Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Stephanie Meyer. I am generously using her characters. All of the dialogue that comes directly from the book Twilight or her unpublished manuscript Midnight Sun, remains hers.
My family is odd. First off, there are seven of us all living together. Apart from my father Carlisle and my mother Esme, there is my sister Rosalie, my brother Emmett, my sister Alice, my brother Jasper, and myself. Then there is the fact that we're vegetarians, all of us. And you can't forget that although many things come easy to us, we don't participate in human group activities keeping to ourselves.
If that wasn't enough, there is my father. He is what you could call a pacifist. He abhors violence, is extremely compassionate, remains calm in situations that others would be flustered, always attempts to live in peace, and is annoyingly patient. He is the reason we are vegetarian. He is the reason that we are conscious about our environment and try to be conscientious about the ecosystems surrounding us. Not to mention that he also has incredible self-control. He seems expertly able to deny his basic nature and to practice self-denial effortlessly. Do you know what kind of impossible standard that is to have as a father?
I am aware that these very qualities make him an excellent doctor and generously caring, but there are moments in which I wish he would falter. Many years past, in the heat of the moment, I accused him of such things. He responded by claiming that he is not perfect. Maybe, but he's so damn close. It's a difficult shadow to live under.
For a number of years it was just Carlisle and I. Those years created a unique bond between us, one that he doesn't even share with Esme, as well as forming expectations that I placed on myself. It was I, whom after over 200 years of waiting, that he first brought into his family. It was his thoughts that I clung to, grounding me as a struggled in those first years, and it was his character that I looked up to seeing nothing but good. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper, Alice came later, so it's different for them. They certainly respect Carlisle, but it's not the same.
Ironically, it is for the exact qualities that I admire in my father that cause me to want to slap him. On the surface there's this type of stoicism that I get. But the fact that he expresses no strong emotion except peace and love really gets under my skin. His cool calm, seemingly detached way, creates an unspoken expectation within me that I should be able to do the same. He is the standard to which I attempt to attain and continuously fail.
The most irritating part is that even when I do fall he responds with unquestioning compassion and love. Despite my failings, mistakes, and tantrums he has forgiven me over and over again. It's so incredibly infuriating I want to punch him. Unfortunately, he is so authentic in his genuine care for me that I don't. The problem is that he cares so very much that it's hard to stay mad at him. It also means that I get away with a lot, and am forgiven when I shouldn't be. To compensate I flog myself exponentially more and work harder at being worthy of my role as his son. Esme says I'm too hard on myself.
There are also ways in which Carlisle's and my relationship flows effortlessly. We share similar interests and intellectual pursues. In these conversations we are often peers, him arguing one side and me the other. It is in these moments that I often feel closest to him. He trusts me implicitly with the safety of our family, and if ever he's not there to make an executive decision, then I am placed in that role. Since Rosaline joined our family, I have unfailingly been an asset to him in this way. It is an odd dynamic. The shifting of roles sometimes leaves me feeling like I don't know where my place is with him. Yet I wouldn't my role of son to be the only aspect of our relationship.
My odd family and I moved to Forks, Washington two years ago from Alaska after we had a family meeting and weighing options. Alice and I enrolled at Forks High School as a freshman, while Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper enrolled as sophomores. School is horribly dull for all of us. Going is indescribably flavourless. Every day is the same as the one before. At least it only lasts 6 hours, and then we have the rest of the day to do as we please. It is tedious, but necessary, so we bear it without complaint.
Overall, Forks is a great place to live, all things considered. It is one of the least sunny places in the continental USA. It's a small community. There's the hospital where my father works, the police station, Newton's Olympic Outfitters, a grocery store, a drug store, a hardware store, a gas station, basically not much. It is near lots of national and state parks with plentiful wildlife. For the last two years my father has worked at the hospital, my mother has renovated and remodelled the house, which is her favourite pastime, and my siblings and I have all attended high school together. It's not a thrilling life, but we get by.
Apart from our typical sibling rivalry, our first two years in Forks were uneventful. Since our family desires a low profile, we measured these two years as successful. If I'm truly honest the events that transpired during my junior year were completely and absolutely my fault. The real problem started when Isabella Swan, daughter of Sheriff Charlie Swan, moved to Forks. I couldn't have imagined that such a shy self-conscious clumsy girl would cause such trouble, but she did. Truly, though, the trouble caused was really because she caught my attention, and for the first time ever I caused my family to be at risk. Not only did I risk the extermination of my family, but also I caused this girl to choose to die. So, all in all, it wasn't my best year.
It was a normal Forks cold misty slightly breezy day when Isabella Swan transferred from Arizona. Given Forks' size, no one had transferred to Forks High since my family had moved here. Consequently, since her father had announced that she was coming, Miss Swan had been nearly on everyone's mind. It seemed like the anticipation of the new arrival had spread like wildfire. Not that I cared, but her impending arrival was a welcomed deviation from the normal things Forks teenagers thought about. Although by the day she started, the thoughts as well as gossip were getting on my nerves. There are some things I loathe about high school. Repetitive unintelligent thoughts are certainly on the top of my list.
My sister Alice, who can see the future, had been seeing flashes of things for a few weeks now–someone she didn't know in a desert holding a cactus, someone travelling, a girl dead, and even shorter snippets that meant even less. It didn't make sense to her. She didn't know why she was receiving these images, so she kept searching the future for clues. I helped her with her attempts to decipher the images. Alice wasn't worried. She said that given time images, even unclear ones, eventually clear up and the pieces make sense. It's her gift; I never doubted this would be the case just she never doubts my gift.
As a telepath, I knew Isabella had finally arrived before I saw her in the cafeteria as almost the whole school was thinking something along the lines of "have you seen the new girl?" Sure enough, there she was sitting with some other juniors as I entered the cafeteria. On my way to stand in line for lunch, Jessica, another junior, said my name and told Isabella how gorgeous I was. This type of attention and talk was customary, so although my head made the slightest movement at the sound of my name, I walked on by as if I didn't hear her.
After going through the cafeteria line, I sat down with my siblings at our regular table, picked at my food, and pretended to eat, while we talked to each other so fast and low that no human would hear us. Jasper looked pained. He was purposefully testing himself, forcing himself to go longer without hunting, and then tempting himself by being around humans. I believed it an unnecessary process, but he seemed determined, so as per Alice's requests I kept an eye on his thoughts, and she kept an eye on his future.
We talked about what we were going to do when we got home, how our morning classes went, stupid things. All the while the general hum of a room full of people's thoughts circled around me. I listened to the pointless attempts of my siblings to distract Jasper. I tuned into Jasper's thoughts. He was watching a freshman girl who was passing us. His thoughts began to focus on the sound of her heart, on the movement of her blood through her arteries. He imagined coming up behind silently and before she could even cry out sinking his razor sharp teeth into her carotid artery, and then the sensation of satiation as her blood filled his body giving him strength. I kicked his chair. His mental image disappeared.
Sorry.
I nonchalantly shook my head. It's not like I didn't have some of the same mental pictures for years. I remember the exhilarating and soothing sensation of human blood caressing my throat perfectly. This is why I keep a cold calculating distance from the blood filled vessels surrounding us. I kept my monstrous desires firmly contained. Cold calculating distance with a bit of condescendence was great medicine.
As a distraction from Jasper's just cleared head and my own dangerous thoughts, I turned my attention to the cafeteria. Jessica continued to explain our public story to Isabella. Hoping it would also distract Jasper, I mentioned that Jessica was giving the new girl all the dirty laundry about the Cullen clan.
"They're all adopted. The Hales are brother and sister, twins – the blondes – and they're foster children."
While Jessica answered Isabella's questions, I puzzled as to why Jessica called the new girl Bella instead of Isabella. In an effort to both understand the name issue and to affirm for my family that this new girl would buy our story, I telepathically reached out to listen to Isabella's/Bella's thoughts. Instead there was nothing. That had never happened before. Right at this moment Isabella/Bella looked up at me and caught my gaze. Luckily she looked swiftly away. I still didn't have the answers to my questions, and she had caught me looking curiously at her. I looked away reassuring myself that I had over a hundred years of practice passing for human and our story had never raised too much suspicion before, but I was unsettled.
Emmett chuckled. "I hope she's making it good."
"Rather unimaginative. Just the barest hints of scandal. Not an ounce of horror. I'm a little disappointed," I replied.
Alice and Emmett laughed at my joke. But Jasper, who can can taste the emotions within others didn't buy it and asked me in our low fast murmur what was wrong. All my siblings stopped talking and although no one's movement changed I could tell that they were waiting for my answer.
Simultaneously Jessica told Isabella/Bella, "That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him."
Honestly, if Jessica knew that me being attracted to her would result in her death, she probably wouldn't have been so excited about trying to win me over. I had never fed on a woman, but Jessica didn't know that either. Humans are so unobservant and talented at denying their own instincts is it any wonder that we are superior to them? Sure they shy away, intuitive at some level that we are a danger to them, but they don't truly evaluate the information in front of them. That's a good thing for my family though. It allows us to pretend to be human. Nevertheless, my siblings and I have no interest in their company, so we only interact with them when absolutely necessary. Why would we otherwise? We keep to ourselves. They keep their distance. That seems to suit everyone just fine.
The new girl bite her lip attempting to hide a smile. The whole exchange was rather funny, especially as I remembered Jessica's attempts to flirt and my own images of what would happen if she actually got me alone with her. I doubted she intended to make herself into my meal. It was an amusing thought anyway. At that thought my check lifted slightly, but nothing noticeable. After what seemed like an extortionate amount of time to my siblings, in our low murmur I answered, "not here". Lost in my own thoughts about why I couldn't read the new girl Alice recommended we leave the cafeteria and find somewhere else to talk. I got up and left with them.
At a human pace we walked towards the school parking lot so that we would be far enough away from any possible listening ears. Then they all gave me a "what gives?" look. I explained the whole exchange between Jessica and the new girl, and my inability to read her. Rosalie's thoughts were resentful that there was someone whose thoughts were shielded from me, especially as the somebody in question was human. Out of everyone in our family she most resented my gift. Emmett was amused at the thought that I wasn't as much as a know-it-all as usual. Alice looked puzzled and was using her gift to see if there would be a problem. And Jasper was contemplating strategies for every possible contingency.
The warning bell rang and Alice said, "I don't see any problems right now, but it could be that no decision has been made." We agreed that was enough reassurance for us to go back to class and finish out the day. So, we all walked back towards the school with me going and sitting down in Biology.