Chaos. Fire raged as far as the eye could see, cracks in the ground itself. So much noise, too much to hear yourself think. And one man, just one, was brave enough to enter this chaos and face it head-on.
"Guys, ah, I understand that you're having fun with your pillow forts and all, but we should really get back to the album."
Charles was hit by a torn, yellow pillow with the letters " " markered on it.
"Pissch off, robot, I'm winning!"
Charles turned and shut the door with a resounding slam, deciding it best to go and look through the piles of electricity bills that Mordhaus received.
In the meantime, the pillow forts were still standing strong. Nathan's fort, a structurally awful cube-ish thing made of several mismatched pillows, barely fit his enormous figure inside. Skwisgaar's fort, made of silky white pillows formed into a castle, offered him little protection from aerial attacks, or anything, for that matter. Toki's fort, a massive sphere made of pink pillows and several stuffed animals, was far too large for its own good. Murderface's fort, a perfect recreation of his own face, offered a small viewing port in the space between his teeth and plenty of room to throw pillow ammunition from. Pickles' fort, a large mess of pillows, blankets, mattresses, and beer bottles, gave him no protection, but the ability to look amaZingly bad-ass by standing on top of it.
"Heys, Moidaface!" Skwisgaar called from across the room. "Whats if we makes da tempskoraries truces and teams up to fights the other guys?"
Murderface squinted through his tooth-gap viewing port. "Okay, but I'm not comin' out! You have to make it over here!"
Skwisgaar moved the two entrance pillows aside and ran for Murderface' fort, right as one of Toki's pillows sent his castle crashing down.
"Fucks you!"
Skwisgaar lunged for Toki's fort, grabbing his favorite stuffed animal from it, and running to Murderface.
"You wants Deddy Bear back, then yous going to haves to comes into Moidaface's fort!"
Toki desperately reached out to grab Deddy Bear back, but was pushed back by Murderface's cover fire.
"Damns you, Skwisgaar! I fucking kills you for this!"
Skwisgaar, however, had already entered Murderfort. Deddy Bear was stashed in the very back of Murderface's head and tucked under several pillows. Nathan Looked out of his fort and yelled to Pickles.
"Pickles! Did you see that shit?"
Pickles ducked under one of Murderface's pillows and put a mattress in front of him.
"Skwisgaar jest takin' Deddy Bear from Toki like that? Yeah!"
Nathan gritted his teeth and made a fist.
"I propose we found the Justice for Deddy and Toki League!"
Pickles grabbed a beer from behind his fort and gulped it down.
"Fer Toki and Deddy!"
Nathan tossed a pillow in agreement which, by pure luck, landed in Murderfort and hit skwisgaar in the foot.
"Fucks! I'ms injured!"
Murderface blocked several of Toki's pillows with one of his own. At least eight, rapid-fire pillows came raining down on him as he heard Toki scream with rage.
"Juscht becausche your leg got hit doeschn't mean you can't throw!"
Pickles edged around Toki's fort and headed for Murderface's while Nathan provided cover fire. He tore the pillows making up the back of the fort apart and charged in, pillows in arms.
"Schit! Schkwischgaar, protect the bear!"
Skwisgaar tripped Pickles and ran to Deddy to make sure he wasn't rescued. Pickles swung a pillow at Murderface, who ducked and swung one of his own at Pickles. Pickles jumped over it and quickly grabbed it from Murderface's hands, performing an overhead smash with it. Murderface grabbed the pillow as it came down, ripping it from Pickles' grasp. He pushed Pickles back with it, knocked him over, and whacked him over the head with it.z
"Firscht blood!" he called to everyone.
"Oh, shits!" Toki wondered who it could be. When he saw, Nathan barrelling past his fort, he knew who had been taken down. "Pickle! No!"
Nathan broke the fort like a charging bull. He had his hands lodged between a pillowcase and the pillow inside of it, using them as fists. He made to pillow-punch Murderface in the head, but Skwisgaar pushed him off balance and Murderface was hit in the shoulder instead.
"Gives up nows and we don't haves to hurts you!"
Nathan threw Skwisgaar off his back, swinging his pillow fists at him. Skwisgaar pulled a pillow from the wall of the fort and stuck it in Nathan's face.
"You dids this to yourselfs, Nat'ans!"
Murderface picked up Deddy and stared wickedly into its eyes.
"Juscht one more target..."
Toki sat cowering in his pink and purple fort, clutching a bunny. "You gots to go saves Deddy, you can'ts leave him!" he told himself. He grabbed two pillows and marched slowly towards Murderfort. It seems, however, that they had been waiting for him.
"Tokis, it ends heres."
Toki saw Murderface holding Deddy high up in the air.
"I's fucking kills you, motherfuckers!"
He swung one pillow at Murderface, which was quickly grabbed and thrown back by Skwisgaar.
"You want your Deddy, have him, asschole!"
Murderface tossed Deddy across the room and watched as Toki ran for him.
"Oh! Deddy, I misseds you so much..." He hugged his bear tight and quickly turned around to face the enemy. "Face", indeed, as he was staring into a pair of piss-yellow eyes and arched brown eyebrows.
"Too easchy."
Murderface smacked Toki in the side with his pillow, the latter emitting a whimper.
"Please, don't hurts Deddy..."
Murderface laughed.
"You won't be the judge of that oncshe we're done..."
A swift pillow to the head and Toki was down.
"Well, Schkwischgaar, I think it'sch schafe to schay that we won this war."
He heard a quiet response that made his blood run cold.
"Only one persons ams supposed to survives the pillow war, Moidaface."
The last thing he saw was a pillow entering his peripheral vision before it all went black. Skwisgaar picked up Deddy and looked into its eyes.
"Don'ts worry, my friends, we ams find good homes for yous..."
Skwisgaar flung Deddy out of his hands and fell to the ground as a pillow hit him in the head. With the last of his strength, he looked up to see his killer...Charles.
"Sorry, I ah, I kind of wanted part of the action too. Anyway, now that we're done, can we go back to the album? Ah, please?'
"Oh, come on, Charlesch, we wanna do another round!"
"No, Murderface."
"Dood! C'mon, I wanna go again! It sucks dyin' first!"
No, Pickles, we need to work on the album."
"Yes, Charles."
"Yeah, Charles."
"Okays, Charles."
"Fines, Charles."
"Fuck you, asschole robot."