Untitled Random Story #1

Daria sat in front of her laptop and took another drink, she had developed a taste for vodka during her time at Vance due to all the keggers she had gone to with Mack out of boredom (at first) and then alter an excuse to drink and not be judged for it.

Granted she had learned to bring her own booze to get tanked, since beer did nothing for her except a brief buzz followed by a headache.

Then one night her roommate Tania had found her slumped in front of the computer, awake but struggling to come up with a good story for her creative writing class and gave her a glass of booze, laced with acid.

It was like the world had become this beautiful creative place in which tentacles grew out of the furniture to sooth and nurture her while the pink elephants plotted an invasion of earth and God grew out of a hot dog to guide her to the magical place where the monsters couldn't get to her since her safety-safe was a nice blanket that Tania had given her before sprouting beautiful angel wings that contained beautiful eyeballs that glowed like sapphires lite up by candle flames.

Daria held up her now empty glass and shrugged before dipping into the drawer to her left in that neat desk that her sister had gotten her before going off to her last year in LawnHELL High.

It was her own personal medicine chest, full of the good stuff she had discovered during her time at Vance, basically it was enough to kill Elvis.

Daria grabbed handfuls of whatever and sucked it down, it was time to go exploring.

The phone rang, and rang, and rang.

She answered it.

"Oh hey Mack!" Daria chirped as snakes and snack cakes bloomed out of the speaker of the phone, "Yeah I could use some rough sex, come on up! Oh and bring the S&M stuff cus I've been nauuuuggghhhtttyyyy!"

"...You started the party without me?!" Mack complained.

"Just come on up!" Daria chirped before stuffing more random pills into her mouth, "up, come up! Up come!"

the phone vanished at some point, but it didn't matter since a green unicorn appeared, but was invisible but visible and it neighed and kicked His Holy Hooves and asked if she was ready to seek out the meaning of being in a proto-planet once explored by James St. James during his addiction to ketamine, then he became all boring and wrote that book about his friend that killed that drug dealer and stuff.

Daria slurred her answer in a language that transcended the nine languages of the Unicorn.

The creature smiled and it's horn split into seven different pieces and a hung lingam erupted in it's place and then fell off it's forehead and transformed into a tree that had fishes for leaves that swayed like waves on a shore covered in used needles and broken beer bottles.

Daria did a headbob and hoped that Tania would come with her and Mack, because the unicorn looovvveeed hhheeerrr...

Something went all thud-thud-thuddy, stars bloomed like pretty flowers, pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty flowers! Flower power! power to the flour!

Daria felt a superman cape erupted out of the scars on her back where her parents had those wing-like growths removed like that fake-vampire lady that showed up on all those goffic shows, and then Daria began to fly.

Then she saw Mack from a thousand feet below and waved, she saw his smile and was glad that he was coming up to join her.

"And he brought the nipple clamps!" Daria cheered and got ready to fly, fly, fly with her man!

Going to Vance was the best decision that she had ever made! Well except for that orgy with Jane, DeMartino, Todd Ianuzzi, Earl, Elsie Sloane, and Tom Sloane. But that was a graduation present to her, from her and to the fans reading this right now.

Yes, she knows that this is just a story, a random story put together by some loser with nothing better to do on a Monday night.

And she knows that you are the same, since you just read it.

(fade to the lalalaLAlala...)

(drum beats)

(silence)

FIN!