I own nothing but the computer this was written on- and it was a gift.

Yes- this is slash. If you don't like it- don't read it. That is all I have to say about that. Please read and review. I have no beta so please forgive any errors (let me know and I will fix them). I hope to finish this soon but it may take awhile.

Summary- Shep/Mckay Slash. alternate universe. John and Rodney meet in college but early in their relationship Rodney sees something he is not supposed to see.

"Hey there sexy," Rodney says to John as he slides into the shower with John. He was feeling mischievous and thought that now was a good time for their first shower together. They had only been a real couple for a about a month or so but Rodney was enjoying every minute of their relationship.

The two had met two or three years ago on the campus tutoring program, a few upperclassmen and two professors help students with low level math and science classes. When Rodney first saw John come in his first thoughts had been along the lines of, 'Oh look, another dumb jock who wants me to do his homework'. Boy was he surprised when he found out that John was the new grad assistant tutor.

"Rodney! Get out of here!" John yelled as Rodney crept in with him.

"John, we are running late and you always use all the hot water. I deserve my fair share too you know. My academic schedule is a lot more demanding then yours…" Before he could continue his tirade he got his first good look at John in the light and two things stuck out in his mind. One, he had never seen John naked in the light before and two, he was covered in scars. True, he knew that John was Air Force, hence the reason for their hiding their relationship, and that he had done a few tours overseas but he had never heard what happened there.

"John…."

"Don't… just, don't say anything. Please, Rodney. I just can't…." John stuttered out as he grabbed his towel from the bar and ran out of the bathroom to his room.

"John, I am sorry I just… let me in please," he yelled through John's door. It was times like this that he wished they shared an apartment instead of just pretending, at least then he could guilt John about locking him out of the room, but this was John's apartment and his room.

"Rodney just… go!" Rodney knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with John right then and he did have classes to get too. Sighing in defeat Rodney made his was back to his apartment at the end of their hall. As much as they would have liked to live together they couldn't, John was military and they both knew it was just too early in their relationship for something that drastic. Both were now grad students and living in a nearby apartment complex with other starving grad students, Rodney was getting his degree in astrophysics to go with his degrees in applied physics and theoretical physics and John getting a degree in math and possibly English much to Rodney's dismay.

"I can't believe he did that. I just…arghhh!" John muttered to himself as he walked around his apartment. "Why did he have too… so damn nosey about everything…."

All John could think about now was; what was he going to tell Rodney?. There was no way to explain away the scars. It wasn't like they were clean surgical scars or even those that kids would accumulate through the years of rough housing and goofing off. These scars were designed and made to torture and kill. Nothing innocent or purposeful to them- they were nightmares that had best be forgotten.

While wandering aimlessly around his cramped apartment he came up with his brilliant plan. Break it off with Rodney, cut him out of his life and then we wouldn't have to relive those memories and Rodney would never have to know what really happened to him.

TBC