The Hardest Thing

Chapter 1: Give me love

A/N: I own nothing except for my grammar mistakes.

As expected, Hermione was the first one to hand in her work as the hall was filled with students working quietly in the Great Hall. Standing up, she picked up her supplies and walked over to the front where he stood – his black eyes pierced sternly on the working students.

She had to suppress her smile as she neared him and his eyes swiftly moved to her moving body. Perhaps it was the light, but she could have sworn she saw something glinting in his eyes as she now stood in front of him. But just like her, he played his part well.

Wordlessly she raised her notebook she had finished working on, and he took it from her in one swift movement. Their eyes locked for a good second and then she turned away, unable to suppress the smile any longer after she had disappeared out of the Great Hall.

Taking the marble stairs up, she hurried off to the Gryffindor Tower. She nearly blurted out the password as she passed the Fat Lady's portrait. The portrait opened and Hermione willed herself to slow down for a few seconds.

The common room was deserted as most students were either in the Great Hall, or occupied by one of their classes.

It had been two years already, yet they had managed to keep it hidden for so long. Hermione had her doubts at first, after all, her friends would have caught on by now, wouldn't they have? But apparently, they were oblivious to what was going on. The only person who showed signs of suspicion had been Ginny, whose eyes had been following Hermione around a lot lately.

That's why they had decided to step their game up a little. They had to be even more careful now that they were being watched.

But after all those years, and all the secrecy and lies, the excitement of it all had not ceased. For she still felt the adrenaline run through her body, her heart pumping faster whenever she was around him.

Everything about it was wrong, yet it all felt so right.

They strengthened each other like no one else could. Their wit combined could, if needed to be, lethal to any one who would cross their path. Severus Snape was not a stupid man, he knew the risks and he knew the sacrifices he needed to make. They had been over that countless of times, yet he was persistent. For as when Severus loved, it wasn't to be taken lightly.

And knowing that Hermione had been the honoured one to be loved so deeply by a man like Severus, got her grinning from ear to ear.

It wasn't an easy relationship. If they were caught, they would both pay the price. Not only at school, but also outside. One word leaking to Lord Voldemort, and they'd both lay dead at his feet. The only moments they had time to privately see each other, were where she would have to sneak out late at night, or when he would put her in detention.

But you can only do those things so often until it's starting to raise suspicion. Especially when you are talking about Hermione Granger. True, the bond between Hermione and Snape wasn't publicly known as the greatest. For outsiders, he seemed to despise her almost as much as Harry Potter. But even Harry wouldn't end up in detention as often as she would if they'd rely on that way of seeing each other.

So, they had decided to limit the detention to once a month, balancing between the heaviness of the cause as so he could give her more days. However, after a couple of months even that seemed to arouse suspicion. So they slowly thinned out their detentions, and now they took breaks once in a while. Skipping a couple of months in between. This had seemed to soothe the suspicious students, except for one red head in particular.

It was because of her that they had now not seen each other properly for seven months straight, the summer break included. Having communicated by sending owls, they had come to the conclusion to lay low for a while when starting her fifth year. And so that's what they had been doing.

That didn't mean they haven't had their private moments, however. Yet, it had been lessened. Hermione would sneak out twice every three months, so they had only seen each other twice so far at their time back at Hogwarts. But they had different ways as well, like keeping her back at his Potions class once in a while, pretending to give her a lecture on her behaviour in class.

Seeing as how everyone in their year were in formed of how Snape thought she was an insufferable know-it-all, as he had so clearly stated two years ago, they had no suspicions. And Ginny wasn't there either to see it happening, so what she didn't know, wouldn't hurt her.

But other than that, they were dependent on sheer luck. The only time they'd see each other was when eating in the Great Hall, or attending Potions or seeing each other in the hallway or like today, where several students of different years and houses would come together in the Great Hall to work on some essays that had to be handed in at that specific moment.

All those extra things, however, weren't enough to satisfy their needs of contact. But for the time being, it would have to do. And then again, it was rather exciting to play innocent as if nothing was going on, when in reality they had been seeing each other behind their backs. It was a rather exciting feeling to break the rules once in a while, knowing you could get caught at any second.

A loud creaking sound behind her ripped her out of her thoughts, and she turned around with a smile to hide whatever emotion she was feeling when she recognized the two voices coming through the portrait hole.

Ron and Harry seemed to be in a heated discussion about Quidditch, trying to decide who supported the best team. And finally after some more bickering, they seemed to notice her standing in the middle of the room. "'Mione! Figured you would've headed up to the common room." Ron said as he sat himself down on one of the couches, spreading his entire body over it as he casually moved his wand between his fingers.

"You alright?" Harry asked and she realized how awkwardly she must have been standing in the middle of the room. Composing herself, she nodded. "Yes, I was actually just going to head up to the dormitories to fetch my books. The bell should ring any second now." And as if on cue, the bell rang.

"You two get going, I'll be right behind you!" Hermione said and quickly left so there would be no time to argue. Hurrying up the stairs, she walked over to her bed and grabbed the leather bag that laid beside it. Filling it with the quill and ink she was holding in her hands, she was looking in her cabinet for her potions book and some parchment. It only took her a couple of seconds to fill her bag with everything she needed, but she waited a couple of minutes, sitting on her bed as she nervously fidgeted with her school robes.

She looked to her little clock that stood on the cabinet and saw that three minutes had passed since the bell. Just two more minutes, and then they would be expected in class. Opening her potions book, she looked at the note once more, just to reassure herself that this is what they had planned to do. A quick scribbled note was fumbled between pages, reading:

January 3rd, potions class.

Be late.

Severus Snape had put it there when they had been working on one of their potions a couple of weeks back, and slipped it inside when everyone was distracted – including Hermione. Not until today did she find this note, when working on her potions essay in the library before she would head to the Great Hall for their studying hour. It was therefore that she had scribbled in her notebook, that she handed over, that she confirmed that she read the note.

Placing it back, she looked at the clock again and she saw that another minute had passed. Knowing she still had a long way to go, she didn't bother waiting for that last minute to end. So, instead she slowly got up, took her sweet time in picking up her bag and leaving the common room.

In a relaxed pace, she started walking down the marble stairs. However, how relaxed as her pace seemed, her heart was beating uncontrollably fast. Never had she been late to one of her classes, and this was the first time as well that she had done this in their relationship.

When arriving at the fifth floor, she decided to take a detour. To give herself some more time in being late. And so she entered a corridor, passed the Prefect's bathroom until she ended up at the Clock tower, there she could see the huge clock hanging in the wall, informing her that so far she had killed three minutes of time.

Hermione walked down the stairs, passed the hospital wing - trying not to get noticed - and then walked down a corridor and took the marble stairs that led down to the third floor. From there on, she decided to skip any further detours and to take her pace up to a normal one.

There would only be so much time she could lose and still have an excuse for it. After what she guessed to be three more minutes, she had arrived at the ground floor. She was now only one pair of stairs and one corridor away from the classroom.

To play her act well, she decided to make a run for it. And so she ran down the last pair of stairs, ran as fast as she could through the corridor and panted hard as she finally arrived in front of the Potions classroom.

Saving her breathlessness for her act, she wasted no time in knocking on the wooden door and opening it. The entire class had fallen silent and every single head was turned to the now panting Hermione, whose hair had flown everywhere, and her bag had fallen off her shoulder and was now limply hanging on her arm.

Each student was nervously looking back and forth between Snape and Hermione, afraid of the reaction their professor would have. They weren't the only ones who where afraid, though. Even Hermione's heart pumped harder than it should, and it wasn't because of all the running. Even though she knew that every bad word coming out of his mouth was a lie, she could not deny that even his coldness brought shivers down her spine – and not in a pleasant way.

Professor Snape looked enraged by being so rudely interrupted at his instructions. "I'm really sorry, professor, I-" But she didn't need to excuse herself, for he had interrupted her by holding up his hand. "Save it, silly girl. Whatever lie you might have made up, it will not change anything. Tomorrow after dinner, detention!" He barked, leaving no space for discussion.

Hermione felt herself redden under all the stares, and so she quickly closed the door behind her and moved to a table that Ron and Harry had occupied. "Ten points from Gryffindor, for their careless behaviour. Now, why aren't you copying this all down? I expect an excellent copy of this potion by the end of these two hours, and if you fail to succeed, you'll be joining Miss Granger tonight in detention." The finality in his voice got everyone to work, and Hermione was wondering what he was playing at until she saw the potion they were ordered to make.

It sounded like a highly complicated potion, but in reality the instructions were so simple that even Neville and Seamus would be able to succeed.

Everyone got to their feet after they had scribbled the extra notes down, but Hermione didn't need to scribble it down. For Snape had scribbled his own additional notes in her textbook, correcting the book when it was wrong. It greatly helped her, and often it saved her a great deal of time as well with copying his instructions.

Nonetheless, she waited like always for just a little longer until the students had all gotten their ingredients and then got to her feet. This was always a highly desired moment of hers, one of her favourites during potions. Sure, she loved the way she knew he was watching her when they were all brewing their potions, but nothing beat the moment she could actually look at him as well.

As she approached the front where both the ingredients and his desk were, she made sure to maintain perfect eye contact with him. It wasn't until she was out of eye sight of her fellow students sitting near the desk that she dropped the sneer on her face. She gracefully smiled at him, yet he did not return it. His face was cold, his lips curled into his own sneer. But she knew that this was merely pretense. She saw it in his eyes – the way they so carefully took her in, observing her every movement, how intently his eye contact was.

Hermione dreaded the moment she had to make a turn, wanted to walk straight forward for as long as she could, but as she was only a few feet away from his desk now, she knew that she had to make the turn in order not to look suspicious. So, with one last warm smile, she walked half a circle around his desk.

Subtle and unnoticed, her fingers brushed against his arm as she looked at the ingredient cupboard behind Severus. It only lasted a single second, yet it was as exciting as it had been the first time she did it. She always tried to search physical contact with him, and when she did succeed, it lifted all her spirits up.

It didn't go unnoticed by Hermione how his tensed body had seemed to relax a little with that one soft touch. He never let it on, but she knew that he was just as nervous with these stunts as she was. What they were doing had never been risk free, and they were constantly hanging on the edge.

Her face had fallen into a sneer again as she had gathered the ingredients she needed and walked back to her place, perfectly well aware of the lingering eyes that were following her as she reached her cauldron.

Looking into her textbook, she had to suppress yet another smile. There was something comforting about seeing his handwriting in her book. A little reminder of him, and not to even mention the memory it held.

It wasn't something special, at all. It was at a Christmas break where Harry went with Ron to the Weasley's. Hermione had told them she would go on a holiday with her parents, but would come by when she had returned. She had told her parents, however, that she'd be spending a week at Hogwarts to catch up with some studying she wanted to finish and that she'd then head to the Weasley's. They had been disappointed, of course. But they could understand and just told her they hoped to see her at summer break.

A week might not seem like much, but to her, it was everything she could have wished for. Every waking minute, she could spend it with the one she loved. They didn't do much, but perhaps, that was the best thing of it.

They kept things very simple – and stayed true to themselves. That meant that most of their time they either spent it by studying, reading or talking. And even though she'd never admit it: snogging. But that's a thing she'd keep to herself.

It was also a week before that when they could all go to Hogsmeade and Snape had encouraged her to buy her next year's schoolbook for Potions. She was a little confused as to why, and his intentions didn't become clear until he handed it back. She had seen him when they were sitting in his office at the Potions classroom, behind his desk, his head hung low over the book as his black hair gently fell in front of his face.

A deep line had formed between his eyebrows, deeply emerged in concentration. She had watched him for what felt like hours, sitting in the other black leathered chair that stood by a window. Observing him as he scribbled things into the book.

He had told her that this would help her with their future classes, and would save her time for when there would be more complicated potions that required every bit of time they had. At first, she was a bit reluctant to take it. After all, wasn't this considered as cheating? But then she had to remind herself that it was a Potion master that had corrected a book from its mistakes. He would also correct the others, but instead of writing it down for them, he'd make them do it themselves. So, after a few seconds of thinking, she gladly accepted it.

A loud cough was heard from behind her back, and Hermione felt a nudge into her side. Looking to her left to see who prodded her, she saw Harry nodding to behind her with a warning face. "Miss Granger, it does not do well to drift into day dreams when brewing Potions." Professor Snape snarled and Hermione felt herself reddening again as she noticed everyone looking at her.

She heard a familiar snicker coming from across the classroom, and scowled as she looked at Malfoy. Then she turned to look at her Potion which had taken a nasty shade of green instead of a light purple.

Hermione carefully turned around and looked up into the piercing eyes of Professor Snape. "Five points from Gryffindor, for Miss Granger's irresponsible attitude towards the art of brewing." He began. His voice had started to sound alarmingly calm as he went on. "Everyone is free to go, except for Miss Granger here. Who has earned herself yet another detention by being the only one who failed to succeed in this potion."

The moment they had been told they could go, they all hurried out of the classroom. Except for Ron and Harry who waited in the doorway. "I am sure that Miss Granger will make it back to the Great Hall without the help of you lot." Professor Snape said and raised his eyebrows, as if daring them to argue.

Hermione weakly smiled at the boys, reassuring them that she'd be fine and after a bit of hesitation, they walked away.

With one swift flick of his wand Severus had closed the door and waited not a single second to connect his lips with hers. Every part of her body seemed to relax under his touch, all the anxiety leaving her body. His hands had fallen onto her hips and her arms snaked around his waist as they hungrily kissed.

For a while, they both fought for dominance in the kiss, until it slowly soothed and their kiss relaxed. Now, they merely enjoyed the physical contact of a kiss they've been longing for so long to have. Because of that, it didn't surprise her at all to see that a good seven minutes had passed.

As if they both didn't want to part, they let their lips linger, holding the contact without actually kissing. They stood like that for a while until Severus made the first move and drew away his head, Hermione following shortly.

And for the first time since a long while, he smiled. A tugging from the muscle on the right corner of his lips drew a gentle, yet tease-like smile. Hermione smiled an honest smile in return, looking down briefly as she got overwhelmed by the feelings of seeing his smile.

Severus's hands snaked from her hips to her back, and he pulled her closer to him, holding eye contact as he did so. He then leaned forward a bit and gently planted a kiss on her forehead.

Hermione smiled and lifted her head up a bit more, understanding what he was trying to say. Their lips collided once more, and she opened all her senses up. Willing herself to remember this, for moments like these were rare. His lips had a soft touch, yet when pursed, it gave it a rather comfortable roughness. His breath was very much alike of how he smelled: a hint of the rusty old cupboards that stood around them, all the parchments he had held over the years, and the potions he had brewed. Yet, it wasn't uncomfortable. If anything, it was a part of him.

It wasn't much, but there was no denying the gentle sounds their lips created as it filled the empty room. And then it all ended. They parted once again, but Hermione teasingly caught his bottom lip between her teeth. This earned her one of his smirks, and that lifted her mood even more.

His hand suddenly brushed against hers, and she smiled, interlocking their fingers. And with that, they left the classroom and slowly walked through the deserted, dark corridor, taking their sweet time, walking in silence as they gently brushed their thumbs over each other's hands. They walked up the stairs, and then took another flight down the stairs at the other end of the ground floor.

Waiting at the bottom of the stairs, he gave her hand one last squeeze before letting go. At this exact moment, a student walked out of the Great Hall in distress, looking for something that was unknown to them. The boy luckily didn't notice them, but Hermione couldn't help her heart from speeding up. "I'll see you tonight after dinner, Miss Granger. The same will go for your next detention, which shall be held tomorrow after dinner. Don't be late this time." He said disapprovingly, his cold voice returning, making their presence known to the distressed boy, who hurried back into the Great Hall when he caught sight of Snape.

Severus followed, not risking to look back and Hermione watched as his black coat floated behind him, and after waiting for a couple of minutes, she followed as well, willing herself to finish dinner as soon as she could to meet him for detention.