Our Farewell
Ten years, ten years, Momo Hinamori kept telling herself. It had been ten years today since her dearly beloved had died, her Toshiro Hitsugaya. Her Shiro-chan, her lover, a man discribed in so many different ways by so many different people.
Dear Toshiro,
It's been ten years, two hours, and thirty-six minutes since you died. Yeah I even remebered the time of death, noon. I'm being really stupid writing this, but I need to get out my feelings. A decade without you is starting to feel like a life time. Renji, Rukia, Ichigo, and Rangiku came to visit today, to check on me. So much as changed Toshiro, not in just the Seireitei but the Shinigami as well. We've all changed due to the Winter War. But... but you killed Aizen, and you'd be proud of me I don't ponder over his betrayal anymore, I rarely even think about it. Because you justified it and there's no point and dwelling in it anymore.
It's been ten years, three hours now since you died and I'm not doing too much better then I was twenty-four minutes ago. Still writing this letter, still sitting in this chair, still sitting in the sunlight. There's no snow, no ice. There hasn't been any in the Seireitei since you left. The only reason there really was any was because you would release your spiritual pressure.
It's been ten years, three hours and ten minutes now since you died and I'm not sure how I manged all the years without you. I know you'd tell me not to dwell on the past but sometimes it's just too hard not too. Your presense hasn't left me, I still swear that I see you walking past my window in my house, or the Squad Five deparment on your way to Tenth. Then I have to remind myself that your dead and won't be coming back. Cause you're somewhere else, somewhere probably not thinking about me, about your lover. That's okay, I want you to be happy and if you're happy not thinking about me then so be it.
That's all for now,
Momo
Rangiku read threw the note, Momo must have been the one to leave it here on Toshiro's former desk. She recognized the young shinigami's hand writing, the two of them had been good friends for a while now, but Rangiku knew they would never be best, no one could or would take Toshiro's place as lover and best friend. "Hey Rangiku," said Renji walking in, Renji was the new captain of squad nine well compared to how long some of the other captains had been captians, yeah he was new. He had been named captain soon after the Winter War, just as she had been named Tenth Captain.
"Good afternoon Renji," she replied,
"Hey, you want to go out drinking tonight?" asked Izuru coming in after Renji,
"Yeah, Renji you want to go too?"
"Sure, we should probably invite Momo too," said Renji,
"No, I don't think she'd want to come," whispered Rukia also coming in, "She probably wants to spend the night alone." Rangiku nodded in agreement. If she was anyone but Rangiku she'd probably want to spend the night alone too, but she was Rangiku and her way of wallowing in misery was to drink it away.
The end of the Winter War ment that her two closest people in life were dead, and dead now for ten years.
"Rangiku, you okay?" asked Hisagi coming in, Rangiku shook her head.
"Rangiku, um here are some more forms for... Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to intrupt," said Momo coming in,
"Oh, it's no big deal Momo, hey did you leave this here?" asked Rangiku holding up the folded letter marked To the Tenth Captain,
"Yeah, I'm sorry," Momo said placing the stack of papers on the desk. She turned to leave,
"Hey Momo," said Rangiku stopping her, "Hisagi, Izuru, Renji, and some of the others are going drinking tonight to honor our respected departed friends you want to come?" Momo looked up into the older shinigami's eyes.
"Yes, it would be nice, I'm tired of being alone, I guess you guys understand too." said Momo,
"Maybe it's time we all said goodbye." said Hisagi,
"What do you mean?" asked Renji,
"He means that it's been ten years and we still haven't let go, that we keep telling ourselves that it was all a bad dream and everything will go back to normal." whispered Ichigo,
"We should all tell them goodbye," siad Izuru, "Captain Ukitake,"
"Captain Komamura," whispered Hisagi,
"Gin," said Rangiku,
"Chad," whispered Ichigo, "Urya, Orhime,"
"Byakuya," said both Rukia and Renji,
"Captain Tosen," said Hisagi,
"Toshiro," Momo said so quietly that the other had to strein to hear her say it but they all knew that she had.
"Hey, Rangiku, I was just wondering- Oh, I'll come back at a later date," said Rangiku's lutient Hinnata Sohama, she took one look at the other's gathered in the room and tiptoed out.
"To Ukitake," said Izuru holding up his bottle of sake,
"To Ukitake," the others murmered raisning up their bottle of sake before taking a drink.
"To Captain Komamura and Captian Tosen," said Hisagi, raising up his bottle of sake,
"To Captian Komamura and Captain Tosen," the others murmered repeating their former actions,
"To Chad, Urya, and Orhime," said Ichigo, raising his bottle of sake,
"To Chad, Urya and Orhime,"
"To Byakuya," said Rukai and Renji raising their bottle's of sake,
"To Captain Kuchki," said the others who haddn't known the sixth captian that well.
"Gin," said Rangiku, raising her bottle of sake,
"Captain Ichimaru,"
"To Toshiro," said Momo,
"To Toshiro,"
"May we never forget them," said Rangiku, the other's raised their bottles in agreement with the tenth captain.
"Man this is the most depressing party I've ever been to." said Renji,
"It's suppose to be Dope," said Rukia slapping him up side his head,
"Yeah, yeah," Renji muttered, Rangiku shook her head as she drowned herself in sake.
"They're use to it," Ichigo muttered to himself as he watched Rangiku, Hisagi and Izuru drown themselves in sake.
"Yeah," said Renji agreeing, "Definetly use to it." Ichigo looked over at Momo who had only touched her sake during the toast.
"Momo, you okay?" he asked queitly trying not to make a big deal,
"Yeah, Toshiro didn't approve of drinking away your sorrows, he preffered to freeze them away. Kinda ironic isn't it?"
"No, just normal for him to me."
"We grew up together, me and Toshiro. I don't think anyone's ever told you that. He use to call me 'Bed wetter Momo' and I use to call him Shiro. It matched his hair. I use to wet the bed during thunderstorms. Even when I didn't he would still call me that to get on my nerves. Rangiku and I were the only two he probably ever risk his life for. I don't normally tell people this but you Ichigo, you seem special as if you'd take all this to heart, and never tell another soul living or dead." She gave a half smile at her joke.
"Would you like to come with me to the memeorial?" she asked,
"Sure," he tapped on Rukia's shoulder to let her know where he was going.
The memorial wasn't grand, but it was simple. It seemed to Momo that it was perfect. No one wanted to remember that war, why make a big deal of it. Sure students studied it in the Academy but the Shingami that were in it didn't want to remember it so they tried not to.
On it was just a list of names, their ranks and swords.
Hitsugaya, Toshiro – Captain of Tenth devision Hyorinmaru.
It was the first name Momo looked at before placing a white rose on it. "They were his favorite, they don't last long like ice and their the last to bloom. I use to give them to him on special occasions. Like when he returned to me from the Winter War, now I just place one on here on the aniverys."
Suddenly Ichigo found a sobbing girl in his arms. Not the captain of Fifth Devision, but a girl who barely could pass for twenty but was nearly ten times that years old. "Ten years Ichigo, how did we survive ten years without them?" she asked,
"Cause we knew that they would have wanted us to move on. Because if there is one thing that most people are good at is moving on in some shape or form. We may never move on entirly and we may barely move on. But if we can go about our daily lives without distraction that has to count for something." Ichigo said, his words betraying his wisdom.
Renji and Rukia stood behind them away watching the two of them. Silence filled the air as Ichigo finished talking. An icy wind blew up and swept away the white rose. "Oh no," Momo cried, she wanted to run after it but it soon stood still only twenty meters away from the memorial. Held in suspension by some unknown force.
"There's a ghost!" a shingami shouted who happened to be nearby.
"Oi, I'd be quiet if I were you there's three captains and a luteint over here!" shouted Renji making Ichigo jump. The unseated shingami walked along in silence but continued to watch the area where the four of them gathered.
"Momo," the wind seemed to say,
"Momo," it whispered again as she twirled around trying to find the source of the voice.
"Momo, I'm over here," the voice whispered, she turned around to face the rose.
"Toshiro?" she asked in doubt, then the rose dropped into her hands.
"I... I think Toshiro just came for a visit," whispered Momo,
"He knows what you're feeling today and wanted to make sure that you weren't alone." said Rukia, Ichigo nodded.
Momo brought her pen up her mouth as if to bite on it as she thought about what to write. She was suppose to be filling out reports but her mind was filled with other things. How long had it been now? Close to twenty years without him now.
She'd grown stronger in the ten years since they had decided to let go, to say their farewell. Maybe since this was their twentieth aniversery she could think about them again.
Dear Toshiro,
It's me, Momo Hinimori, your best friend again. It's been twenty long years. But these past ten years passed by quicker in my mind then the ten years before then. Lots of changed. Rangiku dosesn't drink as much anymore, merely for pleasure now I think more then drowning out sorrows. Izuru's now captain of the thirteenth devision and I think Hisagi is doing better.
Ichigo and Rukia got married about five years ago. We all saw it coming and they never realized that. Renji's matured a lot also.
Toshiro, I know I talk about how much everything's changed but I need to tell you that you're still in my heart and I miss you so much that it hurts to breath and think about you sometimes. The peach tree that we planted near my aparment blows in blossoms every spring and sometimes I find them laying on my futon. It's moments like these that I miss you the most. But Ichigo once told me that the one thing people are good at it's moving on in some shape or form. We may never move on entirely and we may barely move on. But if we can go about our daily lives without distraction that has to count for something.
I think that at the time I might not have understood everything Ichigo ment but I'm ten years older now and well I think even if just a litte I understand it better now.
We've all moved on in different ways, with Ichigo and Rukia it was each other. They moved on from their past and discovered their love. For Renji it was becoming a better captain, he's one of the best and the one people most want to be under. For Hisagi and Izuru, I think it was just coming to peace about what their former captains did. Rangiku moved on from Gin and is now going strong with Renji. I know not the person you would have probably have chosen but he's better then Gin and he's not going to disapear I don't think without telling her or someone else who could tell her if it came down to it. And me, the one you care about the most, I'm not sure what I did to move on to be honest, just not thinking about you and realizing that I can still miss you while not having my whole life depend on you.
So tonight I'll go out with the others and we'll toast you guys memories cause as much as we move on we'll never forget you.
With all my love
Momo
She tied the letter to a white rose.
"To all those who died in the Winter War," said Unohana who had joined them this year, she raised her sake bottle.
"To those who died in the Winter War," the others murmered raising their own bottles before drinking.
"Hey, you going to the memorial?" asked Ichigo coming over to the fifth capatian,
"Yeah," said Momo, "How are you and Rukia doing?" she nodded over to his lutient and wife.
"She's good, I'm good, we're expecting,"
"That's wonderful, I'm sure Orhime if she were here would want to help you guys out."
"Yeah," Ichigo admitted, "You know I'm surprised I haven't seen the three of them in the Acdemy yet, I keep checking."
"They'll come." Momo assured him,
"He'll come too, give him some time," Ichigo assure her and she merely nodded.
"Toshiro," she said to the memorial, "I guess I have to talk to you this way seeing as there's no grave for you. I'm sorry to disturb you, you don't have to talk back, in fact I'll be surprise if you do. I just wanted to say goodbye and I'm sorry.
"I won't talk to you for the next ten years, but I'll keep placing white roses here on the aniveserey and I'll think of you everytime the peach tree blooms and it's blossoms come in through the windows. When I look up at the stars and think about the nights of our childhood. Do you look up at the stars and think of us and our childhood? Do you look up and think of our nicknames for each other?
"Do you go to places that remind you of me and just try and talk to me even though you know it's in vain and that I'll never here it. Do you ever wonder if we'll be together again. I do, all the time and I think about how you died for me, to save me from Aizen. How I held you in my arms as you took your last breath and you froze over then shattered into a million pieces. I have one of those pieces of you, it doesn't melt and I don't think it ever will. It's a piece of my heart, my heart that was broken that day and I don't think it'll ever mend it's self.
"But Toshiro, I can't keep doing this to myself. Keep hoping that I'll one day get to see you again. So I guess Toshiro, this is our farewell."
This is our farewell.