For as long as she could remember, Kate, as she was when at home, had hoped she would one day feel for someone in the same way her mum felt for her dad. But it hadn't been something she had ever really believed would happen, and so when the right man came along, she hadn't even been able to take her head out of her work long enough to realise. Despite his sometimes, okay most of the time, cocky, over-confident attitude, Castle was the only man who had ever made her weak at the knees with only a look. She hadn't worked out why, but Kate was beginning to realise that maybe love, yes love, had no rhyme or reason. You can't know who you're going to fall in love with, no matter how much you may want to, and how much you want to protect yourself. She had to talk to Rick. He had said he would wait. Kate had a feeling he had waited long enough.
When they had first met, Beckett, as she had been at work, had been burdened with an arrogant mystery writer who wanted to tag along, supposedly to do research for a new book series. It didn't take him long to get under her skin, and for her to trust him with secrets she hadn't told anyone else, and to be honest, hadn't really banked on telling him. But this information hadn't ended up all over the internet, and he hadn't reminded her of it day in day out, he had just been there for her. Supported her when she had dug herself so deeply into her mother's case that she couldn't see her way out. When she needed help straightening things out with her dad. When she had been shot directly in the chest, and she hadn't wanted anyone there but him. She still managed to push him away then, but not this time. This time he needed to know that she needed him, and that without him in it, her life wasn't going to be anywhere near what she had hoped for.
He walked out, had said his goodbyes. Castle said that if she wasn't going to protect herself, he couldn't wait around and watch what happened. He loved her too much to see her hurt, and she wasn't going to let him in and love him back. But hanging off that ledge, all she could think about was him, his soothing voice, his calm blue eyes that lit up with each cheeky remark or every time they solved a case together, and his strong arms, that had he been there, would have been able to pull her out of harm's way. But he wasn't there, he hadn't been there, and that was no one's fault but hers.
She didn't give herself time second guess what she was about to do. She texted Rick, telling him she was coming over, that meant she couldn't chicken out. She jumped in the first cab and gave the driver the address of Castle's loft. He hadn't replied, was that a good or bad thing, she didn't know. If he didn't know she was coming, it wouldn't give him a chance to cut and run. Either way, she wasn't backing out this time. This time, before she left his loft, he was going to understand how she felt, even if he no longer felt the same way himself.
As she walked towards his door, and almost turned around, the wooden door was being opened to reveal a very tousled Castle. 'Sorry, did I wake you?'. 'No, well yes, but I'd just fallen asleep to a movie. That's all.' 'What do you want Beckett?'
The use of her last name stung Kate, it made her feel so detached from him. But she had hurt him so many times, she couldn't be surprised.
'Rick, I came to tell you something. Please let me finish, and then if you want to throw me out and never see me again, I'll understand. Just hear me out?' He voice was pleading, she knew, but she didn't care, she just needed him to hear her.
He didn't say anything, he just gave a sharp nod and walked back into his apartment gesturing for her to follow. He sat at his dining room table. Not on the couch where they had spent so many evenings watching movies, or in his office where he squirrelled himself away to write. The dining table was formal, it didn't have any emotions attached, it just was. She sat down gingerly on a dark wooden chair, covered in burgundy fabric. He looked at her expectantly, he wasn't going to say anything more, she knew this was up to her.