Plauge

by hoodieweather

It was brought into the world with you, a disease you had to carry, but couldn't spread. It didn't have a name, but spoke for itself. It plagued you for years, and will continue to do so. Akuroku in later chapters. tw: self-harm, depression, abuse, etc;

Plague

A really short introduction, which I hopefully never have to make again. I just have several things to say to preface the story, aha. Mainly that this is based off a song by the band Seahaven, Plague. I hate songfics which is why this isn't one of them (and it's also going to be multichapted), but please check out the lyrics to the song, if you will. I probably won't have lyrics in any other chapters though.

Roxas POV

Satan sleeps inside my brain

and when he wakes he takes me far away.

He takes me to this place,

that I completely hate,

where I'm a prisoner in my own body.

A quick breath shudders through your shaking frame, as if to exhale a hollowness from the depths of your lungs. You sit, wrapped up into yourself, trying to get it together. When you had to go off 'your' meds, it got so much worse and the pills weren't there to save you from sinking. And you had to get it together, because things could be worse. So much worse. You had to get ready for class; your first day, and already on the verge of a breakdown. When mom had been in the hospital, you missed over a month of school, eventually resigning yourself and not going at all. Then she died, and you moved, and now you had to go again, since you wanted to attend college. You were a junior, mostly AP , although a few were still sophomore classes since you attendance failed them. Your new school, although small (four hundred kids small), offered a lot more AP's than your old school ever would have.

Assuming your father, Xemnas, was still asleep, you quickly got yourself ready. He was indeed, asleep, and you took it a silent blessing that he didn't wake up as you walked out. You didn't know the town very well, but it was small enough that there was a road a block from your house that took you directly to the school. It was still decently early, but you had to get your schedule, and get out of the house before he woke up. The only problem that could be presented was talking to anyone; but it was a few days into junior year, people probably were very close to each other by now. A sigh fell from your lips, a headphone fell out of your ear, and you were at school.

You ascended up the staircase, a spring seemingly in everyone's step but your own. Although it took you a bit of time to find the office, you were greeted by a seemingly young girl with a bright attitude.

"Hey! How can I help you today-" She seemed at a loss for words, trying to recall your name, a confused look sweeping across her face. You smile, quick to answer her.

"Roxas. Roxas Selph. I'm a new student here." You said by way of explanation.

"Oh! It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you have a good time on your first day, the kids here are really welcoming. The lunch room is right across from-" You stopped listening, because you knew you'd forget anyway. Kids being nice was bullshit; kids had been vicious since middle school. It was just a thing that happened, no use trying to pretend it didn't.

She passed you a few sheets of paper, noting that one had to be signed, and explaining your schedule. Soon enough, you were walking to your first class; AP English, which was upstairs. This school was so small, the hallways weren't even crowded enough to make you late to class. When you arrived in the room however, you found that most people were sitting already.

Before you were able to sit down, the teacher grabbed your arm, pulling her towards you. You almost hissed; there was a fresh cut there, but you managed to keep quiet. You know the look on your face showed your discomfort quite well, however, judging by the laughs you heard. Your teacher beamed at you, before facing the class.

Axel POV

You had noticed that a new kid walked into the room; in such a dead town, a new person was comparable to a shiny toy given to a little kid. It was anyone's guess, however, how they were treated. Depended on the people they came up to first, if anything. You look up from your desk, and as soon as the kid catches your eye, you can't look away. Blonde, golden even, hair sticking out in all directions, masking a pair of blue eyes, centering a pale face. He was frail, too skinny for his short, small frame. The black zip-up he wore almost engulfed him as a whole. When the teacher pulled at him, his face was so pained, you wondered for a second what was under that hoodie. As soon as it came it left though, before his calm face was back. He was so cute however, and you supposed you missed something staring at him, because he took a seat next to you, avoiding your gaze. The way you had looked at him probably startled him, and quite honestly, you don't blame the kid.

You did not, however, want him to end up in bad hands, so by the last five minutes of class, you poked his arm, perhaps a little too roughly, because he tensed up and you think you heard the lightest hiss. He did turn around, however, his face just as calm. He nodded, prompting you to say whatever you wanted to say.

"I'm Axel, and you must be the kid who just moved here. Your name?" You asked, shooting him a charming smile while studying his face closer. His face looked paler when you noticed the bags under his eyes, but his eyes themselves lit up his entire face.

" Roxas. I'm not really good with names though, if I do forget I'm quite sorry." He seemed to talk in a whisper, although his tone was friendly enough.

"Axel, man. Got it memorized?" You smirked, noticing how his face was slowly lighting up and he was crawling out of his metaphorical shell. He smiled at you, nodding.

"Anyways, do ya wanna come sit with me and a few friends at lunch? We're the only cool kids here man, and if I don't cut it, don't waste your time searching." You said, knowing he wouldn't speak up by himself. "What's your next class, by the way?"

" Math, sophomore level though, so I don't think you'd have it with me. And sure, I guess." He said, starting to gather his things and put it in his bag. It was only now I realized that kids were filing out of the class; I put my things away right before answering him.

"Actually, most of my classes are sophomore level. Long story. Regardless though, we're going to the same class right now." You said, as you waited for him to sling his bag over his shoulder. As soon as he did, both of you were out, walking to class. You wanted to ask him about his arm, though. It was decently hot; summer isn't over yet, since it was the first few days of school and no one reacts like that to a touch. Would it be crossing the line? Not really, you guessed, since it was up to him to answer truthfully. Almost in class, you finally spoke up.

"What's with your arm man? Coulda sworn the teacher twisted it or something by the way you looked." You asked, watching his face carefully. It was only now you noticed the height difference; you were at least eight inches taller than him. He drew in a breath, before biting his lip, looking up at you. Then, he quickly looked down, pace quickening a bit, but slow enough to keep up with.

"Nothing, just a bit sore." He mumbled, before walking into the room as fast as he could. There was no empty seat near you, however, so you weren't able to talk to him. And as soon as class ended, he dashed. Clearly, it both was crossing the line, and it wasn't 'nothing'. He wasn't in your next class, however, but right after that was lunch, and you hoped he'd still sit with you.

Roxas POV

And I cannot escape, I'm just a rat in a maze,

and he sleeps less and less with the the days coming.

So I beg and beg, crawling on my knees,

"Depart from me." But He won't.

You weren't able to make friends with the one person that tried to talk to you and you had fucked it up so quickly; you came off as cold and angry all the time and freaked out when people asked simple things, like what had happened to your arm. He had right to ask and all you ever do is freak out and cry and fuck you really fucked up this time and he was so attractive and nice at the same time and now he probably fucking hates you-

You sat in one of the bathroom stalls, and thankfully the entire bathroom was empty, as you shrugged off the zip-up you wore to reveal your arms, and you pulled out a razor from your bag. You were shaking so bad it was surprising it didn't fall, but it did when you heard the door open. You scrambled to pick it up as you saw the feet; the same shoes you'd noticed Axel wearing. Fuck. You noticed him stopping in front of your stall, and you held your breath.

However, he continued on. You let out a breath of relief, before picking up the razor.

The ocean isn't any louder while the city sleeps.

We just aren't there to wash it out when were occupied with dreams.

You drag it across your wrist, letting the release of it encompass you. Sometimes you didn't know why you cut, you just wanted to. You were so lost in it though, that you didn't notice the water turn on. It startled you, but the soft, high-pitched clang of the razor hitting the floor did so even more. It was then, finally that he said anything.

A good friend once told me that "darkness only confirms what we cannot see."

Well I sunk underground and I'm laughing now 'cause I finally understand what it means.

"Dude, you okay?" He asked, turning off the water. "What was that?" You realized you'd been there too long, you scrambled to get up and get the razor before he saw, and you put on your hoodie before flushing and walking out nonchalantly.

"This is me, this is my disease."

So take your mud and water and please let me see.

I do not know what I believe.

But if you really loved me, you'd set me free.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What'd you think I'd be doing in there? Probably just a loose screw, though." You chuckled, but it was /so/ forced that he could clearly see through your bullshit. If he did, though, he didn't say anything.

"C'mon, lets go to lunch." Axel said, pulling you out of the bathroom, but you noted it was a lot gentler than most people would grab a kid your age. Did he figure it out? No, he probably just didn't want you to flinch again...

When the both of you arrived in the lunchroom, a group of kids waved at Axel. I assumed it was Axel's friends, and I was right. There was a few of them; Zexion, who didn't say much the entire time apart from correcting people, he was much too immersed in his book, Demyx, who had a guitar with him and was all smiles and jokes, and Riku, who seemed to have a good sense of humor, beside his calm demeanor. They asked you a few questions, mainly just talking amongst themselves though. As they immersed themselves in conversation, Axel started to talk to me.

"So hows your first day?" He asked you, smile not leaving his face.

"It's good, I guess. Made friends and all." You said absentmindedly, stabbing your food with a fork.

"Do you wanna hang out after classes end today? I could drive you home after, if you want." He offered, seemingly eager to hang out with you.

If you were to be honest, you really didn't want to. He probably was only talking to you because you were the new kid, either out of pity or just to make fun of you later. At the same time, rejecting the one friend you could have wouldn't be a good idea. Besides, he was so nice and fuck no you did not think he was hot. You couldn't really think it through though. The sound of people talking was overwhelming, near you the conversations stood out from one another, while the loudest noise was a sea of murmurs. You must have spaced out thinking about it though, when Axel playfully shoved you.

"Sorry, I just spaced out a bit. But yeah. You don't have to drive me home." You said, looking up at him. You were sort of excited but sort of dreading it but still..

" Great then! Meet me outside after last period, okay?" He said, before adding on. "What's your next class?" He asked, prompting you to continue.

" Arts, then study hall, what about you?" You replied.

"Same. We can leave early then, right after art." He said, winking at you.

As soon as art ended, you sat, waiting for the room to empty. Axel was on the other side of the room, waiting for you as well. As soon as the room emptied, he stood, walking over to your side. The teacher didn't pay much attention to either of you, immersed within his own papers. Axel propped you up by the hand, dragging you out of the room and towards the exit of the school. You stumbled behind him a good few steps, before catching up.

"So, where're we going?" You asked, as his pace slowed to a walk a block away from the school.

"We can drop off our stuff in my car and go swimming, maybe. It's one of the last days of summer." He suggested, leading you to his car.

"I'm not a big swimmer. How about we go and get some food, or maybe you show me around town? Just go for a drive?" You suggest, throwing your bag in the backseat of the car before sitting down in the front seat.

"You sure about not swimming? There's a great spot a few miles off... The sunset looks nice from there." He said, backing up.

"Why, do you really wanna see me shirtless?" You joked, before continuing. "I'd be willing to go though, just no swimming."

"And what if I do, Roxie?" He teased, laughing. You blushed, quickly looking out the window.

"Don't call me that!" You said, still looking out the window. You heard his laugh, and you could picture the look on his face.

"Why, does it make you blush, Roxie?" He drew out the last syllable , laughing all the while doing it. You elbowed him lightly, shaking your head.

"Asshole." You mutter, as he stops at a "Dead End" sign. "Was this what we came for?" You ask, staring at the sign and the mass of trees blocking your way.

"You only have to push past the trees, and the place'll be there." He said, getting out of the car. You follow suit, standing in front of the trees. Pushing through the trees, you find a clearing. The floor was sandy, although tall trees surrounded the location. A few feet below where you were you were standing was the water, calm and pushing lightly against the sand. It was such a beautiful sight; the rocks had arranged themselves in a way that the water poured down much like a waterfall. Axel must have noticed you gaping, when he said;

"I take it you quite like it, then?" He asked, smiling. You almost couldn't formulate a reply; it was genuinely a beautiful sight.

"It's.. really, really pretty. I'm surprised no one else is here." You said, walking forward and sitting on one of the rocks, which was several feet above the water.

"I don't really take people back here very often, maybe three people know about it besides me and you. I suppose no one else really looked, it's pretty hard to find." He said, taking a seat next to you, picking up a small rock and throwing it into the water.

"How'd you find it, anyway?" You ask, looking at him.

" I was really drunk one night, god knows why I was driving, but that's beside the point. I pulled over, because I knew I was going to throw the fuck up, and so I did, right in front of the trees, but then I fell down and I was too disoriented to know which way to go, so I went here. At that point, I was like, shit man, I must be tripping, so I fell asleep there, woke up, and I guess I never forgot about it afterwards." He said, laughter never ceasing. You nod in understanding, before asking a question.

"Why'd you take me here, then?" You ask, wondering why he would take some boy he met for the first time somewhere like this. He shrugged, before answering.

"You looked like you could use a place to have, something like this. Nearly everyone has one, or they don't need it. You came off as one of those few that need it but hasn't got it. So tensed up all the time. Besides, you just moved here. You ought to see the best parts of the town." He muttered, reaching into his pocket and pulling out what looked like a cigarette and a lighter. "You mind? Or do you want one?" He asked, already lighting up, not waiting for an answer.

"I don't smoke, but I don't really mind." You said, shaking your head. He nodded, taking a drag.

A few minutes later, he threw his cigarette into the water, before standing.

"You goin' into the water?" He asked, jumping down from the rocks.

"I'm not a water person."

He nodded his head, not willing to further argue with you. He crouched down near the water, feeling the water with his hands. The both of you sat like that for some time, until you noticed that the sun was finally setting, and made a move to stand up. You really needed to get home now, shit. You didn't know how you spent so long in silence; you weren't even thinking, just observing. Being.

"Can we leave now? I'm sorry-it's just I have moving stuff to do and all." You asked, dusting off your pants. Axel nodded, standing as well. You held out your hand to help him up from where he was, which he took. You of course, weren't very strong, so the both of you stumbled back and he fell on top of you. The both of you laughed light-heartedly, and he helped you up this time. The both of you went back to his car, sitting down.

"Where do you live by?" He asked, starting the engine.

"It's over by the laundromat, quite honestly I can't remember the address." You said, as he

started driving. He nodded his head, and the rest of the ride was spent in silence. He pulled up in front of your house, and you thanked him quickly, before getting your bag and running into the small house. You hoped either Xemnas wasn't home, or he simply didn't notice how long you were out. You stepped inside, cursing inwardly when you noticed the lights and the TV were on.

You heard a pair of footsteps rattle loudly through the house, coming closer and closer. Your body tensed up, and you didn't dare take a step closer nor did you dare move when there was a hand on your neck, or when it pressed you up against the door; you didn't do as much as breathe.

I need to know I can but when I let my head fall, I see I'm walking on nothing but clay.

I need to leave you behind, conduct a cut and run, just like my father before me.

"Where've you been, boy?" He sneered at you, face too close and eyes too narrow. You stutter, before he doesn't give you an opportunity to answer. "You know how long I've been fucking waiting for you? Constantly so fucking self-centered. Oh, I hate my life. Oh, I miss mom. Oh, poor little me. Did you ever take a second to recognize the fucking people around you? The fucks wrong with you?" He spits venom at you, before letting you go and punching you in the gut. You grasp for your stomach, before he roughly hits your head, as if to direct you towards your room.

You little serpent, little cancer, little poison, little death. You are my worst at its best.

You are a dirty dog in this field of flowers. What is a thief to do with nothing left to steal?

Song lyrics play back in your mind, reminding you of your fathers words, as you find yourself locking the door and leaning against the wall, bones shaking. He really wasn't usually that bad; he tried so hard all the time, to make you happy, to forget what made him get like that. Sometimes it just wouldn't work out though, and you were partially at fault for messing up. Your body was sore, although tender would be a better word to describe it.

There's a war inside my head, a brilliant display of death.

You knew the pain would go away soon, the bruise on your stomach lasting a week at most, the one on your neck several days. They didn't feel that bad though; they were like cuts almost. You deserved them, they were real, and they had purpose. They reminded you what you did wrong, and they showed the world that you fucked up a bit. It was almost like the branding of a fucked-up kid.

Even with the chemicals gone, there's still blood everywhere.

If you had not moved, you probably could have downed a few uppers and fell asleep and dreamed warm hues and colorful tones, but you were so fucking far and you didn't know anyone near here pressed enough for cash to sell you their pills. Maybe you should have got a cigarette off Axel, that'd be better than sitting here, shaking, and not being able to do jackshit.

A friend says "send yourself back home, and heal your deepest wounds.

And if the scars they leave can't be ignored, remember none of this is real."

You find yourself moving onto your bed, almost in a crawl, and then you find yourself hugging your knees, praying for sleep. Everything hurt and it was like you were hyper aware of every little scab that you picked at too many times, and every little bruise on your bony frame. It wouldn't shut up; the way the blame never left you and the way the pain never subsided.

What a simple solution to prescribe when you aren't haunted like a house.

The one person you ever explained it to was Riku, he knew. He didn't quite understand. He knew that you needed the meds more than him. He knew that you needed something more than 300mg of a medicine that you couldn't spell out sometimes. He wanted to help. He just... didn't understand it. Some people relate others troubles onto themselves, almost like a mirror, to help someone in a certain situation. He did that, but it didn't quite work out. He didn't understand one thing, and you didn't either;

You could perch the universe atop my shoulders, it wouldn't even cast a shadow now.

It had happened before mom, before your father had fucked himself up too, it had happened before you met Riku. It was brought into the world with you, a disease you had to carry, but couldn't spread. It didn't have a name, but it spoke for itself. It plagued you for years, and it will continue to do so.

You slip into sleep like a child would slip into a coma, one thought on your mind.

I've got a mountain to move.