Author's Note:

First of all, if you are here and about to read, thank you! I recently completed my second full playthrough of the Mass Effect trilogy. The first time, I waited patiently for each game and did not play the previous game before the new one. Big mistake. This time, I played all three games in a week. It had a profound creative impact on me.

I was left with mounds of creative energy that manifested itself into the epilogue for my Commander Shepard. I played her 99% paragon (I wasn't able to save all the colonists and that is my only renegade points in the whole trilogy). I also romanced Kaidan and stayed faithful to him throughout ME2 and 3. I was particularly touched by their romance in ME3 that I felt like I needed to write their reunion.

I picked the Destroy ending with full war assets. This story will be told one chapter from Commander Shepard, one Chapter from Kaidan Alenko. This is TBD. It might change as the story morphs, but I felt like I couldn't just tell one side.

Please be kind, this is my first time posting any kind of fan fiction (and writing it, to be honest!) and I just wanted to share for other #shenko fans and those seeking closure to their own destroy ending.

She took one single gasping breath.

Her chest hurt and the pain circulating throughout her body was all she could think about. She didn't even want to open her eyes. What would she see? Her hand reached up to check her hard suit. It was in tact from what she could feel. Her fingers, however, were exposed and cold. She wrapper her fingers around the chilly metal of her dog tags and squeezed them tight. They were not fixed around her neck, they had been laying loosely on her chest. She took another painful breath. Her brain was swirling, foggy and unable to process a complete thought. It would be easy now, to keep her eyes closed and to just give up. Emily Shepard had always questioned her religion. She was spiritual, sure. It was impossible to fly into space, see the galaxies and the stars, and not believe in some higher power. But she just wasn't sure about God. She wasn't sure about heaven. These thoughts had been solidified by the fact that she had actually already died once. There was no white light, no out of body experience and no pearly gates. This felt a lot like the time she had been floated out in space during the Collector attack. She could just close her eyes, shut her mind off, and not think about the events of the day, or hell, the last four years. She could almost sense the peacefulness that awaited her.

She squeezed her eyes closed, ignoring the searing pain in her side. She focused on her erratic breathing. Her ears were ringing, so she couldn't hear anything that was going on around her. Absently, she thought if anyone was even alive. Another errant thought – did she even end up back in London? Who knows where she had been catapulted back to from the Catalyst. Her breathing, one breath, two breaths, three, four, five. The darkness and the exhaustion were desperate to pull her under. Her mind wandered. She attempted quite successfully to forget the immediate events of the night. Instead, she let her mind wander to the happy crevices of her memory. She buried these thoughts deep and rarely revisited them. Not because she was cold or callous, but because she simply didn't have time in the last few years. She also couldn't bear to let herself be happy when the outcome of this mission, or Saren, the Collector Base, or the Reaper threat, it had all been with very low odds of survival. The memories surfaced to a warm room, flowing drinks, the Normandy crew, and Kaidan's strong, safe embrace. She let her mind continue to explore, to shameless nights in the Captain's Quarters aboard the Normandy. The glare of limitless night sky casting a cerulean blue across their naked skin, to mindless research on the Starboard deck, wrapped up in his arms. Kaidan…

His face was the last thing she saw before the wave of darkness, pain and pure exhaustion took over her body. Her grip loosened around the dog tags as her grogginess won. They eventually slipped off her hard suit to the rubble. There was a distant sound of metal against rock for three heartbeats before everything went silent again. She didn't know, or frankly care at that moment if she would return to consciousness. The peacefulness in that moment was all she could hold on to, all she could hope to have. Her breathing slowed and everything went dark.

54 hours later

Fluorescent lights seemed to cut through the sheer veil of skin covering her eyes like the Reaper's red laser beam. Her head was pounding so hard that she could hear her heart beat in her ears. Her military training kicked in immediately as she conducted a mental health check. It wasn't dark anymore, so she had been moved. Her bones were stiff, as if they had been in the same position for days on end. Had they? She slowly lifted her hand to check her hard suit. The searing pain in her abdomen returned, along with a shooting pain in her left thigh, and all of a sudden it was as if a wave of pain flooded her entire body as her awareness and consciousness broke the surface. Broken fingers, ribs, painful stabs and the inability to take a full breath.

Emily's other hand moved up along body. Her hard case was gone. It had been replaced with a cotton gown. It was stiff and not very soft. Before she was able to continue the evaluation, however, cold hands were on hers, firm but gently holding them down and keeping them from doing much more exploration. Her eyes opened, perhaps for the first time in days, weeks? Her neck craned towards the source of the chilly fingers. Her eyes landed on an older, handsome, human face. It was not a doctor that she recognized, but she knew they were medical personnel because of the pristine white lab coat, credentials and the stethoscope around his neck.

"Welcome to Huerta Memorial Hospital, Ma'am. It's probably best not to do too much moving. Your injuries are severe." He spoke in a soft voice. All of her senses seemed to return to normal, the hospital was busy. There was a constant hum of voices and bustle as doctors and staff moved around the floor. Huerta Memorial Hospital on the Citadel? So she didn't land back in London. And the Citadel wasn't completely damaged. Further evaluation showed that the doctor's jacket was not actually pristine at all. It was covered in blood. His eyes were wary and tired. The nurses didn't look much better. They looked like they had been working for weeks on end with no break. The atmosphere was bleak. Emily attempted to speak, though her voice had come out as an exhale of air. The doctor had been evaluating the monitor on her right, but returned his deep brown eyes to hers. They could have been Kaidan's eyes, but they were too dark. Emily's eyes squeezed shut in an effort not to let her mind wander to Kaidan. She didn't want to think about him, or the crew right now. All she could focus on was the migraine that was forming at the base of her implant.

The doctor pushed a button on the side of her bed and it moved slowly to the upright position. "Got anything for this splitting migraine, Doc?" Emily asked, her voice merely a whisper but with a small smile playing on the edges of her lips. The doctor laughed a full-bodied laugh and nodded, "I'll get you some more medication, but before I do, we have a couple questions for you." Emily's eyes shot up to the doctor. She didn't know why he had questions for her. They could have easily pulled her medical records from the citadel's systems when she was picked up. Another errant thought – who picked her up? A nurse walked into the room and scanned Emily with her bright orange Omni-tool. The orange glare wasn't helping her migraine and her eyes closed. When the nurse had finished her vitals check, she pulled up a seat next to Emily's bed. Her tool was till active, but below eye level and much more tolerable. "Are you ready for a couple of questions, Ma'am?" and Emily nodded. "Can I ask you a few too?" Emily asked, her tone stern and quizzical. The nurse nodded simply and began.

"What do you remember before waking up here?" the nurse asked formally. She seemed tired and worn, there were prominent bags under her eyes, her scrubs were disheveled and she asked the question with a sense of repetitiveness that indicated she had asked these questions dozens of times. Shepard took a deep breath and winced. She struggled to remember before waking up to the bright light. "I remember waking up in another location. It wasn't for long. I didn't even open my eyes," she looked over at the nurse who was recording her answer. "Can you tell me about my injuries?" Shepard asked, shifting her weight slightly on the bed. The nurse looked up from her tool and pursed her lips slightly at Emily. "Your injuries were extensive. Multiple broken ribs, the bones in your right arm and leg were shattered. You had a massive internal injury to your abdomen that was repaired and is now healing. Not to mention you have a serious concussion, but your biotics are still in tact and should be working when you're stronger. You also had numerous small injuries that were cleaned up with Medi-gel. You were in remarkably good shape considering where you were found." The nurse returned her attention to her Omni-tool and typed in a couple commands.

Emily's mind wandered for a moment. The injuries were extensive all right, but not enough to kill her for a second time. She assumed that the intricate interworkings of her cybernetic implants from Cerberus had protected her more than an average human skeleton.

"Do you know your name?" The nurse's voice pulled her out of her daze. Emily's head turned to look at the nurse and her brow furrowed. They didn't know her name? "Uh… Emily Shepard… wait, do you not know who I am?" Her voice was laced with surprise, not arrogance. She didn't appreciate fame or what it brought with her, but rarely did she step foot on the Citadel without recognition around every corner. Especially since she had become a Spectre. Despite her dislike for the attention, she had grown used to the intimate details of her life to be exposed on news outlets and in trashy magazines. The nurse's gaze was pulled immediately from the tool to her face, her face an odd sense of surprise and admiration. She stood up and looked Emily up and down. There was a sense of panic that seemed to overcome the nurse's body as she pressed the doctor's call button. Emily watched her with slight exhaustion. "I am so sorry… Commander Shepard, I can't believe it's you… You're alive… the news outlets, everyone has said that you didn't survive. Your armor was very damaged… there were no dog tags on you when you were found…"

It was an information overload for Emily. Her mind was swirling but she was grateful for some information. Emily's hands reached up and grabbed the nurse's frantic ones. "It's okay… you had no way of knowing… really." Just as Emily let go of her hands, the doctor walked in. The nurse stood up straight and looked at the doctor. "Doctor Conrad… this is Commander Emily Shepard." Emily watched the nurses eyes drop as if it was somehow her fault that she hadn't identified Emily properly from the get go. She felt back for the nurse, who was clearly tired and needed a break. Emily's gaze turned to the doctor as surprise, shock, shame? Flashed across his face and he cleared his throat roughly. He walked with authority over to Emily's bed and began to speak. Emily shook her head and held up a hand, "You don't have to say anything… really…"

The doctor had left her room after what seemed like an hour. He insisted on giving her an upgraded room, food and numerous other things that Emily all declined. She was tired and her only request was some medication and the blinds to be pulled down so she could get some sleep. Emily recalled this feeling, a very familiar feeling of the universe having already declared her dead. The universe moving on from her. The crew moving on from her. Kaidan moving on from her. With a deep sigh, Emily reveled in the peaceful haze that surrounded her mind and heavy pull of her eyelids as the medication coursed her veins. Her mind wandered once again to the amber eyes, dark hair and distinct frame of Kaidan.