The Dance

by Sylvie Orp

Following on from Picnic & Nightingale. Doyle is seeing more of Bodie's girlfriend than he is - and Doyle's conscience doesn't like it one bit.

- Bodie's girlfriend, nurse Esther, supports Doyle at the youth club he'd help set up in Blacktown;

- there's a dance competition started up amongst the youth clubs. Doyle persuades the lads to have a go at learning to dance to see how they may progress to competition level;

- to encourage them, he & Esther agree to learn too. They get a professional teacher in, and girls from the neighbourhood. Some are better than others. Esther seems a natural;

- some are encouraged to enter the competition – if Doyle & Esther compete too. As they find they enjoy it, they agree. However, they decide not to tell Bodie. Doyle because he's too embarrassed and will come in for a lot of ribbing, and Esther because she wants to surprise him on competition night;

- difficult to get time to practice – his shifts and hers - but they persevere. They're exhausted holding down two 'jobs';

- however, three weeks before the competition date, Doyle suddenly realises what they're doing – they're both lying to Bodie about what they're up to. Esther has cancelled her dates with Bodie saying that she's either on shift or there's an emergency at the hospital. Doyle tells Bodie he's dating. What if Bodie finds out the truth?

- as the training continues and intensifies, the deception gets worse. Doyle has doubts that he keeps from Esther. If they pull out they'll let the boys down; if they continue, Bodie may find out and misunderstand the cloak and dagger relationship. If Doyle loses Bodie's trust then he loses everything. But they're in too deep to stop now;

- they're dancing on a cliff edge. Doyle sees the danger, while Esther is just enjoying the view;

- Doyle tries to keep up the pretence, but working so closely with Bodie day by day and keeping the lie with both Esther and Bodie is telling on him. The strain of physical and mental exhaustion of a pressurised job as well as a strict training regime is beginning to show - for those with eyes to see. Doyle's headaches intensify, he gets dizzy spells, he has to restrain his temper more often, as well as remembering the lies of a fictitious girlfriend whom Bodie is now eager to meet. He's lied about her so often that he's beginning to believe that he does in fact have a girlfriend called Sue! Bodie remains oblivious to his deception;

- the training continues. A thousand times Doyle wants to call a halt; a thousand times he wants to share his fears with Esther; for a thousand reasons he says nothing and carries on. If Bodie has noticed any change in him or Esther he's found a reason within himself to ignore it – Esther's tired; Doyle's always had a temper, and so on;

- boys are selected for the competition. There are various categories of dance, a category also for parents, and a category for mentors and club leaders;

- Esther and Doyle introduce the subject of the dance competition to Bodie as the day draws near, but continue to fall silent about their actual participation in it. Bodie thinks it a great idea – as long as he doesn't have to join in! Word is put out at CI5 and at Esther's hospital that everyone who wants to come to watch the competition is welcome;

- Doyle becomes increasingly tense but continues his training and tries to learn his steps for Esther's sake. Having got this far, it would be a travesty not to give it his best;

- competition day arrives. A group of them – a couple of his mates and a couple of hers - go for an early dinner to 'get everyone in the mood'. Esther's excitement is infectious. Bodie doesn't notice that Doyle has to make an effort to be sociable and share the spirit of the group. Nor does he notice that Doyle left the table to be sick while they were having tea afterwards. He hasn't noticed his partner's weight loss over the weeks either. Doyle has been good at keeping his other symptoms from him too, and from Esther – insomnia, faint-ness, nausea, the headaches, etc. How can a nurse and a CI5 agent be so unobservant?

- Doyle is dismayed at how many people he knows have turned up at the venue. Even his police mates are there. He just wants to hide in a dark room for a week;

- having taken twice as many aspirins as usual, he joins his table in the ballroom close to the stage. There is Esther, of course, and Bodie. Also Cowley, Murphy and three of Esther's close friends from the hospital. Esther is positively bursting with excitement and finding it more difficult than ever to keep her secret. She looks so sexy tonight – so alive. Bodie looks at her proudly. To Doyle, Bodie looks like the cat who's got the cream after consuming a large mouse. The more he beams at Esther, the more Doyle's stomach churns. Bodie must understand that there's nothing between them except the dance. Their relationship is purely professional and platonic. He'll understand, won't he?

- Doyle and Esther had been given a running order of proceedings for the evening and knew when their turn was coming up. Most at the table are not dance fans, but as the evening has gone on they've got into the spirit of it and are particularly encouraging to the Black-town boys and girls, giving each pair a standing ovation at the end of their routines. It's wonderful to see these youngsters gaining in confidence and finding something they're good at. It's what has urged Doyle on over these increasingly difficult weeks;

- it's coming up to their turn. Doyle slips away quietly from the table and goes to retrieve their clothes from the boot of the car. As he's quickly changing, Esther joins him as arranged. He loiters about the corridor as she dresses. Suddenly they're ready. Nausea washes over him again. He's drenched with sweat and shaking. He can't remember ever being this scared before. Esther sees it as just first night nerves. She still hasn't cottoned on to how much they stand to lose – Doyle's sleepless nights have gone over every scenario if Bodie were to believe that he and Esther were romantically involved. She would lose a close friend and lover. Bodie would never forgive them. It would tear him apart. How could they work together again after that? They'd all lose everything just for a stupid mistake. Doyle tries to pull his thoughts away from these endless mind-games and concentrate on the matter in hand;

- they're finally introduced as the competitors in the leaders and mentors category. There's no turning back now;

- they run on stage with broad smiles – false in one case; genuine in the other. Doyle hasn't time to look for Bodie's reaction. He needs to find his spot on the floor to start the dance and concentrate – concentrate;

- the band starts up. The dance begins. It's a jive and requires a hundred steps a minute and all of them have to be right on target. Doyle's aware that he's grabbing Esther too hard. Calm down. Breath. Concentrate. He risks a glance over to his table. He sees Bodie's mouth open and his eyes wide with shock. Concentrate on the dance. Think. Keep going. Remember the steps;

- after a tricky manoeuvre, Doyle is coming round again to within sight of Bodie. He risks another glance. Bodie is on his feet, having got over the initial shock – and he's clapping and cheering with the rest of them. Doyle and Esther keep going. Concentrate;

- at last, at last, the dance is over. Doyle and Esther are drenched with sweat and shaking with fatigue. They take their bow, gasping for air. Doyle needs to lean on Esther discreetly just to keep upright. The atmosphere is electric. Esther beams at Doyle who doesn't know how to respond. He looks over to Bodie and smiles shyly at him. Esther looks for Bodie, too, and waves enthusiastically to him. Bodie whoops and cheers with the crowd. He seems genuinely delighted. Eventually the pair are allowed to leave the stage;

- as they weave their way back to their table, they are patted on the back and congratulated. Doyle just wants the ground to swallow him. The pain in his head is becoming unbearable;

- eventually they make it to their table. More congratulations. Even Cowley looks on like a very proud father, knowing his 'son' would come good in the end. Esther and Bodie cling to each other as though they'd both come through a catastrophe and are amazed to find themselves alive at the end of it. Doyle is deaf to the congratulations around him;

- he leaves them to each other as he excuses himself to rush to the loo to vomit again. He's had a headache these past several days but not as bad as this. He just wants to be quiet and lie down. He knows that he won't get that for several hours yet, but just a few moments respite would help;

- Murphy enters the Gents as Doyle has his head in a sink of cold water. "So this is where you're hiding Ray. Come on, don't be shy. Come and rejoin the party. You are a dark horse. Where did you learn all this boogie from, eh? It was marvellous." There's genuine respect and joy in Murphy's voice;

- Doyle is spared from any reply by retching again. After a pee, Murph rejoins the table. They've calmed down a little now. "Where's Fred Astaire, then?" shouts Bodie above the music. "Throwing his guts up," Murphy replies. The table laugh, except Esther who turns to her boyfriend and says that Ray hasn't looked well all day. "Well, you'd know – you've been spending more time with him than me!" Fortunately he's joking – or rather Esther hopes he is. "You'd better make sure he's alright," Cowley orders. Bodie rolls his eyes theatrically. "I'm not his nurse." "And I'm not going to the Gents, either," Esther counters before her boyfriend gets any ideas on that front! More theatrical sighing from Bodie as he prises himself away – after kissing Esther and telling her yet again how wonderful she is;

- Bodie finds Doyle sat on a chair near the cloakroom with his head lolled back against the wall, eyes closed. He's breathing deeply;

- "All that exercise wearing you out?" Bodie teases. Doyle hears sarcasm in his voice – real or imagined. Bodie can see immediately that Ray isn't well. He's still sweating and is as white as a sheet;

- "We need to talk, Bodie," Doyle says, forcing his eyes open and his head away from the wall. Bodie can see instantly that he's very serious. "What's up, Twinkle Toes?" Doyle looks around for somewhere private. He moves towards the cloakroom. The counter is locked. Bodie jumps over it and unbolts it for Doyle, who seems incapable of his usual gymnastics. The small dark room at the back of the coats seems the ideal place for a confession;

- Doyle has been trying to work out for weeks what to say to his friend when this moment came – as he knew it had to. Now he can't think of all the clever lines he'd thought of. It would just have to come out as it may and see what can be salvaged from the wreckage. "Bodie, there's nothing between Esther and me," he begins. Bodie remains silent as Doyle slides down the wall to hunker in a corner. There being no furniture in the tiny room, Bodie crouches opposite him. Doyle takes a deep breath. "You know we've been working together at the club. We thought it good for the lads to have something to aim for. Esther knew a dance teacher and after a bit of persuading she got me on board and then we managed to convince the boys that dancing wasn't just for girls; that it could be an opportunity for them to swagger and boast in front of the ladies. We persuaded the girls in the neighbourhood to join in and eventually we found that some of them were naturally good. They said that if they danced, the leaders and mentors had to too. Put our money where our mouths were – that kind of idea." He looks at Bodie to see how this is going down. Bodie says nothing and his face says nothing.

- Doyle ploughs on. "Esther and I teamed up. I'd done a bit of dancing as a kid, and Esther was a natural. Then this competition thing came up. The teachers thought Blacktown had a chance and we kept up the dancing. I didn't tell you about it because, well, because of the teasing; Esther kept quiet because she wanted the competition to be a surprise. It was only a few weeks ago – perhaps a month – that I suddenly realised what we were doing." Bodie's stomach begins to tighten. He keeps his face neutral. "I know I was unbelievably naïve, Bodie, but all I was thinking of at the time was the dance and how much it meant to the boys – and the girls. You could see it in their faces, Bodie – their growing confidence, the pleasure it gave them. They really looked forward to their training. Esther loved it, too. I couldn't take that away from her, Bodie, by telling her that you may misunderstand what was going on. If we pulled out, the lads would think we no longer believed in it all; if we kept going … well, we risked everything if you'd misunderstood. Esther didn't – doesn't – see it, Bodie."

- Doyle is working himself up in his desperation for Bodie to understand. The silence is oppressive in that small room. "We began to lie to you. Once a lie starts it escalates. It takes on a life of its own. I've been seeing more of Esther than you have. She's the innocent in all of this, Bodie. Don't blame her. Blame me. Blame me for being naïve, and stupid and risking her happiness and yours …" Doyle trails off. He can't keep his parched voice level or think of anything more to say. He can't look at his friend. Doesn't want him to be embarrassed by the tears that are so close to the surface. Is he so naïve to believe that Bodie can't hear the anguish in his voice?

- Doyle feels a hand on his shoulder in the darkness. He drags a sleeve across is eyes and then across his nose. He forces himself to look into Bodie's eyes. "You silly, silly sod," Bodie says sadly, shaking his head. "One: if there had been anything going on between you and Esther, you wouldn't be in pieces like this. And, two: if there had been anything going on between you and Esther, I would have taken you apart." There's no anger behind the words. Just a simple statement of fact. Doyle hears it;

- "I'll still let you do that, Bodie, if it'll make you feel better," he half-jokes, trying to smile. Bodie drags him to his feet. "Confession over, Raymond. Now get yourself together –" They're interrupted by a wave of cheering and clapping from the ballroom. "- and join the party. You have five minutes and counting."

- "Bodie. Thank you." Bodie smiles, squeezes Doyle's shoulder, shaking his head as he leaves the room. Ray can be very stupid sometimes;

- four minutes later, Doyle rejoins the table to more back-slapping from friends, colleagues and total strangers. "They've been handing out trophies," someone whispers in Doyle's ear, "Blacktown has got one." He's pleased. They didn't expect to walk away with a cupboard full of trophies, but to get one is enough;

- then there's some display dancing by professionals. The strobe lighting does nothing for Doyle's headache. Having run out of aspirins, he tries drinking as much water as he can get hold of. The dancers finish and more trophies are handed out;

- one of the final category winners is announced – those of the leaders and mentors. "And the winner is – Esther Williams and Ray Doyle!" Doyle sits in stunned silence. Esther squeals – a sound Bodie had never heard her make before – and she throws her arms around Bodie as though it's his 'fault' that she's won. He's never seen her so happy and vital. There's great cheering and not only from the Blacktown supporters. It's a popular choice of winner. Esther drags her bemused dancing partner from the table. As his thought processes begin to re-engage, Doyle hopes that they aren't required to do an encore;

- the compere hands Esther the trophy. She smiles into her partner's eyes and there's a heartbeat's pause. To Doyle's horror, it seems that he's required to say something to the general assembly!

- to this day, Doyle can't remember what he'd said. He'd been told - picking through the obvious lies, jokes and exaggerations – that he'd mumbled something about the positives of dance – confidence, strength, discipline, and bird-catching! – as well as the beauty of dance. He thinks he may have talked about the value of youth clubs. He vaguely remembers Esther echoing his sentiments – or maybe she'd talked about youth clubs. He hoped he hadn't been too sentimental; his emotions were still in shreds;

- eventually the party breaks up. Esther and Doyle are still in their dance outfits. Cowley is feeling so generous that he grants Bodie and Doyle a day off – it's already the early hours;

- Doyle changes in the Gents, is sick again, and rejoins Bodie & Esther as they pile into a taxi – at Cowley's insistence (not that he was paying!). None of them, Cowley states firmly, is in a fit state to drive;

- Bodie invites Ray to stay with them – Esther's concerned for him, he looks exhausted – but Doyle declines. He just wants to sleep until the world stops turning;

- Doyle did indeed sleep – one of nervous and physical exhaustion as well as a clear conscience. It's evening before he opens his eyes again. Once he'd eventually dragged himself to the kitchen he saw a note propped up against the trophy – which he thought Esther had kept – it's from Bodie. "You better not take sick days, Doyle. I need back up. By the way, there's a meal in the oven from Esther";

- all is 'forgiven' and all is well. Doyle doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

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