Kitty finished hanging the sky blue curtains on her living room window and stepped back to see how they looked. For years she'd dreamt of having a house to decorate and call home, and since they'd moved in three months ago her husband Will had teased her often about the amount of time she spent decorating and redecorating. She decided that the lovely blue curtains added the perfect touch of color and warmth to the room, and knew that Will would agree. He told her often that he had a very high opinion of her taste. She straightened a painting that was slightly askew and sighed, wishing she knew of a way to straighten out her life.

She pulled back a curtain and looked outside. Will, was standing on the porch staring out over his mostly untended farmland. Kitty thought back to their courtship. Soon after they met, Will began wooing her with a single-minded intensity. He had no responsibilities, no one relying on him, and nothing to distract him from devoting himself totally to gaining her affections. When he found out that she hoped to have a home and family, he promptly bought this house and farm and proposed marriage. He was tired of being a gun for hire, and a quiet life on a farm with a woman he loved seemed like just the thing.

Kitty smiled sadly as she watched him. Unfortunately, he hadn't thought through the practical realities of fixing a house and working a run down farm. The day after they moved in he started clearing the long neglected land of rocks and debris. After working in the hot sun for a number of hours, he was tired and discouraged. His efforts since then had been sporadic at best. It shouldn't have been a surprise that a middle-aged gunslinger who was used to living in hotels, would be ill prepared for hard physical labor.

Kitty let the curtain drop and sunk down into a chair. For the hundredth time she re-walked the path that led her to being married to Will. It was worst mistake of her life, and she was still trying to understand how she lost her way, and left the only man she would ever truly love. If only things hadn't moved so quickly.

When she met Will she was troubled and confused. She was questioning her future and uncertain about where things really stood with Matt. Will was charming, showered her with attention, and quickly offered her marriage, home and the possibility of a family.

When she asked Matt to tell her to say no to Will, she had been devastated by his words, "You know how I feel, but that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself."

The problem was, she wasn't sure how he felt, and his words had given her nothing to hang on to.

With time and distance she realized that Matt wanted her to be happy, and that if leaving him would give her happiness he wouldn't interfere. At the time it felt like he didn't care.

From there things moved quickly. Trouble had followed Will to Dodge and after a mob tried to lynch him, he told her he had to leave town and needed an immediate answer from her. She panicked. What if this was her last chance to have that home and family? Will was a nice man, she liked him, maybe even loved him in a way.

He pressured her further saying, "It's now or never Kitty." She found herself saying yes, and hours later they were exchanging vows before a Justice of the Peace. Now she wished with her heart and soul that she had slowed things down and pictured, really pictured a life without Matt. Now she was living that reality and the emptiness she felt was threatening to overwhelm her.

She heard the door and looked up.

Will walked over and kissed her, "You look deep in thought Mrs. Stambridge." He thought she flinched slightly when called her Mrs. Stambridge and said sharply, "Don't do that."

The tinge of anger in Will's tone had become more common every day. Kitty answered quietly, "Will, I didn't do anything."

Kitty saw the hurt in her husband's eyes and it saddened her. He answered, "I wish you'd seem glad to see me."

She didn't know how to respond.

"Kitty before we were married you looked at me with a special kind of warmth. Then it changed. I remember the dinner we had right after the wedding. We talked and laughed, but something was already different, something in your eyes."

She thought back to that dinner and knew he was right, she had already known that she'd made a terrible mistake."

Will took her hand, "Kitty it's more than that. We've been married for three months, don't you think I know that when we're in bed you don't welcome my touch you endure it. I deserve more that that. You're my wife, I love you."

She knew he did deserve better, but couldn't answer. What could she say, that she longed for Matt's touch, his voice, his arms around her?

Will let go of her hand, "I'm going to put on a fresh shirt, then we'll talk about our finances and my plan."

Kitty wondered what he meant by their finances. Very soon after their marriage, at Will's insistent urgings, she'd sold half the Long Branch. He'd spent most of his money buying the house and property, and knew that repairing and decorating the house would eat up the rest. They needed money for expenses and to get the farm going. Selling half the Long Branch would pay for those thing, and serve another purpose. They both knew that if she had a working partner she'd have no reason to go into Dodge. They each had their reasons for thinking it would be better that way. She had handled the sale by mail, and hadn't set foot in Dodge since their marriage.

After washing up and changing Will returned in a better mood. He sat next to his wife. "Let's not kid ourselves Kitty, farming isn't working out but I have a plan. We'll need money to travel and get us started, so you'll sell the rest of the Long Branch. Then we'll leave this place and never look back.

Fear gripped her. That meant being far from Matt. She hadn't said goodbye to him, and didn't know how he felt about her at this point, but drew comfort from knowing he was fewer than 10 miles away.

She tried to keep her voice neutral, "Where are we going?"

"We'll start out in St. Louis and go from there. You'll wear your best clothes and we'll hit the gambling tables."

Kitty looked at him, "So we'll support ourselves by gambling is that your plan?" She felt anger rise up, "and you'll go back to gunslinging I suppose."

He frowned slightly, "Not necessarily." He took her by the shoulders and had an edge of desperation in his voice, "Kitty, I love you, but farming isn't for me. We'll travel, make good money, enjoy ourselves." He kissed her hungrily on the lips. She didn't resist, but didn't respond. He released her and looked into her eyes, "Getting away from here will be good for us, good for our marriage."

A slight smile crossed her face. It was ironic. Will had discovered that he didn't want a home and family, the things he had used to woo her. "What if I don't want to leave? What if I don't want to gamble for a living?"

"You are my wife."

They stood staring at each other when the sound of a rider approaching caught their attention. Kitty's heart pounded with the irrational hope that Matt had come to get her.

Instead it was Festus on his mule, Ruth.

Kitty ran outside glad to see a friend, "Festus, it's good to see you. What brings you here?"

Festus looked uncertain, "Miss Ki… sorry - Mrs. Kitty. I figured ya outta know."

Kitty saw his face, and whispered, "It's Matt."

Festus nodded, "I know ya married and all, but Matthew's hurt bad, fevered and outta his head. He's callin for ya. I though maybe ya'd wanna see him before…." Festus couldn't continue.

"You are not going."

Kitty turned and saw Will standing behind her. "I have to go."

"You are my wife."

"Will, do you love me enough to let me go?"

He suddenly realized that he could lose her, "If you leave, I'll come after you and bring you back. A husband has rights."

Kitty turned her back to him, "Festus, can Ruth carry us both?"

Festus nodded. He helped her up and urged the mule along.

Kitty had to ask, "How's Matt been?"

There was silence, and Kitty started to repeat herself when Festus answered, "Matthew ain't been the same since ya left. He don't talk much, keeps to hisself. Eats and sleeps no more than a teeny bird. Does his job. Doc says Matthew don't wanna pull through." Festus's voice became a whisper. "I reckoned ya outta have a chance ta say goodbye."

After what seemed like forever, they were outside Doc's office. Before Festus could offer a hand Kitty swung her leg over and slid off the mule's back. She raced up the stairs and burst in the door.

Doc was standing over the bed, and turned towards the sound of the door. Tears were streaming down his face and he shook his head.

She stood frozen in place, and Doc went to her and held her in his arms. After a minute she sat on the side of the bed and looked at body of the only man she would ever love. She put her head on his chest and cried bitter tears, "Matt I love you. I'm sorry, so, so sorry. Please know that I love you."

She felt a hand on her back trying to comfort her.

"Kitty, it's all right. Kitty - Kitty wake up. You're having a bad dream."

Tears were still streamed down her face as she opened her eyes. Matt was lying in bed beside her. She put her hand on his cheek, "You're all right. We're here, we're together."

Matt kissed her gently, "Everything's all right. That must have a heck of a nightmare. Want to talk about it?"

Kitty pressed her lips together, "It's embarrassing. I dreamt I made a horrible mistake."

Matt smiled, "Kitty you and I know about every mistake the other has made over the last 18 years, and we've told each other about the mistakes we made before we met. This wasn't even a mistake, just a dream."

"You're right." She took a deep breath, " I dreamt I married Will Stambridge and it ruined my life, your life and even his life." She took his hand, "Matt, I'll never leave you, please tell me that you trust that."

"Kitty I do, and you have to know that I love you and always will. I don't want to be without you."

Kitty rested her head on his chest, "Tell me again."

Matt kissed her neck, "I'll always love you, and don't want to be without you." She snuggled in, and he whispered in her ear, "Sweet dreams."

The End