First chapter of the re-write, not to many changes I think, just some clean up, spelling and POV errors I had made before.
CHAPTER ONE
Jacob wasn't sure what to expect when he arrived, but there was no sign of life around the big white crypt. Of course they knew he was here.
He cut the engine and listened to the quiet. After a few seconds he could hear tense, angry murmurs from inside and further in the house gentle humming. Someone was home that was for sure. He heard his name and smiled, gleeful to think that he was causing them a little stress.
He took one big gulp of air-it would only be worse inside-and leaped up the porch stairs in one bound.
The door opened before his knuckles touched the wood, and the doctor stood in the frame, his eyes grave. Jacob frowned, already the dread was setting in, sitting heavy atop his heart. Something was terribly wrong.
"Hello, Jacob," Carlisle said, calmer than he would have expected from him. "How are you?"
Jacob took a deep breath through his mouth. The reek that was pouring through the door was overpowering his sense of smell, making his skin itch as he fought the urge to shift and rip the good doctor's head off.
Jacob was disappointed that it was Carlisle who had answered. He would rather have it been Edward, teeth bared, that way he would have no hesitation. Carlisle was just so…..human or something the sort. Maybe it was the house calls he made last spring when he got busted up by that newborn trying to save Leah. But it made Jacob uncomfortable to look into his face and know that he was planning to kill him if he could.
"I heard Bella made it back alive," he said and step into the doorway, forcing Carlisle to step back unless he wanted him to be right in his face. "Where is she?"
"Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time." the doctor seemed uncomfortable, but not in the way he had expected. "Could we perhaps do this later?"
Was he freaking kidding? Was he seriously asking him to postpone the death match for a more convenient time? No! If this was going to happen, it was going to happen then and there.
There was a moment of silence before he heard Bella's voice, cracked and rough, and he couldn't think about anything else.
"Jacob's here?" she asked someone, and he noticed the humming from earlier had ceased. Had that been her?
Bella's voice was not what he had been expecting, in fact nothing since he arrived was like he expected. He tried to remember the voice of the young vampire's they had fought in the spring. But all he registered back them was snarling. Maybe those newborns hadn't had the piercing, ringing sound of the older ones, either. Maybe all new vampires sounded hoarse. Or maybe…
Bella's voice was not what he had been expecting, in fact nothing since he arrived was like he expected. He tried to remember the voice of the young vampire's they had fought in the spring. But all he registered back them was snarling. Maybe those newborns hadn't had the piercing, ringing sound of the older ones, either. Maybe all new vampires sounded hoarse. Or maybe…
He heard footsteps.
"Let me go, Rose, I can still walk. I want to see Jacob." she said to one of them and he heard her footsteps grow louder, moving closer . But then they stopped.
"Don't even think about it, Edward, I've had it about up to hear with you. I don't want to hear another word out of you unless it's something positive." her hoarse voice was practically a growl before her clumsy footsteps became angry thumps.
"Come in, Jacob, I just made lunch." she croaked louder, sounding more cheerful than she had when talking to any of the vamps.
Lunch? Like human lunches, or blood lunch?. He thought, confused and hopeful.
"Excuse me," he said to the Doctor and moved around him. It was hard to go against his instincts and allow himself to turn his back on one of them. Not impossible, just hard. If there was even such a thing as a safe vampire, it was the strangely gentle leader. He would try and stay away from him when the fight started. There was enough of them to kill without including him.
Jacob sidestepped into the house, keeping his back to the wall, protecting it. His eyes swept the room-it was unfamiliar. The last time he had been here it had been all done up for a party. Everything was bright and pale now. He tried to find Bella, and all her warm soft colors, her dark hair, and doe brown eyes, her pale skin with the flush of the running blood beneath it.
"What are you doing, Jake?" he heard her laugh the same moment he caught her scent. Her warm, clean, human scent. His heart soared. She was standing just a few feet in front of him, having come from around the corner from what he assumed was the kitchen from the scent of food wafting from that area. He barely even noticed the blonde blood sucker-the showy one, Rosalie, hovering strangely protective over her.
He looked at her face first and all he saw was the Bella he still loved, her skin still soft, pale peach, her eyes still that remarkable chocolate brown that twinkled a little as she smiled at him. His heart thudded in a strange broken meter, and he wondered if this was just some twisted dream he was about to wake up from. Then he really saw her. All of her.
Despite her smile there were deep circles under her eyes. Her soft, doll like face was also thinner. Her skin seemed to tight over her bones, like her cheekbones were ready to break right through the thin skin there. Her dark hair was messy and pulled over her shoulder, a few strands sticking to her face which had a thin sheen of sweat that coated her skin. She looked so fragile it was scary.
She was sick. Very sick. The story Charlie had told Billy was not a story after all. But her smile and eyes didn't give away any pain at all, in fact she looked happier than he had seen her in a long time.
Then he looked down at the rest of her. Bella's body was swollen, her torso ballooning out in a strange and sick way. It strained against the faded gray sweatshirt that was way too big for her shoulder and arms. The rest of her seemed thinner, like the big bulge had grown out of what it had sucked from her. One of her hands, which held an egg sandwich on a plate, were thin and bony, the bracelet he had given her slipped down almost all the way to the crook of her elbow. The other hand was on her bulging stomach, caressing it.
"Your pregnant!" he blurted out, feeling his heart be torn into shreds, though it wasn't the first time. He should have been used to it by then.
There was no way she could be pregnant though, not this pregnant at least. He had only seen her a month ago, it was impossible. How could such a thing even happen. Edward was dead, they were all dead, how could something like this happen? It didn't make sense.
Bella bit her lip, gave a nervous little nod and continued to smile. She moved closer, and he moved back. He felt like her presence was suffocating him.
He didn't want to see this, didn't want to think about this, didn't want to imagine that bastard inside of her. He didn't want to know that something that he hated so much had taken root in the body of the woman he loved. His stomach heaved, and he couldn't help himself but gag as he forced himself to swallow back the vomit.
"Jacob, are you ok?" she asked him, wobbling over to him as fast as she could, egg sandwich still in hand.
"No, I don't think I ever will be again." he admitted, and he could feel the tears begin to sting at his eyes as he tried so hard to keep them back. He felt like his heart, what was left of it was crumbling into a black hole. "This is so messed up."
"I didn't want to keep it a secret from you too," she said softly and placed her sandwich down on a small table against the wall. He did his best not to look down, and focused on her eyes as she brought her hands to his face, the relief he felt to find that ,despite being a little clammy, still held the same human warmth as before. It was enough to bring the tears he had been keeping down to the surface.
"Don't cry, Jake, please don't cry," she begged, her thumbs brushing over his cheeks and wiping his hot tears away.
"I'm so sorry. I know I must look horrible, but honestly I'm ok, I just wish there was a better way you could have found out, wish I could have just told you sooner." she said, and he cried harder when he saw through blurry vision that she too was also on the verge of crying.
"You don't look ok, you look hideous and that's coming from a guy who almost always thinks you look great." he tells her honestly, noticing how she blushes. God he loved when she blushed. Awkwardly he brings his hands to her sides, the balls of hands touching the swell of her stomach.
Rosalie hissed at him, but he just glares at her over Bella's shoulder. Why was she sticking so close to Bella, last he knew, Bellas didn't like Rosalie. In fact, she always seemed to be scared of her when she spoke about her.
A part of him thinks he should feel repulsed, that the thing she was carrying inside of her was a monster just like it's father, but he doesn't. Somehow, he remembers it's also a part of her, like he and his sisters were a part of his mom, a piece his dad will always have.
He feels extremely uncomfortable, but not a hundred percent disgusted by it. Besides skinny and tired, Bella didn't look like she was in too much agony.
"I know. Morning sickness sucks, and I'm up all night from the baby kicking. He's a lively one that's for sure," she laughs, her voice cracking.
"Don't lie to me, Bells, this isn't a normal pregnancy. What's wrong?" he says as she wipes the last of his tears away. "Tell me."
She drops her smile and sighs.
"You're are right. My pregnancy is progressing a lot faster and the symptoms are a lot worse. It's been rough. Everyone thinks I'm dying though, it unbearable." she said with an aggravated roll of her eyes before glaring around me at Carlisle.
"If the doctor thinks it's killing you then-"
"It's not killing me!" she turns her glare on him, his face still held in her hands, increasing the pressure of her thin hands. "This is the first time any of them has heard of a vampire impregnating a human, so they're all jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst because of how strong the baby is.
"What do you mean strong. Exactly how strong is it?" Jacob glares back at her.
"Sometimes when the baby kicks, I get bruises." she explains, and looks away. "sometimes it breaks a rib."
"What else," he probes, that can't be just it to have them all. Bella sighs and drops her hands from his face and folded them tenderly around her bloated stomach, one above and one below, cradling it.
"Alice can't see my future anymore, or the baby's." she explained. "and Carlisle can't see through the amniotic sac with an ultrasounds and amniocentesis is impossible because the amniotic sac is too hard."
"Ok…" Jacob says slowly, not quite understanding what she was talking about, though he did know what an ultrasound was he wasn't sure about the rest.
"Carlisle think it's because the amniotic sac is made of the same material as a vampire's skin. But we've only tried once, Edward stopped him halfway through." she rolled her eyes again, glaring behind her shoulder where Edward was hovering in one of the entryways.
"Because of this it would make a C-section very difficult as the only thing that can break through such tough material is their teeth...or yours." she explained with a grimace, probably picturing what that might look like. "but right now that looks like my only option, he doesn't think I can have a normal delivery if the amniotic sac can't be broken."
"What else?" he says, and this time it's his turn to cup her face. He knows her too well, can practically read her thoughts.
"Edward want's me to have an abortion." she looks like she wants to cry and she step closer to Jacob's warmth, her hands going to his sides where they twisted in the fabric of his shirt, lifting it off his hips just slightly, exposing the warm, dark skin there. Her fingers practically itch to touch it, to feel it under her palms.
"He's determined to believe that I'm dying because of the legends that he's heard of, and the research he's done. And of course, if I am dying so is he. He's such a drama queen. " she whispers the very last part, leaning close to his face, wearing a cute little smile as she rolls her eyes.
Jacob smirks. It's not often he hears her make fun of her apparent one true love. He had to enjoy it while it's last before she goes back to his defense.
"And you're not?" he raised an eyebrow.
"I don't feel like I am." she shakes her head. "Like I said, I have the usual effects of pregnancy just ten times worse."
"Is that why he look's like he's been set on fire?" he asked, looking over her head at the six vampires staring at them with anxious yellow eyes.
Jacob had seen Edward angry before, and he'd seen him arrogant. Once he had even seen him in pain. But what he was seeing now was beyond agony. Edward's eyes were half crazed and he didn't even look up from the floor to glare at him. His hands were rigid claws at his side.
"Edward's being a dramatic," she told him, not even looking back at her leach husband.
"He hates it," she whispered, talking about the thing inside her. "He hasn't said it out loud, but he doesn't have to. He wants our baby dead, he thinks it's a monster."
"Is it?" he has to ask, not too convinced that something conceived by a vampire could be anything but a monster. She knew what he was getting at, and just like he could read her mind she could read his. They just knew each other too well. Always had in way.
"Jacob, please." she shook her head. She had to heard enough from Edward, she didn't want to hear it from Jacob too.
"You can't possibly think I'm ok with this, Bells." he chokes. "It was hard enough to watch you marry him, and now you're having his kid. It's too much,"
"I know. I never thought you would be ok with it. But you're my best friend. Even with everything between the wolves and vampires, we managed to make it work, didn't we?" she asked, sounding selfish and pathetic.
"Now that you're here, I don't want you to leave." she tried not to start crying again. "You've always been there for me when I've needed you, and I need you now, Jake."
"God, I'm a terrible person aren't I?" she said, her weak little hands gripping at his ribs as tightly as she could. "I'm so selfish and cruel to you, the one who couldn't deserve it less."
"What will happen after the baby's born?" he needed to hear her say it. "Will they turn you?"
"That was my plan," she nodded. "it was the best option if things start going south during the birth, if my body couldn't handle it."
"Why did you have to come back, why not go somewhere else?" she was right, she was cruel, and he wanted to know if she was here just to cause him pain. The Cullens were smart, they would have known better to bring her back, to change her while still in Forks, or even the state of Washington. But he had thought maybe they screwed up, this was their comfort zone, perhaps it was just instinct to come back.
"All the equipment and medication needed to assist my pregnancy are here, and Carlisle has the credentials to get more. That why we didn't go somewhere else. It would have taken too long to move it or get more elsewhere."
"To be honest, I hadn't wanted to come back, not with you and Charlie here. But we had no choice. I was going to call Charlie after, to let him know I was ok, I was happy. I didn't want to put you guys through any more pain."
"You never do, Bella, but it never stops you anyhow." he knew it was a low and bitter blow, but he couldn't help it. He had always been honest with her, told her what he thought about everything and he wasn't going to start now. "Loving you is like torture."
"So why the hell do I love you so much, when all you do is hurt me and everyone I care about. What's wrong with me?" he pulled her a little closer, his nose in her neck, probing right behind her ear, lips at her jaw.
"You have really bad taste in women?" she said with a humorless laugh. "I've been trying to tell you I'm no good for you from the start, but I think in a way we're like Heathcliff and Catherine. Whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same."
"Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!" he scoffed at the irony. "I hated that book. The ending sucked."
"I still can't believe you read it." she shook her head a little. He had seen her reading it one day while he was fixing the bikes. Two days later he had checked it out from the reservations library, and finished it in a weak, wanting to know what was so good about it that Bella read it over and over again so much.
"Wanted to impress you," he mumbled into her neck, the skin warm. She gave a shiver as his breath ghosted her ear.
"You never had to do that," she told him.
"I wanted to, wanted to know you more." he told her, taking a deep breath of her scent.
"Wanted your attention," he added.
"You already had it," she told him and he shook his head.
"Not really, not as much as I wanted you too," he whispered against her skin.
"You would be surprised," she admitted with a blush, feeling ashamed of her confession when her husband was right there.
He smiled. He knew it!
He pressed his forehead to hers, and focused on her eyes. He had missed her eyes. He could stare into them forever and be happy. He wanted to forget, forget the bulge of her stomach, forget the pain, forget that she was married to another man and just hold onto her as long as he could before he was forced to let her go again. It was torture, but it was also heaven. How he wanted to kiss her again, to feel the searing passion that had sparked on that mountain, to feel her body pressed against his like he did in the tent. Then her stomach growled.
"Sorry, you were about to eat before I got here," he said and reluctantly pulled away, staring at the now cold egg sandwich that was off to the side.
"That's ok," she shrugged, but Jacob didn't miss the crease between her eyebrows or the way her grip pulled at his shirt before she let go.
"Will you stay?" she asked. After all he had gotten the answer he had come searching for. She was still human. But for how long was the new question. "Please."
"Only if you'll make me something to eat too, I'm starving." he put on a grin, ignoring the vampires as he focused on her, and just for a moment he wanted to pretend that Bella was his wife, that she was pregnant with his child and were in their own imaginary home. The fantasy was so vivid. Bella was glowing and healthy in his mind, love in her eyes as she stared at Jacob. In the corner Edward tensed, Jacobs thoughts finally bringing the vampire out of his depression for just a second to glare at Jacob, pain still in his eyes. But there was also something else, something similar to regret and sympathy.
"Sure, no problem." she grinned and picked her plate back up and proceeded to show him the way to the kitchen. Rosalie followed protectively behind Bella, hovering so close their sides were practically sewed together.
"Can we have some privacy, Rose?" Bella stopped and turned around to ask.
"Over my pile of ashes," Rosalie hissed, glaring at Jacob. "There is no way I am leaving you alone with this dog. The baby might be allergic."
"Don't be ridiculous, Rose. Jake's not going to hurt us," she smiled, touching the vampire's arm in a gesture of assurance. Than she added in a soft, tiny voice, almost as if she was ashamed to say the words. "He's not the one I'm scared of."
It didn't go unnoticed by Jacob how Edward and Carlisle both flinched. Rosalie eyed the two of them warily over her shoulder. Obviously some shit had gone down between everyone since the whole baby thing. They weren't close like they had been before, a rift had been torn between each other and not just with Bella. Jacob wondered what exactly had happened to get Bella to lose trust in them.
"Please, Rose." the blonde vampire finally gave in with a huff.
"Fine," she managed to get out through clenched teeth. "But the slightest noise of discomfort, or racing of your heart, I come running."
"Thank you." and Bella meant it. She was grateful, to both Rose and the time she was giving her to have with Jacob.
Leaving the vampires in the other room, Jacob and Bella continued into the kitchen where Bella then proceeded to take a few bites of her own sandwich despite it having lost it's heat, before she started to make Jacob something. But Jacob refused to let her do everything and helped her take out what he wanted from the fridge, surprised by how full it was. He took out the condiments and a knife from one of the drawers. Without even telling her she stacked the sandwich just like he liked it. Once done she cut it in half in triangles and placed his sandwich on the table. He helped her to sit down next to him, letting her take his hand as he placed a hand on the small of her back and assisted in lowering her into the chair.
"Should you be moving this much?" he asked her after once she was comfortably sitting, taking his own seat next to her. With his sandwich she also gave him a soda to go with it. It wasn't warm like the ones they would have in the garage, but it was still good.
"Rosalie's has had me doing nothing but sitting and lying on the couch all day, it's good to walk around once in awhile and stretch my legs." she told him, stretching her legs under the table, stretching her little toes inside her socks. Cold, she stretched her feet to hook around Jacob's ankles, hiking up the pant leg to get to the warmth underneath.
"So nice, so warm" she sighed, her toes had felt frozen before, no matter how many layers of socks she wore she just couldn't seem to get them warm.
He laughed and took a huge bite of his sandwich. He moaned as he chewed.
"You know me too well, Bells. This sandwich is great." he praised her.
"You're a pretty simple guy, Jake, it's not too hard to remember what you like to eat." she shrugged before finishing off her own sandwich.
"Want another one?" Jacob asked, noticing the way she stared hungrily at her now empty plate.
"I used the last of the egg's to make that. All I've been craving is eggs since I got pregnant." she tells him, shaking her head.
"Egg's, really?" he said, giving her a quirky smile around a mouthful of sandwich.
She nodded, looking almost embarrassed. "That and peanut butter and chicken,"
"Talk about a weird combination." he laughs, and damn did Bella miss that laugh.
"I've missed you, Jake." she spoke her thoughts, and reaches her hand for his. He meets her halfway, twining his fingers between hers, loving the way that despite how skinny she's become her hands still fit in his perfectly.
"I've missed you too, honey." he says softly, any thought about food long gone as they just sit and hold hands.
"I don't know what I'm going to do, Jake." Bella took in a shuddering breath.
"I want to believe that Edward will change his mind once the baby is born, once he see's him and holds him for the first time. But I'm scared that he won't, that even after he'll still hate it because of how he hates himself. How can I raise my baby around a father who won't even be able to look at him?"
She knows she's being cruel again by confiding in him like this, but other than Rosalie and Esmeralda she doesn't have anyone else to really talk to was on Edward's side. She didn't know what to do. She was so scared that Edward and Carlisle would somehow find a way past Rosalie and cut her baby out of her before it was ready. She loved Edward, but since she found out about the baby and saw how Edward reacted she was feeling some doubt.
. What occurred was by all means a miracle. She had never thought she would have children or even wanted any, and thrown away all possibilities when she chose Edward. This was her first child, and would probably be her only one. Edward had offered to do in vitro after she had the abortion if she wanted to have a baby so badly, as long as it was a normal human baby that wouldn't hurt her. But other than it's strength none of them had any evidence that her baby would be more vampire than human, but they all jumped to the conclusion that it was some murderous monster growing inside of her.
"I didn't even think you wanted kids, even when we were little you showed no interest in being a mom." he sighed, remembering how his sisters would play with each other and their dolls while Bella played outside, making mud pies with him.
"I didn't think I did either. But the moment I realized I was pregnant, that changed. All I could think about was if it would look like me or Edward, how complete I suddenly felt. I was so excited. After all we all thought it was impossible," she explained, this far off look in her eyes.
"The feeling only intensified when I felt him move inside of me for the first time," she looked down at her swollen stomach and gently caressed it.
"What are you thinking, Bella?" he asked and gripped her hand tighter, letting his warmth seep into her chilled skin. "Seriously."
"I know this seems like a scary thing, but it's not." she tells him, looking up so she can look him in the eyes.
"It's like a miracle or something." she tells him, awkward as ever. Jacob scoffs.
He changed the subject.
"You keep calling it a boy. How are you so sure if Carlisle can't see it with an ultrasound?"
"It's just a guess." she shrugged. "When I picture the baby, I see a boy."
"Sorry I didn't bring some blue balloons." he rolls his eyes.
"Please don't act like that, Jake, I don't need the attitude right now. I know you're not thrilled," she sighed, feeling exhausted and drained from dealing with everyone else trying to convince her to kill her baby.
"In fact, I'm surprised you haven't tried to convince me the same as everyone else." she rolls her shoulders, feeling achey.
"I'm waiting to get all the facts before I decide what speech to give you." he tells her honestly.
"I also know how god damn stubborn you are. Even if I did find out the damage is worst then you're telling me, that it really is killing you, it wouldn't matter if I asked you to get rid of it, would it?"
She shook her head.
"Thought so," he sighed and let go of her hand so that he could put his head in it.
"You've always been in complete control of your body and the decision you make with it. Be it cutting yourself to distract a vampire, choosing to become a vampire, or even having a baby, that's all your choice." it was one of the things he loved about her, her independence.
"I can't tell you what to do, because you won't listen, so I don't know what you want me to say." he sounds as exhausted and frustrated as she looks.
Silence.
"If I had chosen to be with you, and I got pregnant, how would you have reacted?" she asked, him, both hands on her stomach now as she stared at her empty plate.
"I would have freaked out. I might not look it anymore, but I'm a teenager and a baby would be just one more responsibility I wouldn't be ready to handle." he tells her honestly.
"But I also think I would be super excited to be having a baby with the woman I loved, even if neither one of us were ready for one." he follows with.
"Edward went into shock, and then the first thing he said to me was, and I quote 'We're going to get that thing out of you'. He called our baby a thing, Jake. I was heartbroken. I thought he would be excited." She wanted to cry just remembering it.
"I love him, he's my husband and I chose to spend forever with him," she sounds more like she's trying to convince herself of something than she was him.
"People get divorced all the time, no one would think twice about it if you did when you married so young. They would probably expect it." he scoffed.
"God that was stupid of me, I didn't even want to get married." she confessed, leaning back in her chair. "It was the compromise for Edward to agreeing to have se-"
She coughed, blushing as she realized what exactly she was telling him.
"That's why you married him, because he wouldn't have sex with you before marriage. Are you fucking serious!?" Jacob didn't know whether to laugh or shake her in anger.
"I knew he was old fashioned, but this is the twenty-first century." Jacob shook his head, almost not believing what he was hearing. Though he rather Edward never had sex with her. Before or after marriage. He was lucky he hadn't killed her. Instead he knocked her up.
Damn.
"You can still live, Bells, you don't have to be turned after you have the baby." maybe for her baby's sake, she would change her mind about being a vampire.
"If they turn you, the treaty will be broken. Sam won't just come after you and the rest of them, he'll try to kill your baby too, he won't show mercy." he needed her to know the risk, the risk that she had been ignoring since the first time she had told him that she planned to be turned.
"You have to think this through, Bella," he took a deep breath in from his mouth, his entire body tensing.
"I can take you right now, bring you home to Charlie. You know your room will always be there." He told her. "I can take care of you."'
"But would you be able to take care of him to?" she asked, looking down at her stomach before her eyes moved back to his face for his reaction. The pain she saw there was her answer.
"I still love Edward, Jake, I know it hurts you. But I do, and always will. I could never leave him." she tells him, once again sounding like she was convincing herself rather than him.
"Than you're going to have to deal with the consequences of what that means now that your back." he shut his eyes tight, a tremble in his hands. "Damn it, Bella, you should have never come back."