A/N: This is my first fanfiction ever, and it happens to be a spin-off of the indifferent child of earth's story, "51 Things Emmett Cullen Is Not Allowed to Do." I suggest reading it, because that's where I got my inspiration. I do not and will never own the Twilight Saga, the story this spin-off was based on, or anything else you may recognize. Enough with the chit-chat; please enjoy!-theprettiestwhistles
31 More Things Emmett Cullen is Forbidden From Doing
1) Wear royal blue spandex
2) …with an "S" on the chest
3) Rip off his clothes in a phone booth…. And emerge in the buff
4) Tell Seth that he was the original inspiration for Superman
5) … and ask him to be his "other half."
6) Order custom-made clay pigeons in the shape of Aro's face
7) Shoot them from the hot tub inside one of Volterra's guest rooms
8) Ask Alec what it's like to be prepubescent for eternity
9)… or tell Jane that it must be nice not to have to shop for bras….ever.
10) Sent Leah a valentine in the shape of a vampire that says, "It sucks to be you, eh?"
10) Read "Green Eggs and Ham" to Sam Uley
11) Bring a puppy home and tell Nessie that Jacob has found somebody new.
12) Tie a ribbon around said puppy's neck and place in a box on Jacob's doorstep with Barry Manilow playing in the background
13) Hold a belated memorial service for Laurent and play Bob Marley in the background
14) In fact, Emmett Cullen is forbidden from playing music.
15) Rile Paul up in front of Charlie's house
16) Make suggestive faces when Seth talks about riling Paul up
17) Sing Fergie's "Clumsy," in a nostalgic tone in remembrance of Bella's humanity.
18) Go swimming where the Titanic sank in search of Jack
19) Call Sam "Scoutmaster Uley."
20) Tease Jacob about "keeping it in the family."
21) Tell Bella Jacob thinks she's a MIUTWTFBNIAPI
22) Explain that a MIUTWTFBNIAPI is a Mother I Used To Want to F*** But Now I'm A Pedophile Instead
23) Drag Jasper to a bar…
24) …And when the bartender asks who's thirsty, point to Jasper.
25)...Saying, "He's insatiable… in more ways than one."
26) Tell the bartender that Jasper's been insecure in his sexuality since Adam Lambert dumped him.
27) Actually, Emmett is banned from bars altogether
28) Point out that there are two tens on this list
29) Vote people off the island
30) Buy Girl Scout cookies
"Well," Seth said through the pen cap in his teeth, "that should do it." The group of vampires and werewolves around him nodded their agreement.
"Wait," said Alice with a look of disbelief. "You'll need two more."
Bella and Edward exchanged a look of horror.
"Where's Nessie?" Jacob cut in. From the living room, they could all hear shuffling.
"Hey, Ness! Let's watch a movie."
Upon further investigation, everyone understood why Seth's pen had remained uncapped. Sighing, the young werewolf propped the list against a wall.
31) he wrote: Emmett McCarty Cullen is forbidden from watching the movie "Aliens" with Renessmee…
32) … And, upon its conclusion, asking her if he'd ever told her about the day she was born.