He knew it wouldn't last, yet he carried on...
...like the fool he is
--
Dull, blue eyes stared at the ceilings, memorizing each grain and dust his sharp eyes could see as he bit back his screams. It was useless, he knew, as the tears dropped down like raindrops. Beautiful, amazing, raindrops. Like the ones he liked to see, to hear, even if the sky was dark and lonely, and his only company was the melody of rain.
Beautiful, isn't it?
He tried to forget, yet the bittersweet memories came rushing in with vengeance. He wished he could just wake up with amnesia. To just forget all the stupid little things. Like that handsome face, the beautiful smile, the teasing grins, the seductive smirk, and those gorgeous pools of indigo.
I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore...
He remembered the sharp pain shooting down his spine, and the cold hands gripping his insides. He could still feel it, how his heart ache and his mind kept on pondering why.
...w-why?
He could still hear it, how fragile and broken he had sounded, like he just lost the thing that mattered most to him. Then again, he supposed he did.
Why? Simple. I don't love you anymore...
His Kaito had stood there, but at the same he wasn't. His Kaito wasn't like this. His Kaito would've laughed, his Kaito would've hugged and kissed him. He remembered reaching out and grabbing Kaito's arm, only for it to be yanked back and him to be fixed with a cold glare.
He didn't doubt it for a second that the love that had been there was gone.
Stop it!
B-but—
—see?! You're being clingy again!
It hurt, each word that came out of that mouth. It hurt, how Kaito just didn't seem to care. It hurt, being fixed with that glare. But most of all, it hurt, how he couldn't just see his Kaito somewhere inside this new one.
I just can't stand it! You always seemed to put cases before me! We're through!
K-kai...
Goodbye, Kudou-san.
He still remembered, could still feel it, how each step Kaito took hurt him. He remembered, standing there as heavy droplets fell upon him. Each one as sharp as needles, and as salty as his tears. He remembered, how he sang along with the rain, the storm above masking his voice and cries.
To love is like to be given wings. You can only hope it'll hold on and not fall. Shinichi fell, he got too close to the sun. He saw what could've been his happiness and reached out for it. He was blinded, blinded by the thing called love, blinded by his naivete, and the cost was too much for him to take.
He fell, just like Icarus, down and down into the drowning silence of the sea.
Biting back another whimper, he rolled out of his bed and went to his bathroom. It was not too long after when the ice-cold water splashed his face. It was sad, how he just couldn't seem to see himself in the mirror.
Reaching out for his phone, he contacted a number, one he never used unless it was for an emergency. He knew, he couldn't just stay here, because then, the memories would bite back, and he couldn't get the sweet oblivion he wanted.
I should've known it would never last...
Soon, a familliar voice answered. Her voice was softer than he remembered, but yet, he had no trouble imagining those bright, icy blue eyes framed by her dirty blonde hair that cascaded down her head like waterfalls— stopping just before it kissed her delicate neck.
"Cool Guy?"
No hesitation, no other questions, it was like she knew he would contact her. But then again, he wouldn't put it pass her to know. After all, she did proclaimed that she would watch over him before the FBI went back to America.
"...you're not dead, right?"
"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock."
"Why, Cool Guy! Wasn't that supposed to be you?"
Snorting quietly to himself, he continued on. His voice quieter and softer.
"...umm, ano... Jodie-san?"
A soft hum was given to him in response. He could just imagine her blue eyes gleaming with curiousity, the sparks inside cackling like fireworks, though he could feel the underlying tone of worry.
"C-can I...uhmm..."
"...Cool Guy? Shinichi-kun?"
Mustering up both his courage and his voice, he spoke once more. He hoped— prayed, that she wouldn't hear the slight waver underneath. He knew he was being a coward, knew he would have to tell her one day— tell them one day, but that day would be far away from now.
He was weak, so weak, still weak, and he knew it...
"Can I...stay with you?"
"...what? Of course you can. I mean— why not? But really, is there...is there something wrong?"
Silently cursing himself, he hoped he didn't sound like he was lying. But then again, all those years of hiding and lying to his childhood-friend surely must've paid off. So he put up his mask and smiled, a sweet and innocent one that hid the pain and suffering beneath.
"What? No. Well...maybe I just got bored of staying in the same place after a while...?"
...but surely, he would get stronger...
"...are you sure?"
...right?
"Positive."
He could feel it, her sharp eyes focusing in even though he's not there, trying to determine whether he was lying or not. But he knew, deep down past all his insecurities, that she wouldn't find anything.
"Okay, then..."
It hurt, how no one seemed to see through his masks, but at the same time it was a relief, a relief that no one would get too close to him. He had made that mistake once when he let him in, he wouldn't do it again.
"...I'll go get the place ready... we'll have so much fun! When are you coming?"
"Tomorrow."
Weak...
"...tomorrow? That fast?! Have you even bought your ticket, yet?"
"No..."
...you're weak, Kudou Shinichi...
"...but my Kaa-san would get me one."
"...okay then. And Shinichi..."
A pause, no longer than a couple seconds, yet he could feel the heavy tone of seriousness in it.
"...you can tell us everything."
Then her voice disappeared beneath the beeping of his phone, indicating that she had hung up on him. The constant, rhythmic beat sounded dull in his ears, as if he was hearing it through a glass.
...but you'll pick yourself up, like all the other times, won't you?
He knew he was running, knew he was acting like a coward, but he also knew, that open wounds won't heal. This place, this country, they all held too many memories of their time together. It was like salt to a wound. Every single grain hurts.
Open wounds won't heal, and sometimes you just have to run until you forget.
--
Soo...
...weird, right?
It's just that I can't seem to push the idea of this fic out of my head.
Reviews, anyone?
Is it OOC?
And can someone pray I won't fail my exams?
...please?
To be honest, I don't know where on Gaea am I taking this fic to.
This may be a one-shot.
Maybe not.
IDEK.
Sorry if Jodie sounded too OOC. I was actually planning it to be someone else, but then I changed my mind.
I'm too lazy to change the entire dialogue.
Well.
\_(ツ)/
Au revoir~