The sanity-shattering settee
An Age of Fire role-play, starring:
Lord Agravane as Cyrus II (AKA, The Scorpion). A son of former Galactic Commander Saturn and a friend of Ingo and Skewb.
Moon as her OCs, Otoha , The animal obsessed sparkly one and Ami , Otoha's long suffering older sister.
Pink as Yellow, a helpful trainer from Kanto.
SkewbForty as Skewb Zombie Overlord, our protagonist and hero.
Sun as Ingo, the interdimensional train conductor and sofa pilot.
Theo as Tyrain, an OC ranger from Middle Earth who is proficient in the use of runes and poisons.
Tsuna as Yuki, the cursed boy who magically turned into a toddler. (He had always looked younger than he was but this was absolutely ridiculous).
Act 1
The Scorpion comes in and is reading a chemistry textbook.
Nobody is there but somebody with hair all in front of his face and green hands.
Scorpion recognises the green dude. He was at his house when he had a rather interesting evening, courtesy of his adopted sister, a certain blonde psychopath and his Dad's mate, Ingo. Scorpion blushes and goes over to say hi. He wonders if the green dude remembers what happened.
Without thinking, the green guy summons a turquoise sword out of thin air and holds it out at Scorpion. Quickly though the sword shocks him and he drops it in pain.
"Curse Skew. Curse him," he mutters.
"Hey, calm down, it's just me," Scorpion says. "You remember me, don't you?"
At first the green guy looks confused but then he remembered the other night with him.
Scorpion grins at Skewb. "How are you?"
"I'm doing quite terribly thanks. Gods are out to get me, I lost my best friend Jamie, and someone installed a shock collar inside me that shocks me when I try to fight with a stranger".
He picks up his sword again and makes it dissolve into nothing.
Ingo just magically appears, because why not.
Otoha curtseys.
Scorpion winces at Skewbs' words. That doesn't sound good at all. He sees Ingo and beckons him over. He doesn't know Otoha but he waves.
She waves back.
Ingo walks over, wondering how he got here, and greets the guys. "What's happening?"
"Darkness, Death and Fear. In that order," says Skewb.
Otoha gets out her book. And rainbow sparkles Otoha pipes up.
Scorpion is thinking hard. "Ingo, didn't my Dad or somebody else get a bomb out of my sister once? How did they do it? Then we can get the shock collar out of Skewb."
"...Surgery?" Ingo guesses.
Scorpion thinks that sounds like a good idea. "You could have surgery," he says to Skewb. "Do you have medical insurance?"
Skewb shakes his head "Not on this world I don't, but if I know anything about the guy who installed it, it's not actually in my physical body."
Scorpion looks confused. "Where is it then?" he asks. He looks at the other two, to see if they are any the wiser.
"It's complicated," Skewb says "...But let's just say it only appears when needs to be active."
"Maybe it's in a different dimension but anchored to this one, like Emmet's wardrobe," Ingo suggests.
Scorpion thinks about this carefully. (He blushes at the thought of Emmet's wardrobe and all those pretty dresses. Then he comes back to reality). "Ohhh, yes. So, we would need a way to temporarily break the space time continuum and access the collar, cut it free and send it back to where it came from."
"Yes, precisely," Ingo says, also thinking of the pretty dresses.
"Uuuh, I hope you guys know what you're doing. I'm not awfully familiar with anything you guys are saying," says Skewb. "I think you might have learned everything I learned under different names."
"Well, I know the theory," says Scorpion. "But I have no idea how to put it into practise."
Otoha sparkles.
Suddenly, without anyone saying anything to him, Skewb shouts to himself, "No, you do exist! Shut up! Shut up!"
"The demonic arts can teach a surprising many things," Ingo begins to say.
That voice sounds familiar Skewb thought, listening to Ingo.
Scorpion looks intrigued. He is worried that the collar is trying to possess Skewb. "Ingo, what can we do? Do you know how to access time and space?"
"If you two don't stop it," Skewb continues on his own, "I'm gonna put you out the car and leave you by the side of the road."
"I would personally vote to find the Sinnohan legendaries," Ingo says. "The other option is... Sir, are you okay?"
Skewb viciously bites his own hand.
"I think he's suffering from PTSD," says Scorpion.
"Oh, I'm sorry *tick*, my invisible Espurr is being a pain. He keeps arguing with me."
"...invisible Espurr..." Ingo echoes, as if he just can't comprehend.
Scorpion feels around carefully, to see if he can touch the invisible Espurr.
"Yeah, here." Skewb holds out something. Anyone who tries to feel something though just feels air.
Otoha peers curiously.
Ingo... is maybe half sane, he deals with it well. "I swear there's nothing there," he says, reaching out.
Scorpion feels for the Espurr and nods. "Awwww, he's so soft and cute".
He whispers into Ingo's ear. "I don't think there is an Espurr there but sometimes my sister be's this way so you just play along."
"Oh that's odd. Maybe he's in the playground *tick*. Anyway that was my invisible Eevee."
Ingo nods. "Anyways... as I was saying, the other option to access time and space is..." Ingo grimaces. "The settee. I wouldn't recommend it."
"The settee!" Scorpion beams in delight. "Remember when you visited us on it! We escaped from the house and we came out into the snow and found you!" He hugs Ingo, overcome with the memories!
"Yes, I remember," Ingo says. That's why he doesn't like the settee...
Skewb whispers quietly to himself. "I don't care. I don't care. Cowboy can go dissect a goat. Ch-doing." Then he rocks backward and forwards.
Scorpion smiles at the memory of the settee but is concerned for Skewb. He doesn't know how to help and looks helplessly at the other two.
Otoha pats Ingo.
Ingo almost jumps out of his skin, having forgotten she was there.
She giggles.
"Two gigantic whales. Yogscast."
"I think the faster we help this guy, the better," Ingo says.
"I'm so sorry guys. *tick* I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I get this way. It's becoming..." Skewb doesn't finish the sentence.
Scorpion looks far more relaxed than a normal 16 year old boy should in such a situation.
"G... G... Can I have more time to think about this?" Skewb asks.
Otoha pokes Scorpion.
Scorpion has not heard her speak. He wonders if she cannot. His adopted sister can't speak, so he communicates with her via sign language. Scorpion signs hello to Otoha and then signs his name.
She looks puzzled and walks off.
Scorpion shrugs and turns to Ingo. "Are we going to go on the settee?"
Ami walks in " Sorry about her."
"That's okay." Skewb said, without knowing he said it.
"Yes." Ingo is busy looking around for the settee, doesn't pay much mind to the weird girls. It has to be around somewhere...
"She's Otoha."
"How old are you? Three. Yes," Skewb says.
Otoha glares "I'm 17".
The Settee appears! It's is a lovely 1970s model; all brown and orange and stripy.
"What's this?" asks Skewb.
"It's the Mystical Magical Time and Interdimensional Travelling Settee," Scorpion says.
"Every year until 2090?"
"Further," Ingo says. "It goes to the end of time."
"Oh I know these. My doctor had one of them. No wait, I'm thinking of that TV show with Ask Ketchum. Sorry."
Scorpion is puzzled. "Ash Ketchum? What an odd name for somebody to have." He sits down on the settee and looks excited.
Skewb pulls out a phone. "Now when you look at this orange, tell me please, what do you see? Wait... Wait... What are you guys doing?"
"I think you should probably come too," Ingo says, addressing Skewb. "Do you mind sitting on the settee?"
"Not at all. I've solved these all the time." He gets up and sits on the settee.
Scorpion moves up to let Skewb sit by him. He stares curiously at Otoha. "Ohh, you can talk. Have you got a job? I'm 16 and I have just got the best job ever."
"Wait, why should I trust you guys?" Skewb asks. "Oh yea, you have another job."
Scorpion nods eagerly. "I work for the Government; it's very important! I can't tell you guys what it entails cos it's top secret."
(He hopes Ingo doesn't say anything...inappropriate... )
"Sixteen. Ah yes. Good age 16. That was the age I killed myself. I'm still dead, my body is on Mars I think."
"You don't have a job," Otoha says.
"I do," Scorpion insists. "I was a straight A student and the Government took me on 2 years early. I do important things for the benefit of humanity and Pokémon."
"Pokemon... Pokemon…" Skewb screams in agony. "THEY'RE ALL GONE." He covers his head.
Scorpion looks worried. He pats Skewb on the back gently.
Ami pulls Otoha away.
Otoha calls her a grumpy bear.
Skewb grabs Scorpion's collar a little too tight for his comfort. "Tell me please, am I gonna be okay?"
Scorpion smiles and nods, in a very grown up way. "Of course you are," he says, as if he is repeating a conversation he has heard many times before. "There there, it's all going to be fine."
"G... G... Hello Tennis." he says finally, before letting go of Scorpion's collar.
Ingo frowns. "I think we should go now. The sooner we can help, the better." He starts considering the levers on the side of the settee.
Otoha pokes him as Ami drags her away.
"See, I told you, you would be alright," Scorpion says to Skewb helpfully. Then he watches Ingo.
"... Alright, this is the one that changes dimensions," Ingo decides, grabbing a lever and pulling it. "Hopefully his presence will get us to the right one." Ingo nods at Skewb.
Otoha grumbles.
Scorpion is excited! He gives Skewb a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Ingo knows what he is doing." He waves bye to Otoha.
"Will I need to lure the shock collar out at any time or will you find it yourselves?" *tick*
"You're probably the best bet to find it quickly," Ingo says.
"Okay..." he said, sitting back.
Ami puts Otoha in a cupboard. Then Ami sits down.
"You know when you get random cravings? I'm really craving Sambal right now," Skewb says.
"Maybe when we return," Ingo says, this time pulling the lever that makes the settee take off.
"Wonka? I'm scared. Espurr might get caught in the clockwork."
Scorpion feels nervous as well as excited now and he holds onto Ingo's arm.
Ami clings to Skewb.
Skewb looks at Ami's arm, says nothing.
Otoha clings to the underneath of the sofa.
Ingo is being clung to, but is more occupied himself holding onto Skewb. The settee moves pretty fast, and ends up... Somewhere else.