A/N: Sooo this is a oneshot to make up for not updating Train to Hell for a long time. Did it work? No? Okay

I laid silently next to my only friend left in this world and listened to his slow breathing, he was deep asleep. Swallowing hard I rolled over to face his back, studying the line of his spine in the dark. Even in this crazy time Mello was still the only one that made the butterflies in my stomach flutter. It was wrong, I knew it was and I knew Mello thought so too; he was Catholic after all. Being gay was a big sin for them. Right? I pushed back the questioning in my mind and laid on my back, looking up at the ceiling of the crappy motel. This was the first real bed we'd had in weeks yet I still couldn't sleep; we'd barricaded everything and there was no way the zombies could get in so that wasn't what was keeping me up…so what was it?

"…Matty?" Mello's voice was soft; I was surprised, he was never soft and he hadn't called me Matty in years.

"Yeah Mells?"

I felt him turn over to face me. "Why aren't you asleep?"

I shrugged, rolling so we could look each other in the eye. "Just…can't I guess."

He moved a bit closer and I could feel my heart thumping like a jackrabbit in my chest, we had never been this close, with our noses almost touching.

"We're safe in here." He said.

"I know, that's not it." I sighed, thinking back to our Whammy days. "Can I ask you a really weird question?"

"I guess so. Suppose there's not a better time than now to ask invasive questions."

I paused for a moment, wondering if I should really ask. If this would make things awkward for days.

"What…what was it like losing your virginity?"

We'd shared a room at Whammy's and I heard plenty of noises that I had wished I hadn't. Mello was a popular boy back then. He looked at me with a raised brow.

"What makes you think I'm not a virgin Matt?"

"Oh come on Mell. We shared a room, I heard the noises, saw the girls."

Much to my shock he burst out laughing, actually laughing so hard tears came from his eyes. I was flustered.

"W-What's so funny?!"

"Oh my…holy…two things Matt. One, I never went all the way. Two, those weren't girls."

"Oh okay I just—" Whoa whoa whoa back it up brain. They weren't girls? I stared at him in shock, this was totally backwards! I was supposed to be the secretly gay one not Mello! It'd always been that way or at least I had thought so.

"You're such a dumbass." He chuckled and flicked my forehead. "I'm as gay as they come matt.""

"But…but…Catholic." Curse my inability to speak when I got nervous.

"Just because some Catholics think it's a sin doesn't mean I do too."

"You used to always call me a fag!"

He snorted. "Matt we were thirteen and I was struggling with my sexuality. I was super defensive about it. Then I gave in and started having fun."

Slowly I studied his eyes to judge whether or not he was making some huge joke, he wasn't. He was telling the truth, the complete truth. His eyes softened in a way I'd never seen.

"Been in love with you for years idiot."

His warm slightly chapped lips pressed themselves against mine. It took me a minute to get over the shock and I could feel him getting nervous as I didn't respond. Finally I worked up the nerve and kissed back, threading my fingers in his blonde hair like I'd wanted to do since we were thirteen. Mello slid closer, our hips touching. I gasped at the slight friction, allowing his tongue past my lips. He explored my mouth thoroughly and I was pretty sure I was going to explode, kissing Mello was mind blowing. Strangely he wasn't being dominating; he was allowing me to take lead and to guide him into laying on his back with me on top of him. Slowly I pulled the band of his sweatpants down, pleased when I saw he was erect.

Mello's cheeks were red. "Stop staring at it."

"Can't help it. Wanted to see it for years."

He gently kneed my side, taking my hand and guiding it to his ass. I rubbed a finger against his entrance, smirking against his lips.

"Ready to actually lose your virginity?"

He nodded, breath catching in his throat as my finger slid inside him.

"Oh…" His eyes fluttered shut as I moved it, hips rocking slowly. It would be a bit dry without lube but I couldn't do anything about it, we didn't have anything to make this slick. Mello winced a bit when my second finger slid inside but didn't seem too much in pain so I continued. Carefully I stretched him, scissoring my fingers and probing inside him to find the spot that would make him scream. I slid a third finger inside and Mello tightened around my fingers, grunting.

"Matt…"

"I know Mells, just relax it'll go away."

I lightly touched his length until he relaxed and continued to prep him. My fingers must have hit his prostate because he suddenly moaned low in his chest and arched his back.

"Right there!" He gripped the pillows tightly, biting his lower lip. It was hard to pull my fingers out, I wanted to sit there and watch him squirm. Carefully I rested on top of him with my elbows by either side of his head and positioned myself at his entrance. His slim legs locked around my waist.

"Ready?"

"Y-Yeah, go for it."

Slowly I nudged myself in, I had prepped him but he was still incredibly tight and it was hard to move in without lube to help. Mello cringed, a few tears dripping from the corners of his eyes. I held my hips still once I was all the way in, panting softly. "You okay?"

He nodded curtly. "Just give me a minute."

I waited patiently, not wanting to hurt him. Eventually he rolled his hips and we worked up into a slow pace, bodies fitting together seamlessly. Mello was an absolute mess beneath me; I don't think I'd really noticed how sexy he was until now. I sped up my hips, watching how his expressions got more lewd.

"Fuck yes Matt!" He screamed and wrapped his legs around me tighter. "More!"

Quickly I pulled his hips closer to go deeper and kept that angle; at this point I was slamming into him and I could feel my stomach muscles tighten as I got close.

"Matt…g-gonna…"

I panted heavily. "Do it."

He finished hard, his cum spreading out on my stomach. I followed almost immediately as he tightened around me even more, moaning into his neck. As we came down from our high Mello dropped his legs and I pulled out of him, laying next to him and holding him close.

"Mmm…" There was a smile in his voice. "Why am I little spoon?"

I grinned. "Because you're shorter and skinnier."

He elbowed me playfully and I gave a fake groan full of pain to humor him.

"I love you Mells."

There was no hesitance in his voice. "I love you too Matty."

"When things go back to normal…we'll get married yeah? Be a weird little couple with a ton of animals."

Mello leaned back into me. "Sounds amazing."

Honestly I wasn't sure if things would ever be normal again or if we'd even live to see it happen, but dreaming gave us both hope and a life with Mello was the best dream of all.