best of her. Therapy helped, but it wasn't a magic cure all. There were still things she chose to not share with anyone, even Caleb, who she was more candid with than anyone else in her life.
She let out a shaky breathe once the engine was shut off. Before he could ask her questions she didn't want to answer she got out of the car and walked back to the barn a little too quickly.
Being back home didn't bring her any comfort; not that home was every comforting for her. Ever since she was a child it was a mess. Home was always something of a joke. She could feel the tension between her parents sometimes, and even as secrets came out it rarely lightened up. The constant favoritism of Melissa never helped matters. It was like she was screaming for help and no was there to listen because of precious Melissa. Things were better now, but she still felt like she was talking to parents who didn't care as much she could see her friends' parents caring. No, home never brought her the comfort she wished it did.
Still she walked into the barn like it did, leaving the door open for Caleb behind her, kicking off her shoes. She heard the keys hit the table before she actually heard him.
"What's going on?" Caleb's soft question rang through the air.
Spencer didn't know why she suddenly froze, but she did...as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have done. It took her a few breaths to actually turn to face him. The way his eyebrow was arched with a genuine concern and curiosity written on his face something so genuinely Caleb. It wasn't the first time she saw that look and she had no doubt it wouldn't be the last. Even when they were strictly friends the concern they had for one another was absolute.
She never expected her feelings to develop as they had. Over the past three years she became more comfortable and connected with him than she thought she would. High school Spencer Hastings believed that she was going to be with Toby forever, just as she believed Hanna and Caleb were going to be together forever. It was naive and she wondered how she could think something so fairytale when they were living in a horror film at every turn.
Now she was there with Caleb and everything felt as if it fell into place. She was terrified that there was another stalker after them that could ruin their lives, but she had him. If this happened she could be okay, because he was there with her every step of the way. Just as he was there for her over the past three years when she fell into a darkness she occasionally felt as if she could not overcome. There was strength in herself, but there was also strength in him.
If this was her new life then she could handle it…..with him.
"It's nothing." She finally answered.
Caleb stepped forward and didn't believe her. It was difficult to. She was anything but convincing. She was hurting and in need of isomething. She leaned into the hand that found her cheek. She sought out the comfort he was good at giving her, and right now, she wouldn't change a thing.
"Talk to me."
Talking was good, as her therapist always said, but it was never that easy. She took a seat on the arm of the couch and looked up at Caleb who was standing before her. "When Charlotte died I thought we would finally be free. Nothing would be fixed, but she was gone. We went to her funeral. She couldn't haunt us anymore. It was better closure than her being locked away, manipulating Ali into thinking she changed, so much that we were all so stupid to let her out. Now," she spoke fast and couldn't help the way the tears filled her eyes, "it's happening all over again. I can't do that again. I barely survived, Caleb."
He pushed her hair behind her ear as he replied, "No one is going to hurt you."
She laughed at that, a sad laugh, in the way that she didn't believe him at all. Her faith in everyone and everything had been shaken. She wouldn't have believed anyone who said that. Her paranoia was running rampant within her for good reason. No one could protect them before. No one could protect them now.
"I'd never let anything happen to you, Spencer," he promised. His words were firmer now, trying to make her believe them. If only she did.
She believed that he believed he wouldn't let anything happen to her. Whether he could keep the promise of keeping her safe was something neither of them could possible know. Their bond strengthened over the past few years and she knew she wouldn't let anything happen to him, but there was so much that was soon going to be out of their control.
"I know," was all she whispered as she blinked back the tears to try to stop them from falling. It didn't quite work out.
Caleb's thumb brushed the fallen tear from her cheek, leaning forward so their foreheads could rest against one another, "We shouldn't have come back here."
It was the most honest thing he said. She couldn't help think that maybe if they were in their little D.C. bubble none of this would have happened. It would be them as they had been….together and hidden away from the dramatics that being in Rosewood brought them. It was wishful thinking. She knew better. She knew that it would be her friends being tortured and she would only remain oblivious for so long. She would have made her way to Rosewood and fell victim to their new stalker. She wouldn't have Caleb as she did now.
"But we wouldn't have this." She whispered with her eyes closed, "And this is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time."
"No, we wouldn't.
"Promise me something." It felt like she said that all too often lately.
"Anything." There was no hesitation in his reply.
"No matter what happens we will have each other. That this won't ruin what we've both wanted for so long, that we will make it out of this town, and we won't look back. We'll go to Europe and I won't cry at the bull fight this time, we'll drink in all the places we shouldn't, we'll eat all of the food the locals do even when it smells funny, and we'll have so much sex neither of us can move."
Caleb placed his hands on her cheeks, looking into her eyes. "You're not going to lose me, Spencer. I'm not going anywhere. You've had me since Madrid and nothing could ever change that. through the nightmares, panic attacks, the laughing, the crying, the phone tag, movie nights, the tubs of ice cream you only let me have two bites of. It's been us. It'll be us. We'll go to Europe and I'll fulfill every single thing on your wishlist."
As he went on she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Hearing him saw those words meant more than she could even begin to describe to him. So she didn't say anything. Instead she kissed him, bringing him as close as she could manage, leaning up into him as he leaned down into her, taking this moment to not worry about anything, but be there with him.
It was moments such as those where she felt the safest. No one could touch them.
When he pulled away she all but whined, taking the hand he offered out to her. He pulled her and guided her towards the bed. Before they made it to the bed, however, he pulled her against him, arm wrapping around her petite frame, and held her against him.
She was doing her best to follow his lead, but she was growing impatient. Neither of them dared to pull their gaze from one another. In a moment of weakness she found her eyes darting to his lips, lingering as there was most certainly nothing subtle. Her mind traveled to how they felt against hers and after so long of denying herself what she wanted with him the reality was something she was far too ready to recreate. He didn't move, so neither did she. Instead she allowed her mind to continue to wander as her desire only grew. She recalled the way he made it his mission to kiss along her exposed skin the night before in that very bed, no seconds thoughts finding her as they gave into what they were fighting for far too long.
The two fell into one another so easily. It wasn't weird. They were friends, but now they were lovers. It was a risk she took the very moment she broached the topic, but the risk was worth the reward she got.
"Caleb." A murmur of his name passed her lips as she allowed her gaze to fall back on his eyes. He was clearly enjoying himself while she was on the edge of desire, needing him. "You're a cruel man, Caleb Rivers."
He responded to her by kissing her again, pulling away from her just enough to slip his hands between their bodies, unbuttoning her shirt and pushing it from her shoulders. It fell to the floor and Spencer pulled his shirt from his body, breaking their kiss only long enough to make him as shirtless as she was. Slowly moving backward she pulled him with her until she was sitting on the edge of bed.
"Penny for your thoughts." He said as he stood with his knees against the edge of the bed, but not quite joining on it just yet.
Spencer held out her hand with a grin, "Better pay up."
"Now who is the cruel one, Miss Hastings?"
"I'm just thinking…." she began, her voice soft, almost shy, "how much better you could look," she continued as her hands moved towards his jeans, "with these off, and how much more fun we could have." By the time was done speaking she tugged his jeans down from past his hips, watching as he stepped out from them.
"You're still wearing too much." He replied as he made a move to remove her own pants. "Better."
They were moving a lot slower than the night before and she was glad. She enjoyed their first time together, but they both desired one another so much that they missed out on the chance to just enjoy and explore. She had a desire to know everything she could about him, and just what he liked. That was what she wanted from him now. It was near impossible for her mind to shut off. No matter what it seemed she could go back to all of the things that haunted her, but for this moment, even if only lasted a few seconds longer, she was completely in the moment with Caleb.
"Not allowed on the bed with any clothes on." She whispered making a note to look at the boxers he had on. A pleased look came across her face at their removal, following her own rule and removing the last scrap of clothing she had on before he had the chance to make a comment.
Caleb joined her on the bed, following her as she scooted up, his lips finding hers in an instant. His hands ran down the sides of her body as her fingers ran through his hair, spreading her legs for him to fit near perfectly between her. She wanted him, desperately, but she was content with this for the moment.
She thought of this a few times while they were in D.C., wondering what it would be like, then quickly chastising herself for even daring to think of such a thing. As if just the mere thought of his naked body against hers, of what he could sound like when he was completely lost in the moment was a betrayal to someone that was her best friend. But now they were there, she talked to Hanna, and she knew the reality of all she wondered before.
Slowly her hands wandered from his hair down to his back, lightly scratching, letting out a soft moan as he kissed along her jawline. Her entire body felt like it was on fire and she only wanted more of him, to touch and feel him. That was taken away a little too soon as he pinned her arms on the sides of her head, before lacing their fingers together. It was sweet and she liked it, but she wanted to touch him.
"No fair."
"Totally fair," he smirked, kissing down to the side of her neck and towards her chest.
"You're not going to win."
"No, you are."
He didn't break contact with her hands as he made his way down her body, kissing at her skin, until he found himself settled between her legs. Not wearing any clothes in the bed was something they should make a rule.
Leaning her head against the pillow, she bit down on her lip, and slowly spread her legs for him. She was not a stranger to this, though she would rather not think of other men while in bed with him, just a stranger to it with Caleb that she remained slightly unsure of herself. Even as he kissed along her thigh and her body desired this, him. It was the feel of their joined hands that helped relax her, realize she didn't need to be worked up about every part of her life, and this was no different.
The feel of his tongue sent a shiver throughout her body, "Oh," she half whispered, half moaned as all worries she had simply slipped away.
He was good with his tongue. She probably shouldn't have been so surprised. A guy like Caleb didn't strike her as the kind who would be bad at anything in the bedroom. She almost hated the way her hands were held by his, finding she wanted to touch him, or more accurately to make him touch her more. His tongue explored every part of her and she was only more heightened as he continued, her back arching just enough, pushing against his mouth. She needed more.
"Fuck." She couldn't hold it in, nor did she try, not as he continued on, his tongue swirling like he was paid to make her come undone.
Spencer was God awful at staying still. With each movement it felt like her body was going to combust, her legs holding him there, her hands squeezing against his even harder. She swore her knuckles were turning white. The sounds of her moans were overtaking the room and as she lifted her head to look down at him it only seemed to turn her on more. Her best friend turned boyfriend was going down on her and she was on the edge of falling apart.
The edge that she was so close to falling over. "Caleb, Fuck. Oh." He didn't' stop until she came down from her thigh, letting go of her hands as she tried her best to catch her breath.
"I guess someone enjoyed that." He commented with an all too smug tone as he came to lay next to her.
"I did," she breathed as she turned her head just enough so she could see him, biting down on her lip to conceal her smile.
"Come here." Caleb pulled her towards him so they were both lying on their sides. His hand found her thigh, which Spencer moved so she resting over his leg, as close as the pair could be.
"It's hard to return the favor like this." Spencer did enjoy the intimacy they shared now, but she wanted to touch him. She brushed his hair from his face, running her fingers through the brown strands. She'd done just that a few times in the past, but nothing like this, nothing so intimate between them. It made her feel a rush, one she never wanted to be without.
"You don't have to," he murmured as he brushed his lips against hers.
"I want to."
"Surprise me." He didn't hold out much longer before his lips were fully against hers, taking his time. "Guys love that."
Spencer rolled her eyes but ultimately found that was amused. She grabbed one of his hands and took it into her own. She liked all the hand holding they did. When it was just the two of them it seemed they couldn't keep their hands to themselves, and she loved that, just knowing he was there by his touch. Even as friends whenever times of comfort were needed it was the two of them giving soothing touches to the other. It earned them a few curious glances now and again, but now it was just them. No one to judge how they were together.
"How did your talk with Toby go?" She asked as she realized they never had the chance to speak about it. It was easier to just leave him out of conversations, almost like the mere mention of him was going to be bring tension to the new relationship they were in. She did her best to keep the talk of Hanna at bay for that very same reason. And maybe they shouldn't have spoken about him while naked cuddling in bed, but she was curious.
"Alright." Caleb gave a small shrug. "I don't think he's gonna call me anytime soon."
"He's going to propose." She broke her gaze from him, it falling to their joined hands. "Do you think they'd be engaged before us? Not us, us. Us as in you…...and me. Spencer, stop talking. You're making an idiot out of yourself."
He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose, biting back a laugh. "I know what you meant." Still, he shrugged again, "Yeah. Toby's….Toby. He's the guy who builds someone a house on his own, and then they get married and have a couple of kids. The Rosewood tradition lives on. And Hanna….is Hanna. She marries a guy like Jordan. He's the kind of guy she's been dreaming about since she was five. He even has an accent to match." His own gaze had fallen away from her. "We're…..us. Here. We're still kind of a mess, but it's good. I like it. I like you."
"You sound regretful." And even in her doubts she didn't pull away from him, she only lifted her gaze to settle on him cautiously. "Girls do love accents though." Half of her past attraction to Wren was because of that accent he had….plus, Colin….and a few others during her time in Spain she'd rather forget.
"Only that it took us three years to get here." He assured her. "They moved and we stood still."
It did take them a long time to get where they were, and moments passed them by in which Spencer wished maybe the two of them would just give into their desires. But it wasn't worth ruining what they built around them. What was to say the two wouldn't have ruined the friendship they built if they were together earlier? Going behind Hanna's back would have certainly ruined the friendship the girls shared.
They had one another now and while she would have appreciated a few happy moments before she found herself stalked again...it was hard to look at it any other way. Just laying there with him, their bodies pressed against one another, her leg over his, hand in hand, talking so softly their words didn't need to come out any louder than the softest whisper, she was happy.
Jason taught her it was okay to be happy. She was glad she truly was.
After her breakup with Toby, she didn't think it would Caleb she fell for. There were a few other guys along the way, but nothing like what she shared with Caleb. If nothing tore them apart she'd knew she would love him. It scared in some ways, but in others if she could just lie with him there forever she'd never feel that again. He brought her comfort before, and now it only allowed her to feel as if she could open herself up to him more. She didn't want to hide anything from him. That was no way to build a relationship.
"Do you feel watched?" She asked softly, breaking the silence that hung comfortably between the two of them.
Caleb's gaze returned to Spencer. "Only by you. it's a turn on…obviously."
She gave something of a breathless laugh.. "I mean...always." Her tone shifted instantaneously. "'I don't lurk in the shadows, I hide in plain sight.' Why now? Who could Charlotte have possibly known that Ali didn't know about? It's been five years. We made lives for ourselves and now….now it's all crashing down." All she could think was that it wasn't fair. None of this was fair anymore. "Some nights I just lay and think about the dollhouse. Hope breeds eternal misery, but I hoped. We survived. Barely, but we survived. All of us. Even when we were separated, it was us, there, together. I wonder some nights what if we hadn't? I wouldn't be here right now. Charlotte tortured us for her own little game and now someone else? Who is going to come out of the woodwork now? Why is this town so fucking cursed? Why am I so fucking cursed?"
"Spence, breathe." He gave her hand a squeeze, running this thumb along her skin. "It's just some idiot. We'll figure this out. I promise."
"It's not fair." She barely got the words out and failed miserably in keeping her feelings in check. All the relaxation he gave her was gone now, and she felt….worried. She didn't want to cry and completely ruin the mood between them, causing her to bury her head in his chest, breathing to calm herself.
"I know, baby." He whispered and kissed the top of her head.
Their relationship was so new that she probably shouldn't have kept opening up as she did, at least her fear told her as much. She wanted this to remain uncomplicated, but the two had been through so much in the last three years that there was no one else she trusted more than him. It felt as if the two had been together for far longer than three years. The only thing that changed was being together like this. Before it was fully clothed and distance, but now they were both naked, and closer than anyone platonic would ever dare to be.
Just being in Rosewood messed with her in a way she didn't know how to handle. She didn't come back unless she had to, and when she did it was rarely with her friends being there as well. It was as if the act transported her back to her time in high school. The only thing that was different was the man she shared her bed with, and she had far more life experience. But there was something about being home that made her feel so young and small.
"I'm sorry." She finally whispered, pulling her head up to look at him.
He shook his head, "There's nothing to be sorry for."
"I'm a mess."
"You're beautiful." He whispered as he brushed the fallen strand of hair from her face. "When I got to D.C. I remember thinking how good you looked and how being there was the right choice. Way better than New York."
"You're trying to get in my pants." She all but dismissed, but had the faintest of blushes across her face.
"You're not even wearing pants."
Spencer laughed."You're not either."
Caleb looks down. "And you're just laying there, when you have your boyfriend ready for taking."
"He's not that cute."
"Ouch. maybe i should get dressed then," he moved away just enough, breaking their connected hands.
Spencer was the one who caused him to pull away and the one who came to instantly regret her choices. Even if they were all in good fun. She pulled him back, however, with a smile across her lips. She wanted the contact he broke back. "I don't think so," she whispered as her hand rested against his neck. The next moment she was kissing him again, slow, but with a definite purpose at the forefront of her mind. One that her body aided in as she slowly began to rock herself against him. "I want to be here with you. Now. Just us. We'll worry tomorrow. Make me forget."
Caleb wanted this as much as Spencer did, moving himself against her in return the feel of her body against his own pleasurable, the sound of her voice only aiding in the arousal he'd been trying to calm. Her words turned that all around as he slipping his hands between her legs. He'd become more acquainted with her body but there was still so much to learn about her and what she liked. "I never told you how good you tasted or how could I just keep eating you out. I don't how any guy resists you."
"You made me feel like jelly." Just as he seemed to casually be doing now. "Last night, before, now."
Caleb made sure to keep his gaze on her as he allowed his fingers to explore her, feeling the wetness of her previous orgasm and current growing arousal, gently grazing in all the right places to encourage her. "I want you to feel like you have no idea what you name is."
He was most certainly on track with that goal of his, causing her to let out a moan. Her own hand slipped between their bodies, wrapping her hand around him, leisurely stroking him. If he was going to tease her she had no problem teasing him. She didn't even bother trying to control herself. The more she felt of his touch, the more she needed to feel. Since last night she felt like her body needed him. All day her thoughts traveled back to him and his touch. "You better work on that, soldier. I'm far too aware of my name."
It was a challenge and one he accepted. No more teasing. He broke away from Spencer long enough to grab a condom. The last thing they needed to be was the talk of Rosewood. Spencer already had that title.
She kissed him and pushed her chest against his, hooking her leg just enough so they could both get what they wanted. A muffled moan came from her the very moment she felt him inside of her. Finally, her body got what it craved since she snuck out of bed that morning.
Her hand grabbed his as the two moved together, needing all of the contact she could get from him. The need to breathe was stupid and she detested more than she ever before, instead trading it in for the ability to rest her forehead against his, looking into his eyes as the first of many moans slipped past her swollen lips.
With each thrust everything became heightened. The intensity was new. Not just with Caleb. Being with the others was not like being with him. It was true for all facets of her life. He always managed to bring something more to her life. She wouldn't have it any other way. Their first time was something he enjoyed, but now, it was far more of an experience.
This was about them being together.
Her breathing gets heavier just as her body is in need of more. The slow pace the two created hardly working for her anymore, not as he allowed herself to take what she wanted from him. Not that he seemed to mind.
She doesn't last much longer. The combination sends her into overdrive. With another thrust she found herself losing that control she carefully tried to keep. He didn't follow suit, nor did he let up. Instead, he let her ride it out.
"You're fucking sexy," he whispered, stealing a kiss.
The compliment given only had her kissing him harder. The two were no less intimate than before, just with a new passion finding them. "Harder," she requested against his lip, taking a moment to catch her much needed breath.
Caleb obliged with ease, his own moan coming out as he reignites the kiss.
Her entire body was sensitive and it almost felt as if it were too much. Almost. But she wasn't willing to lose this. Not with the way he kissed her like they were both dying and it was the only thing that would save them. Or with the way he thrust just hard enough that there was no way she'd of been able to hold out for much longer. She wanted to keep what they now shared, but their bodies would surely betray that soon.
She bit down on his lip probably a little too hard as the third wave of pleasure that night came over her. This time he doesn't hold out, the soft moan of her name as he loses his control something that made her smile. It was one thing to be in the moment with someone, but to know they were actually thinking of you is another altogether.
Her kiss as they found their composure was far more gentle, Spencer's hand slipping from his and instead wrapping around him so she could hold him close. Part of her wanted to say something and the other part of her wanted to say nothing at all.
A soft whine slipped from her as he moved away and broke the little bubble they'd been in. She rolled on her back and just enjoyed the moment of peace she had. It wouldn't last her long. It never did. Shutting off her mind was impossible and only moments of those highs worked for her. She learned the hard way they couldn't last. Her eyes only opened when she felt his weight on the bed, her head moving to rest on his chest.
"I'm never moving from this spot," she murmured with a soft smile.
He stroked her hair as he looked down at her, "So I don't have to make nice at your campaign event tomorrow?"
"Ours. You do work for the Hastings campaign. Scandalous. Sleeping with a staff member. What will my mother think?"
"I think she already knows. Or suspected."
"Damn. I'd want to see the look on her face." She was actually a little sad about that. It'd be fun to get under her mom's skin just a little.
"We'll come up with a plan tomorrow. Deal?"
"Deal."
