This came to me when I was walking home from school I think. I thought, "what would the Akatsuki think of their lives now if they knew" and came up with this. It took me a while, I wrote a bit, then came back to it yesturday or something. Hence the reference to so many recent chapters.
There are LOADS of spoliers in this fic. Do not blame me if some of the more recent story is revealed and ruins it for you! You have been warned!
Enjoy.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Deidara screamed. Nagato and Konan looked up from their lunch.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasori screamed. This time Nagato and Konan decided something was very wrong. S-rank criminals don't just start screaming for no reason. Quickly they got up and ran to Sasori's room, the place where the screams had come from. Nagato kicked the door open and the two were faced with...
Two men. Deidara and Sasori in other words. Deidara was hugging his knees and sobbing, whist Sasori was beating the floor. Both had large depression lines over them.
"Oh my God, what happened?" Konan asked, running over. Sasori pointed a shaking finger at the computer. Nagato went over, clicked on the Internet tab and was met with the sight of a Naruto anime viewing site. The episode it was showing was the one where Deidara died. Nagato clicked on the other Internet tab. It was the same site showing the episode that Sasori died in. He glanced at the desk. It had Naruto volume 40 and 31 on it. He turned to Deidara and Sasori.
"Care to explain?" he asked dryly.
"We brought the books because they were the only mass series we could buy because of the measly pay checks Kakuzu gives us. Before we read them, we decided to watch some of the anime. We chose two episodes at random...and we found out we die. We...thought it was a lie so we read the books. And we found out we actually die," Deidara sobbed. Nagato rolled his eyes. "What?" Deidara yelled. "It's an upsetting thing to find out when you die!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" another person yelled.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the person's partner yelled. Konan and Nagato picked up Deidara and Sasori and ran to the source of the sound. Nagato kicked the door open and found Hidan clutching something to his chest and Kakuzu counting money to calm himself.
"What happened?" Konan asked. Hidan slowly pushed a book towards them. Nagato put Deidara down and picked the book up. It was character popularity polls.
"I came seventh!" Hidan howled. "And Kakuzu came last in the Akatsuki poll!"
"It's out of ten people, not the world," Nagato said, not understanding why the two were so upset.
"Yeah, but we got beaten and drew with people that taint the name Akatsuki! Sasuke came first! And Kakuzu drew with Karin! Why?" Hidan protested.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yet another bellowed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the partner bellowed. Nagato didn't even bother to run to the source this time. When he kicked down the door he found Itachi and Kisame shivering in separate corners of the room.
"What happened?" he asked with growing annoyance. Kisame answered.
"Itachi dies so tragically and his little brother does the very thing Itachi wanted to avoid! And then I die after fighting desperately and being abandoned by Samehada. That's just too cruel! And everyone loved us, why did we have to die?"
"Because Sasuke and Itachi had to fight, and Sasuke had to win, and you're both villains, so naturally you have to die," Nagato said slowly.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the seventh person to holler that day hollered.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the eighth person to holler that day hollered. Nagato took his time walking to the problem. He kicked the door to the kitchen open and walked in. He found Tobi in such a deep depression it was creepy, and both dark and light Zetsu agreeing on everything the other said, which was even creepier.
"What is it?" Nagato asked.
"It's terrible," Tobi proclaimed. "We're out of chocolate spread!"
"You call that terrible?" Zetsu said. "What's terrible is that we only have jelly and konnyaku to eat!"
Nagato promptly fell over. "You've got to be kidding me," he muttered.
"NAGATO!" Konan suddenly screamed at the top of her voice. Sighing, Nagato got up and walked out of the kitchen. He found Konan with the rest of the Akatsuki, minus Zetsu and Tobi, who stumbled in after him and joined the depression.
"What is it Konan?" he asked. Konan held up a Shonen Jump magazine.
"It's the edition," she said. "It had me fighting Madara in it. And I die! And I have such a touching flashback, everyone's love for the Ame orphans increases so much during it! Why did I have to die? I left the freakin' Akatsuki!"
"That's probably why you were killed," Nagato said dryly.
"Why are so cheerful?" Deidara asked. "You die as well!"
Nagato froze. "What?" he said.
"I said you die. You sacrifice yourself so you can bring who you killed back to life except for Jiraiya!" Deidara explained.
"I die?" Nagato said, the words not really registering. Deidara nodded.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nagato promptly screamed.
"Wait!" Kakuzu exclaimed. "I found the latest chapters on the Internet. It's a miracle!"
"What happened?" everyone asked, crowding round.
"Me, Nagato, Itachi, Sasori, and Deidara are all brought back to life when Kabuto uses Summoning: Impure World Resurrection!" Kakuzu yelled.
"Yes!" the mentioned characters yelled.
"No!" everyone else yelled, except Tobi and Zetsu, who hadn't actually died.
"What about us?" Sasori asked.
"Well Kisame died after Kabuto used the technique, Hidan's still dying..."
"Still?" Hidan said.
"Yeah. Konan was no longer a member of the Akatsuki, so she didn't get brought back, though I don't think she was dead when this was done..."
"And what happens to us?" Deidara asked.
"Well so far you're the only one who's seen any action," Kakuzu said.
"Oh yes!"
"Wait until I'm finished. You end up going with Kabuto..."
"Oh no!"
"And getting put slightly under his control. You still have some will, but not a lot. At the moment you've just started fighting Tsuchikage and his aides," Kakuzu finished.
"Seriously?" Deidara said. "First I don't kill Sasuke and now this? Why God, why me?"
"What about everyone who isn't brought back?" Hidan said. "I need info now!"
"Give me a sec..." Kakuzu muttered. "Well, Konan was mentioned a bit after a death, then faded away, Hidan, you're still buried, and you aren't considered a member anymore and Kisame only recently died, and he's the reason Deidara's getting any action at the moment."
"That's just horrible," the three said, retreating into a corner.
"Who cares, we come back!" Itachi cheered.
"Yeah, but Kabuto is after Sasuke, and Madara has sort of taken control of him," Kakuzu said. "You died for nothing."
"You had to remind me," Itachi said, slipping back into depression mode. "Now all the Uchiha family are considered evil. I mean, Tobi becomes a character not nearly as loveable as...his first known personality, even though he is still pretty cool, but seriously, what do people have against us?"
"I become Madara?" Tobi said. "No way, I love this personality! Is Zetsu the only one without a problem in the manga or something? No fair!"
"Actually we find out Zetsu can split, and his white half can multiply, and he's going to be the Akatsuki's main army. Oh yeah, and Kabuto wants to study him," Kakuzu said, scanning Narutopedia and the manga viewing site.
"I don't wanna be a lab rat though!" Zetsu protested. "Why didn't Sasuke kill Kabuto or something, he's turning our lives into hell!" And with that he sunk into depression along with just about everybody else.
"Come on you guys, cheer up," Nagato said. "Why don't we reflect on the good times we had? From our perspective. Like when Deidara fought Gaara, and had to hold back so he wouldn't kill him. When Sasori gave us all a fantastic battle..."
"I died," Sasori said flatly.
"Alright, when Sasori came back to life. Anyway, on to Hidan. You killed Asuma, and that gave Kakuzu a chance to almost kill Kakashi, Ino and Choji. You two were epic. And then Kisame overpowered Asuma beforehand with Samehada using only one hand! And Itachi burnt his way out of the frog with his eyes, he escaped from a place no one else had. And Zetsu was...just Zetsu, he was awesome in his own way, like when he split, answering a question that many wanted answers to. And Tobi when he was all smiles and joy, and he brought light to this gloomy organisation. And Konan, trying so hard to protect the peace I fought for. And then I died whist helping so many, which was kind of nice."
"Wow," Deidara said. "I guess we really were awesome, back then."
"Yeah, back then..." everyone said.
"Back then," they all said before collapsing again.
"Why, why we ask? Why are we all so awesome?" Hidan said. "Do something nice for us for a change!"
Yeah, the ending sucks. It took me ages to write it, I couldn't think how to end this thing...but it's done now. BTW, look at this person's vidios, they're awesome. .com/user/PerunaSora4