WARNING: non-explicit sex, angst, slight mention of slash, alcoholism, Ginny!bashing, Ron!bashing
Schism
Lily Luna Potter knew, from the moment she saw him, that she loved Scorpius Malfoy.
It was when she was nine years old, standing on the Hogwarts Express platform, commiserating with Hugo about the woes of not being eleven. And then, her entire family went rigid. She peered curiously past her mum to look at a lovely family of blondes. The two haughty parents had a nervous boy about Albus's age. Lily thought he looked like a prince, in his fancy robes, with his head held high.
"Malfoy!" her Uncle Ron seethed, his face turning the color of his hair. He took a jerky step forward, and Lily's father placed a warning hand on his shoulder.
"It's been a long time since school, Ron. People change," her father said gently, and he inclined his head towards the eldest Malfoy. He in turn nodded tightly back.
Uncle Ron relaxed slightly, and marred his face with an ugly sneer. "Did you hear what he named his stupid little twat? Scorpius! Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy. Rose, you stay away from that thing, d'you hear?"
Rose promised, Uncle Ron's sneer reflected on her smaller face. Lily's father shook his head sadly, while her mum nodded in agreement with Uncle Ron.
It was the moment she started loving Scorpius.
It was also the moment she first saw the huge chasm between her parents.
oOo
Lily Luna Potter knew, from the moment he smiled at her, that Scorpius Malfoy loved her back. Or at least, she hoped he did.
She was under the Sorting Hat, listening to it muse that all of her family for three generations had been in Gryffindor. Peering under the brim of the patched Hat, she gazed at the shock of blond hair, and thought desperately, "Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff!"
"Hufflepuff?" the Hat asked in surprise. "No one has wanted to go in Hufflepuff in over a hundred years. Except for that one child two years… well, never mind. If you're sure that's what you really want, then it'd better be HUFFLEPUFF!"
All of her family started cheering, and then stopped, looking bewildered. Why hadn't the Hat said Gryffindor? The Hufflepuff table was in shock, all the students frozen.
And then, a blond boy stood up and started clapping. As if waking from a reverie, the rest of the House slowly started applauding. She drew neared to the table timidly, and he smiled at her.
"Hello. I'm Scorpius Malfoy, a Third Year."
Oh, she knew that too well.
The next morning, she got two letters, one from each parent. Her mum sent a Howler to tell her how disappointed she was that there was a Hufflepuff in the family. She read her father's letter as she absentmindedly set the scraps of her mother's letter on fire. He loved her. He hoped she was happy. He told her not to pay attention to her mother. He loved her.
Lily Luna Potter felt the gap grow wider.
oOo
Lily Luna Potter knew, from the moment he said it, that Scorpius Malfoy broke her heart.
It was the summer before her Fifth Year. Not a happy time in the Potter-Weasley household.
James was lounging about the house, having just graduated from Hogwarts, and not having the slightest idea about what he would do for the rest of his life. Albus was obsessively pouring over Quidditch tactics day and night, feverishly scrawling plans that he hoped would let him the Cup in his last year as Captain. Her mum was drunk all the time. Her father would come home from work, glare at her mum furiously, and disappear.
Lily was in the kitchen, trying to make a dinner for four people out of a potato, a butterscotch pudding mix, and some sort of white rice. Her mother staggered into the room, and put her arms haphazardly around Lily. She cringed as she smelled Ginny's wine-drenched breath.
Her mum stared at her wonderingly. "So pretty," she whispered. "You look just like I did in Fifth Year. Nothing like your father. You're my pretty little girl, not his, aren't you? But those eyes… well, there's always Eye-Color Spells, aren't there?"
Lily's heart sunk. She knew every time her father looked at her, he saw his dead mother, but at least he had the decency not to say it aloud.
With her flaming red hair and green eyes, she looked exactly like the pictures of the late Lily Potter. If she had blue eyes, she would look precisely like her mother or her cousin Rose. But, just once, she would like someone to look at her, and see only her.
She knew Scorpius only saw her. She could see it in his eyes.
She was quite relieved to go back to school. At school, there were no meals for her to cook, no houses to clean, no drunken mums to help up the stairs to bed.
And at school there was Scorpius. Who this year, she noted with secret glee, had started to pay more attention to her. Now that she was finally out of puberty, in fact, all the boys started paying attention to her.
But Scorpius was above those mere mortals. He wanted to talk with her, to hear her ideas on a new variation of a Calming Draught, to study with her for their upcoming exams (NEWTs and OWLS, respectively), to laugh with her over a funny joke that a Ravenclaw Prefect had told him.
Very shortly, she would deign to call them friends. They spent a lot of time together, always said 'hello' to each other in the hallway, and ate meals together most days. She hoped that the more time he spent with her, he would see they were meant to be so much more.
Her life was going well again. Her mum was seeing a Healer, and talking with her father civilly. James was thinking about being an Auror, and had begun to study for the entrance exam. Albus won his first game against Slytherin. She was the top student in her Year, and Scorpius had hugged her yesterday.
And then, in a single night, her world came crashing down around her.
oOo
She was snuggled under her sheets, sleepily recounting the formulas she would need in tomorrow's Arithmancy exam.
A pounding on her dorm door made her sit up hastily. She ran to the door, opened it, and gasped.
Scorpius half fell through the doorway, clearly inebriated. She braced herself against the frame, and caught him. He lifted his head weakly, and gave her a brilliant smile. "H'lo…" he slurred.
She whispered, "Scorpius! What are you doing? Come on, I'll bring you back to your room."
He shook his head furiously. "No! Don' wanna. 'M gonna sleep wi' you." He staggered towards her bed.
She steadied him and helped him towards it, thankful that all her roommates slept with Silencing Charms. They reached it at last, and he flung himself into it on his back, clearly pleased with his considerable effort.
"C'mere," he drawled. She hesitated, then shyly climbed in next to him. He immediately rolled over, and wrapped his arms around her waist. She felt his lips on her neck, and tensed up.
"R'lax. Never gonna hurt you. Please. Jus' let me- I mean, jus' enjoy. 'Mkay?" he soothingly, albeit drunkenly, muttered.
She exhaled, and let the tension leave her body. He raised his face, and their lips met tentatively. She tried to ignore the flavor of Firewhiskey on his tongue, and mostly succeeded.
Gradually, he maneuvered himself on top of her, and somehow, while sucking on her pulse point, managed to get them both naked. She went stiff again, but he slowly relaxed her.
He smiled at her, their foreheads touching, as he slowly slid into her. She gave a little cry as he broke her hymen, and he stilled within her until the throbbing pain eased.
He began to move again, and she winced in discomfort until he hit a spot that was so much more than a spot. She felt she was close, and thought he was close, too.
He leaned in, and gasped into her ear, "Close…your…eyes!"
She obeyed, and as he slammed into her more quickly and erratically, she felt him stroke her hair and murmur how beautiful she was.
And as he exploded inside her, she heard him cry out.
Her blood froze. He couldn't- He didn't mean-
He pulled out of her, rolled over, and kissed her neck exhaustedly. And she heard it again.
"G'night, Rose. I love you…"
It was the moment she started hating Scorpius.
oOo
At breakfast time, she was huddled out by the lake, the sharp wind whipping her tears around. She had left Scorpius's sleeping form in her bed, because she thought she would kill him if she stayed. She had been in this same spot ever since, the hard earth digging uncomfortably into her.
In her hand, she clutched two letters, reminding her of the second day of her First Year. One from each parent.
A tearful, splotched letter from her mum. She had started drinking again. Harry was a having an affair. They were getting divorced. It was all Lily's fault. They had had problems in their marriage ever since she had gone into Hufflepuff.
An apologetic, yet determined, letter from her father. He loved her. He didn't love her mum. Hadn't for a long time. He was in love with Draco Malfoy. Scorpius's father. He was sorry he didn't tell her. He loved her so much. He was sorry. Love. Sorry. Sorry. Love.
"G'night, Rose. I love you…"
She stood up abruptly. Suddenly, the air outside seemed devoid of oxygen. She couldn't stay there. Couldn't go inside. Where could she go?
Footsteps crunched behind her. She didn't want to turn around, didn't want to know.
A voice spoke up hesitantly. "Lily?"
It was Scorpius. She didn't turn around.
He continued, "I, uh, woke up in your bed this morning, and I was, um, well-"
"Naked?" she broke in icily. "Were you surprised? When you didn't wake up in your precious Rose's bed?"
He inhaled sharply. "Oh, Merlin! I said that? Lily- I'm so sorry- I never- I never meant to hurt you, believe me! I was drunk- I didn't mean-"
"Didn't mean to what, Scorpius? Take my virginity? Take advantage of our friendship? You knew how I felt about you, didn't you?" she cried angrily, turning around to face him.
His gaze was firmly trained on the ground, but he looked up at her, sorrow etched in his gaze. "I know you love me. But I can't feel the same way. I'm sorry. I tried to. But, there's something about Rose that just draws me to her. I love her," he said helplessly.
She wanted to crush his future, as he had crushed hers. "Well, good luck with that," she said harshly. "Unless you can magically change Houses, your darling little Rose will never talk to you. She hasn't said a word to me besides 'stupid Hufflepuff' in five years. And it's alright. We wouldn't have worked out, anyway. After all, we're going to be siblings!"
She took in his dejected and horrified face. It pleased her, she thought grimly.
"What, you don't know? Our fathers are shacking up. Your father -or mine, I suppose- is taking it up the arse. And has been for quite sometime, so I hear. Have a good day, Malfoy!"
She walked past him, as he fell to the ground.
Something appeared on her face, not quite a grimace, not quite a smile.
Lily Luna Potter felt the abyss open under her and swallow her whole.
FIN.
A/N: Yes, I know in the series she doesn't have green eyes.
But Harry doesn't shack up with Draco, either, so the series is clearly wrong. :]
I can't believe I'm writing het again. Something must be wrong with me…
-ponders-