AN: Can't believe I got away with writing this in class. Thanks to my lovely beta The Wheels on the DuckTruck. Everyone be nice and say hi! Hope you enjoy JW
Diary of Mary Campbell
September 13th, 1665
It was a pleasant day, for the most part. The sun was out and I had a nice conversation with Mrs. Singer while we tended our garden. The winter flowers are just away to bloom and the summer buds are dying out.
I visited my mother and father today. They are in good health and were delighted to see their grandsons. Sammy slept through most of it, the little dear.
When we came home Dean said the sweetest thing about my garden. "I like your roses, Mama," he said. I should have scolded him for picking one but it did look beautiful on our table. John had worked hard for the slice of beef we got, it was delicious.
The only damper on the day was the rain that poured from late afternoon to nightfall.
September 16th, 1665
The rain continued today so I stayed inside. Charles came to visit me and he told me such wonderful stories. He said that the new visitors from London town would have wonderful stories to delight me with. Apparently, these visitors are due to arrive in the next few days. I look forward to their arrival, as we have not had many new faces in Lawrence in years, with the exceptions of new-borns.
I spent the afternoon helping Mrs. Singer bake pies for the little bakery down the road. Dean decided to help out but ended up eating more than helping. The boy loves pie more than anyone I know – including Old Robert.
Normally we don't make so many but we are hopeful for the appetites of the newcomers and the apples are too sour to be eaten by themselves.
I saw quite a few rats today on the way home after we dropped the pies off I'm not too worried though as they stayed out of my home.
September 20th, 1665
The London newcomers arrived at noon. There was a woman called Bela and two men, Alastair and Sebastian. They are all heavily accented but seem polite. They don't look much like each other so I can only assume that they're all friends and not in fact related. They seem a little airy and above us but I'm sure the country air will knock some of their city graces from them in time.
Sammy seems quite taken with Bela and she gets on quite well with him too. I offered to have her over for dinner at some point as I'm sure she would like to make some friends.
Rats are still littering in the corners but thankfully have stayed out of our homes as of yet.
September 19th, 1665
One of the Londoners has fallen ill. Bela, I've heard it is. All three have been locked in their house since yesterday, tending to whichever one of them is ill.
I saw Pastor John leave their cottage later and asked if there was anything I could do. He accepted my offer to collect herbs but said that most I can do is pray or her health.
The rats are beginning to worry me now but I haven't said anything as I know it is only a silly delusion.
September 20th, 1665
Bela is dead. She only arrived in Lawrence two days ago and now her grave is being prepared. John reassured me that it was probably just a small disease that she picked up during her travels and won't affect anyone else if contained.
I feel a sorrow for her loss, even if I only saw her once. Pastor Jim never said anything about how serious it was when I gave him the herbs he had asked for. I hope Pastor Jim has not contracted the disease. I shall keep the children away from him in the meantime, until I'm sure either way.
Dean has asked questions about Bela. I don't know what to tell him. He is only four years old and too young to understand the loss. No one has died in our village since before Sammy was born and I do not wish to dampen their young minds with such know it is a sin to lie but I will try not to. I hope that this pestilence will leave us soon.
September 24th, 1665
The second funeral was today. It was another of the Londoners, the taller man. Sebastian I believe his name was. It was well attended or a strangers funeral.
I have had to explain to my boys that they won't be seeing either of them again. It is the only explanation I am willing to give them.
September 31st, 1665
Pastor Jim has passed on. I did fear for the worst after the first death. I feel deeply saddened at his loss as he was a dear friend to our family. I have known him for many years and now I shall know him for not a day more. I can only remember him.
I fear I shall have to explain the concept of death to a four year old now. I do not know if I have the words to do this.
Pastor Jim was a kind, wise man and I shall remember him fondly. I pray the Lord our souls to keep.
October 6th, 1665
The pestilence continues to wage its war on us. Death has come to many homes in his quest to end his famine.
Mrs. Tran and her son died yesterday. The boy tried to keep himself to himself as he didn't want any part of this illness. That didn't stop it from claiming him though.
James Collins and his wife and daughter have all contracted the disease but I believe as of yet they are still living I hope they can fight the disease but I know this is a futile hope as no one can fight it indefinitely.
I have tried my hardest to keep my family safe. I have rarely left the house and I allow very few people in. My main concern is that my husband will contract it by helping out with the dead. I don't know how I would cope without him; or without my children.
I fear for them. I fear they will be abandoned by the dead or go to greet them.
I know what it is now. This pestilence. And therefore I don't know how to save my children from it. How can you save someone from the plague?
John saw the body. He was helping to bury Alastair, the Londoner. I'm surprised he managed to live this long after his friends. John said he had red patches on his skin around a raised bump.
I cried when he told me. The plague will spread like wildfire and claim us all and there is nothing I can do. Nothing anyone can do. I pray that my children be delivered from evil, even if I have to bear their suffering myself.
October 8th, 1665
I have nearly lost count of the dead. James and his family have passed away now, but there was never much hope for them. With Mrs. Fitzgerald, Mrs. Bradbury, and one of the Marsters girls, Mr. Mills and his son that outs the total up to a dozen at least. Our numbers are dwindling and families are being torn apart.
My own family is no longer safe. Our cousin Adam has died now. John treated Adam as if he was his own son at times and now he is gone.
Dean understands death now. He knows that you have no control over it and no matter how much you want to, you can't trap and control death. I told him that you can't play Death and choose who to kill as only Death himself know. I told him that one day we will all die and that no one lives forever.
I feel terrible but there is too much death to shield him from the truth any longer. I only wish to shield him and Sammy from death.
October 9th, 1665
Adam was buried today. The funeral room was booked for later so I inquired and was told of the passing of Benjamin Braeden. I have not seen his mother in a while so I can only assume she is hiding away in the dark, trying to prevent the death of any others.
It was a terrible day. Everyone looks weak and tired as we all are. We are fighting an invisible war, except I doubt you could call it fighting as no one is winning except our enemy. They are not even yielding. Just picking us off a few at a time.
I try not to think of how much life Adam still had to live. He was going to marry his girl Joanna and raise a family with her. He would have been an amazing father as he works so well with Dean and Sam.
This cruel disease is tearing us all up. I have never seen John look so defeated or visibly shocked before. It is a horrible sight and I do not wish to have to endure it again but I know it is a fool's chance. We will have much more pain to endure before this is over.
I see know how eloquently named it is. It truly is the Black Death as we are all so empty and bitter. Half of us are waiting for our turn, waiting for our time to die.
October 16th, 1665
I cannot breathe. How I hoped my family would be safe. It has been so long since Adam's death that I hoped my family would be spared, if at least for a little bit longer.
My mother lies on her death bed. I have hardly left her side since the first symptoms appeared but I know it is a lost cause. I have resigned to tended to her the best I can and recounting tales of my childhood. It's the least I can do for the woman who raised me.
I'm watching the life drain out of her. I do not like letting my children out of my sight but I cannot risk them being so close to the disease.
She is slipping through my fingers. My eyes are so obscured my tears that I hardly notice the exact moment that I lose my grip and she goes limp in my hand. I only feel the heaviness of my heart.
October 17th, 1665
All my worst nightmares from the past month are coming true. My family is falling apart and I have to endure this while on the inside I may be rotting away too.
I have not seen my children in days and I fear that I may not see them again. I wish there was a way to know if I had the plague or not so I could know if I could go home or not.
Instead I stay here. My father gave my mother away when they called for the dead. We are no longer a well-knit community but instead a divided society of factions, of families struggling to stay alive to see the end of this.
I feel a growing emptiness. If I cannot see my husband and children soon I may go mad with worry and fear.
October 18th, 1665
My father has developed a reddish bump on his neck. Shortly after I noticed this I noticed one on his arm. Slowly over the hours the irritations developed. I knew he would never live for long after my mother but I did not mean like this. I fear for what little time he has left.
October 19th, 1665
I am not old enough and never will be for this to not be true; I am an orphan. My father died by himself when I went out of the room to attempt to make more food for him.
I feel guilty that he was by himself when he died but there is nothing I can do now to help him.
I saw John again. I didn't realize how lost I truly was until I was back in his arms. He sent me home and dealt with the body personally.
I got to see my darling children again. I wrapped them in my arms and let the tears fall down my face. I am allowed one small moment of weakness and John has stood up against my protests that I may give the plague to our sons. He has been in contact with both them and the dead for weeks now and so far my boys still live.
Now in the wake of that comes the realization that this empty feeling inside me may be transferred onto my sons. If John and I were to die then they would be orphans and who would raise them then? Their grandparents are all dead. I was so selfishly wrapped up in my own parents that I didn't know that John's father George died too.
It is possible that either Mrs. Harvelle or Old Robert would take them in but they are both run down with their own deaths. My closest friend passed away and I didn't even here of it until now.
There is too much pain, death and suffering in this world. I feel like all I have heard today is the bad news of more and more death.
October 28th, 1665
Feeling so horrible after finding out about the death of Mrs. Singer I resolved to find out some of the other friends I had who had passed on. Joanna has joined Adam so at least they may be together now.
Ashmore, Joshua, Sarah Blake, Mrs Mills, Meg Marsters, Zachariah. My eyes grew weary as I read the list of names and I just gave up. Knowing the names makes it all seem so much worse.
October 29th, 1665
Sammy is beginning to feel unwell and I have fearful of what that could mean. I hope it is not as I fear. I have checked him regularly and so far have seen no plague symptoms but I hope they don't develop later. I cannot lose more than I have already lost in this world.
October 30th, 1665
Apparently I can. John showed me his arm. I tried so hard to pretend that we were clean, that we were safe that I forgot that we were playing a game with Death.
I have lost everything I hold dear. I pray that Dean will yet be spared from this contagion. It is the one last miracle that I ask for.
October 31st, 1665
My John died. He was so strong and s brave and so good for me and for our family and he managed to out beat the infection for so long that I thought he would be save and that he would be the one to raise our sons and I inevitably caught the infection.
I had to explain to Dean that his father was dead. No matter if I am alive for another day or another 10 years I will never forget the look that caused his face to fall. It tore what was left of my heart apart and I could do nothing but weep at the sight.
I held my children to me and rocked them steadily until we all calmed down. They fell asleep in my arms and as I looked at them I realized this was what was left of my family. My family that had once extended to all our closest friends and many cousins is now an orphaned widow and one diseased son and one son who may be abandoned by everything.
I can feel the infection finding me. It seeks me out. I can sense it in my grief-stricken mind. I know it comes for me and I pray for the safety of my two boys. I was going to die so that they never got the plague but now I will die so that they survive the plague.
November 1st, 1665
All my prayers and hopes are for naught. My beautiful son died mere moments ago, on the eve of his six month birthday.
It all happened so suddenly.
By morning his symptoms had increased and as I tended to him I noticed my own. We had similar rings around the bumps that littered our skin. He groaned, coughed and fidgeted and everything he touched hurt him. I wanted to soothe my screaming babe so much but could only try and make him more comfortable.
There are no remedies, no concoctions that I have been told about that I haven't tried and my husband died anyway with no effect.
I soothed Sammy as best as I could with a damp cloth and room to kick. I could not think about how long he had to live. I watched as the ring of roses overcame his small body and I watched as his breathing became more laboured and stop. I watched my baby boy die in front of me.
I told Dean the truth. That his brother and I will not live for more than 48 hours and that he must go and stay with Old Robert for a while. I feel heartbroken. I am the worst mother; I cannot even stay around to look after my own son. To help him in this time of uncertainty. Instead I abandon him to face the plague by himself.
He said goodbye to Sammy. I am trying so hard not to imagine the life he missed but suddenly I feel everything and nothing. I feel the weight of all the lives that could have been lived and the empty numbness that follows.
November 2nd, 1665
Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thine name
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom, the power, the glory forever, Amen
I pray that the angels will watch over you, Dean.